girl rejected me, tries to make me jealous?

[peterdre]

Hi everyone,

I am hoping you can provide me with assistance on this.

To give you some input: I (17) started falling for this girl (17) at my school in last year's summer. At first she was really interested in me, but being a little insecure I didn't really have the guts to go for the shot. So I made the bad mistake of being too hesitant and slow. Looking at it afterwards I was really acting like a fool. Anyway things didn't progress and I made the other bad mistake of chasing her by entering her social circle. When I finally dared to ask her out to a concert she first said yes but later cancelled the date saying her family wouldn't allow her to go as they had guests around.
After that I didn't ask her out again, acted normally, but still stupidly kept chasing her. In short I ended up with her stating she wants to be only friends.

As I really wasn't interested in a friendship with her I told her that if she wasn't interested into giving the two of us a shot, it would be better not to hang around together anymore. And that's what I've been doing since early this year. I have stopped chasing her, though being polite in a distant way I am mostly indifferent around her. The thing is that I still meet her in classes we have together. I know from a friend of hers that she has never been in a relationship before (which is quite strange in my opinion as I know there are many other guys who would like to be with her) and by experience I know she is not the type of girl who hits on other guys, but rather enjoys to be an object of desire for them. She has put other dudes I know in the friend zone to, but they preferred to stay in it.

Things have been going on like that for about 2 weeks. But lately she's acting differently. E.g., when I sit behind her and her female friends in classes she immediately brings their conversation to boys. She is talking about guys she has been dating since New Year's and that she has all blown off. She talks über passionately about guys she is trying to hit on, that she finds attractive and it sounds like she wants the whole world to know it. This really makes me wonder because she always used to be very passive and kinda shy, and I can't remember her acting like that. It also seems suspicious that she does this in particular when I'm around. The other thing is that I sometimes catch her staring at me, or looking over to me with a worried face when I am talking to other girls. Also she gave me this really like provoking look in other words bedroom eyes (I know this one) at a party we had both been to. She was starring at me for 20 seconds with this gaze three times this night.

I know I sound unexperienced and maybe over concerned but her contradictory behaviour drives me crazy. To be honest I can't doubt I still want to be with this girl, but by my own evaluation I can tell I have made a good job at looking unimpressed.

What do you guys think about this? What would you advice me to do?

Peter

P.S.: Sorry for my English

 

[ray_zorse]

I think it's really your call man, you can ask her out again, but I think that might actually cancel everything you've worked so hard to achieve (the distance you've created between you and her)... I wouldn't be surprised if she's just out for the attention, seeing if she can crack your shell once again, once achieved she'd likely lose interest. It's a bit of a crap situation because she feels like she "has" you (because you've said you want to give the two of you a shot) and she's frustrated to find things not playing out the way she thought (that you'd become an orbiter and do stuff like washing her car for her in return for her friendship etc)... don't fall for it. If you can think of a dominant way to get things moving again then, sure, try it, but expect disappointment. What you should do is approach some more girls!!!
-Ray

 

[peterdre]

I think it's really your call man, you can ask her out again, but I think that might actually cancel everything you've worked so hard to achieve (the distance you've created between you and her)... I wouldn't be surprised if she's just out for the attention, seeing if she can crack your shell once again, once achieved she'd likely lose interest. It's a bit of a crap situation because she feels like she "has" you (because you've said you want to give the two of you a shot) and she's frustrated to find things not playing out the way she thought (that you'd become an orbiter and do stuff like washing her car for her in return for her friendship etc)... don't fall for it. If you can think of a dominant way to get things moving again then, sure, try it, but expect disappointment. What you should do is approach some more girls!!!
-Ray

Hi Ray, thanks for dropping a line. Yes i agree with you that if I tried to approach her again it could End in a most embarrassing way and she herself would never make a move. However I wonder what you mean with dominant way? As far as meeting other girls goes, I already have heeded your counsel just hard to get her out of my head

 

[ray_zorse]

I was pondering this while I was doing housework earlier because it really is a tough call. And what occurred to me is this: At the moment she's on the back foot cos things aren't going as expected, you have been quite a boss in making it clear it's all or nothing (even if you also unfortunately told her at the same time that you'd be down for more, never do this as it kills intrigue)... so she's kinda in the position a guy would be in after a missed window... "didn't move fast enough and grab it while it was going, missed my shot and he hates me now"... yet, if you reverse your frame now you won't be able to pull off the same thing a second time, she'll know you're just butthurt and faking it. So don't. However, if she's serious she will make a move or at least hint at something. So let her do the work, until it looks like you are lined up to take a shot and cannot miss. Then say something like "Starbucks. Tuesday. 4pm." and be a total boss about it, don't take any shit, if no compliance just walk away. Remember this manipulative little schemer does not deserve a second chance with a high value man.
-Ray

 

[peterdre]

I was pondering this while I was doing housework earlier because it really is a tough call. And what occurred to me is this: At the moment she's on the back foot cos things aren't going as expected, you have been quite a boss in making it clear it's all or nothing (even if you also unfortunately told her at the same time that you'd be down for more, never do this as it kills intrigue)... so she's kinda in the position a guy would be in after a missed window... "didn't move fast enough and grab it while it was going, missed my shot and he hates me now"... yet, if you reverse your frame now you won't be able to pull off the same thing a second time, she'll know you're just butthurt and faking it. So don't. However, if she's serious she will make a move or at least hint at something. So let her do the work, until it looks like you are lined up to take a shot and cannot miss. Then say something like "Starbucks. Tuesday. 4pm." and be a total boss about it, don't take any shit, if no compliance just walk away. Remember this manipulative little schemer does not deserve a second chance with a high value man.
-Ray

What would you consider a hint in this case? I guess staring doesn't count ha.