Okay so I was at this REALLY REALLY packed nightclub and was about to leave and go somewhere else, I was just going to use the bathroom and leave. When I'm waiting in line I see this really pretty blonde white girl so I start talking to her. When it's her turn to use the restroom she just goes in without saying bye, which is fine since she probably really had to go. But after I use the bathroom I'm not sure I want to leave anymore. I go back upstairs hoping to find her (while avoiding the hot bartender that I like but that's another story) and just my luck I find her with perfect positioning. I start chatting her up again and when she seems friendly I invite her to join me at another bar down the street. She agrees (she says they were thinking about going there anyways) so I walk with her and her friend to the new bar, chatting with her along the way. Once we get there, she's impressed that I knew all the workers at this place, as they all said hi to me on my way in. I break one of my rules and buy her a drink...and of course she orders a $12 drink....but she does give me a sip and then show me a trick where she ties a cherry stem into a knot with her tongue, very sexy (I made sure to make this flirty, she was slow doing it and said that I made her nervous to which I replied "yeah I have that effect on women"). We chat some more (with some bathroom/friend interruptions from both me and her), I learn a lot more about her, and as it turns out she knows my hairstylist/friend (a whole other story as well). We're very flirty (when she said her natural hair color was dirty blonde I said "yeah you def seem like a dirty blonde to me...and I don't just mean the hair color") and she seems very into me. As the night winds down and the lights come on, it's time for me to make my move. She and her friend have to use the bathroom first (as do I) so we head off in that direction. Shortly after I get out, things go awry...she and her friend emerge yelling at a black girl who is yelling back at them. I try to step between them but that really doesn't work as they just keep calling each other names. Eventually security comes by to break them up (very mildly embarrassing as I know the security guards) but it doesn't work and the black girl ends up yanking on the hair of the girl I've been talking to all night, setting her off. Security does break that fight up before it gets worse, but the damage is done. The girl spends the rest of the night fuming and yelling at her friend and telling the same story to any of her other friends that would listen. I was barely able to get her number during this (when she seemed amiable of course). We try to go to a pizza place next door but they refuse to let her in because she got into a fight, setting her off even more. More fuming. Later while we're sitting on some benches she apologizes for dragging me into all this because she "really does like me". So she gave me a hug and then drove her friends home as she was the only one that could drive.
- Joined
- Dec 21, 2012
- Messages
- 128
Scofield,
Ha bad luck dude. Seemed like the interaction was going pretty well.
I would make some comment about fucking with ratchet bitches, but that would be hypocritical considering that this has happened to me too. A very cute, very nice looking and seemingly innocent girl I was talking to at a bar back in October left me completely speechless (and leaving me speechless is quite a feat) when she saw a girl walk by and proceeded to yell "cunt!" at her, grab my beer, and smash it over the girl's head. I had absolutely no idea what to do, and no longer wanted to be associated with the bitch, so I just went home and called a FWB.
Needless to say my situation was different because my girl initiated the physical altercation and had no ties to me or my friends, but if I had been in your situation I doubt I would have been able to do anything that wouldn't have been morally ambiguous to salvage the situation and turn it into a lay at that point. You made the best out of a shitty situation by letting her go with her friends.
Jay
Ha bad luck dude. Seemed like the interaction was going pretty well.
I would make some comment about fucking with ratchet bitches, but that would be hypocritical considering that this has happened to me too. A very cute, very nice looking and seemingly innocent girl I was talking to at a bar back in October left me completely speechless (and leaving me speechless is quite a feat) when she saw a girl walk by and proceeded to yell "cunt!" at her, grab my beer, and smash it over the girl's head. I had absolutely no idea what to do, and no longer wanted to be associated with the bitch, so I just went home and called a FWB.
Needless to say my situation was different because my girl initiated the physical altercation and had no ties to me or my friends, but if I had been in your situation I doubt I would have been able to do anything that wouldn't have been morally ambiguous to salvage the situation and turn it into a lay at that point. You made the best out of a shitty situation by letting her go with her friends.
Jay
Haha, that post actually made me feel better as that was hilarious to picture, thank you. Too bad I didn't have a fwb to call. Anyways, I texted the girl twice, once the same night to say it was nice to meet her and to add me and again the next night to see how her sunday was going (didn't bring up the fight either time). No response to either text....
Oh well, I'll probably try one (maybe two..) more times and then give up.
Oh well, I'll probably try one (maybe two..) more times and then give up.
- Joined
- Oct 9, 2012
- Messages
- 6,055
Scofield-
Tough situation. Makes it worse that you really hit it off with her.
I think the biggest lesson from this tale is "Pull before the night is over." The closer you get to last call, the messier things get, generally, and if she's leaving to go to the bathroom you usually want to take that as a sign to get her out of there - if she's leaving and coming back, it's a STRONG sign that she's interested, but she won't do that for long, so get her out as soon as you start seeing this.
Also:
You had some great lines in this.
Rule #1: don't play peacemaker in other people's fights, especially not girls you're trying to bang. The instant you try to play peacemaker, you rotate from being "dude who's totally on her side" to "dude who's kinda on her side, but not to the point where he's so on her side that he's going to back her up no matter what and trounce her enemies." It's subtle, but it makes a big, big difference.
Rule #2: back your friends up. Even if she doesn't have a good reason, you want to show up there and not try to stop her, but to communicate with her and come in around the same energy level as her. "What'd this girl do? Is she fucking with you?" [to the enemy] "Do I need to break your face in? Back the fuck down, bitch!" You win so hard in solidarity points from coming in on the girl's side it isn't even funny. Monsterslimjim had a lay report from New Year's where he had to intervene on the girls' behalf and it turned into an almost-full-on threesome later (here). If you've read my book, the 15-minute pick up at the end mentions the girl getting upset about what some random guys thought about her and I tore into their reputations with her. If you want to sleep with her later, you need to show solidarity with her when she's in some shit. Even if logically you should wind things down, it's not about logic, it's about emotions, and you want her to feel like you're a guy who's pressing hard to make sure that she WINS.
If you'd backed her up earlier, you would've been able to say, "That chick was a total BITCH! FUCK her! Who needs her?!" and then move on and get her home with you and shag her brains out. However, after a big run in like this if you weren't clearly and indubitably on her side, you can't satisfy that role for her and are more of an annoying reminder of the win she didn't get, partly because of you (holding her apart and not letting her trash that other girl's face or reputation).
You also don't get to shift things into a lower gear. If you attacked the other girl back and screamed in that girl's face, you could then say, "Come on, fuck her, let's get out of here," and the girl would go with you because she knows you're totally on her side and the fight wasn't between that girl and her, but between that girl and YOU two (or you three; you and her and her friend).
Another chance for you to jump in and show solidarity (or, look even worse as a still neutral third party who's just kinda there).
Yeah... by the end of it, all the attraction she'd had for you earlier vanished when she stopped emotionally associating with you and saw you more as some guy who's kinda there than as some guy who's got her back.
Painful lesson, but a good one: if a pretty girl you like is in a fight, decide if you want to sleep with her or not. If so, back her up and get firmly on her side.
Chase
Tough situation. Makes it worse that you really hit it off with her.
I think the biggest lesson from this tale is "Pull before the night is over." The closer you get to last call, the messier things get, generally, and if she's leaving to go to the bathroom you usually want to take that as a sign to get her out of there - if she's leaving and coming back, it's a STRONG sign that she's interested, but she won't do that for long, so get her out as soon as you start seeing this.
Also:
Scofield said:
You had some great lines in this.
Scofield said:
Rule #1: don't play peacemaker in other people's fights, especially not girls you're trying to bang. The instant you try to play peacemaker, you rotate from being "dude who's totally on her side" to "dude who's kinda on her side, but not to the point where he's so on her side that he's going to back her up no matter what and trounce her enemies." It's subtle, but it makes a big, big difference.
Rule #2: back your friends up. Even if she doesn't have a good reason, you want to show up there and not try to stop her, but to communicate with her and come in around the same energy level as her. "What'd this girl do? Is she fucking with you?" [to the enemy] "Do I need to break your face in? Back the fuck down, bitch!" You win so hard in solidarity points from coming in on the girl's side it isn't even funny. Monsterslimjim had a lay report from New Year's where he had to intervene on the girls' behalf and it turned into an almost-full-on threesome later (here). If you've read my book, the 15-minute pick up at the end mentions the girl getting upset about what some random guys thought about her and I tore into their reputations with her. If you want to sleep with her later, you need to show solidarity with her when she's in some shit. Even if logically you should wind things down, it's not about logic, it's about emotions, and you want her to feel like you're a guy who's pressing hard to make sure that she WINS.
Scofield said:
If you'd backed her up earlier, you would've been able to say, "That chick was a total BITCH! FUCK her! Who needs her?!" and then move on and get her home with you and shag her brains out. However, after a big run in like this if you weren't clearly and indubitably on her side, you can't satisfy that role for her and are more of an annoying reminder of the win she didn't get, partly because of you (holding her apart and not letting her trash that other girl's face or reputation).
You also don't get to shift things into a lower gear. If you attacked the other girl back and screamed in that girl's face, you could then say, "Come on, fuck her, let's get out of here," and the girl would go with you because she knows you're totally on her side and the fight wasn't between that girl and her, but between that girl and YOU two (or you three; you and her and her friend).
Scofield said:
Another chance for you to jump in and show solidarity (or, look even worse as a still neutral third party who's just kinda there).
Scofield said:
Yeah... by the end of it, all the attraction she'd had for you earlier vanished when she stopped emotionally associating with you and saw you more as some guy who's kinda there than as some guy who's got her back.
Painful lesson, but a good one: if a pretty girl you like is in a fight, decide if you want to sleep with her or not. If so, back her up and get firmly on her side.
Chase
You know, all great points chase. No one else I've told this story to was able to tell me any of that, but when you lay it out like that it def makes a lot of sense! Of course I wanted to sleep with her, but at the time all I could think of was your article about "not getting into fights because it just isn't worth it" (can't seem to recall the exact title at the moment) and I was of course hoping to salvage the situation, her blood was boiling but if the other girl didn't escalate I think it still could have turned out well. And of course the girl I was with wasn't really trying to start a fight, she just wanted to tell the other girl it was cool (but of course did it with a poor attitude that showed a lot of aggressiveness), it was the other girl that escalated it by pulling on her hair. And lastly, I do frequent this place and know the staff....so I really would have not liked to have started/get in the middle of anything. Of course I really did want to sleep with her too.....