- Joined
- Sep 14, 2023
- Messages
- 14
The Coles Notes:
I'm going to just swallow my pride and ask for help.
How do you do it? I have no idea. I'm quite lost.
I'm in my mid-thirties, and I can say it's been at almost a decade since I tried to do this without Tinder taking 90% of the guesswork out of the equation or just relying on women to be so horny I don't have to do much of the work.
When I was in my twenties, I'd have a few protocols for meeting and picking up women:
I've struck it lucky before, with the odd woman picking me up at the bar, but I'm not young anymore, and I know I can't rely on my looks to do the work for me.
Anything more nuanced than just going to the bar and looking for the women on a mission to get laid got my back up and I'd be quick to bail at the first sign of resistance. I've had a few brutal rejections, and those did nothing to help the anxiety.
This is not a great inheritance from my twenties to bring into my thirties, because I have no idea how to meet women anymore.
The GF is encouraging and has really similar taste in women, but we don't go out much and she usually lets me do the talking. There's also the whole baggage where people in the poly community are so quick to come at us with these allegations of being "unicorn hunters," like we're being deceptive or dishonest about what we're looking for (we're always straightforward).
To date, we've hooked up with (and to Earth-shakingly satisfying effect) bedded five women we met on the internet.
I want to take credit for that, but each of those women were hungry for it, and while my success rate isn't high on Tinder, the few times the odds are in my favor and I chance upon a gal with compatible desires, it doesn't take much effort. That's great, but it's not much of a learning experience, and it doesn't do much for my anxiety/lack of resiliency when I face any token resistance.
I know I can't rely on apps. They're inconsistent, and women seem to constantly be pushing for formal dates, and act surprised and shocked that my bio is accurate and that I have a steady partner and am only looking for promiscuous trysts. Am I overanalyzing or is there a way to circumvent this pressure to go on dates? Or, am I just interpreting dates the wrong way and not seeing them as a plain opportunity to escalate?
I was convinced (am I wrong?) that if you start playing into her script too much it becomes contrived and the exciting energy of a spontaneous sexual encounter is lost.
There is a reasonable limit on how much "going out" I can do. I've less energy than I did in my twenties, a career and bedtimes to honour. Are there alternatives to blowing untold amounts of money and time at bars, shouting over the music to be heard?
Also, I've kind of tuned out from everything in the Manosphere for the last few years. In the intervening time, I've seen a lot of the fatalistic horse shit you'd see in 'black-pilled' communities trickling into spaces like the TRP subreddit and forums and spaces on the internet describing themselves as 'red-pilled.'
Is it as bad as the fatalists are claiming? That women are increasingly ruthlessly chasing hypergamous ideals and quick to get nasty at the first sign of weakness/inefficient game and hair-trigger with the false allegations?
I suppose getting out and meeting women would answer that question -- which brings us to the original contention: What do you do, once you're past 30, to meet women?
- In an open relationship with a bi woman/ looking to bring women home with my GF for FFM three-ways
- Haven't been "in field" in years. Rusty as hell.
- This was never easy for me, as I have insane social anxiety.
I'm going to just swallow my pride and ask for help.
How do you do it? I have no idea. I'm quite lost.
I'm in my mid-thirties, and I can say it's been at almost a decade since I tried to do this without Tinder taking 90% of the guesswork out of the equation or just relying on women to be so horny I don't have to do much of the work.
When I was in my twenties, I'd have a few protocols for meeting and picking up women:
- Heavy reliance on social-circle game, waiting for women whose league I was probably out of to do most of the work for me.
- The occasional blind-drunk foray to the local watering hole going caveman/Gunwitch-esque in my twenties (not an option anymore, as I curtailed my drinking)
- Tinder or whatever came before that, filtering aggressively for flirtatious/promiscuous women. (Extremely low success rate.)
I've struck it lucky before, with the odd woman picking me up at the bar, but I'm not young anymore, and I know I can't rely on my looks to do the work for me.
Anything more nuanced than just going to the bar and looking for the women on a mission to get laid got my back up and I'd be quick to bail at the first sign of resistance. I've had a few brutal rejections, and those did nothing to help the anxiety.
This is not a great inheritance from my twenties to bring into my thirties, because I have no idea how to meet women anymore.
The GF is encouraging and has really similar taste in women, but we don't go out much and she usually lets me do the talking. There's also the whole baggage where people in the poly community are so quick to come at us with these allegations of being "unicorn hunters," like we're being deceptive or dishonest about what we're looking for (we're always straightforward).
To date, we've hooked up with (and to Earth-shakingly satisfying effect) bedded five women we met on the internet.
I want to take credit for that, but each of those women were hungry for it, and while my success rate isn't high on Tinder, the few times the odds are in my favor and I chance upon a gal with compatible desires, it doesn't take much effort. That's great, but it's not much of a learning experience, and it doesn't do much for my anxiety/lack of resiliency when I face any token resistance.
I know I can't rely on apps. They're inconsistent, and women seem to constantly be pushing for formal dates, and act surprised and shocked that my bio is accurate and that I have a steady partner and am only looking for promiscuous trysts. Am I overanalyzing or is there a way to circumvent this pressure to go on dates? Or, am I just interpreting dates the wrong way and not seeing them as a plain opportunity to escalate?
I was convinced (am I wrong?) that if you start playing into her script too much it becomes contrived and the exciting energy of a spontaneous sexual encounter is lost.
There is a reasonable limit on how much "going out" I can do. I've less energy than I did in my twenties, a career and bedtimes to honour. Are there alternatives to blowing untold amounts of money and time at bars, shouting over the music to be heard?
Also, I've kind of tuned out from everything in the Manosphere for the last few years. In the intervening time, I've seen a lot of the fatalistic horse shit you'd see in 'black-pilled' communities trickling into spaces like the TRP subreddit and forums and spaces on the internet describing themselves as 'red-pilled.'
Is it as bad as the fatalists are claiming? That women are increasingly ruthlessly chasing hypergamous ideals and quick to get nasty at the first sign of weakness/inefficient game and hair-trigger with the false allegations?
I suppose getting out and meeting women would answer that question -- which brings us to the original contention: What do you do, once you're past 30, to meet women?
