Getting parents to understand travel

[Raqimus]

Hey guys, I want to travel, to other countries and one of means I'm considering is woofing. It's working on an organic farm and to travel I am willing to do so. I've never been good at getting others to understand my point of view or arguiing for that matter because my heads a bit disorganized when it comes to that stuff and I jump around a lot breaking off into tangets etc. To my parent's me finsihing school is everything, they never went to college and they stress it so much when they know so little.

Right now I know college isn't for me it's not where my focus lies. My focus lies on improving myself through experiences and then from there I can see what I want out of college ie major wise. My parents are overbearing and fearful of the world, and they are pushing me in directions I don't want to go they push me towards security when its not what I want, they push me towards staying in the city even though its not what I want (I mentioned wanting to leave boston and live somewhere else and they couldnt imagine leaving their parents and thought it was weird etc). I really want to figure out how to explain myself because I don't know how to explain it but I know its what I want if that makes any sense. They think they can make my decisions for me and that doesn't roll with me but at the same time I can't really explain why I want to do a certain thing and if I cant explain it they dismiss it with logic etc.

Let me know what you guys think, please.

 

[Lotus]

Sup Raqimus,

I've never been good at getting others to understand my point of view or arguiing for that matter because my heads a bit disorganized when it comes to that stuff and I jump around a lot breaking off into tangets etc.

I have the same issue and I'd reccomend making a written list of the topics/points you want to cover in your arguement. It helps articulating and will also show your parents you are serious and you have spent time thinking about it(not just a whim).

To my parent's me finsihing school is everything, they never went to college and they stress it so much when they know so little.

Which is completely understandable, they probably see it as a missed opportunity and don't want you to do the same.

It sounds like you live at home? As long you are dependent on your parents they will be able to exert some influence on your life.

Right now I know college isn't for me it's not where my focus lies. My focus lies on improving myself through experiences and then from there I can see what I want out of college ie major wise.

I understand the desire, but "improving yourself through experiences" is very vague and happens when you go to college. College is one of the greastest experiences because of all the life lessons and personal growth that occur.

Look at it from their perspective, you are a young man that isn't sure what he wants to do, has trouble articulating himself and explaining why he wants what he wants. They could think you are just saying these things to avoid school. You need a plan.

Side note: If you were completely independent you wouldn't have to worry about any of this.

EDIT: and on WWOOF...my sister is doing it this summer in Germany and Italy. I can let you know how it goes
- my parents reacted similar to yours when she first brought it up.. until she came up with a plan

-brum

 

[PinotNoir]

Yes, it can be a bit difficult. When you are of a certain age and have money, then nothing can really stop you though.

I do have experience with this (travel) and with buying a motorcycle. The way I tackled it was with small continual steps, and it always worked. It showed my parents that I was dedicated to this, and they slowly accepted my decisions (but not all parents are created equal).

When I wanted a motorcycle, I first bought a helmet, gloves, boots and set them in my closet. Then I took a small weekend rider course. Then I got my license. This was like a 2 month process that was pretty slow. My parents gave me tons of grief and statistics, but I just kept taking baby steps towards my goal, and they began to realize that they couldn't control my decision and that the snowball was inevitably going to become a mountain.

With traveling, I did a similar thing. I first got my passport. Then I bought luggage and set it in my room. I hadn't signed up for anything, and I didn't jump into anything, but my parents saw that I had a passport and luggage. It's just a slow moving process and slowly grinds away your parents' boulder of nagging/worry.

Lastly, yes, my parents would perpetually tell me their arguments and maybe even yell at me. I never yelled back. I would patiently wait until they were done. Then I'd say some logical statements back. The key is to never make this some type of heated debate where you're trying to "crush" them or something. It's just getting them to slowly realize that they can't control you or change your decision, and you just ease them into this with a slow process.

Of course, everyone is different and everyone's parents are different, but this is what worked for me. Just keep moving forward with baby steps. Step one is to get a passport. Step two is to buy some luggage. Step three is to start making plans in a notebook or google doc. And all along, let your parents know, don't even trying to hide it or make it a secret (when you hide things and then jump into them, it blows up into a bomb). You might have to sit through a lot of yelling and nagging, but just stay calm, and it will eventually get quieter and quieter, and as they see the inevitable, they'll want to help you and help you be safe and stay in good rapport/relations.

 

[Raqimus]

Sup Raqimus,

I have the same issue and I'd reccomend making a written list of the topics/points you want to cover in your arguement. It helps articulating and will also show your parents you are serious and you have spent time thinking about it(not just a whim).

I understand the desire, but "improving yourself through experiences" is very vague and happens when you go to college. College is one of the greastest experiences because of all the life lessons and personal growth that occur.

Look at it from their perspective, you are a young man that isn't sure what he wants to do, has trouble articulating himself and explaining why he wants what he wants. They could think you are just saying these things to avoid school. You need a plan.

Side note: If you were completely independent you wouldn't have to worry about any of this.

EDIT: and on WWOOF...my sister is doing it this summer in Germany and Italy. I can let you know how it goes
- my parents reacted similar to yours when she first brought it up.. until she came up with a plan

-brum

Step one is to get a passport. Step two is to buy some luggage. Step three is to start making plans in a notebook or google doc. And all along, let your parents know, don't even trying to hide it or make it a secret (when you hide things and then jump into them, it blows up into a bomb). You might have to sit through a lot of yelling and nagging, but just stay calm, and it will eventually get quieter and quieter, and as they see the inevitable, they'll want to help you and help you be safe and stay in good rapport/relations.

Yo thanks for the responses,

I am currently living at home and I've been in college for four years now and when it comes to it I don't care. The reason being is the major I'm in now I don't give two shits about, and I want to take another semester off to figure out what major I want and where I wan't to go. I dislike them making plans for me. So I can see what you mean about avoiding school.

From what I can gather my best bet is to make a list on why I want to do this. Then put the little steps into motion to show them I mean business. Seems like this is my best bet, now I just need to make lots of cash this sumer

Also brum I'd love to know how it goes with your sister and her experience.

 

[ray_zorse]

Hey mate I met a Japanese girl who was WWOOFing in Australia and she highly recommended it. If you do it, come to Aussie mayte, we can do some approaching together haha
Ray

 

[Ross]

I've always had a natural knack for getting my parents to understand my decision making, but I don't know if it is entirely teachable since it's a skill I've just had from a young age.

I can offer some advice on your course of action for going to other countries. In my opinion, projects like WWOOF, Peace Corps, and others are this easy access method to traveling. You don't really have to worry too much about making any decisions, because all your food/shelter/etc. will already be provided to you, which is part of their appeal. There are other, more freeing ways to travel, but they require more decision making and less certainty or safety. I currently lead teams of volunteers at a community garden I helped to start, and let me tell you that this work is difficult and not exactly freeing, especially when you look at the absolutes; you're just getting paid to live and work, with nothing extra.

In the end, my underlying belief is that my parents cannot tell me what I can and can not do, because they have no power over me. I moved out at 17, and never looked back; and while I do visit occasionally for holidays, they realize that I am my own man rather than a child.

I am currently living at home and I've been in college for four years now and when it comes to it I don't care. The reason being is the major I'm in now I don't give two shits about, and I want to take another semester off to figure out what major I want and where I wan't to go. I dislike them making plans for me. So I can see what you mean about avoiding school.

I can tell you that taking time off is a bad idea. Doing nothing is just stalling. You only figure out your direction in life by taking action. Audit a few classes or interest, talk with persons who have a profession you may be interested in, or begin on some project. If you are truly interested in making your own way in organic farming, then talk with people who have done WWOOF or get in contact with the leaders and work on developing some particular skill while you're there.

There is no perfection in determining your career. Sitting back and complaining about getting an education on your parents' dollar while not taking any action comes across as weak.

 

[Raqimus]

@Ray sounds like a plan man, ive always wanted to head to Aussie!

@Ross I can understand what your saying about the inaction, when it comes to my parents tho they havent given me a cent for college or towards college. Everything including the applications, books, loans, etc has been on my dollar not theirs. So i do get frustrated when they try to tell me where to go or when i should when they've given me nothing for it. I will look into auditing a few classess and speaking to pros in the area's im thinking about isnt something I thought of so it will help so that's another alternative, thanks.