Goals
I am working on conveying more sexuality and intent in my approach. I'm told I seem like a really nice, friendly guy but I lack a sexual vibe.
- Use a downward tonality at the end of my sentences
- Use a more commanding tone to my "Hi" or "Excuse me"
- Smile less wide and use a more serious facial expression
- Relax my expressiveness and be calmer
- Give strong eye contact
These are all very good goals, though you want to manage them differently depending on where you are in the interaction.
For example, at the beginning you want to be friendly and smiling and enthusiastic, and then further into the conversation you want to use stronger eye contact, smile less, tease more, and show more intent.
Being calmer overall helps a lot with managing your state and smoothly shifting gears.
(Approach 1) I approach a girl after she walks past me. When I catch up to her and get her attention, she seems startled and backs away. I allow some distance and open a little slower, saying I thought she was pretty and wanted to say hi. She said "You made my day", but at the same time created more distance and starting walking away. I guess she wasn't interested but appreciated the compliment.
- This may be a sign I looked more serious / intimidating
- My voice sounded a bit nervous, especially after she started backing away.
- My "Excuse me" didn't sound very commanding
You don't want to look too serious/intentful as you come in, that's more so for when you're in a conversation and she's investing.
If she backs away right away, it means your appearance startled her. It could be because of the way you approach her (make sure you pass her before turning and opening, don't do it from behind or directly sideways), it could also be because you were tense/anxious, and it could be because you simply forgot to smile and look friendly.
(Approach 2) I notice another seemingly cute girl about to pass by me and turn around to run after her. She had headphones in and seemed distracted, and seemed a little wary when I approached. We talked for about 5 minutes--she didn't seem to eject on her own so I kept sticking around. I teased her a little and tried some boring conversation, and suggested we move a few steps over into the shade. She resisted this, saying she had an assignment to do.
I'm guessing from this and the previous interaction that you're too focused when you go in, rather than it coming across as easygoing and spontaneous. Especially if you're used to being a 'nice guy', being too focused usually comes across as neediness/anxiety.
I suggest working on really relaxing your body, smiling freely, and expressing yourself in a more open and unfocused way, as if you're just going with the flow of your desires.
I abandoned the compliance and asked about her assignment, which led to us talking about her being a student with ambitions to be a scientist. I qualified her, saying that it was cool she had the discipline to continuously work on her goals.
This is good.
We chatted about how much she hated sunshine, and turns out she comes from a rainy hometown--I felt dissimilar to her and dropped her down a notch on my internal rating.
Why, because she doesn't like sunshine?
Your internal reactions and judgements have a huuge impact on social/seductive interactions. Girls feel it the moment you feel anything negative about them. It's very useful to find a way to release any form of judgement during an interaction, and the best way I've found is curiosity.
With curiosity, the frame is "I don't know everything there is to know about this girl or this type of girl, let's find out and do the judging some other time".
After four minutes or so I suggested again that we move over to the shade. She followed this time, then shortly after I said I didn't want to keep her from her assignment, but we should grab a coffee sometime. She said, "No, I don't want to." And that was that.
Sounds like you went for the number on a low point, it's ideal to go for the number when things are feeling good and the energy is flowing.
It also sounds like you're in your head during the interaction, which means you're not expressing your emotions, and she's feeling like the vibe is flat.
Make sure you have fun with these girls, let them know (nonverbally) that you're enjoying having them there in front of you. Be silly, tease them, and build a vibe.
- I touched her a couple times and she would look at where I touched her, it felt like she was a bit put off by it? Was I touching weirdly? I was trying to keep it a light touch.
It means you were self conscious and a little awkward when you did it. That's fine when you're getting used to touching girls, but in the long run you want to be doing it naturally and spontaneously.
- My voice sounded pretty wishy washy. Used way too many "ah, okay" and "um". My range of expressiveness was decent but it stayed in the same range throughout, and didn't sound particularly interesting.
This is something to work on, it's probably again because you're in your head during these interactions, rather than being present in your body. Your tone conveys so much about where your mind and attention is at.
Ask the questions you want to ask, not what you think you should be asking. Don't be afraid to tease. Make sure she's feeling your presence in you body language, tone, touch, etc. Your goal is not just to have a conversation, but to make her
feel you there with her.
All these things contribute to the feeling a girl has later when you ask for the phone number/suggest the date/go to take her panties off.
- Didn't pay attention to my eye contact as I should have
This is a big one. Eye contact is probably the most important sign of social dominance and confidence, which is your primary attribute as a male. When it's not there, women's interest can drop like a rock and never come back up. Because if you can't hold eye contact with her, how can you possibly handle a dude?
You'll have to make sure to work on this, just make your eyes stay up there consistently, and only glance away when you're thinking or recollecting. If a girl isn't looking down a few times during the conversation because she can't handle your eye contact, it's not strong enough.
(Other Approaches) I had a few other sort-of-approaches that went nowhere. I approached a girl and said I liked her outfit, but saw she wasn't that cute. I said "Wow I love your outfit!" to another girl walking towards me but she seemed in a rush and thanked me but kept moving. Not anymore significant interactions.
(Working Girl) There was a cute girl working at a Kombucha stand who I chatted with briefly. I met her last week at the same stand and she seemed friendly and gave strong eye contact. However I wasn't sure if she was flirting or just being friendly with customers. This time I struck up a conversation about the stuffed animal chain she had. When I left, we held eye contact and it felt like there was some tension. I was waiting to see her brush her hair, neck, or break eye contact down or something to signal attraction, but she just held eye contact strongly, so not sure if I should trust my gut.
Who broke eye contact first? If she's holding it strongly so that it becomes a contest, it's usually because your vibe is a little on the soft side and she thinks you'll break first.
In that kind of situation, you can call it out with a smile (still holding eye contact), like:
"What..?"
"Your eyes a a lovely brown/blue/whatever"
"Is there something you want to tell me?"
Especially if you say it quietly but projecting a strong sexual undertone, this will usually tip her over the edge of tension and make her smile and look down, which is a strong sign of submission and attraction.
Well done so far! The main things to focus on are improving fundamentals (eye contact, tone, body language), and being more present, expressive, and playful with these girls.
