- Joined
- Oct 11, 2015
- Messages
- 138
Went out as I could do again. Approaching going well, working on pushing myself. Introducing a mini-point system to set clearer goals has helped me a lot I find. An approach is 1x point, going for the close (irrespective of whether you get number or not) is 3x points.
By now on average about half of my approaches end up in numbers (if I really push myself to do the proper approaches, i.e. also perhaps warmed up) and of those maybe 1/3 comes out on a date. Pretty crazy if I think about it. How far I've come. So have barely handled getting to at least 2nd transition point then (approach->hook ; hook->date ; date -> isolation ; isolation -> sex).
Well, now that I'm getting more dates, I'm also running into problems here. Had 3 dates in the last 2 weeks with two girls from cold approach. Ended up in basically FU's that I want to briefly document here. [EDIT: Wrote this a week ago, thank god it saved here xd]
First date with first girl went really well, except the end:
Then the date comes around, and she is very excited and eager and asking me questions, doing her best to make it about me. Which I briefly answer and then go into more SOT topics and deep diving her.
At the end though, I make the big mistake of introducing "hypnosis" as a hobby just as we were leaving and it makes her a bit skeptical. I am not too proficient in explaining it in my language though and in the end, although it seemed like a great date, when I text her again she tells me it was fun but she wants to keep it at just that one meet.
Oooooof. Stings, can't lie. Could be she played me like a fiddle in the date, but didn't seem so. Maybe I would be surprised. So I chalk it to the last factor of having told her about hypnosis.
Learning: Don't tell girls about any psychology hobby - unless you are really prepared to frame it properly.
Second girl:
Cute petite dark haired and dark eyed Greek girl that grew up here.
Approach notes:
My goal is to focus on being present and in the moment.
Met at 17:15pm, she is nervous and looking great. Walk to café. Very quickly set up us-vs-them frames which I would in fact expand on during the evening. When she asked what I do and I have her guess what I study, her guess is journalism xd So I set it up like us two are pro undercover journalists on the hunt for best story. And we have our rivals… and ask what our specialty would be. Disappearing in crowds, she says.
Bit shaky start since I feel like I’m not so precise and my vibe is slow and intense but not engaging enough. We get there, we get a table with seat and sofa on opposite sides, she sits down on chair until I motion her to sit down next to me on the sofa!
Am making sure to touch her from the start and she’s rather receptive. She tells me “You’re weird, but in a good way” at the start. I just laugh - never got that before. She is referring to the way I opened her and the current vibe I’m projecting.
Conversation not too precise at start and in fact when I go into “unfair” gambit leading from my gay friend and how gay people are so open it’s great, she vehemently agreed quickly and a bit forcefully that shuts it down. Like it got a political feminism flavor to it. Which threw me off here, but in hindsight I could have either just continued or agreed and amplified, then fractionated away, and then circle back to it later.
Then I get back into my properly seductive persona and start deep diving her, which hits well. She asks me how old I am, I have her guess (24), I tell her 25, and when I have to guess her I am spot on with 24. I actually thought she was younger than me but then upon walking to the café she mentioned being in her last year of her masters…
Do the connection gambit (meet someone and instantly feel like you’re on the same wavelength. And sometimes you meet someone and the more you talk… the more you start feeling like you’re in sync and there’s something intangible in the air) and then actually my little vibe gambit (How you can meet someone and instantly feel like you’re on the same wavelength and in sync… despite having no idea about the details about the person! Is usually my response to “but we don’t know each other” actually). Realize they complement each other nicely. Just layer it heavy with embedded commands and I did some linking too, for what it’s worth.
What finally really gets me on track and us in a more liminal bubble was doing the golden question, and when I double down on how she likes reading and expand on it I hit something really well surprisingly. She can’t decide on her favorite book, if she went on an island and could only bring one book it would be her eReader which has everything on it. Then she asks me what my favorite book is.
“Kingkiller chronicles,” I say honestly.
She jolts upright on her seat, her eyes wide, her mouth an ‘o’. “NO WAY,” she exclaims. “It’s my favorite too!! No one knows it!”
I mirror her actions, one part subconsciously and another because I’m genuinely surprised! Of course ramp up kino quickly as a reward, pull her lithe frame into mine to hug and qualify her.
Continuing, ask her what fantasy world she’d enter if she could. Continue the frame of us being spies by framing us as crazy interdimensional spies and no one in the entire café has any clue. I really like this frame actually. Strong us-vs-them.
Throughout the date I kept good eye contact and in fact relied more on it and intermittent touching than my verbals at times. Although I did get into nice SOT talk, embedded commands and Riker-esque talk.
I’m finding myself telling more stories actually, when talking about her siblings (she is middle child) and I talk as well, about travel, and about this 80 year old Finnish man that looks like your typical old man but is actually fitter than all of us combined. That my family knows. And how his best friend, equally fit, died in a sports accident.
Then go into, “You know, imagine we were 90 year old and sitting here again, reminiscing about life… what is something you would want to have accomplished?” [Nice future projection I’m trying out]
“Travel the world,” she says.
“Ahh, yes absolutely,” I say with a smile. “Then if you could travel right now… what would be your first stop?”
Japan. Asia in general. Also Scotland and Egypt. I get some stories from when she was there, I share some funny stories of when I visited Ireland.
In general, now that I’m writing this, I wonder if I’ve not been using stories enough or to their full potential. Because humans learn best via stories due to the context. Now that I think about it, Teevsters gambits usually seem to involve his ‘friend’ xyz that exhibits the same traits as the girl you’re seducing. Hmm!
Then close this open loop after a while to go back to the “What do you want to have accomplished” one, this time she says she takes life as it is. I set spontaneity frames and qualify her as it being a strength.
After 1.5h I say I have training to go to and cut it short. Then I seed the next date with sweet potato fries and ask whether she’s free on Saturday. So we’ll see if this increases my odds - I feel it should. Is also when I want to pull.
We get the check, I ask if she has [app to transfer money here], she says she does but she can pay! And she goes ahead and pays. Hahahaha.
Walking outside it’s already dark, I put my arm around her with my hand on her shoulder and we walk back to where we came from. Very nice vibe, having this cute girl happily in my arms. I wonder thought if I should not be doing things like having my arm around her as we walk because it might contradict the idea of indirect a bit. Not that I do not show interest doing indirect, quite the opposite nonverbally, but this might be a bit too chump-like? I really have no idea. Felt right in the moment so I did it.
We’ll see if Saturday pans out.
What was really stupid of me was that she even asked me where I live at the end outside, and I sell her on how it’s really close by (a stretch) but today I have training. But I’m free on Saturday. As setting a constraint why I’m not inviting her home today, not because I don’t lead but because of constraint. And am considering extending the offer for Sat to also the option of coming directly “to my area” (mine) for some warm tea and nice desserts.
In general, I was contemplating how I usually do a 2-date setup here. A remnant from my no logistics days where pulling was nearly impossible, especially considering my skillset level then. Now I actually have a feasible place to pull (although it is better if I can get a time when my roomie is out - soundproofing is truly absurdly bad in this building) so I should shake off limiting beliefs and go for single-date pulls.
What I forgot to mention was I set the date at after 5pm and location such that we walk through city a bit when it’s bright, go inside café and when we come out it will be dark, after which we walk another route back. And because a city at night is almost different from it at day it will feel like a new location. So in total, feel like three different locations (principle of 3 bounce). Just a thought I had and wanted to experiment with.
Wanted to try out comfort and trust gambit; as well as my no-ONS gambit; but in the end due to no to me in the moment clear transition into it I ultimately did not. Which means I need to go back to refining and brainstorming transitions better!
In the end I did go for the pull, which I am proud of, but she declined.
Went home feeling very dejected.
Had also talked about the idea of 2 date model with trusted friends from here and they said to go for 1 date model. Which is actually most likely a limiting belief of mine that I never really did; because up to this year I did not even have logistics. In NY worked just fine though.
Only issue is that I have training or so in the evening so my idea was to do short first date before and then pull second date. But if I do this I need to consciously keep the juicy part for the second date to spike, arouse and tempt, and pull.
Basically, I've reached the point where I'm getting dates, but am thus learning how to properly convert them into lays. It seems like the fundamentals are there - nonverbals and verbals alike. I have the tools I need and lots of inspiration on what I can improve and refine; will have to field test what actually works and gets me the results I want. Currently can talk to girls well and have a good time, but this does not mean I'm fully arousing them as needed or setting the proper 2nd gen frames. So can get them feeling good enough to talk and stay but not yet to the level to override any objections and fully immerse and excite them for us having hot sex. Kind of a black box still but I do feel like having the tools to tackle it.
Also, should be pursuing one date model honestly. My current thoughts though were that since I am often busy in the evenings with sports and training, that I can do a quick date on one of these days and then go for pull on second. Who knows. Further, will be doubling down on proper SOT usage and verbals. My nonverbals and state projection are getting quite good by now! State exercises helped a lot here.
I'm afraid this post is a bit incoherent, but it's purpose is to let me write out my thoughts and get clarity over the situation. And you might remember how fun it always was to think back to your earlier failures and sticking points and laugh at how silly you were being. So in the future I will laugh about this one too
Onwards,
-Dev
By now on average about half of my approaches end up in numbers (if I really push myself to do the proper approaches, i.e. also perhaps warmed up) and of those maybe 1/3 comes out on a date. Pretty crazy if I think about it. How far I've come. So have barely handled getting to at least 2nd transition point then (approach->hook ; hook->date ; date -> isolation ; isolation -> sex).
Well, now that I'm getting more dates, I'm also running into problems here. Had 3 dates in the last 2 weeks with two girls from cold approach. Ended up in basically FU's that I want to briefly document here. [EDIT: Wrote this a week ago, thank god it saved here xd]
First date with first girl went really well, except the end:
Girl 1: HBRedShoes
She’s waiting for tram in my direction. Red shoes. Open on it, compliment how it needs bravery to wear, and lead into cold read how she probably is the type of person that has neon coloured shirts for sports. She hooks.
Then tram comes, I enter and chase frame her as “following me already” since luckily she is taking the same one. “Haha yes seems so,” she says. We find seats and then I golden question her, SOT music since she started playing eGuitar and dances (which I find super sexy), find out early where she gets off. She says her buddy joins at x station, so I say I am getting off there. Close when we almost get there, somehow one of us accidentally calls her apparently because once I’m outside walking, after a minute I see her number calling me… and I didn’t have time to give her my number… me: “???”
But super good sign she even called me! Overall very receptive. Beautiful brunette with very curly hair.
Then tram comes, I enter and chase frame her as “following me already” since luckily she is taking the same one. “Haha yes seems so,” she says. We find seats and then I golden question her, SOT music since she started playing eGuitar and dances (which I find super sexy), find out early where she gets off. She says her buddy joins at x station, so I say I am getting off there. Close when we almost get there, somehow one of us accidentally calls her apparently because once I’m outside walking, after a minute I see her number calling me… and I didn’t have time to give her my number… me: “???”
But super good sign she even called me! Overall very receptive. Beautiful brunette with very curly hair.
Then the date comes around, and she is very excited and eager and asking me questions, doing her best to make it about me. Which I briefly answer and then go into more SOT topics and deep diving her.
At the end though, I make the big mistake of introducing "hypnosis" as a hobby just as we were leaving and it makes her a bit skeptical. I am not too proficient in explaining it in my language though and in the end, although it seemed like a great date, when I text her again she tells me it was fun but she wants to keep it at just that one meet.
Oooooof. Stings, can't lie. Could be she played me like a fiddle in the date, but didn't seem so. Maybe I would be surprised. So I chalk it to the last factor of having told her about hypnosis.
Learning: Don't tell girls about any psychology hobby - unless you are really prepared to frame it properly.
Second girl:
Cute petite dark haired and dark eyed Greek girl that grew up here.
Approach notes:
Ex gf opener, vibe where she’s from, cold read she studies here, is doing English for becoming a teacher. Deep dive on it a bit, golden question, she says actress or dirigent, qualify on it and SOT music. Then introduce time constraint and close at high point, and she’s down!
One little blunder was in silence after close I click my tongue with a smile and a wink. Habitually from how I’d be with friends. But stupid here!! Total ASD trigger for “he got my number” it’s just ATROCIOUS. Huge mistake I will never do again.
One little blunder was in silence after close I click my tongue with a smile and a wink. Habitually from how I’d be with friends. But stupid here!! Total ASD trigger for “he got my number” it’s just ATROCIOUS. Huge mistake I will never do again.
My goal is to focus on being present and in the moment.
Met at 17:15pm, she is nervous and looking great. Walk to café. Very quickly set up us-vs-them frames which I would in fact expand on during the evening. When she asked what I do and I have her guess what I study, her guess is journalism xd So I set it up like us two are pro undercover journalists on the hunt for best story. And we have our rivals… and ask what our specialty would be. Disappearing in crowds, she says.
Bit shaky start since I feel like I’m not so precise and my vibe is slow and intense but not engaging enough. We get there, we get a table with seat and sofa on opposite sides, she sits down on chair until I motion her to sit down next to me on the sofa!
Am making sure to touch her from the start and she’s rather receptive. She tells me “You’re weird, but in a good way” at the start. I just laugh - never got that before. She is referring to the way I opened her and the current vibe I’m projecting.
Conversation not too precise at start and in fact when I go into “unfair” gambit leading from my gay friend and how gay people are so open it’s great, she vehemently agreed quickly and a bit forcefully that shuts it down. Like it got a political feminism flavor to it. Which threw me off here, but in hindsight I could have either just continued or agreed and amplified, then fractionated away, and then circle back to it later.
Then I get back into my properly seductive persona and start deep diving her, which hits well. She asks me how old I am, I have her guess (24), I tell her 25, and when I have to guess her I am spot on with 24. I actually thought she was younger than me but then upon walking to the café she mentioned being in her last year of her masters…
Do the connection gambit (meet someone and instantly feel like you’re on the same wavelength. And sometimes you meet someone and the more you talk… the more you start feeling like you’re in sync and there’s something intangible in the air) and then actually my little vibe gambit (How you can meet someone and instantly feel like you’re on the same wavelength and in sync… despite having no idea about the details about the person! Is usually my response to “but we don’t know each other” actually). Realize they complement each other nicely. Just layer it heavy with embedded commands and I did some linking too, for what it’s worth.
What finally really gets me on track and us in a more liminal bubble was doing the golden question, and when I double down on how she likes reading and expand on it I hit something really well surprisingly. She can’t decide on her favorite book, if she went on an island and could only bring one book it would be her eReader which has everything on it. Then she asks me what my favorite book is.
“Kingkiller chronicles,” I say honestly.
She jolts upright on her seat, her eyes wide, her mouth an ‘o’. “NO WAY,” she exclaims. “It’s my favorite too!! No one knows it!”
I mirror her actions, one part subconsciously and another because I’m genuinely surprised! Of course ramp up kino quickly as a reward, pull her lithe frame into mine to hug and qualify her.
Continuing, ask her what fantasy world she’d enter if she could. Continue the frame of us being spies by framing us as crazy interdimensional spies and no one in the entire café has any clue. I really like this frame actually. Strong us-vs-them.
Throughout the date I kept good eye contact and in fact relied more on it and intermittent touching than my verbals at times. Although I did get into nice SOT talk, embedded commands and Riker-esque talk.
I’m finding myself telling more stories actually, when talking about her siblings (she is middle child) and I talk as well, about travel, and about this 80 year old Finnish man that looks like your typical old man but is actually fitter than all of us combined. That my family knows. And how his best friend, equally fit, died in a sports accident.
Then go into, “You know, imagine we were 90 year old and sitting here again, reminiscing about life… what is something you would want to have accomplished?” [Nice future projection I’m trying out]
“Travel the world,” she says.
“Ahh, yes absolutely,” I say with a smile. “Then if you could travel right now… what would be your first stop?”
Japan. Asia in general. Also Scotland and Egypt. I get some stories from when she was there, I share some funny stories of when I visited Ireland.
In general, now that I’m writing this, I wonder if I’ve not been using stories enough or to their full potential. Because humans learn best via stories due to the context. Now that I think about it, Teevsters gambits usually seem to involve his ‘friend’ xyz that exhibits the same traits as the girl you’re seducing. Hmm!
Then close this open loop after a while to go back to the “What do you want to have accomplished” one, this time she says she takes life as it is. I set spontaneity frames and qualify her as it being a strength.
After 1.5h I say I have training to go to and cut it short. Then I seed the next date with sweet potato fries and ask whether she’s free on Saturday. So we’ll see if this increases my odds - I feel it should. Is also when I want to pull.
We get the check, I ask if she has [app to transfer money here], she says she does but she can pay! And she goes ahead and pays. Hahahaha.
Walking outside it’s already dark, I put my arm around her with my hand on her shoulder and we walk back to where we came from. Very nice vibe, having this cute girl happily in my arms. I wonder thought if I should not be doing things like having my arm around her as we walk because it might contradict the idea of indirect a bit. Not that I do not show interest doing indirect, quite the opposite nonverbally, but this might be a bit too chump-like? I really have no idea. Felt right in the moment so I did it.
We’ll see if Saturday pans out.
What was really stupid of me was that she even asked me where I live at the end outside, and I sell her on how it’s really close by (a stretch) but today I have training. But I’m free on Saturday. As setting a constraint why I’m not inviting her home today, not because I don’t lead but because of constraint. And am considering extending the offer for Sat to also the option of coming directly “to my area” (mine) for some warm tea and nice desserts.
In general, I was contemplating how I usually do a 2-date setup here. A remnant from my no logistics days where pulling was nearly impossible, especially considering my skillset level then. Now I actually have a feasible place to pull (although it is better if I can get a time when my roomie is out - soundproofing is truly absurdly bad in this building) so I should shake off limiting beliefs and go for single-date pulls.
What I forgot to mention was I set the date at after 5pm and location such that we walk through city a bit when it’s bright, go inside café and when we come out it will be dark, after which we walk another route back. And because a city at night is almost different from it at day it will feel like a new location. So in total, feel like three different locations (principle of 3 bounce). Just a thought I had and wanted to experiment with.
Lessons learned
- Dive more into the potential of narratives and stories and tactical tools
2nd Date
Lost steam here. Do not have material for 2h+. In fact both of us were tired (me from sports, her from waking up early). And when I ran out of juicy material it reverted to just bantering. Had a certain sense of familiarity that might be even too familiar to be honest. Did focus on touch though. But shouldn’t be a standalone thing.Wanted to try out comfort and trust gambit; as well as my no-ONS gambit; but in the end due to no to me in the moment clear transition into it I ultimately did not. Which means I need to go back to refining and brainstorming transitions better!
In the end I did go for the pull, which I am proud of, but she declined.
Went home feeling very dejected.
Had also talked about the idea of 2 date model with trusted friends from here and they said to go for 1 date model. Which is actually most likely a limiting belief of mine that I never really did; because up to this year I did not even have logistics. In NY worked just fine though.
Only issue is that I have training or so in the evening so my idea was to do short first date before and then pull second date. But if I do this I need to consciously keep the juicy part for the second date to spike, arouse and tempt, and pull.
Deeper Analysis
Actually what I found out was that I've been going about this SOT thing wrong. My idea was that I have different SOT's to go into. When in actuality it is about pursuing one or two more deeply and expanding it. Otherwise it is just this checklist you run through which of course is not to suppose to serve that way!Basically, I've reached the point where I'm getting dates, but am thus learning how to properly convert them into lays. It seems like the fundamentals are there - nonverbals and verbals alike. I have the tools I need and lots of inspiration on what I can improve and refine; will have to field test what actually works and gets me the results I want. Currently can talk to girls well and have a good time, but this does not mean I'm fully arousing them as needed or setting the proper 2nd gen frames. So can get them feeling good enough to talk and stay but not yet to the level to override any objections and fully immerse and excite them for us having hot sex. Kind of a black box still but I do feel like having the tools to tackle it.
Also, should be pursuing one date model honestly. My current thoughts though were that since I am often busy in the evenings with sports and training, that I can do a quick date on one of these days and then go for pull on second. Who knows. Further, will be doubling down on proper SOT usage and verbals. My nonverbals and state projection are getting quite good by now! State exercises helped a lot here.
I'm afraid this post is a bit incoherent, but it's purpose is to let me write out my thoughts and get clarity over the situation. And you might remember how fun it always was to think back to your earlier failures and sticking points and laugh at how silly you were being. So in the future I will laugh about this one too
Onwards,
-Dev
