Getting Girls Back 2 ++

[girlsfollow]

We decided a sub thread of "Getting Girls Back" was needed - intended for discussions solely about how to reconnect/damage control and generally re-establish a connection with someone you have slept with more than once (eg. ex-gf/FWB/wife?).

The aim is to work out a general formula to recover from serious mistakes which derailed something which you initially had been managing well.

Share your experiences here of cases where you were both successful and unsuccessful, and tell us what you think could have been improved in your approach.

 

[Garrett]

We decided a sub thread of "Getting Girls Back" was needed - intended for discussions solely about how to reconnect/damage control and generally re-establish a connection with someone you have slept with more than once (eg. ex-gf/FWB/wife?).

The aim is to work out a general formula to recover from serious mistakes which derailed something which you initially had been managing well.

Share your experiences here of cases where you were both successful and unsuccessful, and tell us what you think could have been improved in your approach.

Girlsfollow,

Why does it have to be with someone who you've slept with more than once? I'm a virgin, and have gone through a ton of crap via auto-rejection. Therefore, I feel I could be of some assistance to some of the newbies in that regard. I think you should open the thread to the concept of flat out auto-rejection and also getting girls back as well if you've slept with them as it's a lot easier to get a girl back if you've slept with her; therefore, it would be a more insightful/indepth sub thread if we could help guys get girls back if they haven't slept with them yet or in other words, getting girls back in general.

Any Thoughts?
Garrett

 

[AfterMath]

Right now I just finished "losing" a girl or so to speak and I sort of burnt the bridge to a degree.

She said he no longer feels what she felt a while ago...
I detailed it a bit more in this post:
viewtopic.php?f=3&t=808

She also still had feelings for her ex and I competed with him in a way, because I was pushing for a LTR. Right now I think she's getting back together with him, but I don't want to lose her completely but also do not want a LTR with her anymore because I realized that she is not the girl for me. What I do want is the possbility of being able to hook up with her in the future.

I'm thinking of apologizing for "making her feel like a slut" as she put it, in a week or so.
I want to text or IM her something along the lines of:

Hey, I just wanted to apologize for saying and doing things you didn't like...I really didn't want to "make you feel like a slut"...really. I just thought you were a bit sexually repressed and wanted to "free" you a little, but it obviously didn't work, I tried too many things too quickly and sort of forgot that you're inexperienced.
I really did't mean it, and I want you to know that. I do know that I liked everything we went through for a short while...I think it was a good experience overall and I learned from it and hope you learned from it also. I might have taken things too seriously in this time and acted irrationally at times, but it was because I liked you and emotions sometimes mess up the way we think....
See you around sometime

The next step is to wait maybe around 2 months, and send her a random observational text that reminded me of her and see her response. What I want to do here is to make her forget a little of what last happened between us and sort of start from the bottom again. If it is a warm reply I might chat with her a little to get her friendly again and start sending her random texts maybe once a week to get things started again and if things progress well, go for the meet up.
If it is a cold response, I might try again in another 2 or 3 months and repeat the process,if it is another cold response... drop her completely.

Seems like a good foundation for a plan that can be used for any woman you've slept with and screwed up along the way. What can and should be altered though is the time between each step.

So in essence:

1) A week or two after the break-up send a last text, FB message, email etc, stating what you might have done wrong but without seeming needy and as if you've already moved on.
2) No contact for X amount of months, I think it should be proportional to the length of the relationship.
3) Send a reconnecting text talking about a random topic that reminded you of her.
4) If response is warm, go for a quick conversation lasting a few minutes and start one once a week for around 3 weeks, if all goes well, go for the meetup.
5) If reply is cold, back to step 2 and repeat one more time, if the reply is once again cold, drop her, delete number, remove from facebook friends and never look back.


What do you guys think of this?

 

[Garrett]

https://www.girlschase.com/content/ego-d ... men-around

There's your problem AfterMath. Buyer's remorse.

You did great by escalating, but you probably didn't care for her emotions. After sex, what did you do, kick her out? If the girl complies, you have to build up the connection with her afterwards so she feels like she made the right choice and that her investment was rewarded. She probably is sexually repressed and yes you gave her what she wanted, but after sex, women release oxytocin, and need you to be there and hold her, while maintaining who you were before sex. Don't change after sex, stay who you were before and just hold her and talk. She probably feels regret right now because she gave you so much and you didn't care for her emotions enough, so she feels like you basically took advantage of her. Balance is key, check out the post, and from there, you can start formulating a comeback. You've slept with her, so it would probably be a good idea to 'call her out' and basically apologize without coming across as feminine.

https://www.girlschase.com/content/shoul ... gize-women

Best of luck my friend,
Garrett

 

[AfterMath]

Thanks for the help Garrett, but I really don't think this is the case. I was emotional to the best of my abilities after sex, but I still think that she might have thought things were going too fast between us and still felt "slutty". I'm going to send her the apology I wrote above and follow my plan, but now without thinking of her as a future girlfriend.

 

[girlsfollow]

We decided a sub thread of "Getting Girls Back" was needed - intended for discussions solely about how to reconnect/damage control and generally re-establish a connection with someone you have slept with more than once (eg. ex-gf/FWB/wife?).

Girlsfollow,

Why does it have to be with someone who you've slept with more than once?

Hi Garrett - did you not see the top of the thread - this is a sub thread of the other getting girls back thread which covers what you are looking for - check that one out - a few of us got the feeling the problems are quite distinct - sometimes it isn't easier getting a girl back which you have slept with - in fact sometimes it can be harder - its a very different problem

 

[AfterMath]

Hi Garrett - did you not see the top of the thread - this is a sub thread of the other getting girls back thread which covers what you are looking for - check that one out - a few of us got the feeling the problems are quite distinct - sometimes it isn't easier getting a girl back which you have slept with - in fact sometimes it can be harder - its a very different problem

Yeah, it's a whole nother story... I'm interested in seeing other people's thoughts on this. There's a whole lot of information on how to get an ex back and how to reconnect with a girl who you haven't slept with yet but not that much info on the in-betweeners, women who you have slept with but weren't in a committed relationship with.

 

[Pete Butter]

I have 2 stories, one successful, one not. I'll post the "successful" one first as the other is more detailed and Im posting from my phone.

The Relationship
I'm 29, she's 28. Met her in law school, bed her about 4 weeks after meeting her, dated for 2 months and was "official" for 1 month before the breakup. Things escalated very fast; very passionate relationship with lots of sex. Had tons of investment from her very quickly.

Her Background
She has a 2 year old kid. When I met her she was still dating the father who lives/works out of the country who showed no interest in their relationship or child. They rarely talked and she hadnt seen him in 7 months. He paid a significant amount of her bills however. She was very hesitant about dating as she clung to the fairytale of the baby's father regaining interest and reuniting the family.

The Breakup
Before she committed to me, she broke up with the father. This of course motivated him to return home to "spend time with his kid". Upon his return he discovered me and predictably pleaded and cried for her back while suddenly transforming into boyfriend/father of the year. And, predictably, he proposed. I was seeing her daily while he was here until about the 4th day when things went South and we didnt speak again until he left.

My Errors
I was unfazed and showed no weakness until the end when I slightly lost my cool over the situation and allowed her to suck me into the competition she subliminally setup between the father and I. She was provoking me and being disrespectful, so I ended the "relationship". I second guessed my decision and tried to rekindle things, but shed become cold and asked me to give her time. I knew she was with the father.

My Success
Having recently experienced a breakup where I made a ton of "mistakes", I was mentally prepared for this. After reaching out to her and her responding with "needing time", I contemplated many detailed routes involving romance to get her back. But I knew better...so I settled on "ok". That was all I said. It hurt, but I knew i had to move on, and I knew i could. A week later she called, apologized, confirmed my suspicions and reinforced the decision to remain apart. My response was "I'm disappointed, but take care of your business. See you at school." Next day she text to return items, I kept responses short and to the point. I was committed to moving past her. Next day we met to exchange items, she conveniently forgot my stuff, and she wanted to talk. She brought up "old times", and within an hour we went to my apt and had sex. She's been begging and crying to restart the relationship since. That was 2 weeks ago.

Her Feedback
She explained why she went cold on me and what happened with the baby's father. I didnt really pay attention to her explanation. I did take note of her feelings about my reaction to the breakup. She said it hurt her that I didnt call or beg for her back. She said she felt like I didnt want her, and she constantly checked for my calls. She asked what I did without her, etc. I dont know if I'll get back with her yet.

Point is, I didnt chase and I didnt show I needed her back. I let her go...even tho I missed her and was hurt i didnt show it. That worked. My previous breakup...totally different.

 

[Garrett]

Pete Butter,

Thanks for sharing your story man. That's a tough position!

Congrats on keeping your cool throughout, even though you may have slipped up a bit at the end, you got your act together pretty well, so kudos for that my friend! If I were you, Id work on improving my game with other girls because you said you were trying to get over her, meanwhile you take her back and have sex with her. I've been in that position, it's hard as heck to move on, but you have to do it man. Make a decision and stick with it. If you keep going back and forth you're really going to hurt this girl. Personally, if I were you, I'd drop her and move on to more promising prospects without kids. If I were to have a kid, I'd rather it be my own, and I wouldn't want to deal with the ex boyfriend, especially if he's still trying to win her back...

Just some thoughts, keep your head up!
Garrett

 

[girlsfollow]

I have 2 stories,

hey pete this is brilliant

perfect example of what can help us here - the headings and everything

only thing I would ask for is a little more detail and analysis of what you think you did right "shot and to the point"

do you think this is at all applicable to a situation where you haven't been together for more than a year

 

[girlsfollow]

Thought I would re-initiate this thread to see if anyone has anything to share...


==========================================


I am having a dilemma about how I should reinitiate with my ex at the moment. I have come to the realisation that we really do have sexual chemistry (when the stupid relationship behaviour is out of the picture) and fundamentally I think that is what could help a lot here. Also its been a long time now - 1.5 years since the BU, about 1 year since we met up again twice with the second time resulting in good sex. However I did insult her a few months after that and when I went to see her on holiday she was very negative towards me (almost had sex again but she freaked and ran when she went rational- big LMR). Since then we stayed in text contact and almost met up again but she pulled out saying that I had damaged her psychologically (nice one coming from her considering the circumstances and her breaking up with me).

So I sent her a text a month ago which she didnt respond to - but I have the feeling its because a lot has been left unsaid. I have the chance of softly broaching the subject with a mutual friend of ours (more her friend but she stays friendly with me) to suggest we just hang out and chill....I dont feel like sending another text - ideally I would just meet her sometime and say hi

 

[Pete Butter]

If she isn't replying then she's just not interested enough. She's probably dating someone else. You shouldn't contact her again.

I'll give more details on my stories soon.

 

[Estate]

I'm inclined to agree with Pete Butter,

If she was really still pining for you, she'd have replied.

To be honest I was beating myself up since last summer over my last girlfriend. I had a million things I kept running over in my head. All the "what if I said this... or if she only understood that...". It wouldn't go out of my head.
I was watching these threads closely up to a few weeks ago, I re-initiated contact with her and she responded "nicely" so I thought I had a chance.

We arranged to meet for drinks, and she bailed on the plans twice. The same thing she constantly did when we were together.... but back then I overlooked it.
She also sent me some shitty texts in among some conversation which I also ignored before thinking "she just doesn't understand"...

But two things happened in all this...
When she said shitty things, I suddenly realised... Holy Crap, this is the same as last summer, what she's saying is nasty and total BS, do I really want to deal with this? Why didn't I see how nasty she was being before?
Second thing I did when she bailed... I just didn't respond. I asked another girl at short notice to come join me on the same plans I had with my Ex and I had an awesome night out... had I met my Ex it would have been full of tension and drama but I had been convincing myself "No, I'll make her understand and see how great I am now"... but really why bother...
Even better, I went out the following night and met another girl and took her home... best medicine ever.

Thursday night: Nervous, pining for my Ex, trying to plan out my strategy to get her back, she was the one I wanted.
Friday afternoon: She bails again. I'm sad, angry and feeling low.
Friday Evening: Screw it, you have other options, texted and met another girl.
Saturday morning: Text another girl for that night.
Saturday night: Met her, drank, danced, had some of the best sex I've ever had.
Sunday morning: More sex, dropped girl home, smiled, got pizza.

That was a few weeks ago but I literally havent thought of my ex in all that time until I saw this thread pop up again.... and that same girl I'd have given ANYTHING to get back ever since last summer... I now feel I can (and have now) done a lot better.

I dont mean to take over the thread but it was just a lesson. Its easy to get fixated with what's in front of you. I ignored so many horrible traits of her which made me unhappy. She was the best, how could I do better.
2 nights later, I had the most awesome sex of my life with someone I had only just met after having being convinced for 6 months, nothing would be as good as my Ex deep down.

It's all how you frame it in your mind. It's said in every article about getting ex's back.... the best solution.... DON'T, just go meet someone better.

 

[girlsfollow]

It's all how you frame it in your mind. It's said in every article about getting ex's back.... the best solution.... DON'T, just go meet someone better.

Good job with your re-framing! In fact that is exactly the best way to go about this - ive said before!

I know all this - I am having regular sex with other girls and seeing another higher quality girl (see my recent FR) - I'm not obsessed, that's not what the thread is for - just as I said at the top I am interested in working out how to do this well - I know there is a way since I've done it before and its different to normal game.

RE the not texting back - its obvious she isnt pining for me, but I dont think that means that it is the dead end - there are things to be done, although I'm sure she probably is seeing someone else, this kind of girl always has at least 2 or 3 prospects lined up, they can't be alone and need that constant validation - I don't plan to text her again though (I even said that in my post) thinking of other ways to re-engage