Ghosted after giving social media?

[weekendwarrior]

Hi guys, I understand it's possibly a bad time to post about social media after the recent locked post and I know I made a catalogue of mistakes before I gave this chick my Instagram. I'm not in a rush to share it with a chick again, I briefly mentioned this to @Gaturro in my Recent post would appreciate your perspective.

I met a chick a few weeks ago, long story short, we make out and she asks for my Instagram. After avoiding this for a while and jokingly accusing her of wanting to keep tabs on me I give her my Instagram and she adds me immediately. I'm not big on the platform, I don't particularly use it so it's nothing special but I've got some good photos I figure would be DHV.

One of my photos I'm shirtless holding a light sabre followed by a video where I'm using it. I'm professionally trained and assume this will look cool, maybe I'm a nerd. Who knows.

I have a body similar to Peter Parker/Tom Holland in Spiderman - far from home.

She messages the next morning:
Her: I love dancing on the stage at (other bar) until you wake up with random bruises
Her: also you fight with light sabres? Lmao
Me: if you've got random bruises it sounds like you've fallen off the stage! light sabres are cool, I think it's cute you're checking out my insta
Her: smart as you warrior, I didn't even know I had your Instagram and then it was obviously you
Me: I can't believe you forgot, you asked me for it all night!
Her: I do apologise, I don't remember much when I'm out. I don't know anything about you and if you want to keep it that way that's fine
Me: we should go for that coffee we talked about and get to know each other more
GHOSTED

I'm convinced she ghosted because of the social media. Light sabres are a bit of a weird hobby I guess - or my texting is horrendous? Last time I share it!

Warrior

 

[ulrich]

Nahh, you are OK.
Social media is not a bad tool, it’s just… underperforming… and it can get your perception warped… but as long as you keep approaching in real life, a little doesn’t do too much bad.

The only thing I think you did “wrong” was the last text; you framed it in a way where it seems like you’re asking for her to agree.
You should have assumed she agreed to meet.

Something like: “we should go for that coffee we talked about, which weekday are you free?”
That way instead of asking herself if she wants to go out with you, she is more likely to ask herself which day is optimal.

I would wait a couple of hours or one day and send her another message like this:
“I think I can make it work xxxday and xxxday on the afternoon. What about you?”

 

[Gaturro]

She asked for your instagram
She texted you
She checked out your insta

And it sounded as if you were "blaming" her for it.

Social frame is where I think you failed here. She was advancing and instead of being cool with it, you were framing it as her fault

Remember, even if it's her the one who moves the interaction forward, always take the blame, always make it look as if it were your fault

Otherwise, she may feel like she's being too easy

Now, she's feeling too easy, and what do you do? You ask her out. Of course she'll ghost you, she'll be thinking "I'm not easy"

The attraction was there, you should give it some time and then maybe reply to a story of hers, then you can try with this or something similar

On instagram your verbals have to be on point, you can compensate this in person, but not over text.

By the way, I've been experimenting with deleting unanswered messages and it has worked (that way she doesn't read all the times she rejected you haha) but I haven't tested it enough to tell you "yes delete it".

Plus when you ask her out always try to lead her to say yes, build some compliance, so the invitation is part of the conversation and more "natural", you just asked her out without lube hahaha

 

[weekendwarrior]

Thanks @uriel it's appreciated, I missed out some context to reduce the post size but I've known this girl about 6 weeks before this. I asked her out in person, she accepted but told me she didn't know when she was free, so I got her number. There's a field report for this.
@Gaturro I'll reply separately, this will set the context

I text a little to get to a high point and to transition the ask in smoothly. She even messaged:
very smooth, when are you thinking?
I didn't give a date and asked her when she was free and she ignored me for 2 days before saying:
Ngl I'm busy for the next two weeks
This is before Christmas so I get it but I'm not going to text her for two weeks if she won't meet. She's also kinda fat, it was killing my momentum not helping it.

She came back to me a few weeks later in another nightclub and apologised and told me she wasn't sure if I was serious about going out.

Long story short I've asked her out about three times in person and twice over text so I was beyond caring for it at this point and thought I'd go for a soft close to check her interest.

When I asked on the night before these messages all she offered me was to go out before her friends birthday and then hang with them (I've met her main friends while meeting her randomly in the nightclub. I'm a defacto boyfriend I guess)

She ghosted so I guess I'm truly undesirable, to a fat chick. She's flattened my non existent momentum.

Warrior

 

[weekendwarrior]

@Gaturro I messaged her first saying I hope you had a good night, but she did ask my my Instagram and check it out.

My social frame could have been better but I've asked this girl out about 5 times and honestly she wasn't even worth asking the first time.

She's a fat chick but she had a fairly pretty face which was a little redeeming quality. I've not been with a chick for almost 2 years, 18 months in lockdown and married to my job but I've had no luck but bad luck for 6 months and need to get my momentum up. She's been slow gaming me and hasn't helped my momentum at all.

She's been anything but easy and I expected the soft close to give me some compliance. She said she doesn't know me so I offered her coffee to get to know me.

She seems contempt trying to get my attention in a night club in front of her friends and shuts down any chance of meeting up. FML

Warrior

 

[DarkKnight]

She's a fat chick but she had a fairly pretty face which was a little redeeming quality.

She's been slow gaming me and hasn't helped my momentum at all.

Come on.... look we have no idea why she did what she did. You probably made mistakes, but not everything is always on you. Right now you are zooming in way too much on a super mediocre girl but it is clear you are invested. I get it, being rejected or flaked or ghosted raises YOUR investment.

Please stay unfazed in her presence and meet more girls.

 

[Vision]

Bro, if you're looking for fat chicks, I'm sure there are others out there who won't give you such a hard time.

 

[Skills]

Hi guys, I understand it's possibly a bad time to post about social media after the recent locked post and I know I made a catalogue of mistakes before I gave this chick my Instagram. I'm not in a rush to share it with a chick again, I briefly mentioned this to @Gaturro in my Recent post would appreciate your perspective.

I met a chick a few weeks ago, long story short, we make out and she asks for my Instagram. After avoiding this for a while and jokingly accusing her of wanting to keep tabs on me I give her my Instagram and she adds me immediately. I'm not big on the platform, I don't particularly use it so it's nothing special but I've got some good photos I figure would be DHV.

One of my photos I'm shirtless holding a light sabre followed by a video where I'm using it. I'm professionally trained and assume this will look cool, maybe I'm a nerd. Who knows.

I have a body similar to Peter Parker/Tom Holland in Spiderman - far from home.

She messages the next morning:
Her: I love dancing on the stage at (other bar) until you wake up with random bruises
Her: also you fight with light sabres? Lmao
Me: if you've got random bruises it sounds like you've fallen off the stage! light sabres are cool, I think it's cute you're checking out my insta
Her: smart as you warrior, I didn't even know I had your Instagram and then it was obviously you
Me: I can't believe you forgot, you asked me for it all night!
Her: I do apologise, I don't remember much when I'm out. I don't know anything about you and if you want to keep it that way that's fine
Me: we should go for that coffee we talked about and get to know each other more
GHOSTED

I'm convinced she ghosted because of the social media. Light sabres are a bit of a weird hobby I guess - or my texting is horrendous? Last time I share it!

Warrior

causation correlation, this is what happens when you text like you do, you get ghosted....

Her: I do apologise, I don't remember much when I'm out. I don't know anything about you and if you want to keep it that way that's fine
Me: we should go for that coffee we talked about and get to know each other more
GHOSTED

^ Of course, after an mild objection you follow up with hard close, what do you expect, here is the mistake

 

[fog]

hey, guess what!

you came across as rude and dismissive, and pushed her away.

thats why she ghosted you

 

[Beck Bass]

Her: I do apologise, I don't remember much when I'm out. I don't know anything about you and if you want to keep it that way that's fine
Me: we should go for that coffee we talked about and get to know each other more

Lol sorry man but you just sound like a robot trying to get out with her anyway you can, like you pretty much ignored all she said. You could have given her more crap about how she asked for your IG and now pretends she doesn't care about you (though she would probably just keep on that "I don't remember stuff when I go out" bs some girls from night game frequently use), but I think you were fighting a bit of an uphill battle to begin with. If your Instagram is not that cool, don't give it to girls, tell them you deleted it (I did this and have no problems with people asking me for it, other than the people that obviously only want more followers, or are all day on this virtual crap and don't actually do much with their lives), or you only give it to people "you know well" or is "intimate?!" with, "exclusive" people, whatever (this can make her chase a bit and make her happier when you actually give it to her).

 

[weekendwarrior]

Thanks @DarkKnight I didn't intentionally zoom in to figure this out. It was mentioned in my other post and I said I'd post about this experience. I've thought more about this the last day than I did last week when it happened.

For the most part I'm unfazed by her but she has interrupted me when I'm talking to other chicks. I ignored her attempts to get my attention because I was busy with a hot chick, she got rather desperate and bulldozed her way in. I'm meeting other chicks, I've got other posts asking for advice with them.

Haha @Vision I'm not after fat chicks bro! I did expect a slightly easier time to try and build momentum (lowering my standards even lower than oh she's fairly cute) but it's had the opposite affect! I might need to make a post for this.

Warrior

 

[weekendwarrior]

Thanks @Skills really appreciated! I thought I was soft closing but reading back I can see how uncalibrated and shit that message was. I've read your guide you linked, fantastic stuff!

I asked her out much better in person and over text the times before this but I didn't get anywhere with that either. I'm done with this chick but I'm glad I fucked up with this one and not the hot ones!

Warrior

 

[weekendwarrior]

Thanks @fog looking back I was a little rude and dismissive. I let the bad past experience with this chick rattle me when I wasn't all that interested in the first place.

Not sure if you read the backstory before this where she's messed me about about 5 times and flat lined my momentum (not that I had any anyway). I thought lowering my standards would build my momentum but I've got to practice good habits. I need the reality check.

Warrior

 

[DarkKnight]

Thanks @DarkKnight I didn't intentionally zoom in to figure this out. It was mentioned in my other post and I said I'd post about this experience. I've thought more about this the last day than I did last week when it happened.

For the most part I'm unfazed by her but she has interrupted me when I'm talking to other chicks. I ignored her attempts to get my attention because I was busy with a hot chick, she got rather desperate and bulldozed her way in. I'm meeting other chicks, I've got other posts asking for advice with them.

Haha @Vision I'm not after fat chicks bro! I did expect a slightly easier time to try and build momentum (lowering my standards even lower than oh she's fairly cute) but it's had the opposite affect! I might need to make a post for this.

Warrior

To be honest we are all being snobs towards you because we easily forget how shit was when starting out so don't take our advice too harsh. Every guy here has made horrendous mistakes, me included. We are just acting like divas right now.

I've thought more about this the last day than I did last week when it happened ->
This is why we can flake on a girl as a tactic to raise her interest level. Because it works. I had a girl flake on me 2 days ago, and I did feel the sting despite being higher smv than her, but I corrected my state immediately as I knew the mental process of investment. Being cognizant of these things helps you to stay centered. This is also why it is important to meet more girls. So you have options and get rattled less. Women ofcourse notice this which makes them pursue you again.. Unless you put them into hardcore autorejection ofcourse. Common sense is still mandatory.

 

[weekendwarrior]

Thanks @Beck Bass I thought I was soft closing, she said she didn't know me but I've tried to set up plans with this chick about 5 times, if we'd have been out she'd have known me.

Despite avoiding the date plans she always chases me and interferes when I'm talking to chicks when I'm out so I persist but it's too much effort and I'm not that interested after being messed about, I'm just trying to build momentum.

My IG isn't that cool she was relentless getting it. I should have lied about having one but thought the shirtless pics would work as DHV without intentionally showing it she just discovers them on her own. She said that she really liked my body a few weeks ago so thought it would help.

I think the guys are right that my texts were bad. Really appreciate all the advice!

Warrior

 

[weekendwarrior]

Thanks @DarkKnight really appreciated. I feel like I need training wheels again! Before everything closed for 18 months I thought I made great progress and I got with the best looking chick I've ever met. It didn't last long when we couldn't meet for months.

Since getting back out there I feel like I'm playing on legendary difficulty and really struggling. I've really dropped my standards to build momentum but honestly, it's became harder! I feel like I'm much higher SMV than this chick, maybe a little entitled but I've got tired of persisting with her slow game.

I need to correct my state and meet more chicks. And improve considerably.

Warrior

 

[mist]

Haha @Vision I'm not after fat chicks bro! I did expect a slightly easier time to try and build momentum (lowering my standards even lower than oh she's fairly cute) but it's had the opposite affect! I might need to make a post for this.

I did too man haha.

Bad screening, poor LMR management, calibration on my side.

Since getting back out there I feel like I'm playing on legendary difficulty and really struggling. I've really dropped my standards to build momentum but honestly, it's became harder! I feel like I'm much higher SMV than this chick, maybe a little entitled but I've got tired of persisting with her slow game.

I need to correct my state and meet more chicks. And improve considerably.

Yeah I ran into this too.

Be sure you manage your sense of entitlement when dropping standards and "go for her not the lay" in every sense of the phrase.(Bring On The Fugly Bitches anyone haha. I had the same idea. Then poorly executed it.)

Entitlement can really blind you. Especially when you don't have the skills and experience to really back it up.

I agree with you about the momentum, state, and XP boost, but maintain good form and imo try to strike more at women at your or above your baseline of fuckability if they are social circle or key to the venue in any meaningful way.

Despite avoiding the date plans she always chases me and interferes when I'm talking to chicks when I'm out so I persist but it's too much effort and I'm not that interested after being messed about, I'm just trying to build momentum.

This tells me she's too close and that's why I write that.

Rather have a cute or hot girl bulldoze your interactions and be your forum posts than one you don't really have any desire for besides utility.

In a pure cold approach go for anyone and everyone you'd like and or need for momentum, state, XP boost, relationship whatever.

Be wary of pursuing/managing "utility" girls you have placed in or around your main life. It's not worth it for any reason imo. Plenty of "utility" women you don't know who won't or can't cause as much of an upset.

 

[weekendwarrior]

Thanks @Mist22 I've probably done bad screening and bad calibration but haven't came close enough to face LMR lately. Something else to look forward to!

I kept a close eye on your bring on the fugly bitches post, I think I've also executed it poorly. I realised I don't have the skills or experience, or any that I had from before lockdown were extremely rusty and if I had to pick some low hanging fruit to get started before climbing to get moving faster I'd do it. It's backfired and I'm at the bottom of the hill.

Where I live there's very few chicks that's baseline of fuckability (neutral 5/10 - not attractive or unattractive, indifferent) they're either cute enough (6/10 - or higher) or they're fat (4/10). For anyone that likes fat chicks some of these 4s might be alright. In absence of many 5s and struggling with 6s I dropped the bar to 4s. I didn't feel too entitled to hit on her, but I definitely feel too entitled to be fucked about for 7 weeks. I wouldn't even put up with this from a hot chick 2 years ago.

This chick shouldn't be close or involved, it's the problem of only having 2 nightclubs to go to. I'm a regular at both and apparently she is as well which is why I keep running into her. Why she's so boldly came over and talked to me when I'm with other chicks after fobbing me off so much is anyone's guess.

Warrior

 

[Skills]

Thanks @Skills really appreciated! I thought I was soft closing but reading back I can see how uncalibrated and shit that message was. I've read your guide you linked, fantastic stuff!

I asked her out much better in person and over text the times before this but I didn't get anywhere with that either. I'm done with this chick but I'm glad I fucked up with this one and not the hot ones!

Warrior

Actually i was wrong that is a soft close, the problem is that you did it at a low point of the interaction.... My bad, and you are doing good, no biggie just a reference experience.... @DarkKnight is totally right...


^see i am doing with you kind of what you should have done with the girl:

i would have told her "oh i see, my bad ok, well is just we had so much i am a little surprised you don't remember, no big deal.... "

^ i would have gone a bit humbe, pass shit test... Then i would have waited for what she gives me, in other words from frame battle, to back to normal territory, then wait for high point on interactive pre your soft close (you did use a soft close, it just at wrong point of interaction)

 

[weekendwarrior]

Hi guys, just to give an update on this. I bumped into this chick again a few weeks back, she came up to me and apologised for not replying and explained she stopped replying because she thought I was in a mood with her.

I have no idea why she'd think that after I asked her out? (I'd have more chance being in a mood with her now after she went ghost than at the time I asked her out, confusing) Yet another reason not to take what they say seriously! I was a bit aloof with her, I'm not going to be doing backflips because she's talking to me again. I'm not particularly interested, I dropped my standards for experience not for more games. I've had more interest from hot chicks so I'm going to take everything I've learned here for them.

Thanks for the help and advice guys!

Warrior