Socializing (General feeling) The more of a stunner she is, the more insecure in her own appearance?

[POB]

Felt like I should put it out there, bc this is something I've been noticing for more than a decade.
Not a hard rule by any means, more of a general feeling from my own experiences.

But the more of a stunner she is, usually the more insecure she is about her own appereance!
And this is something I rarely see in more "regular" chicks (even if they are concerned about how they look, usually they won't show me)

Recent example:
Yesterday I went on a date with a bikini competitor.
She will be competing in a couple weeks and soon shooting for her pro card, which means she is looking hot and jacked, but still feminine and not overly muscular (course she uses hormones, but I digress).

The date was all right untill I started to brush her hair.
She got a funny look and said: "Does my hair looks good? Is it in order?"
And went the whole date discreetly flipping her phone to check on it using the screen's reflex lol.
Also right when we met, I briefly looked at her feet because she was wearing some nice sandals.
She immediately asked if her feet were all right, and if I liked them.

Course this is just one case and very specific, but as far as I recall, most stunners/attention grabbers I've met pretty much did the same, especially at the beggining of our encounters. Don't know if they do it only when they are attracted to a guy, or if it is their general behavior.

Thoughts?

 

[Atlas IV]

Anecdotally speaking, yeah I think this is true. My ex was a model, and she was always comparing herself to others and fishing for praise. I also noticed that her only close friends were girls who were uglier than her.

It's probably also a correlation - they're stunners because they're hyper-focused on their looks. There are a lot of girls out there who could be stunners, but they just don't put as much effort into their appearance.

 

[POB]

Anecdotally speaking, yeah I think this is true. My ex was a model, and she was always comparing herself to others and fishing for praise. I also noticed that her only close friends were girls who were uglier than her.

Yeah, I remember when you showed me her pictures.
She definitely above the curve.

About her friends not being on that level, I think it's only natural...stunners don't like competition.
After all there's only a limited ammount of attention available from the top guys.
So why share if you can get it all to yourself?

It's probably also a correlation - they're stunners because they're hyper-focused on their looks. There are a lot of girls out there who could be stunners, but they just don't put as much effort into their appearance.

Could be related to it, yes.
Hyper focus on looks maxing, then depending solely on it to attract who they want, even if they crave a deeper connection.
It's funny that once you get to know them properly, and they feel comfortable around you, they relax and start to behave exactly like regular chicks.

 

[Jan]

I think it we need to draw a line between a naturally beautiful woman and ones who are beautiful with lots of effort.

What you said applies to the second type. And it makes sense. The more invested into something, the more sensitive you become about it.

 

[DarkKnight]

It's probably also a correlation - they're stunners because they're hyper-focused on their looks. There are a lot of girls out there who could be stunners, but they just don't put as much effort into their appearance.

I agree with this as well. There is already huge compensation involved so indeed insecure

I think the divide is the natural beauties or the "hot" girls

 

[JT Sunshine]

Absolutely, feel like some girls become obsessed with “being attractive” because they are deep down very insecure about themselves. And if they are fairly attractive to begin with, some time in the gym and the right clothes and makeup will put them at “stunner status”. But they’re still that same insecure person.

My ex was like this. When I met her it was always makeup done up, nails done, she spent hours on her hair and whatnot. Hit on constantly but god forbid she got one little zit she would apologize for “looking ugly”. Like I’m not gonna fuck the shit outta you because you have a tiny bit of acne, or your hair isn’t perfect? It actually annoyed me because she was hotter than 90% of other girls, but she only compared herself with that top 10%.

The ones who are completely secure seem to put in about 10% of that effort. A few are natural beauties, but a lot are not. Same ex had a friend who would go out to the bar in a baggy t shirt with no makeup and still get plenty of dudes. Way less attractive. But way more secure. And guys were always hitting on her too. Not my cup-o-tea, but more power to her

 

[Derek da man]

I think it we need to draw a line between a naturally beautiful woman and ones who are beautiful with lots of effort.

This is a key point, I was going to challenge the original article title in that "The more effort she puts into looking good the more insecure she is". I try to distinguish between girls that are naturally beautiful and sexy/hot and those girls that are Stunners because they have 3 layers of make-up and false eye lashes as they are very different and it tells me about how to connect with them. The girl with lots of make-up and false eye lashes will lap up compliments so I can use them as a reward for compliance etc. The girl who is naturally beautiful will often find compliments uncomfortable so needs rewarding with time, effort, humor and connection, the Stunner will barely notice these until you get past the initial conversation and she becomes more comfortable with you.

Hyper focus on looks maxing, then depending solely on it to attract who they want, even if they crave a deeper connection.
It's funny that once you get to know them properly, and they feel comfortable around you, they relax and start to behave exactly like regular chicks.

In my experience with really hot sexy girls it's best to ignore the looks and talk to her and form a much deeper connection. If she tries to be "showy" or overly confident I get playful with her and bring her down a bit then tap into how shes feeling and form a shared connection over something - usually the "us against the rest of the room" type of situation. Once you get this she will treat you as much more of an equal and she'll become much the same as any other girl - and usually the "shit tests" stop too which makes things much smoother.

It's probably also a correlation - they're stunners because they're hyper-focused on their looks. There are a lot of girls out there who could be stunners, but they just don't put as much effort into their appearance.

Again I'd agree with this. Personally I tend to go for the girls who could be stunning but haven't gone over the top with make-up etc as they are easier to get along with and there's less pretense with them.


It's also worth looking at this from a girls perspective too. She judges you on how you look, the same as you do with her, so when you put her on a pedestal over her looks and feel anxiety about the approach she is probably feeling very similar if you're a good looking well groomed man - hence she can sometimes not be that easy to talk to as she's feeling that approach anxiety we all suffer at some point.

Girls, like guys, want the "hottest" mates available so they have to compete for them. That's just nature. Their way of competing is to generate attraction through looks. As men we generally have to make the approach, we have an opener and follow it up, in effect we usually have a plan. As a woman she doesn't know what she's going to get or how things are going to progress hence part of the reason she throws out "shit tests", partly to test her suitor but, in my view, mainly as she probably doesn't have much else in the way of a response to a lot of conversation starers that men try and use.

In essence the girl has used her looks to get a man to open her but she's not sure where things are going, or even if she wants them to continue so she is now in the position of continuing a conversation that she may not want to be in, or finding a way to get rid of the man, consequently she gives him a hard time. Trouble is, the giving a man a hard time can become her normal mode of operation and have to break through that.

I used to think girls calming up around me or not being easy to talk to was down to a lack of social skill on my part. Now I think it's more down to the fact that I may be a reasonable looking guy with a bit of style so it's actually her that is intimidated by me so I need to put her at ease to get her to open up. It's funny how our perspectives change over time. That could be a whole different thread lol.

 

[Chase]

Another vote in favor of what @Jan, @DarkKnight, @JT Sunshine, and @Derek da man pointed out.

You've got stunners who don't spend much energy on their appearances, they just have great genetics. These girls do not check or obsess over their appearances.

Then you have stunners who have very carefully curated appearances. They can be very fastidious about how they look.

There is another wrinkle as well that I have found, and it is how charming the girl's personality is.

I have been around and dated natural stunners who didn't bother with makeup, etc., as well as made-up stunners who were models, actresses, etc., in each of the cases who also had magnetic personalities. In each case (both natural beauty and made-up stunner) the charming personality girl is much less worried about her appearance in general than girls with blander personalities.

The most insecure women looks-wise in my experience are the ones who:

1. Put a lot of time and energy into perfecting their looks
2. Are not naturally incredibly striking without makeup/hair/clothes/posture
3. Have rather bland personalities

The less the above are true for a girl, the less appearance-maintenance she will bother with.

The more they are true, the more obsessed she will be with how she looks.

It seems to mostly come down to what women have to offer men.

Women can have nice careers, educations, friend groups, money, etc.

But for the most part men primarily only value them by their looks and their personalities.

Chase

 

[POB]

I think it we need to draw a line between a naturally beautiful woman and ones who are beautiful with lots of effort.

Yes, this is so true.

What you said applies to the second type. And it makes sense. The more invested into something, the more sensitive you become about it.

Precisely, good point!

Absolutely, feel like some girls become obsessed with “being attractive” because they are deep down very insecure about themselves. And if they are fairly attractive to begin with, some time in the gym and the right clothes and makeup will put them at “stunner status”. But they’re still that same insecure person.

True. It's easier to change your exterior than your core.

My ex was like this. When I met her it was always makeup done up, nails done, she spent hours on her hair and whatnot. Hit on constantly but god forbid she got one little zit she would apologize for “looking ugly”. Like I’m not gonna fuck the shit outta you because you have a tiny bit of acne, or your hair isn’t perfect? It actually annoyed me because she was hotter than 90% of other girls, but she only compared herself with that top 10%.

This is another trait of those kinds of girls...they never compare themselves with less attractive women...only with the ones who could "take" their spot.

The ones who are completely secure seem to put in about 10% of that effort. A few are natural beauties, but a lot are not.

So so true.
And I've seen it happen, they just become luminous beings in a sense (my ex is like that).

Same ex had a friend who would go out to the bar in a baggy t shirt with no makeup and still get plenty of dudes. Way less attractive. But way more secure. And guys were always hitting on her too. Not my cup-o-tea, but more power to her

Women like that just "win" guys easily, despite their perceived rank in looks.

 

[DarkKnight]

The most insecure women looks-wise in my experience are the ones who:

1. Put a lot of time and energy into perfecting their looks
2. Are not naturally incredibly striking without makeup/hair/clothes/posture
3. Have rather bland personalities

Hey nice catch, so basically we are saying these are the fascinators instead of the exciters. You had this article somewhere about some guys being fascinators with strong fundamentals but weak verbal game.. and then the mediocre looking guys who just spew a lot of verbal game. And they all had their strengths and weaknesses.

This is simple the female variant.

You know Chase a lot of times when you describe things I get flashbacks of girls in the past who fit into whatever you are describing. Oh boy.. so much makes sense now

 

[POB]

In my experience with really hot sexy girls it's best to ignore the looks and talk to her and form a much deeper connection. If she tries to be "showy" or overly confident I get playful with her and bring her down a bit then tap into how shes feeling and form a shared connection over something - usually the "us against the rest of the room" type of situation. Once you get this she will treat you as much more of an equal and she'll become much the same as any other girl - and usually the "shit tests" stop too which makes things much smoother.

Yeah, usually I'm just non-reactive to anything she does
If you keep at it and keep pushing for shared interests, like you said, she'll calm down and revert to her true self.
Never fails.

All your other points are great BTW
You guys rock, this is precisely what I was expecting from this thread

 

[DonGately]

I think it we need to draw a line between a naturally beautiful woman and ones who are beautiful with lots of effort.

What you said applies to the second type. And it makes sense. The more invested into something, the more sensitive you become about it.

I don't think so. Virtually every stunner I've met in my life is insecure about her looks. Could be as simple as she thinks her teeth are crooked, even if it's not noticeable.
Models definitely are.

 

[TwoNameGame]

I think it we need to draw a line between a naturally beautiful woman and ones who are beautiful with lots of effort.

I approach a woman based solely on effort in her looks (I like girly girls), so I lack IRL experience. Thats said, this seems to reflect reality.

Based on my experience, I see 2 types of influencers online:

1. The generic, basic girls who dress like everyone else in the streets (leggings, jeans, bikini, minidress, and maybe something trendy).
2. The ones with a particular sub-culture who put effort into an unconventional, but stylish look. For example, vintage girls, goth girls, preppy feminine Vietnamese women.

Group 1 tends to be egotistical despite being interchangeable. Group 2 tends to be more humble. In real life, I notice women in group 2 tend to be more shy and more insecure. Which is weird to me as group 2 has genuine passion behind their looks and group 1 is more IDGAF.

 

[DonGately]

Honestly, after years and years of game in: Manhattan, Miami, Vegas, Houston, Philly my experience has been the hotter she is in reality the less ego she has about her looks/is insecure about them/doesn't think she's pretty.
Now, I mean, you may have to get through the outer shield some of them present to the whole world but if you get to know them it's very obvious they feel that way.

I don't find that ego/humility have any relationship to looks, in fact as others have mentioned I think the 6.5-7.5s tend to have the biggest egos if you hit on them at a bar/club. Almost all guys are afraid to hit on a true 9+ girl in public, esp with others around.