Long-Term GF doesn't feel the same after 1 week apart

[Tablature]

Hi guys,

I have a problem that I'm not quite sure I know the correct response to.

My GF and I had been making fantastic progress in our relationship, and we were at our best stage, both clearly feeling quite emotional towards each other, then after this point we didn't see each other for a week (due to commitments I had). This was the longest we hadn't seen each other up to this point (we've been seeing each other for a few
months).

During this time apart, both her and I felt slightly weird, like things weren't right somehow. But we still talked and when we talked everything felt normal and good.

When I next saw her, things were normal, then a weird situation I'd prefer not to go into involving a misunderstanding happened.

The next day, she was acting slightly strange and eventually started crying into my arms and saying things had felt really different (while apart). And how things felt so great last time we were with each other but for some reason, while apart she started to feel I wanted things more than her. It should be noted I'm not a guy who calls or texts often. In fact from what I can gather, I call and text less than her previous partners (Previously and normally a call every 2 or 3 days, but during the time apart, around once a day as I thought it appropriate).

She also said things felt different the morning after the misunderstanding happened, but I explained there was an obvious cause behind that difference/weirdness (the missunderstanding)
Now I feel I handled everything well, got her to calm down and not freak out about these feelings. Things were fine both immediately after and the morning after. Things have also seemed fine in the day since, but I'm wondering

1: If I should proceed as normal, or change anything,

and if
2: This is a rolling stone headed for a break up, no matter my actions from here

Again I'd like to make clear that this drop in feelings appears to have happened VERY fast and in a week long period where we didn't see each other. Everything was actually getting better and better before that point, from both our perspectives.

 

[Fuck This]

How long has the relationship been exclusive?

What are your ages?

How much did you both date and have sexual partners before you became exclusive?

 

[Tablature]

We were exclusive pretty soon after seeing each other (although implicitly for the most part. It was made explicit maybe a month in). I've had one previous partner, she's had two. Both early twenties. I was dating a few people before I met and became exclusive with her, but she was only dating me at the time.

 

[Fuck This]

The 5 Stages Of A Relationship + Survival Tips For Each One | mindbodygreen

A couples therapist explains the five stages of a relationship every couple goes through based on 30 years of studying couples.

www.mindbodygreen.com

Stage 2: Doubt and Denial
The second stage of a relationship is Doubt and Denial, in which we finally start to actually notice the differences between us and our partners. We wake up from the trance of infatuation with a thump, finding that the same qualities that once seemed so perfect have begun to annoy us. (His reliability now feels rigid; her generosity seems irresponsible; their adventurous nature feels like unnecessary risk.)
And unfortunately, friction is natural once we run up against each other's differences. Power struggles increase, and we marvel at the change in our partner. Feelings of love mix with alienation and irritation. Perhaps we're not "perfect" for each other after all.
As our disappointment escalates, so do our biological responses to stress. Depending on our personality and circumstances, we may want to fight or to withdraw. For example, you may feel the need to fight to defend your values, which may actually translate into the desire to have everything your own way. It makes little sense to expect another person to be just like we are, and yet, at some level, many of us do tend to ask, "Why aren't you like me?"
What to do in this relationship stage.
At this point, the skills of conflict management are essential. Learn how to deescalate conflicts and face relationship problems head-on, and treating each other with care and respect. Remember that power struggles and arguments are normal parts of a relationship; they're not necessarily a sign that love is ending or that the relationship isn't working. You'll need to learn to identify the difference between healthy disagreement and unhealthy control issues; the former can be worked through, while the latter may be a sign you should break up.
Because this is the stage where you're starting to recognize your differences, this second stage of a relationship is also a good time to learn your love languages. There are five love languages, and it's important for each person to know how their partner wants to receive love.
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[Skills]

When I don't see my main for a week her attraction sky rockets, if she was apart for a week and her attraction went down the right move is to pull away which is hard to do when she is the one pulling away first, go on my archive and look at my post on break ups I did a video too

 

[Chase]

@Tablature,

And how things felt so great last time we were with each other but for some reason, while apart she started to feel I wanted things more than her. It should be noted I'm not a guy who calls or texts often. In fact from what I can gather, I call and text less than her previous partners (Previously and normally a call every 2 or 3 days, but during the time apart, around once a day as I thought it appropriate).

I've had girls say weird things like this to me.

Often it seems patently ridiculous to me when they say it, and I chuckle.

Usually they are wearing some deadly serious frown, like they are seriously considering the future of the relationship... her: "I'm starting to think you want this relationship more than I do. I'm not sure about things anymore." --> me: "LOL."

After a little chuckle (or an eyebrow shrug or bored look, depending on my mood), I will just tell her something like, "Well, I don't know what gave you that impression, but I guess we're each entitled to our opinions. Anyway, what do you want for lunch?"

The basic subtext here is that she is the one who is very concerned about the relationship, while you are shrugging it off and moving onto the next subject.

Internally, she feels the dissonance of accusing you of being more invested in the relationship even as she acts more invested in the relationship, and her worry that you are actually more invested than she is evaporates.

Later once she's calmer you can debrief: "Hey, why'd you say that thing earlier where you thought I was chasing a relationship or something? That's not a thing I get accused of often," then she will give you her reasons.

It'll usually be some behavior you engage in that she interprets as expressing commitment to the relationship, that she herself does not engage in / is not accustomed to men engaging in, because her father didn't do it, or her prior boyfriends didn't do it, or what have you.

When she tells you about it, you can just say, "Oh, I didn't realize. Well I'll knock that off then."

And usually she'll ask you not to.

At which point it's at your discretion whether you want to adjust your behavior or not, and if so, how much.

Usually though you'll want to tone it down on that behavior at least a bit.

Chase