gifatron's Newbie Assignment

[gifatron]

I'm doing this in a bit of an accelerated fashion because a lot of this stuff is stuff I've thought about / done already, and the first few days all seem like they can essentially be stacked together to significant effect. And doing them one day at a time would be slow.

Day 1: Observation -- preface
I already know two places -- a local bookstore and a farmer's market -- where I'd like to be approaching people. There's a major public square with lots of transit I will consider scoping out over a period of an hour or so to see how much throughput it gets. There are also a few major train lines that seem kind of interesting, there might be a coffee place or two, and salsa dancing events may be interesting...I've been looking to get into salsa regardless, so that's a distinct possibility.

Day 2: Posture
I've done this one. Believe me, I've done this one.

Day 3: Eye contact
I've definitely played with eye contact, but never so systemically. I'm going to have to do this.

Day 4: "Hi"
Say "Hi" to six attractive women...I'll definitely have to try this. I get varying degrees of approach anxiety in certain places, so working up the habit of saying "Hi" could be quite useful.

I think all of that is going to be my after work "Day 1" assignment for myself. I'll post on the outcomes later.

 

[gifatron]

Ahh, man, that ended up being way more exhausting than I thought it would. The weird thing is, my approach anxiety doesn't FEEL very strong, so I assumed I'd have no problem...I just have a very strong reflex against actually doing anything. Once I make up my mind to, it isn't so bad.

So, I thought I had approached/opened six girls the other night, but in retrospect, it was actually five. Guess it's a redo! I'll post the results here, anyway.

I ended up scoping out a local grocery store, a couple of transit lines between a major public square and where I live, and said major public square.

In the elevator on the way out of the building I live in, there was a girl in the elevator with a bag full of donut boxes. I glanced over at her and said,
"Bag full of donuts. That's a nice bag."
"Yeah? They're actually recycled boxes, no donuts."
"Wow, that's a fuckin' stupid bag." (I said this with a totally deadpan expression on my face, like I just got incredibly annoyed/bored with what was going on)
At this point, she was grinning.
"Well, it's got home made pecan pie and upside down cakes."
"I want that bag."
"Sorry, it's for a birthday."
"...My birthday?"
"Is it your birthday?"
"It could be...if you wanted it to be."
She was laughing and actually giving an expression I've come to associate with girls who are sort-of resisting your advances, but taken in. You know the one -- where they look happy, they start to look at the ground a lot, but if you make a move they'll sort of scoot off, blush, whatever. However, I am in fact still something of a pansy and didn't do anything with it.
"I think I'll save them for the real birthday."
"Well...enjoy, then. Take care."

The next girl I opened was a pretty cashier at the local grocery store (total cheating, all the more reason to redo this assignment). It ended with her asking me what I was doing with the rest of my day, me telling her I was going to go swing dancing, her saying, "That actually does sound pretty cool.", and me saying, "Yeah, it is, I recommend it." and taking off.

The next girl I opened was also sort of cheating -- an old guy actually sat down next to me and opened me. She was sitting on the other side of me, and I roped her into the conversation. We were all waiting for a transit line, so I just kept her engaged and talking and when we started to go for the door right in front of us to get on, I held my hand out front and to the left side, indicating that I was going to be turning in that direction -- she turned with me, since she was on my left side and she'd have to go through me or wait to go dead ahead. So, I altered her course and took her back a cab from the old guy that opened me. We talked quite a bit on the train about a book she was reading, I commented on her shirt, and a few stops later I told her I was getting off and it was nice meeting her. She was clearly disappointed.

I then spent a very long time not approaching anyone. I'd wander by someone, think they were interesting, be about to approach and then...nothing. I also had it in my head that I'd opened four people at this point, so I kept thinking, "Okay, two more..."

I counted at least 3 girls I'd be interested in meeting even by my strictest standards, so there definitely wasn't a lack of targets, it was my own hesitance. It's good to know I had so much -- before I'd assumed it was largely because I "didn't do" cold approaches, and now I'm realizing I have some definite inhibitions about it.

I spent the better part of an hour stuck on 'two more'. Eventually, it started to get dark and places started to clear out. I was texting a girl I'd hit it off with in my social circle to set up a date as this was happening, and I'll be cooking her dinner Saturday night -- so I decided I was going to go back to the grocery store. I was getting desperate and tired, so any time I saw something interesting about a person, I'd say 'Hi, ' and follow up with a comment/compliment.

The first one was a girl with a really good fire truck red dye job hair and an eyebrow piercing. She was gorgeous (so many LOVELY alt chicks in this city), and I said, "Hi, cool hair." in a casual, off-handed fashion as I walked by. She gave me a "thanks" in a really warm voice. I didn't see her face at that point, as we were both moving -- she was actually with a dude, so they kept each other engaged.

The second girl I approached in desperation mode was one with a REALLY cool tattoo of a heart on her chest -- not somewhere it'd normally be visible, but her shirt was pretty low cut. I pointed at it as I walked by and said, "Nice ink." (everyone and their dog has a tattoo in this city, I swear). I said this as I was walking by, and she actually stopped, turned her body to face me as I walked by, kept turning as I passed her, and said, "Hey, thanks..." So...that definitely seemed like something I could have followed up on.

So, the good news is that I got warm receptions pretty much all around. The bad news is, I don't approach for shit and I'll have to give this another guy. I'm in a rush and not going to post a lot about the eye contact experiment, except to say that rolling your eyes at people after making eye contact as they walk by is hilarious -- they don't know what to do!

 

[gifatron]

It's worth noting that when I was in my "I have two more" phase, it was getting pretty late and I was exhausted, so I actually walked home and entered my apartment building...

...And then remembered the Churchill quote, "NEVER give up. NEVER. NEVER. NEVER. NEVER."

...And then turned around and finished my assignment, albeit with nowhere near the enthusiasm I'd like. Thing is, women actually seemed MORE attracted to the resigned, simple, blunt compliments I gave after the fact.

 

[gifatron]

Well, today I put in some effort, but nothing structured or targeted. I've been exhausted as fuck.

I'm noticing that nowadays I DO notice girls that I'd like to approach, but I'm only doing it, like, 1/4 or the time or so. I'm just not acting on the impulse. It's getting better, though. Throughout my daily course of events, I opened two girls, although it went...nowhere.

The first was at a restaurant near my apartment. I popped in and saw a cute redhead on the way in...I looked directly at her for about five seconds, and then she looked up at me. I made sure to hold eye contact for maybe half a second or so, then casually looked the other way and stretched. She seemed kind of excited/wide eyed when I looked, so I was feeling pretty good about it.

She was at the corner of the bar of the restaurant, so I sat diagonally from her. I was having a beer and first just played with my phone a bit, then looked up at her and made eye contact -- as I looked up, she looked down. I just held the eye contact with a bit of an amused smile on my face and my hands flat on the table in front of me in a relaxed pose. She eventually looked up, directly as I looked at her, held eye contact for a second, and then looked back down. (She had CRAZY beautiful blue eyes that contrasted with her red hair. Striking and gorgeous)

Throughout the whole encounter, I had steady, calm eye contact with my body oriented directly at her.
Then she looked up again, slightly to the side, and said, "You're one day late on your credit card payment and they start calling you..." (ouch...what an opener!)
I let a bit of concern cross my face, and said, "Brutal.", and quickly followed up with,
"What are those on your shirt?" (she had a white shirt with some black splotches on it)
"Oh, they're elephants."
"Lots of elephants in this room, then."
"What?"
"Terrible joke. You don't even want to know."
"Oh...I like terrible jokes."
"That so? What's your name?"
"Brook..." at this point, she stood up with an empty glass and started to walk away.
I said, "Brook."
She stopped and turned around, and I said, "Are you single, Brook?"
She smiled pretty big for a second, looked down and said, "No...but what I am is flattered."
"Pity. Take care."

Annnd I let that be that. I felt REALLY smooth, confident, and calm throughout the whole thing. I psyched myself up via remembering the many times girls had warmly received that question before, and recalling my exploits over the last couple of months since I became single...it seemed to help a LOT. Furthermore, I'm slowly coming to the understanding that I am probably the most interesting thing happening in the day of any particular girl I talk to. (Unless they're one day late on their credit card payments...oh boy)


The next one, I had just purchased a book from the local bookstore and was on my way back, catching a train. There was a girl next to me with an iPhone waiting for the train. She looked slightly down. As I walked up, I asked,
"Mind if I take this seat?"
"No. Go ahead."
I pulled out my phone for a second and pulled up a song I was feeling in the mood for -- Journey's Don't Stop Believing.
I then turned to her slightly and asked, "Do you have earbuds I could borrow?"
She shook her head and looked quite sad and said, "No...sorry..."
I was definitely not feeling it at this point, so I just said, "Ah, well, it'll have to wait til I get home."
And that one was that one.

So, two approaches today that didn't go anywhere. No BAD reactions, and one girl seemed genuinely excited. I think I may have seen her around before, actually, so maybe I'll hear more about her creditors hounding her. The other, meh, nothing there, really. I approached 2 of the 8 girls I found interesting on my evening chore route. Better than my typical ratio of none, certainly. I'll keep working on training myself to listen to the 'approach' instinct as opposed to the 'avoid' instinct.

 

[gifatron]

So, I realized I had to do laundry and did another approach while I was in the laundry room at the bottom of my apartment building. A girl had just finished her laundry as I went in, I loaded my stuff up and went back to the elevator, and she was there -- cute girl, short, a bit thick in a good way, wearing baby blue boyshorts and an oversized T-shirt. Seriously, I can't make this up. No, this is not normal attire for the laundry room at my apartment.

She was leaning against the wall at the elevators, holding her laundry. I walked up next to her, leaned against the wall, and said, "Nice shorts."
She looked down at what she was wearing, laughed a tiny bit, and said, "Thanks."
"What's your name?"
"Emily."
"Emily, I'm gifatron...Are you single?"
"Sorry, I'm not."
"Ah yes, I'm sure you're SO sorry." I laughed and tossed my head to the side.
There was a bit of a pause, and I continued.
"But really, good luck with that, I mean it. I hope it works out great."
She then said,
"YOU'RE great."
"Hahaha, THANKS." annnd we got on the elevator and conversed with the other apartment dwellers.

So...I've used the "Are you single?" line four times in my life, and I've gotten warm receptions three times -- and the worst one was more slightly bemused than cold. One of them was even a 'Yes', but she said she was in a rush...but "REALLY" appreciated my interest -- like an idiot, I didn't try to get her number or anything. I'm just going to have to get used to being flexible on this, and not expecting girls in day game to immediately be available to really converse.

 

[gifatron]

No approaches the last couple of days between work and friends.

Got a date for Wednesday night from a girl within my social circle.

Had a really good 2nd date that progressed very far physically and was just lots of fun/interesting on Saturday. Worth noting is that I did something of a freezeout to pin the girl down on a date -- she was clearly really into me last time she saw me, but was being kind of dodgy about actually scheduling something, and didn't have a 'Let's just be friends' talk, but did talk about the possibility of being "just friends" in places our relationship was going. I thought I'd nip that off in the bed, and left her a message saying that "If you want to see me again, I'd be available Saturday...otherwise, good luck, and enjoy summer! "

She messaged me back within about two hours and suggested I accompany her on an outing, I told her I wasn't going to be available then, but that I'd love to cook her dinner later in the evening. She accepted that. A few days later, she called me up and asked me if I wanted to attend a party of a mutual friend instead; I told her that I really didn't, but if she wanted to do that she could go. She said it was just an option, and we should do dinner and then maybe see what happens.

Dinner went very, very well and it's noon the next day now and she just left a couple of hours ago. Good times. Best part is she's not looking for anything serious, just a bit of a romp before she goes home for the summer, so I can be as intense and direct as I want and she doesn't get the wrong idea.

I'm not going to do any cold approaches for today, but I thought I'd put down my woman-experiences here for the sake of review and consistency at this point.

 

[gifatron]

Last night was...interesting.

I met the girl I'd been interested in, we danced a couple of times, I asked her to come on a walk with me. She immediately and cheerfully agreed, and we went outside towards a coffee shop in a public square I know. On the way, we spoke a bit, and I turned towards her and got in very close proximity, and looked her in the eyes...then grinned, leaned forward and to the side a little bit, and whispered, "You smell good." in her ear. She laughed and we continued walking, and giving each other sideways glances and smiles.

We definitely connected well on a chemistry/base attraction level, and we kissed, embraced, held hands, etc a few times on the walk. We talked a bit about her childhood and mine, and related decently. Truthfully, the weird thing was, -I- didn't feel very connected to her, although she was sharing a lot with me, it felt like she was just a very open person, rather than a proper deep dive, y'know? However, she was very physically affectionate, and I felt that I did a pretty good job of pacing her and keeping her wanting more. She was clearly very excited, and seemed ever-so-slightly put off by my arrogance. (probably exactly where I want to be)

She wanted to go back RIGHT away, though, within about 10 minutes -- she had friends who were her ride waiting for her, and had left her purse etc behind. So, we exchanged numbers and decided to connect later in the week. The logistics are kind of a PITA, as I just ditched my car about 2 months ago and hers is waiting on repairs. The public transit between our two cities, across the river from each other, is pretty mediocre except during prime business/commuting hours. The only way I really see that working is if she gets her car up and going again, or stays at my place overnight...but for the latter to work, she'll have to decide to do that ahead of time.

My plan of attack at this point is to be fairly blunt, ask her what she's looking for from a man in her life at this point (we've spoken about it a bit, actually seems pretty promising), aiming for the whole honest/sexy/caring/free spirited man vibe. I'm thinking that might be a BIT too blunt for her -- I feel like she has externally imposed reservations about sex and relationships that are going to be obstacles. I may have to address those first to see if what she ACTUALLY wants is compatible with what I want (seems to be).

I see this as a potentially very good learning experience in terms of connecting with people I might typically place into the 'other' category, and addressing difficulties in creating connections.

It's also definitely making the whole cold approach thing a lot more appealing. She's a sweet girl, nurturing, pretty cool -- but I've experienced far better connections and somewhat greater visceral attraction. Moving towards an 'absolute abundance' mentality is going to be very valuable -- I'd prefer to have the ability to screen harder on certain traits while still keeping the ball moving on multiple reactions. Truthfully, I've been 'cashing in' on my social circle that I've been building up for months, and that's been getting me a lot of action now...but it's going to tap out fairly soon, I feel, without me putting lots of effort into maintaining momentum.

Tonight I'm going to go out approaching interesting girls again. Aiming for 4 opens of some kind, attempting to instadate or number close if I can find a path to it / I can make it feel right.

 

[gifatron]

In the interest of full disclosure, I did nothing yesterday due to exhaustion. Today, I definitely pussied out at least twice. One was a cute cashier at a place where I was buying shoes. Definitely into me, I definitely find her interesting. Another was a girl who got on the same bus as me. We made eye contact before she got on, and she actually paused for maybe half a second at the seat next to me, halfway turned towards it, then kept going. Still more balls than I had!

 

[gifatron]

More social circle stuff, maybe a bit of a long play, not expecting much, but it's a pretty attractive girl who met me in a highly preselected context who's been testing me and being very vaguely sexual towards me while I have hooked up with girls all around her. We also have quite a bit of shared background, but I've basically been on the cardial side of aloof towards her until now. She has a boyfriend, but I found out through a drunken friend that he was planning on leaving her some time soon. Awkward, gonna have to keep that one to myself.

She's been making overtures lately asking me to go out dancing with her, something I'm known for in that circle, and recently took up dance on her own. I didn't end up taking her up on her earlier offer due to her boyfriend, but if he's planning on breaking it off, I'm not feeling too bad about it. I'm not going to make a move, I'm just trying to make myself seem somewhat more obtainable -- so I've invited her to an event that I regularly go to, she seems primed to go. She jokingly called herself a "slutty slut slut" when I mentioned the place was dreadfully wholesome. Oh, boy.

My plan is to display a bit of interest in her and plant some helpful ideas in her head to both help her to handle a breakup better and express that I find her interesting but don't have a lot of time and am respecting her relationship. I'll do this while coming across as ever so slightly steamy, probably. She already definitely has it in her head that I'm not exactly relationship material, so this should be enough. I'm just trying to keep my attainability dial in the right place, I suppose. I might drop a very vague hint that I find her attractive...just enough to keep her wondering. She will probably have some interesting tests to throw my way, so this should be a learning experience regardless.

 

[gifatron]

Owning up to my lack of approach activity again.

I have been damned busy with, well, girls...sort of I had 4 dates this week, two of which fell through.

One fall through was with a pretty flaky on/off fuckbuddy I've had for a couple of months ago, before I really started getting serious about improving my love life. I haven't contacted her about it; she kind of just comes and goes as she pleases; sometimes we meet up, sometimes we don't, I'm not too worried about it -- she's generally a good fun time when she's around and that's about all I expect. I ended up spending the evening with a friend, a girl I've kissed before, who was having hardcore boy troubles. She was definitely dropping hints, but frankly, putting up quite a bit of resistance...although she'd follow up the resistance with enticement. Honestly, in retrospect, she was making it fucking easy for me, but she wanted to be taken, not give herself up. Ugh, I embarrass myself sometimes.

The other fall through was really apologetic and said maybe she'd drop by my place spontaneously...I told her I'd probably be busy or just not there if it's spontaneous, and that planning ahead of time is best. A bit later in the conversation I told her that although I wasn't upset with her, I was hesitant to plan anything with her again because this was the 2nd time she flaked or cancelled on me and it. She then said next time we planned something, she'd come by my place and bring apology alcohol. All of our plans thus far have been at her place, and she has a roommate, so that's a good sign. I told her that I can accept convenience and apology alcohol and left it at that. I'll probably call her some time next week and plan something for the week after. I AM feeling somewhat burnt out on her, and I just don't feel a huge need to rush the whole thing.

Two dates are with my ongoing "summer fling" (my most official relationship in that talking about it isn't off-limits). She's coming by my place tonight for dinner and an overnight stay, and I get to teach her all kinds of new, sexy things. The next date with her is Sunday, I'm doing something bad and taking her for a half-day hike...after some intimacy at my place. I haven't been outdoors in awhile and it'd be good to have a hiking buddy I get along well with, so that's good.

The girl I mentioned from dancing earlier turns out to be totally down for what I'm looking for, despite the fact that she's kind of religious and somewhat inexperienced. She appears to have only ever been involved with 3 men, and only 2 of those relationships were post-high school. It seems to me she's very excited to be with a guy who's a bit older and has an idea of what he's doing.

All of this means that between work, girls, maintaining a social life with my fellow males, practicing my guitar, dancing, etc...I am not finding a lot of unallocated time to just 'go out' and approach women. I'm thinking that I need to actually schedule this. I like Saturday mornings, but I see my personal trainer at 1PM, so if I'm going for street->coffee->apartment dates, that compresses me quite a bit...especially if I'm spending Friday nights with an overnight guest, which seems to be the trend.

Other than this week where it's already scheduled, I'm setting aside Sunday mornings/afternoons for meeting new women/cold approaches. This should also put me in a good mood for dancing on Sunday evenings, where I am pushing myself to be more proactive about meeting women and getting them home.

 

[gifatron]

I need to proofread before I hit submit, I really do.

 

[gifatron]

I went to swing dancing yesterday with the intention of asking ONE girl (who ended up not being there) out, and I've realized that I am just doing this wrong, and it's remnants of the scarcity mentality I had when I was younger.

I should not be fixated on asking one particular girl out. I shouldn't even really be wondering whether she says yes or no.

My flow should go like this: See girl -> assess whether I'm interested -> ask.

Nothing else. Nothing complicated, no hemming and hawing, no wondering. Wondering is for suckers.

For instance, there were at least three women I met yesterday that were pretty cute and easy to converse with. I should have just pulled the trigger on asking them to coffee. Right then and there. I could have had dates this entire week, I have no doubt in my mind. I have some sort of behavioral barrier that I really need to push myself through before I progress. It's the same thing with approaching girls on the street -- a sort of freezeup and redirect of my brain that happens. It needs to end; I need to create a new neural pathway that gets me actually taking action instead of sitting back and doing nothing.