So there's that girl I met last year at a small club. She was the first to appear at the dance floor, and as more and more girls were appearing, she approached and I found her standing next to me when I came back from the restroom. I gave her my number in case she wanted to talk to me, but then soon left because I was already too drunk. Later we started texting but couldn't meet each other, since she was 'sick' quite often. And then I got sick for a couple of months also.
After that we agreed to meet the next year year, and we did that.
At the first date I didn't like her, but she said that she liked me and would like to continue seeing me. At the second date she said she wanted to take things slow, and we kissed finally only on a 4th date or so, though she was hinting at it on the 3rd one. At the 5th or 6th one she said that next time she could stay at my place (but I didn't invite her cause I don't let anyone into my home).
At first I didn't text her too much, but then we started seeing each other more frequently. Usually we would go somewhere and then end up in her kitchen kissing and petting (but not more). She wouldn't let me into her room cause she said it was messy there (and it was, indeed). Some 'sex' attempt happened once we were in her bathroom. I just hugged her and started kissing her there.
Then she called me to her friends meeting, and I saw there a lot of lonely guys, but for some reason she chose me as her interest instead, though the guys were totally okay (tall and not ugly). She said that with one of them she and her female friend were close (as friends), but not anymore. It made me question things right away. What also made me question things was that her bestie and her boyfriend didn't feel like a couple (told her they are in an open relationship, and she tried to find out how I guessed). And the other girl which we were guiding home after the party also was a bit strange. She was high on weed and seemed almost like hitting on my girl. So then she proceeded to exchange numbers with her and suggested to combine her knowledge in jump-rope and my girl's dancing skills. When I asked if that girl was flirting with her, she just said that she was high. But they met, and when she was describing to me what they were doing, she told that each of them showed each other their moves, and in the end they combined them (adding a peaceful smiley).
There was also a male friend who used to send her different memes, but he was super insecure, so I don't think they had something (maybe, now they did, but that's a different story).
Long story short, everything started becoming bothersome after that. Before that, we would meet once or twice a week. She would usually just grab her dog and walk her dog with me. Then we would go to her place, have some petting until we got sleepy and I went home. But after that party we started seeing each other more often, without any creative ideas, just casual walks and stuff. And that's when stuff has got to become strange.
Once I went for a walk around the town myself. Then she's texting me asking what I'm doing. And I'm finding out she's at a proms party with her bestie and her boyfriend (but they don't tell me about her bestie's cringe neighbour who is in a situation ship at the moment). The prom includes ballroom dancing and fun. But I am not invited. I am asking 'How so?' to which I get the reply that says that her bestie was very spontaneous and almost made her go there. Still, she had some time to apply some makeup. Though, I am being a little pushy and she invites me finally. I am going there, meeting her and her friends. Then I'm finding out they have a free ticket, but I paid for the entrance already. The girl says she picked it up from the floor. Soon I'm finding out there was that flatmate of her bestie's, but he left due to a quarrel with the girls (he just didn't like that I was gonna pop up there prob). That's where they got the ticket from, apparently, and not by picking it up from the ground. Then we're dancing, having a great time, at some point her bestie takes her away from me, and her bf suggests to go 'take some other girls'. We do that, but we could skip that part. That was the moment I somehow knew they were in a sort of open relationship. We finish the evening dancing, then me and my girl are leaving to kiss passionately, from which she gets so turned on that I can't even say how, lol. But she does.
Then she says that there's a Salsa party somewhere and says that her friends will be there, so she invites me a week prior. On that very day, two to three hours before the party begins, she texts me and says that unfortunately she cannot let me stay at her place cause it's not tidied up, and her friends won't come at all, but I could show up, dance for a couple of hours and then take my train home. That's where I'm getting pissed. If we planned the thing, why do I have to leave? She knows how much I love dancing, and I'll stay there for longer, but she says she just doesn't want to pressure me, and then smth like 'I don't care' slips off her tongue. Long story short, we meet there, dance really a lot. I show her some moves. Then she complains how she doesn't like that some old creepy dude is filming the video, and that she might be in the video too. She gets uncomfy and we're changing the part of the dance floor. Then we're leaving to her place, she lets me into her very messy bedroom. We're having an attempt in hour first real intimate thing (last time I couldn't penetrate her because it was too tight). But this time the condoms are too tight as well, so we spend more time kissing and doing the hand job. She asks me to go down on her, but I refuse to, since I believe it's only for real couples (before that, though, she says herself that we are officially dating, and to my questions about her bestie's being in an open relationship, she says that she has her own head on her shoulders). Then she wonders why, since if I am such a good kisser, I must also be good at other things. But I just refuse to do that.
After that party we meet a few more times, and then she throws in something like 'Next week I want to go clubbing alone'. That thing really triggered me. The first question is 'Why not go there with your friends?' The second is 'Why don't you go there with me?' She says there will be her friends, but the other ones. And I'm asking too meet them, just to see what they're like. After that she starts saying that I have trust issues, and each time I question something just repeats 'Why don't you trust me?' Like, many times. Almost as if she believes her words herself. We have a small argument, and to any of my words she objects really hard. Anything I say, at that point, is being used against me, and she almost starts screaming, while I am staying chill.
Then I say to her that she can't go into her 30s and 40s being like this, which triggers her a lot (as it is very much against the modern feminist agenda), and I'm saying that there must be a reason her boyfriend of 7 years cheated on her and dumped her (as she's saying; though, they were dating long-distance), and that all of her old friends turned their backs on her or forgot her. She tends to blame everyone for dumping her and says 'I don't know why they did that to me'.
Then we finish the quarrel and I'm leaving. The next day, right before the club, she calls me, and to my angered question if she doesn't take me there in the end, she goes 'No, we could arrange that'.
Then we're going to the club (it's located in the poor area of the town, where mostly migrants and the poor dwell). I'm being generous and donating to the club more than I should have (just to show her that I'm okay with international music). And as soon as we're entering the dance floor, my freaking jaw drops. Almost everybody in there is black. Not that I'm afraid of people of different races or anything, but it's another thing. As soon as she puts her foot there, she goes "There are my friends whom I haven't seen in a long time. I'll come back". She almost takes off like a plane, and I cannot even haste after her, so she is already far away hugging different black guys to greet them and exchanging with each of them a couple of phrases. I counted at least 2 or 3 of them that she hugged. Then I lost the view of her in the crowd. Then she finds me and says that she lost me, and there are girlies she told me about, so let's go and greet them. We go to them, they seem pretty nice. But... uninterested in that African type of music. Some of the black guys try to approach them but they leave soon, saying they need to get up early (it's Saturday). Those girls haven't talked to my girl in two years (she is blaming miscommunication as a reason for that, but seems just like they didn't like her life attitude or smth). Then we meet her other female friends (which are a DJ and an organizer), and they seem sooo damn far-left that for them it's not a problem to twerk on black guys at all. And they look like potheads, at minimum. That tells you something.
Whil we're dancing there, I'm noticing that this is kind of a social dance, so everybody is very close to everybody. But the guys see that I'm there, so they're not approaching too close. Still, the girl doesn't let me hug her and dance with her like those African couples. At one moment she leaves to greet another black friend and comes back again. Then she chats to the DJ girl, and they don't want to involve me into their talk (the conversation is not in English - it's Europe, yeah - so I barely understand anything. The only thing I understood is that they're sort of reviving their dance things, and the DJ girl even points her finger onto that black 'friend'. Like 'he will also be there'). Then the crowd starts slowly dissolving, and I notice at some point that some of the black fellas are gone, including that guy in a white shirt. Then my girl tells me she has to use the restroom and leaves. A few minutes pass, she doesn't come back, so I'm becoming nervous. I'm going to the toilet and hiding behind the corner, but to the extent I could see if she exits herself. After 10 minutes she exits the female restroom, starts going in my direction (I'm looking at my phone screen), but notices me, turns around and starts moving in the other direction, to the other entrance to the dance floor. Do you think she could cheat on me there with that bloke? Or do drugs or smth? I didn't have the gut to go to the women's toilet to check it myself, cause there was security near, but I should have done that, I know.
Then I go back to her, ask her what took her so long, and she tells me that since she's in a bodysuit, she had to figure out a way how to take it off, and also where to put her stuff (the bodysuit and the bag,) because there were no hooks for the clothes. Yesterday I figured out, there's a huge shelf behind the toilet, so you could technically put it there. Is it a fair excuse? I don't think so. Was she just taking a poop? Cannot know. But the fact that she was missing there for around 10-12 minutes made me really nervous.
After a while, that guy and his friend came back (maybe they were smoking in the smoking room or outside - I cannot tell). What do you think? When they leave, I'm dancing with the girl, but she still doesn't let me be too touchy. They're watching as from afar, being somewhat jealous. And when the flock of those black guys is leaving, she hugs him again, and I'm waving my hand at them jokingly, like in a comedy movie, being pissed off and angry as hell. One of them pats me on the shoulder (what the hell does that mean?)
Then, when they leave, she lets me hug her normally and dance with her in a sexy way, with all of those African touchy-feely things. Then we dance more, go to her place and shag. But the funny part is, she says she won't take a shower. For whatever reason. But as I was stressed, didn't sleep for two or almost three days in a row and had shitty condoms that were too tight, and was in despair and my trust wad violated by her, it didn't work out as it should have. Also, while fingering her, I noticed she had brown discharge, which stuck under my fingernails. Felt like dried blood. That's how we fell asleep (her, hugging my shirt and burying her face in it, and me, hugging her close to me).
After we woke up and had some sexual stuff again, I started asking her questions. The answers to them were, though, not very persuasive. For example, she told me that she hugged only one guy (the last one) to say hi and bye to him, though after a few attempts to ask her again she acknowledged that maybe she remembered something differently, also I asked her about having ONS at that club. First she said yes, when I asked her if those were black guys, she also said yes, it then she turned the table and started saying that she was just making out with them. And how she went to the place of one of them but got scared and left (why the fcuk do you go to a club where people scare you, then?) Talking about the guy in the white shirt, she told me that he was only a friend and she saw him there before, but they were in their own bubbles just dancing and talking. After that she said that she was very proud of him (she never said the same to me), because he learned the local language In four years (later I asked the language question again, and she couldn't remember in how many years he had learned it) and he can speak it with his colleagues at the construction site, while the others haven't learned it while being here (she meant me, very likely). The funny thing is, he was talking to her only in English on the dance floor, so it's another manipulation, it seems. When she was telling me everything about him and about her ONS, she didn't look me in the eye, WHICH MEANS she was lying. Wasn't she? Usually she looks you in the eyes, but when she's nervous, she can't keep constant eye contact. Here, though, she was basically moving her head and not looking at me at all.
Also, turned out, as she said, she had depression and was in a mental institution. And she's still on antidepressants. (I wonder how much she still hasn't told me).
So the mental asylum was the place where she met her friends (not all of them, but some). Kind of explains why all of her female friends are sociopathic and either single or promiscuous. She also has an Eastern European female friend which also has a dog, and after our final quarrel and my answer to her breakup letter I saw that friend for the first time, and she always turns away from me when she sees me, like she doesn't want to be noticed or exposed, or approached. I'm kind of guessing that she's shy and has a romance with my girl (well, not my girl anymore). That's why my girl asked me for oral so much, lol, cause she's used to it, maybe. That's why she said that some of people view her and her bestie as lesbians, though they're not. When I asked her if she was lesbian, though, she said 'No. But sometimes I think it would be easier'. So it's a huge ball of lies (not appropriate word for her, since she's "so genuine and authentic") which should be uncovered.
After we slept I was ignoring her wishes and smileys for two days (she said she wished I left my shirt at her place, cause she liked the smell so bad. But she literally compared my smell to the smell of her own T-shirt - maybe, there were pheromones from some other person on it? I'll never know). Then I joked and sent her a photo of a big pine cone (calling it a big brown knob lol), and asked her how she liked it. She simply ignored the joke, sending me her dog photo instead. Maybe that was where I outsmarted her for once, haha. But then I called her and said I needed to have a serious talk. She asked me: "Should I be afraid?" And did that in a cunning manner.
Then we met, and she was already wearing a hoodie (strange). After my slightest remark about her she hid in the hoodie and started crying, then blowing her nose. I am still confused if those were real tears or not, but maybe they were real, who knows. It's just how fast those tears turned into uncontrolled anger outbursts, cold towards me and ruthlessness. We were talking that day for about 5 or 6 hours, I think. Same topics. And at some point in time she asked me to add her on Telegram. Instead, I asked her to let me see her 'Last Seen' status there. She didn't want to do that, was looking for an excuse, like she doesn't even know if there was such an option as to allow only one to see that. But I did that myself, anyway, and added her in Telegram. Also I checked her phone, but didn't find all I wanted to find. She is very secretive, has a 10-character password on her phone which is hard to remember, also she lied to me about going to her parents during Easter. She didn't go to them, and said that the reason for that was depression, no real explanation followed then. But that was before she said to me that we were dating.
I was trying to bring that 'dating' into the 'relationship' territory, and though she always refused that she wanted to have an open relationship, seems like she wanted to basically hook up with her male friends from WhatsApp (I wonder if all of them were her lovers once or not. If so, that increases the number of her 'relationships' drastically) at times, but she didn't want me to do the same or to go to the strip club (which is a much safer option in terms of personal space violation than going to an African or some different rave party). She was always saying how she was being very honest and truthful, and blaming me instead on my 'trust issues'. I knew it was bullshit from the very beginning, but I was giving her a change. She just wanted to use me as her boy-toy (like many girls do nowadays), and when I withdrew sex and unprecedented agreement with her in everything, that's when things started falling apart. Now I can only guess if she cheated on me or not, cause even by her way of talking to me and walking me to the train station every time it seemed that she was sweet. Though, turns out she was just trying to be in charge of everything and very controlling, and was blaming me to be too controlling all the time.
Maybe she didn't ever have any feelings for me, after all. Or maybe her feelings were shallow. Or maybe she's a spy or an undercover cop, and not simply a mentally ill person with sociopathy, narcissistic personality disorder, bipolar personality disorder and daddy issues. She was trying so hard to make me believe that she liked me, and she said herself (I did not pull her by her tongue) that we were dating. A week before that I was saying that we were only going out, cause I was not sure where that kind of interaction would lead us. She also asked me if I loved her, stuff like that at times. But I never answered her. And as soon as I started to open up, showing her my little weaknesses, that's when she started using my impatience and other weaknesses against me and then called it quits. I was always very cold and emotionally unavailable, like her father (she even compared us quite often), and very quickly it came to a point when she didn't want me to introduce myself to her family anymore. TBH, I wanted to dump her weeks before that, saying to her that we should just stay friends (but there was no normal sex, so why would I ruin everything before it even began?) Because there were quite a few warnings from the Universe. Coincidences or not, but they were there. And I felt something was off from the very first date. Her views in every topic, her selfishness, her awkwardness (if she's promiscuous, where's that awkwardness from?) And more, and more...
Then, during the week, having her Last Seen status at hand, I knew when she was home and when she was not. And she had my Telegram to chat there - still haven't figured out why she needed it instead of WhatsApp. So she could send my messages to her Slavic friend? A pretty equal exchange, I must say.
Then I once called her, but she didn't answer. Then I called her again, she didn't answer again. I started texting her, and she told me she was tired and I simply needed to accept it. But I wanted to share something really serious, to begin with, and to ask if she was doing all right. I told her that that was not very respectful, and that she needed to say only one word to me, but she still didn't answer. Then she ghosted me again, said that she didn't do that and set our date amidst the week.
That time I asked her not to be late like always, but she still turned up to be late. That day she was very cold. It was very sunny, but she was wearing only black clothes and her sunglasses which were covering her extremely constricted pupils. She didn't want to take the glasses off, she didn't want me to hug her and she was extremely emotionally unavailable. Then she asked if I was going to apologize or not, I said 'okay' calmly and made a moderate apology without coming off for a male slave. Then we walked her dog and the dog of her Slavic friend (who left her the keys from her apartment. I'm not sure if people who know each other for one year usually do that. Maybe, they were and still are lovers, after all). She was really protective when I was near her friend's appartment, and she asked me to wait in the street even (but I didn't).
During the dog walk she once threw a tantrum and then became silent. I'm even thinking she was on a very high dose of antidepressants or smth, cause why the heck does it even happen if your dog simply barked a couple of times? Then she started almost running forward, I stopped cause I'm not her dog. Afterwards she waited for me, and then it was her who was running after me. Then we 'randomly' ran into her bestie, but she didn't either seem to bother to involve me into her conversation about the 'new people' she met in the local language. It's kind of funny - seems almost like they switch languages to avoid my understanding of what they're talking about. When she left to check the snack prices, I said to her bestie that I would probably leave forever after that. She didn't seem to care or bother, though - the face was staying the same, just like in the real psychopaths or spies. All of her friends are like that.
Then she hid her Last Seen status from me, I started texting her about that (intentionally, though I could play it cool), as if I'm losing my patience. I knew she was home since I was passing by her house that time, but after that I uploaded her profile picture (not a real photo - just a meme) and she said that I abused her by that (what a nonsense), and also said that it's not her who doesn't respect me but it's the other way around. She sent me a breakup message afterwards (the next week), blaming me for being rude, having abusive tendencies and all of that bullshit. And also saying that we're incompatible (she's extremely left-wing - vegan, pro-insect eating and all of that; believes that politicians are good; that science is unbiased; and also she wants me to not call the gypsies 'gypsies', though I talked to them a lot, and they themselves know only the word 'gypsies', no other substitute for that. Also she told me that black people don't smell and that African and Arab people don't treat their women bad (haven't heard anything so far from reality). She made up a story of how I called her 'a professional gaslighter', 'an emotional manipulator' and 'a liar'. Where, in fact, I said that she 'seems to be manipulative', 'seems to be gaslighting me/seems like a professional gaslighter', and I don't remember calling her a liar or saying that she was lying either. Also she remembered that I called her something to the effect of 'sly' and 'cunning', where I was saying that her eyes looked sly or cunning, when we were lying in her bed after the party, almost like those of Sharon Stone's. Or the ones of the Grinch.
She asked me to read her message thoroughly, as she wants me to understand it but never wants to talk to me again after that (what a spin after suggesting to stay friends!)
I answered her with a long message (maybe, 3 times longer than she wrote, just because it felt better for me to do so. I was tired of playing mind games). I took some time, wrote a draft, then combined everything, waited for a couple of days and sent it to her. The next day she asked me to send her a PDF of that Word file, lol. I can only guess what that was for. I didn't answer but she put there her 'Please.' in the evening. So I sent a PDF to her. The file was corrupted, so she asked me to send it again. I did that, and after that I never got a message from her. Two weeks have already passed, and I think she's taking some kind of 30-day 'no contact' pause for whatever reason she's doing it. I think, I overheard her and her friend in the park that she had '13 days left'. I could only guess what that meant, but it pretty much coincides with the thing that I thought of. But that doesn't matter anymore.
Yesterday I saw her walking her dog at night. Now I'm even questioning if every time she was walking me to the station was genuine, or she went to hookup with her female friend after that. Cause she laughed when walking past me, and I simply kept my straight face and said 'Hi'. She answered. But then I passed by and didn't turn around. I can only guess what she meant by her sociopathic cunning laugh. Maybe she was mocking me for ending the letter with words 'I know you might have tears while reading through this. You will always remember me. And I will always remember you'. Besides that, a few days after our quarrel it seemed like I saw one of her friends from that party who left early. She noticed me at the train station, started laughing, then she went further and started looking at me from afar, smiling. Could that indicate some cheating that I didn't know about?
Speaking about my part of the breakup message, that was a pretty emotional closure to the idea that I don't really want to see her anymore, that I just want her to read that letter again in a few years and see where she left off with her attitude towards life and all the important things in it. She might not learn anything from it, but I wrote it just because it made me feel better, and her recent reaction just helped me understand how sick and poor she is. Like a little kid who is taken away from parents by the government and made into a monster.
What are your thoughts on it? Is she just really-really sick? And did she shag in that toilet then? Thanks. I wonder how you would deal with such a girl.
After that we agreed to meet the next year year, and we did that.
At the first date I didn't like her, but she said that she liked me and would like to continue seeing me. At the second date she said she wanted to take things slow, and we kissed finally only on a 4th date or so, though she was hinting at it on the 3rd one. At the 5th or 6th one she said that next time she could stay at my place (but I didn't invite her cause I don't let anyone into my home).
At first I didn't text her too much, but then we started seeing each other more frequently. Usually we would go somewhere and then end up in her kitchen kissing and petting (but not more). She wouldn't let me into her room cause she said it was messy there (and it was, indeed). Some 'sex' attempt happened once we were in her bathroom. I just hugged her and started kissing her there.
Then she called me to her friends meeting, and I saw there a lot of lonely guys, but for some reason she chose me as her interest instead, though the guys were totally okay (tall and not ugly). She said that with one of them she and her female friend were close (as friends), but not anymore. It made me question things right away. What also made me question things was that her bestie and her boyfriend didn't feel like a couple (told her they are in an open relationship, and she tried to find out how I guessed). And the other girl which we were guiding home after the party also was a bit strange. She was high on weed and seemed almost like hitting on my girl. So then she proceeded to exchange numbers with her and suggested to combine her knowledge in jump-rope and my girl's dancing skills. When I asked if that girl was flirting with her, she just said that she was high. But they met, and when she was describing to me what they were doing, she told that each of them showed each other their moves, and in the end they combined them (adding a peaceful smiley).
There was also a male friend who used to send her different memes, but he was super insecure, so I don't think they had something (maybe, now they did, but that's a different story).
Long story short, everything started becoming bothersome after that. Before that, we would meet once or twice a week. She would usually just grab her dog and walk her dog with me. Then we would go to her place, have some petting until we got sleepy and I went home. But after that party we started seeing each other more often, without any creative ideas, just casual walks and stuff. And that's when stuff has got to become strange.
Once I went for a walk around the town myself. Then she's texting me asking what I'm doing. And I'm finding out she's at a proms party with her bestie and her boyfriend (but they don't tell me about her bestie's cringe neighbour who is in a situation ship at the moment). The prom includes ballroom dancing and fun. But I am not invited. I am asking 'How so?' to which I get the reply that says that her bestie was very spontaneous and almost made her go there. Still, she had some time to apply some makeup. Though, I am being a little pushy and she invites me finally. I am going there, meeting her and her friends. Then I'm finding out they have a free ticket, but I paid for the entrance already. The girl says she picked it up from the floor. Soon I'm finding out there was that flatmate of her bestie's, but he left due to a quarrel with the girls (he just didn't like that I was gonna pop up there prob). That's where they got the ticket from, apparently, and not by picking it up from the ground. Then we're dancing, having a great time, at some point her bestie takes her away from me, and her bf suggests to go 'take some other girls'. We do that, but we could skip that part. That was the moment I somehow knew they were in a sort of open relationship. We finish the evening dancing, then me and my girl are leaving to kiss passionately, from which she gets so turned on that I can't even say how, lol. But she does.
Then she says that there's a Salsa party somewhere and says that her friends will be there, so she invites me a week prior. On that very day, two to three hours before the party begins, she texts me and says that unfortunately she cannot let me stay at her place cause it's not tidied up, and her friends won't come at all, but I could show up, dance for a couple of hours and then take my train home. That's where I'm getting pissed. If we planned the thing, why do I have to leave? She knows how much I love dancing, and I'll stay there for longer, but she says she just doesn't want to pressure me, and then smth like 'I don't care' slips off her tongue. Long story short, we meet there, dance really a lot. I show her some moves. Then she complains how she doesn't like that some old creepy dude is filming the video, and that she might be in the video too. She gets uncomfy and we're changing the part of the dance floor. Then we're leaving to her place, she lets me into her very messy bedroom. We're having an attempt in hour first real intimate thing (last time I couldn't penetrate her because it was too tight). But this time the condoms are too tight as well, so we spend more time kissing and doing the hand job. She asks me to go down on her, but I refuse to, since I believe it's only for real couples (before that, though, she says herself that we are officially dating, and to my questions about her bestie's being in an open relationship, she says that she has her own head on her shoulders). Then she wonders why, since if I am such a good kisser, I must also be good at other things. But I just refuse to do that.
After that party we meet a few more times, and then she throws in something like 'Next week I want to go clubbing alone'. That thing really triggered me. The first question is 'Why not go there with your friends?' The second is 'Why don't you go there with me?' She says there will be her friends, but the other ones. And I'm asking too meet them, just to see what they're like. After that she starts saying that I have trust issues, and each time I question something just repeats 'Why don't you trust me?' Like, many times. Almost as if she believes her words herself. We have a small argument, and to any of my words she objects really hard. Anything I say, at that point, is being used against me, and she almost starts screaming, while I am staying chill.
Then I say to her that she can't go into her 30s and 40s being like this, which triggers her a lot (as it is very much against the modern feminist agenda), and I'm saying that there must be a reason her boyfriend of 7 years cheated on her and dumped her (as she's saying; though, they were dating long-distance), and that all of her old friends turned their backs on her or forgot her. She tends to blame everyone for dumping her and says 'I don't know why they did that to me'.
Then we finish the quarrel and I'm leaving. The next day, right before the club, she calls me, and to my angered question if she doesn't take me there in the end, she goes 'No, we could arrange that'.
Then we're going to the club (it's located in the poor area of the town, where mostly migrants and the poor dwell). I'm being generous and donating to the club more than I should have (just to show her that I'm okay with international music). And as soon as we're entering the dance floor, my freaking jaw drops. Almost everybody in there is black. Not that I'm afraid of people of different races or anything, but it's another thing. As soon as she puts her foot there, she goes "There are my friends whom I haven't seen in a long time. I'll come back". She almost takes off like a plane, and I cannot even haste after her, so she is already far away hugging different black guys to greet them and exchanging with each of them a couple of phrases. I counted at least 2 or 3 of them that she hugged. Then I lost the view of her in the crowd. Then she finds me and says that she lost me, and there are girlies she told me about, so let's go and greet them. We go to them, they seem pretty nice. But... uninterested in that African type of music. Some of the black guys try to approach them but they leave soon, saying they need to get up early (it's Saturday). Those girls haven't talked to my girl in two years (she is blaming miscommunication as a reason for that, but seems just like they didn't like her life attitude or smth). Then we meet her other female friends (which are a DJ and an organizer), and they seem sooo damn far-left that for them it's not a problem to twerk on black guys at all. And they look like potheads, at minimum. That tells you something.
Whil we're dancing there, I'm noticing that this is kind of a social dance, so everybody is very close to everybody. But the guys see that I'm there, so they're not approaching too close. Still, the girl doesn't let me hug her and dance with her like those African couples. At one moment she leaves to greet another black friend and comes back again. Then she chats to the DJ girl, and they don't want to involve me into their talk (the conversation is not in English - it's Europe, yeah - so I barely understand anything. The only thing I understood is that they're sort of reviving their dance things, and the DJ girl even points her finger onto that black 'friend'. Like 'he will also be there'). Then the crowd starts slowly dissolving, and I notice at some point that some of the black fellas are gone, including that guy in a white shirt. Then my girl tells me she has to use the restroom and leaves. A few minutes pass, she doesn't come back, so I'm becoming nervous. I'm going to the toilet and hiding behind the corner, but to the extent I could see if she exits herself. After 10 minutes she exits the female restroom, starts going in my direction (I'm looking at my phone screen), but notices me, turns around and starts moving in the other direction, to the other entrance to the dance floor. Do you think she could cheat on me there with that bloke? Or do drugs or smth? I didn't have the gut to go to the women's toilet to check it myself, cause there was security near, but I should have done that, I know.
Then I go back to her, ask her what took her so long, and she tells me that since she's in a bodysuit, she had to figure out a way how to take it off, and also where to put her stuff (the bodysuit and the bag,) because there were no hooks for the clothes. Yesterday I figured out, there's a huge shelf behind the toilet, so you could technically put it there. Is it a fair excuse? I don't think so. Was she just taking a poop? Cannot know. But the fact that she was missing there for around 10-12 minutes made me really nervous.
After a while, that guy and his friend came back (maybe they were smoking in the smoking room or outside - I cannot tell). What do you think? When they leave, I'm dancing with the girl, but she still doesn't let me be too touchy. They're watching as from afar, being somewhat jealous. And when the flock of those black guys is leaving, she hugs him again, and I'm waving my hand at them jokingly, like in a comedy movie, being pissed off and angry as hell. One of them pats me on the shoulder (what the hell does that mean?)
Then, when they leave, she lets me hug her normally and dance with her in a sexy way, with all of those African touchy-feely things. Then we dance more, go to her place and shag. But the funny part is, she says she won't take a shower. For whatever reason. But as I was stressed, didn't sleep for two or almost three days in a row and had shitty condoms that were too tight, and was in despair and my trust wad violated by her, it didn't work out as it should have. Also, while fingering her, I noticed she had brown discharge, which stuck under my fingernails. Felt like dried blood. That's how we fell asleep (her, hugging my shirt and burying her face in it, and me, hugging her close to me).
After we woke up and had some sexual stuff again, I started asking her questions. The answers to them were, though, not very persuasive. For example, she told me that she hugged only one guy (the last one) to say hi and bye to him, though after a few attempts to ask her again she acknowledged that maybe she remembered something differently, also I asked her about having ONS at that club. First she said yes, when I asked her if those were black guys, she also said yes, it then she turned the table and started saying that she was just making out with them. And how she went to the place of one of them but got scared and left (why the fcuk do you go to a club where people scare you, then?) Talking about the guy in the white shirt, she told me that he was only a friend and she saw him there before, but they were in their own bubbles just dancing and talking. After that she said that she was very proud of him (she never said the same to me), because he learned the local language In four years (later I asked the language question again, and she couldn't remember in how many years he had learned it) and he can speak it with his colleagues at the construction site, while the others haven't learned it while being here (she meant me, very likely). The funny thing is, he was talking to her only in English on the dance floor, so it's another manipulation, it seems. When she was telling me everything about him and about her ONS, she didn't look me in the eye, WHICH MEANS she was lying. Wasn't she? Usually she looks you in the eyes, but when she's nervous, she can't keep constant eye contact. Here, though, she was basically moving her head and not looking at me at all.
Also, turned out, as she said, she had depression and was in a mental institution. And she's still on antidepressants. (I wonder how much she still hasn't told me).
So the mental asylum was the place where she met her friends (not all of them, but some). Kind of explains why all of her female friends are sociopathic and either single or promiscuous. She also has an Eastern European female friend which also has a dog, and after our final quarrel and my answer to her breakup letter I saw that friend for the first time, and she always turns away from me when she sees me, like she doesn't want to be noticed or exposed, or approached. I'm kind of guessing that she's shy and has a romance with my girl (well, not my girl anymore). That's why my girl asked me for oral so much, lol, cause she's used to it, maybe. That's why she said that some of people view her and her bestie as lesbians, though they're not. When I asked her if she was lesbian, though, she said 'No. But sometimes I think it would be easier'. So it's a huge ball of lies (not appropriate word for her, since she's "so genuine and authentic") which should be uncovered.
After we slept I was ignoring her wishes and smileys for two days (she said she wished I left my shirt at her place, cause she liked the smell so bad. But she literally compared my smell to the smell of her own T-shirt - maybe, there were pheromones from some other person on it? I'll never know). Then I joked and sent her a photo of a big pine cone (calling it a big brown knob lol), and asked her how she liked it. She simply ignored the joke, sending me her dog photo instead. Maybe that was where I outsmarted her for once, haha. But then I called her and said I needed to have a serious talk. She asked me: "Should I be afraid?" And did that in a cunning manner.
Then we met, and she was already wearing a hoodie (strange). After my slightest remark about her she hid in the hoodie and started crying, then blowing her nose. I am still confused if those were real tears or not, but maybe they were real, who knows. It's just how fast those tears turned into uncontrolled anger outbursts, cold towards me and ruthlessness. We were talking that day for about 5 or 6 hours, I think. Same topics. And at some point in time she asked me to add her on Telegram. Instead, I asked her to let me see her 'Last Seen' status there. She didn't want to do that, was looking for an excuse, like she doesn't even know if there was such an option as to allow only one to see that. But I did that myself, anyway, and added her in Telegram. Also I checked her phone, but didn't find all I wanted to find. She is very secretive, has a 10-character password on her phone which is hard to remember, also she lied to me about going to her parents during Easter. She didn't go to them, and said that the reason for that was depression, no real explanation followed then. But that was before she said to me that we were dating.
I was trying to bring that 'dating' into the 'relationship' territory, and though she always refused that she wanted to have an open relationship, seems like she wanted to basically hook up with her male friends from WhatsApp (I wonder if all of them were her lovers once or not. If so, that increases the number of her 'relationships' drastically) at times, but she didn't want me to do the same or to go to the strip club (which is a much safer option in terms of personal space violation than going to an African or some different rave party). She was always saying how she was being very honest and truthful, and blaming me instead on my 'trust issues'. I knew it was bullshit from the very beginning, but I was giving her a change. She just wanted to use me as her boy-toy (like many girls do nowadays), and when I withdrew sex and unprecedented agreement with her in everything, that's when things started falling apart. Now I can only guess if she cheated on me or not, cause even by her way of talking to me and walking me to the train station every time it seemed that she was sweet. Though, turns out she was just trying to be in charge of everything and very controlling, and was blaming me to be too controlling all the time.
Maybe she didn't ever have any feelings for me, after all. Or maybe her feelings were shallow. Or maybe she's a spy or an undercover cop, and not simply a mentally ill person with sociopathy, narcissistic personality disorder, bipolar personality disorder and daddy issues. She was trying so hard to make me believe that she liked me, and she said herself (I did not pull her by her tongue) that we were dating. A week before that I was saying that we were only going out, cause I was not sure where that kind of interaction would lead us. She also asked me if I loved her, stuff like that at times. But I never answered her. And as soon as I started to open up, showing her my little weaknesses, that's when she started using my impatience and other weaknesses against me and then called it quits. I was always very cold and emotionally unavailable, like her father (she even compared us quite often), and very quickly it came to a point when she didn't want me to introduce myself to her family anymore. TBH, I wanted to dump her weeks before that, saying to her that we should just stay friends (but there was no normal sex, so why would I ruin everything before it even began?) Because there were quite a few warnings from the Universe. Coincidences or not, but they were there. And I felt something was off from the very first date. Her views in every topic, her selfishness, her awkwardness (if she's promiscuous, where's that awkwardness from?) And more, and more...
Then, during the week, having her Last Seen status at hand, I knew when she was home and when she was not. And she had my Telegram to chat there - still haven't figured out why she needed it instead of WhatsApp. So she could send my messages to her Slavic friend? A pretty equal exchange, I must say.
Then I once called her, but she didn't answer. Then I called her again, she didn't answer again. I started texting her, and she told me she was tired and I simply needed to accept it. But I wanted to share something really serious, to begin with, and to ask if she was doing all right. I told her that that was not very respectful, and that she needed to say only one word to me, but she still didn't answer. Then she ghosted me again, said that she didn't do that and set our date amidst the week.
That time I asked her not to be late like always, but she still turned up to be late. That day she was very cold. It was very sunny, but she was wearing only black clothes and her sunglasses which were covering her extremely constricted pupils. She didn't want to take the glasses off, she didn't want me to hug her and she was extremely emotionally unavailable. Then she asked if I was going to apologize or not, I said 'okay' calmly and made a moderate apology without coming off for a male slave. Then we walked her dog and the dog of her Slavic friend (who left her the keys from her apartment. I'm not sure if people who know each other for one year usually do that. Maybe, they were and still are lovers, after all). She was really protective when I was near her friend's appartment, and she asked me to wait in the street even (but I didn't).
During the dog walk she once threw a tantrum and then became silent. I'm even thinking she was on a very high dose of antidepressants or smth, cause why the heck does it even happen if your dog simply barked a couple of times? Then she started almost running forward, I stopped cause I'm not her dog. Afterwards she waited for me, and then it was her who was running after me. Then we 'randomly' ran into her bestie, but she didn't either seem to bother to involve me into her conversation about the 'new people' she met in the local language. It's kind of funny - seems almost like they switch languages to avoid my understanding of what they're talking about. When she left to check the snack prices, I said to her bestie that I would probably leave forever after that. She didn't seem to care or bother, though - the face was staying the same, just like in the real psychopaths or spies. All of her friends are like that.
Then she hid her Last Seen status from me, I started texting her about that (intentionally, though I could play it cool), as if I'm losing my patience. I knew she was home since I was passing by her house that time, but after that I uploaded her profile picture (not a real photo - just a meme) and she said that I abused her by that (what a nonsense), and also said that it's not her who doesn't respect me but it's the other way around. She sent me a breakup message afterwards (the next week), blaming me for being rude, having abusive tendencies and all of that bullshit. And also saying that we're incompatible (she's extremely left-wing - vegan, pro-insect eating and all of that; believes that politicians are good; that science is unbiased; and also she wants me to not call the gypsies 'gypsies', though I talked to them a lot, and they themselves know only the word 'gypsies', no other substitute for that. Also she told me that black people don't smell and that African and Arab people don't treat their women bad (haven't heard anything so far from reality). She made up a story of how I called her 'a professional gaslighter', 'an emotional manipulator' and 'a liar'. Where, in fact, I said that she 'seems to be manipulative', 'seems to be gaslighting me/seems like a professional gaslighter', and I don't remember calling her a liar or saying that she was lying either. Also she remembered that I called her something to the effect of 'sly' and 'cunning', where I was saying that her eyes looked sly or cunning, when we were lying in her bed after the party, almost like those of Sharon Stone's. Or the ones of the Grinch.
She asked me to read her message thoroughly, as she wants me to understand it but never wants to talk to me again after that (what a spin after suggesting to stay friends!)
I answered her with a long message (maybe, 3 times longer than she wrote, just because it felt better for me to do so. I was tired of playing mind games). I took some time, wrote a draft, then combined everything, waited for a couple of days and sent it to her. The next day she asked me to send her a PDF of that Word file, lol. I can only guess what that was for. I didn't answer but she put there her 'Please.' in the evening. So I sent a PDF to her. The file was corrupted, so she asked me to send it again. I did that, and after that I never got a message from her. Two weeks have already passed, and I think she's taking some kind of 30-day 'no contact' pause for whatever reason she's doing it. I think, I overheard her and her friend in the park that she had '13 days left'. I could only guess what that meant, but it pretty much coincides with the thing that I thought of. But that doesn't matter anymore.
Yesterday I saw her walking her dog at night. Now I'm even questioning if every time she was walking me to the station was genuine, or she went to hookup with her female friend after that. Cause she laughed when walking past me, and I simply kept my straight face and said 'Hi'. She answered. But then I passed by and didn't turn around. I can only guess what she meant by her sociopathic cunning laugh. Maybe she was mocking me for ending the letter with words 'I know you might have tears while reading through this. You will always remember me. And I will always remember you'. Besides that, a few days after our quarrel it seemed like I saw one of her friends from that party who left early. She noticed me at the train station, started laughing, then she went further and started looking at me from afar, smiling. Could that indicate some cheating that I didn't know about?
Speaking about my part of the breakup message, that was a pretty emotional closure to the idea that I don't really want to see her anymore, that I just want her to read that letter again in a few years and see where she left off with her attitude towards life and all the important things in it. She might not learn anything from it, but I wrote it just because it made me feel better, and her recent reaction just helped me understand how sick and poor she is. Like a little kid who is taken away from parents by the government and made into a monster.
What are your thoughts on it? Is she just really-really sick? And did she shag in that toilet then? Thanks. I wonder how you would deal with such a girl.
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