Other/Misc GF easily ott offended

[enrico]

My girlfriend is easily offended and takes everything as a personal insult, it's like whatever I do isn't enough or good enough for her and I find her lack of appreciation and gratitude for what I do frustrating.

For context I picked her friends up last night to go round her house for a few drinks, I took her for breakfast this morning, stayed with her all day and took her to work. When I was dropping her off outside of work she asked if I was coming in for 5 minutes to which I said no.

Instead of accepting this she quickly asked why? making it feel like she was putting me on the spot to have a good enough excuse not to go in, there isn't a good enough excuse but I don't want to go in and I shouldn't have to justify this, there's no point and she's at work. It's a bar so I can easily go in but I don't want to, she's only going to be annoyed I don't want a drink or decide to leave anyway.

I know she's not going to find anything I say good enough so I decide to make a funny response and ask her if she's going to come into work with me tomorrow morning. Probably not the best way to deal with it, she doesn't find it funny and gets extremely offended saying "right okay" and gets out the car acting annoyed/offended, doesn't say thank you for taking her to work and doesn't even say bye, refusing to talk.

(At this point I think she's acting mock offended, but her lack of appreciation has frustrated me. I think she's expecting me to come in after her but I'm blocking the road so I just drive off and I wouldn't go in to appease her anyway, I've done nothing wrong and she needs to learn this won't work with me).

I'm driving home frustrated at the situation thinking if she's not going to appreciate me taking her to work and going to be angry because I wouldn't go into work with her for 5 minutes why should I do it again. I thought about texting her to get a taxi home but didn't want to make an emotional response and thought give her time she might apologise for her irrational behaviour.

Before I even get home she sent me a text saying "I'll get a taxi home". She's clearly annoyed and took it as a personal insult which I think is ridiculous. I know not to chase, do I just ignore her until she apologises or do I tell her how ridiculous she's being?

From past experience with her she usually needs things explaining to her, or she plays dumb about not realising but I don't know how to respond to this but it's frustrating how something as simple as saying no to going into work with her has caused this much drama, I know it's that time of the month but this is insane.

Enrico

 

[Skills]

My girlfriend is easily offended and takes everything as a personal insult, it's like whatever I do isn't enough or good enough for her and I find her lack of appreciation and gratitude for what I do frustrating.

For context I picked her friends up last night to go round her house for a few drinks, I took her for breakfast this morning, stayed with her all day and took her to work. When I was dropping her off outside of work she asked if I was coming in for 5 minutes to which I said no.

Instead of accepting this she quickly asked why? making it feel like she was putting me on the spot to have a good enough excuse not to go in, there isn't a good enough excuse but I don't want to go in and I shouldn't have to justify this, there's no point and she's at work. It's a bar so I can easily go in but I don't want to, she's only going to be annoyed I don't want a drink or decide to leave anyway.

I know she's not going to find anything I say good enough so I decide to make a funny response and ask her if she's going to come into work with me tomorrow morning. Probably not the best way to deal with it, she doesn't find it funny and gets extremely offended saying "right okay" and gets out the car acting annoyed/offended, doesn't say thank you for taking her to work and doesn't even say bye, refusing to talk.

(At this point I think she's acting mock offended, but her lack of appreciation has frustrated me. I think she's expecting me to come in after her but I'm blocking the road so I just drive off and I wouldn't go in to appease her anyway, I've done nothing wrong and she needs to learn this won't work with me).

I'm driving home frustrated at the situation thinking if she's not going to appreciate me taking her to work and going to be angry because I wouldn't go into work with her for 5 minutes why should I do it again. I thought about texting her to get a taxi home but didn't want to make an emotional response and thought give her time she might apologise for her irrational behaviour.

Before I even get home she sent me a text saying "I'll get a taxi home". She's clearly annoyed and took it as a personal insult which I think is ridiculous. I know not to chase, do I just ignore her until she apologises or do I tell her how ridiculous she's being?

From past experience with her she usually needs things explaining to her, or she plays dumb about not realising but I don't know how to respond to this but it's frustrating how something as simple as saying no to going into work with her has caused this much drama, I know it's that time of the month but this is insane.

Enrico

We call this dread game, and/or you can also consider this as betatization attempts, women will see during relationships how much they can affect you and get away with what they want you to do.... What you did was really good, even if it annoys her, long term will increase attraction...

read this for context:

What Men Don’t Understand About Female Attraction - Alpha Male 2.0

This is one of the most important blog posts I’ve ever made. I hope you understand how important this is. It’s a tough one. It is the single most difficult thing men have trouble understanding about women in relationships. Even very woman-experienced men have trouble...

alphamale20.com

 

[enrico]

Thanks @Skills I've read that article and I understand the paradigm, I've basically converted it to memory and run it as my blueprint. I'm familiar with a lot of the alphamale concepts, I used to be an alphamale1.0 and adopted the 2.0 mentality although I find alphamale1.0 works best with her or she's really good at playing dumb and acting like she doesn't understand. (Getting more attention from me while I explain)

I'd describe her dread game as extreme as she goes OTT about absolutely nothing (like this). I don't know how to best deal with it as she usually doesn't learn when she's pulled a stunt like this and it's backfired.

She's just text with a passive aggressive "I don't know what I've done to annoy you but sorry if I have" which is a new from her, not sure how to reply to this.

Enrico

 

[topcat]

She's just text with a passive aggressive "I don't know what I've done to annoy you but sorry if I have" which is a new from her, not sure how to reply to this.

Start visibly checking out from the relationship. Let her know why and make it clear what she needs to do to keep the relationship going.

Stop dropping her off to work and doing things for her. Those are privileges for a GOOD girlfriend.

She’s being a bad one and putting the relationship at risk because of it.

If she wants a relationship with you she needs to act like it.

 

[Will_V]

My girlfriend is easily offended and takes everything as a personal insult, it's like whatever I do isn't enough or good enough for her and I find her lack of appreciation and gratitude for what I do frustrating.

For context I picked her friends up last night to go round her house for a few drinks, I took her for breakfast this morning, stayed with her all day and took her to work. When I was dropping her off outside of work she asked if I was coming in for 5 minutes to which I said no.

Instead of accepting this she quickly asked why? making it feel like she was putting me on the spot to have a good enough excuse not to go in, there isn't a good enough excuse but I don't want to go in and I shouldn't have to justify this, there's no point and she's at work. It's a bar so I can easily go in but I don't want to, she's only going to be annoyed I don't want a drink or decide to leave anyway.

I know she's not going to find anything I say good enough so I decide to make a funny response and ask her if she's going to come into work with me tomorrow morning. Probably not the best way to deal with it, she doesn't find it funny and gets extremely offended saying "right okay" and gets out the car acting annoyed/offended, doesn't say thank you for taking her to work and doesn't even say bye, refusing to talk.

(At this point I think she's acting mock offended, but her lack of appreciation has frustrated me. I think she's expecting me to come in after her but I'm blocking the road so I just drive off and I wouldn't go in to appease her anyway, I've done nothing wrong and she needs to learn this won't work with me).

I'm driving home frustrated at the situation thinking if she's not going to appreciate me taking her to work and going to be angry because I wouldn't go into work with her for 5 minutes why should I do it again. I thought about texting her to get a taxi home but didn't want to make an emotional response and thought give her time she might apologise for her irrational behaviour.

Before I even get home she sent me a text saying "I'll get a taxi home". She's clearly annoyed and took it as a personal insult which I think is ridiculous. I know not to chase, do I just ignore her until she apologises or do I tell her how ridiculous she's being?

From past experience with her she usually needs things explaining to her, or she plays dumb about not realising but I don't know how to respond to this but it's frustrating how something as simple as saying no to going into work with her has caused this much drama, I know it's that time of the month but this is insane.

Enrico

1. Stop going out of your way to do things for her.

2. When she's being irrational, simply tell her "you're being irrational" and stop complying with what she wants. Don't budge, don't try to be funny, don't try to argue. If she continues being annoying, simply leave her presence and go and do something more fun by yourself.

3. If she wants to take a taxi instead of having you pick her up, text her "Great " and stop thinking about her.

Dealing with women is like dealing with kids. The moment you argue with her emotions, you're cooked. You have to be calm, rational, and simply walk away from her and stop giving her attention when she's being a brat.

Either she's going to leave you (unlikely, but so much the better if that's what she really wants) or she's going to start coming after you and chasing the emotional validation you've withdrawn from her (very likely), and the whole dynamic is going to flip in an instant.

 

[Wick]

The problem is you’re feeling like you’re walking on eggshells, doing your best to please her.

Women will lose respect for you when you do things for them unearned.

You’re trying to do these things to keep her happy and compliant but it does the opposite.

Instead, you walk on those eggshells but don’t give a fuck that they break. Let her be mad, and be completely unphased.

She’s doing it to see if you’re rock solid or bendable. And so far you’re bendable, and women will do it until you break or they get bored.

But once they see you’re a rock, two things happen.

One is your stress goes down, because you stop running around doing things unappreciated.

Two, she will likely respect you more, become more compliant, attracted, and horny.

The thing is not necessarily to be an asshole, just having good boundaries, be unphased, and do nice things when she’s earned it.

Be careful because if you set boundaries but get emotionally triggered she will probably still push your buttons. Be a rock. There are certain situations to get a little heated, but it sounds like you need to keep your cool right now.

Another thing, do you let your woman know when she’s crossed the line? If my girl disrespects me I let her know and tell her to stop it or she’s off my ship. Always calmly and with a smile, but serious.

 

[enrico]

Thanks @topcat @Will_V @Wick really appreciate your insights and advice.

@topcat I always stop doing good things for her when she does something like this. They're privileges she has to earn.

I don't know to communicate and make it clear what she needs to do. I started to try the alphamale2.0 philosophy of she's not stupid, she knows what she's done. She can fix it. Though from experience she either doesn't know or she's good at pretending. I'm not too sure how to address it.

@Will_V she's lost her privileges and I won't be going out of my way for her. I've always tried to avoid saying "you're being irrational" despite thinking it on numerous occasions as I've tried to be understanding. I read an article on this site where it said you think someone's crazy until you see their perspective and then it makes sense. I also thought it would be very triggering and I didn't think it would help the situation.

@Wick I would describe it that I'm walking on eggshells at times myself. However I wouldn't say I'm trying to please her, I've walked away and ignored her when she's acted up and/or pissed me off.

I have boundaries that I employ but I've been emotionally triggered a few times. I try to be unphased by everything and I only do nice things when she's compliant, I won't pick her up or drop her off if she's annoyed me.

I was clearly triggered by her lack of appreciation and going in a mood because she didn't get her own way. I do need to keep my cool right now.

Letting her know when she's crossed the line is a yes and a no. I typically pull away, withdraw my attention, stop all profiles privileges and give the alphamale2.0 soft next treatment thinking she knows exactly what she's done. Sometimes I've explained what she's done which usually gets a better response with this girl so I think I might have to stop with the 2.0 mentality and start to correct her with explanations.

Enrico

 

[Skills]

Thanks @Skills I've read that article and I understand the paradigm, I've basically converted it to memory and run it as my blueprint. I'm familiar with a lot of the alphamale concepts, I used to be an alphamale1.0 and adopted the 2.0 mentality although I find alphamale1.0 works best with her or she's really good at playing dumb and acting like she doesn't understand. (Getting more attention from me while I explain)

I'd describe her dread game as extreme as she goes OTT about absolutely nothing (like this). I don't know how to best deal with it as she usually doesn't learn when she's pulled a stunt like this and it's backfired.

She's just text with a passive aggressive "I don't know what I've done to annoy you but sorry if I have" which is a new from her, not sure how to reply to this.

Enrico

Passive aggressive again is a tactic women use ignore it... The article is good all that alpha 1 0 to 2.0 ignore all that... calibrate to your relationship and situation.... This girl sounds like she should not be main material or your frame was not established from the start... I had one like this during corona, she ended up coming to my frame, but being unhappy after corona I dumped her .

 

[topcat]

Letting her know when she's crossed the line is a yes and a no. I typically pull away, withdraw my attention, stop all profiles privileges and give the alphamale2.0 soft next treatment thinking she knows exactly what she's done. Sometimes I've explained what she's done which usually gets a better response with this girl so I think I might have to stop with the 2.0 mentality and start to correct her with explanations

I’m typically the type not to give explanations and simply punish, but i actually find girls appreciate knowing where the clear boundaries are. Otherwise they end up walking on eggshells and the experts or if suck and is ego draining for them.

Im reluctantly coming around to the idea of vocally establishing boundaries (while still enforcing them in action), though i need to test this more.

 

[topcat]

Thanks @topcat @Will_V @Wick really appreciate your insights and advice.

@topcat I always stop doing good things for her when she does something like this. They're privileges she has to earn.

I don't know to communicate and make it clear what she needs to do. I started to try the alphamale2.0 philosophy of she's not stupid, she knows what she's done. She can fix it. Though from experience she either doesn't know or she's good at pretending. I'm not too sure how to address it.

@Will_V she's lost her privileges and I won't be going out of my way for her. I've always tried to avoid saying "you're being irrational" despite thinking it on numerous occasions as I've tried to be understanding. I read an article on this site where it said you think someone's crazy until you see their perspective and then it makes sense. I also thought it would be very triggering and I didn't think it would help the situation.

@Wick I would describe it that I'm walking on eggshells at times myself. However I wouldn't say I'm trying to please her, I've walked away and ignored her when she's acted up and/or pissed me off.

I have boundaries that I employ but I've been emotionally triggered a few times. I try to be unphased by everything and I only do nice things when she's compliant, I won't pick her up or drop her off if she's annoyed me.

I was clearly triggered by her lack of appreciation and going in a mood because she didn't get her own way. I do need to keep my cool right now.

Letting her know when she's crossed the line is a yes and a no. I typically pull away, withdraw my attention, stop all profiles privileges and give the alphamale2.0 soft next treatment thinking she knows exactly what she's done. Sometimes I've explained what she's done which usually gets a better response with this girl so I think I might have to stop with the 2.0 mentality and start to correct her with explanations.

Enrico

I suggest you put the relationship on the line, next time she acts up. Immediate next don’t answer calls, don’t respond to pleas don’t hang out with her. Ghost for a few days.

Then after a few days meet with her to talk, establish your non negotiables, let her know you are basically done because the behaviour is unacceptable. Then put her on a performance plan/probation.

One slip up and you’re out. This should fix her. She needs to know you mean business and that SHE. is the one threatening the relationship.

If she can’t do that, GET RID. You guys aren’t compatible.

 

[Skills]

I suggest you put the relationship on the line, next time she acts up. Immediate next don’t answer calls, don’t respond to pleas don’t hang out with her. Ghost for a few days.

Then after a few days meet with her to talk, establish your non negotiables, let her know you are basically done because the behaviour is unacceptable. Then put her on a performance plan/probation.

One slip up and you’re out. This should fix her. She needs to know you mean business and that SHE. is the one threatening the relationship.

If she can’t do that, GET RID. You guys aren’t compatible.

well i don't really like threats or ultimatums cause is signs of hopelessness. if you are going to do the above ^ you have to be willing 100% if not don't do it, cause then is bluff and becomes an ultimatum....

The reason i am bringing this up i seen guys do this as tactic, they are not serious about it.... if you are not serious about it, and willing to follow through don't do it...

 

[Wick]

I’m typically the type not to give explanations and simply punish, but i actually find girls appreciate knowing where the clear boundaries are. Otherwise they end up walking on eggshells and the experts or if suck and is ego draining for them.

Im reluctantly coming around to the idea of vocally establishing boundaries (while still enforcing them in action), though i need to test this more.

I think this "walking on eggshells" feeling is basically not knowing what actions are crossing the line, and thats where the stress comes from.

If she clearly knows, then she can relax. Also she should clearly know how to please you as well. Actions speak louder than words, but some things need to be said in words.

I suggest you put the relationship on the line, next time she acts up. Immediate next don’t answer calls, don’t respond to pleas don’t hang out with her. Ghost for a few days.

Then after a few days meet with her to talk, establish your non negotiables, let her know you are basically done because the behaviour is unacceptable. Then put her on a performance plan/probation.

One slip up and you’re out. This should fix her. She needs to know you mean business and that SHE. is the one threatening the relationship.

If she can’t do that, GET RID. You guys aren’t compatible.

I agree with this, although it can be hard to follow through on. Like @Skills said, it's got to be real.

Ideally this is the tone you set from the beginning. I think the level up from this is framing the good behaviors as things she values. Then you're rewarding good behavior, rather than playing damage control.