- Joined
- Jul 31, 2023
- Messages
- 393
Intro and Approach
Haven’t been doing a lot of game lately, so when I got the chance for a date I wanted to go and get back in motion, even if I knew there was not much possibility for closing then and there.
I met this girl in the beginning of September, still having the cast on my hand. I was at a bus station in the evening, saw her coming down from the bus and opened her with something direct.
We interacted just for a bit, learned she was working in a bookstore, and was going to meet friends the following day to go get drunk, and we exchanged contacts.
I texted her, teasing about being ready to get drunk, asked her out, but the day she could meet wasn’t working for me so we left it there.
Then I got pretty busy for some time, we didn’t talk more, I sent wishes for new year, she responded with some days of delay and said she is busy handing in some papers for her studies, but we could go for a coffee.
After about a month, I texted her to invite her to the theatre play I am taking part in, and she said she is not interested in that but we could still go for a coffee.
So I agreed and we planned a coffee for today in the early afternoon, about 2 hours before her class. Ideally I would want a time during the day when we would both be free later, but with my theatre play these days it was really difficult to match our schedules, so I accepted it, thinking of it as just an informational date.
Start of date
We met at that same bus station around my area. We hugged, I realised she is quite petite in the sense of slim and not very tall, and also that with her glasses she was giving off a fairly nerdy vibe. Mostly mentioning these, because I had basically forgotten how she looked.
I noticed something a bit off about her and asked her if she was running, she told me yes, because she is usually late and didn’t want to be again, and I told her that it’s fine.
I proposed which way to go for the coffee shop, she said she didn’t know the area, so I asked where she lives she told me around but only goes to the other side of that neighbourhood.
I teased her a bit for that and asked why so as we were walking, and she told me she goes to the shisha places there. I mentioned that this is interesting because she doesn’t look like a shisha girl really, but way more literate.
When we were walking she asked me as well about what I am doing, and I had told my contract just ended and now I am just doing the theatre which is mostly a hobby, and she had told me she is working in the bookstore as a seller while studying information part time.
We arrived at the coffee place, ordered, I paid in a chill way telling her not to worry about it, and then sat outside, in a 90 degree angle. She went and took one of the sugar packages in her bag and I saw it and told her teasingly I will keep it a secret and I saw nothing.
I want to mention that until now I was generally hard, after the initial greeting I was getting excited about her which I consider a good sign in general. She was more reserved, with closed body language, walking fairly quickly, but also smiling and laughing to things I was saying, so I was feeling we were at an ok place.
At the coffee place
As we sat down though, I noticed that my hard on and excitement gradually started diminishing. I generally get that when I sit down with a girl, and I am sure she can feel it too, so it’s something I have to see how to regulate.
In fact I tried, by focusing on what she was saying, and getting excited by her responses that I liked and it somehow worked for a bit, getting me hard again few times during our interaction.
I asked how she got into her studies. She told me that she was working in that bookstore for 15 years after school, and wanted something different for her and felt that studying about archiving and libraries would be interesting. She also told me she can’t stand the math part and she finds the programming very difficult but goes through it just to finish.
I told her that she looks like she is happy with her life and knows what she is after, as she is smiling a lot, and she said today yes, but two days ago when was thinking of dropping a difficult course, but then decided not to, and now she only has a year and a half left and then she can do what she wants.
I teased her a bit again telling her I imagine looking at her sitting at the shisha place, reading a book, and that it would make a great scene for a play. She told me she normally does it with friends, so I told her that this is good, I hope she has some friends.
Then I asked her what she likes in the people she has around her, she told me she likes them to be fun and to be able to relax herself and not be judged, and I agreed with her that she is very important, and you don’t want to be stiff with the people close to you. I also made a demonstration of me being very stiff, asking her: So, what do you do for a job? telling her how much not fun it would be to be like that here.
She asked me if I came here for the studies, told her yes, that I was told it would be a nice place and I found it better than I thought. I joked saying I expected it to be dull and serious, and… it was exactly that, but you can create the fun yourself, with the right people.
I asked her what she does for fun when she has time, she told me she should study more when she has time, but generally she goes out with friends.
Travelling stuff
I also asked if she enjoys travelling to explore new cultures and histories, she told me yes generally, and asked me back if I travel, and where I was last.
I told her Dubai, she didn’t seem very excited about it, so I asked her where she would like to go, and she gave me a number of places such as Lebanon, Georgia, Kazakhstan, Mexico, Colombia. I told her I had been in Mexico, and it was very interesting, a different vibe. I also said how she seems to have a taste for alternative destinations, and that’s nice as I personally try to experience different areas, and realised in Dubai that although they have many big beautiful things they have built, most of it is just fake, even their old city really.
I also asked what she likes doing when travelling and she told me she just likes roaming around. In a weird way this got me hard and excited again, because I just love walking around in cities, and I told her that this is exactly how I enjoy experiencing the culture and the people, as you feel like you are a part of it.
Throughout all this I hadn’t been touching her really, maybe once twice on her leg, reason being that she still felt fairly reserved in her body language. Should have gone more for it especially when I asked her about her lovely blue earings with flowers.
She told me it was a gift in a bachelorette party of a friend in California, and I asked her about it if it was full of strippers and stuff. She told me no, just 20 girls in a house, and all the others were so excited all the time like saying “Oh my God, that’s amazing!” for everything, and she felt that she was way more chill.
I then made a joke that this is way more typical of the country we live in now. I also asked her if she plans everything, and she told me no not tall the time, and that this is her half American side, so I told her it’s nice she is spontaneous I like that, and we should let ourselves free to do what we feel like doing at least some of the time.
Towards more intimate topics
Then I asked her how she generally meets people, if she just goes to bars. She told me she is not really the person to talk to strangers, unless she gets drunk, to which I joked that she then gets all California “God that’s amazing”.
She also mentioned that she feels like she was the only one smoking there as Californians were so healthy, also that she just wants to enjoy life and that very healthy people can also die younger so why not, and I agreed telling her she should do what she enjoys and makes her happy.
Then I asked her how she meets guys. She told me she tried dating apps, asked me if I had. I told her yes and that sometimes you may get something good out of it, sometimes not, but I prefer real life meeting because you can see how a person moves, talks and you can feel whether you are attracted or not, while the pictures depend a lot on how you take them and never know what you get.
She agreed with all that, and told me that she has met some nice people that she keeps meeting. I asked her if it is a polyamory kind of thing, and she told me it is more of a friends with benefits thing. That she had a long 8 year a relationship and after that she was like I’m done with it, I am not looking for something. Let’s take it more chill.
I told her I understand that, and I am in similar place, firstly because I am not even sure I will stay around for long depending on the job and also because I believe you can’t really force these things, you can be open and if you meet someone that you both feel like you want to be together it’s fine, but generally you should be enjoying life and having a good time with the people you are meeting.
At that point I had already started wondering where to take the whole thing for few reasons. Firstly, I knew she had to leave in some minutes to go to school, so I didn’t have much opportunity to go for a close. Secondly, I am not really used to girls just saying they are doing casual stuff, I feel I am so ready to frame casual sex with open possibilities being ok, that when the girl is already fine with it it confuses me when it comes to the next steps. Thirdly, I was totally limp by that point and wasn’t feeling much sexual tension in the air, when we started talking about sex logically it felt that a lot of the mystery and excitement was lost somehow for me, and all I could think was: “Ah, alright, so I just invite you home some other time or what now?”
Wtf am I talking about?
At that point she caught me dozing off, and she noticed that. Totally accidentally I was looking at a baby stroller, and told her how it looks so full, and I’m totally not ready for this. Don’t ask me why I said that, it was just the first thought in my mind.
She said that yeah she also thought at some point about making kids and then she always put it in the future and then realised that she is just not interested at this point, and doesn’t make sense to think about when she will be.
I told her that that’s how I feel as well, you live and enjoy your life, and maybe at some point you feel like it, but not for me not now, they are nice when friends have them, but they can keep them themselves.
Then I had a realisation and told her how interesting it is that sex biologically works in order to make kids, then she tried to cut me and talk about the pleasure aspect, and I told her to wait that I am getting exactly there.
I continued and said that pleasure was probably developed to help with creation of kids for biological reasons for humanity, but in the end you realise that you can have sex only for the pleasure and that this is amazing.
And that I feel that it is a very unique way to connect, that you are at the most intimate and you really get to know each other deeply in that way.
She told me that there is this urge and drive that you feel to be with someone, and I said that yes it is exactly that, that you feel something you cannot explain and of course you have to feel safe as well in order to do it, but when you just feel it with someone you trust, there is no reason to hold back and it’s better to just experience it.
The problem with all this is that I was totally not feeling this between us at that point. Maybe in the beginning of the date when I was hard and excited yes, but by that moment it was feeling we were just talking about it, but not feeling it ourselves.
Leaving the place and end of date
Anyway, the time was passing, she had told me she wanted to go to school, so I asked her what time it is and that we should probably be going as I have to go for some grocery shopping, and she also said yeah she should probably be on time for once.
We stood up and started walking. She didn’t feel very different from the beginning body language wise, I tried to give her one two touches while talking but she wasn’t particularly responsive, I also tried to have some sexual thoughts about her to transfer the energy but it wasn’t working well.
We walked together for a bit, because we realised our places were in the same direction and she wanted to go take her school things, while I wanted to grab a bag for the groceries.
While walking we talked for random things, she said she was having some python exams, I asked if she is a good student, she said she is good at remembering things but not mathematical thinking, I told her she has to make me proud, she said her exam is on Monday and it’s the second time she takes it, I told her that well we are not all for everything.
Anyway we arrived outside my place and I wasn’t really planning to call her up anyway as she was busy, but I wasn’t feeling it from her side either. I told her it was my place, she noticed the cake place next to mine and commented on it. I also noticed they had a huge cake with a castle and joked that maybe you get that when you become a king.
I hugged her, wasn’t particularly warm, but not that different from the one in the beginning, and then we parted ways, she thanked me for the coffee and wished me good grocery shopping, and I told her all the best with her stuff. I wanted to say studies or school in fact, but stuff was the first word that came in my mind.
Conclusion
All in all, this one is frustratingly funny, because going at it I was basically hoping that it is not a girl wishing for a relationship because I don’t want that, and I also don’t want to be giving them false hopes. Then here comes a girl that is literally telling me she is doing friends with benefits and I realise I have no idea what to do after that.
I mean I feel I am so prepared for a girl to have the mindset of wanting something more serious, and that sex is not just fun and casual, that when I meet a girl that has this fun and casual vibe about sex I am taken off guard and I am not sure how to proceed.
I guess I don’t have to do any more reframes as we both agree where things are so do I just invite her home? I have the feeling that there should be at least some sexual tension and a vibe first, which is the reason I didn’t even think of inviting her today, I was just not feeling this sexual energy by the end of the date.
And this is bothering me because I was feeling it in the beginning, and gradually throughout the date, things cooled off. And it’s not the first time it happens.
Maybe it’s because by sitting down we cannot be that close, I cannot just snuggle with her right away, I have to keep the sexual tension up differently, and it is difficult when I don’t feel it in my body during our interaction.
So to close this I would like to ask two main things apart from general comments. The first one is how to make moves on a girl that is up for casual sex. Maybe that should be obvious but I feel I have fumbled girls like that, because I am not sure how to move after I logically know that she is a girl up for casual stuff. I suspect it has to do with building this sexual tension that makes her feel wanting to do the casual stuff with you, and then just capitalising on it.
Which brings me to the second question, which is how to keep your excitement levels/horniness/desire up during the sit down at two different chairs part of the interaction. I’ve tried focusing on her and what I enjoy about her, but then you have to also talk and you are not extremely close at that moment, so it takes me out of the intimate seductive mood, and I am sure the girls feel it.
And as a final comment I wasn’t even expecting anything out of this one, just went to get back some momentum, so it’s funny how opportunities appear when you least expect it. I will send her a message tomorrow and see where things could go, but the ending left me with the impression that there is not much interest for more.
PS During the whole date I was wearing a fake wedding ring. It's part of the theatre role I'm playing and have decided to keep it on 24/7 these two weeks. Was a bit curious whether it would affect anything, can't say for sure but she didn't mention it.
Haven’t been doing a lot of game lately, so when I got the chance for a date I wanted to go and get back in motion, even if I knew there was not much possibility for closing then and there.
I met this girl in the beginning of September, still having the cast on my hand. I was at a bus station in the evening, saw her coming down from the bus and opened her with something direct.
We interacted just for a bit, learned she was working in a bookstore, and was going to meet friends the following day to go get drunk, and we exchanged contacts.
I texted her, teasing about being ready to get drunk, asked her out, but the day she could meet wasn’t working for me so we left it there.
Then I got pretty busy for some time, we didn’t talk more, I sent wishes for new year, she responded with some days of delay and said she is busy handing in some papers for her studies, but we could go for a coffee.
After about a month, I texted her to invite her to the theatre play I am taking part in, and she said she is not interested in that but we could still go for a coffee.
So I agreed and we planned a coffee for today in the early afternoon, about 2 hours before her class. Ideally I would want a time during the day when we would both be free later, but with my theatre play these days it was really difficult to match our schedules, so I accepted it, thinking of it as just an informational date.
Start of date
We met at that same bus station around my area. We hugged, I realised she is quite petite in the sense of slim and not very tall, and also that with her glasses she was giving off a fairly nerdy vibe. Mostly mentioning these, because I had basically forgotten how she looked.
I noticed something a bit off about her and asked her if she was running, she told me yes, because she is usually late and didn’t want to be again, and I told her that it’s fine.
I proposed which way to go for the coffee shop, she said she didn’t know the area, so I asked where she lives she told me around but only goes to the other side of that neighbourhood.
I teased her a bit for that and asked why so as we were walking, and she told me she goes to the shisha places there. I mentioned that this is interesting because she doesn’t look like a shisha girl really, but way more literate.
When we were walking she asked me as well about what I am doing, and I had told my contract just ended and now I am just doing the theatre which is mostly a hobby, and she had told me she is working in the bookstore as a seller while studying information part time.
We arrived at the coffee place, ordered, I paid in a chill way telling her not to worry about it, and then sat outside, in a 90 degree angle. She went and took one of the sugar packages in her bag and I saw it and told her teasingly I will keep it a secret and I saw nothing.
I want to mention that until now I was generally hard, after the initial greeting I was getting excited about her which I consider a good sign in general. She was more reserved, with closed body language, walking fairly quickly, but also smiling and laughing to things I was saying, so I was feeling we were at an ok place.
At the coffee place
As we sat down though, I noticed that my hard on and excitement gradually started diminishing. I generally get that when I sit down with a girl, and I am sure she can feel it too, so it’s something I have to see how to regulate.
In fact I tried, by focusing on what she was saying, and getting excited by her responses that I liked and it somehow worked for a bit, getting me hard again few times during our interaction.
I asked how she got into her studies. She told me that she was working in that bookstore for 15 years after school, and wanted something different for her and felt that studying about archiving and libraries would be interesting. She also told me she can’t stand the math part and she finds the programming very difficult but goes through it just to finish.
I told her that she looks like she is happy with her life and knows what she is after, as she is smiling a lot, and she said today yes, but two days ago when was thinking of dropping a difficult course, but then decided not to, and now she only has a year and a half left and then she can do what she wants.
I teased her a bit again telling her I imagine looking at her sitting at the shisha place, reading a book, and that it would make a great scene for a play. She told me she normally does it with friends, so I told her that this is good, I hope she has some friends.
Then I asked her what she likes in the people she has around her, she told me she likes them to be fun and to be able to relax herself and not be judged, and I agreed with her that she is very important, and you don’t want to be stiff with the people close to you. I also made a demonstration of me being very stiff, asking her: So, what do you do for a job? telling her how much not fun it would be to be like that here.
She asked me if I came here for the studies, told her yes, that I was told it would be a nice place and I found it better than I thought. I joked saying I expected it to be dull and serious, and… it was exactly that, but you can create the fun yourself, with the right people.
I asked her what she does for fun when she has time, she told me she should study more when she has time, but generally she goes out with friends.
Travelling stuff
I also asked if she enjoys travelling to explore new cultures and histories, she told me yes generally, and asked me back if I travel, and where I was last.
I told her Dubai, she didn’t seem very excited about it, so I asked her where she would like to go, and she gave me a number of places such as Lebanon, Georgia, Kazakhstan, Mexico, Colombia. I told her I had been in Mexico, and it was very interesting, a different vibe. I also said how she seems to have a taste for alternative destinations, and that’s nice as I personally try to experience different areas, and realised in Dubai that although they have many big beautiful things they have built, most of it is just fake, even their old city really.
I also asked what she likes doing when travelling and she told me she just likes roaming around. In a weird way this got me hard and excited again, because I just love walking around in cities, and I told her that this is exactly how I enjoy experiencing the culture and the people, as you feel like you are a part of it.
Throughout all this I hadn’t been touching her really, maybe once twice on her leg, reason being that she still felt fairly reserved in her body language. Should have gone more for it especially when I asked her about her lovely blue earings with flowers.
She told me it was a gift in a bachelorette party of a friend in California, and I asked her about it if it was full of strippers and stuff. She told me no, just 20 girls in a house, and all the others were so excited all the time like saying “Oh my God, that’s amazing!” for everything, and she felt that she was way more chill.
I then made a joke that this is way more typical of the country we live in now. I also asked her if she plans everything, and she told me no not tall the time, and that this is her half American side, so I told her it’s nice she is spontaneous I like that, and we should let ourselves free to do what we feel like doing at least some of the time.
Towards more intimate topics
Then I asked her how she generally meets people, if she just goes to bars. She told me she is not really the person to talk to strangers, unless she gets drunk, to which I joked that she then gets all California “God that’s amazing”.
She also mentioned that she feels like she was the only one smoking there as Californians were so healthy, also that she just wants to enjoy life and that very healthy people can also die younger so why not, and I agreed telling her she should do what she enjoys and makes her happy.
Then I asked her how she meets guys. She told me she tried dating apps, asked me if I had. I told her yes and that sometimes you may get something good out of it, sometimes not, but I prefer real life meeting because you can see how a person moves, talks and you can feel whether you are attracted or not, while the pictures depend a lot on how you take them and never know what you get.
She agreed with all that, and told me that she has met some nice people that she keeps meeting. I asked her if it is a polyamory kind of thing, and she told me it is more of a friends with benefits thing. That she had a long 8 year a relationship and after that she was like I’m done with it, I am not looking for something. Let’s take it more chill.
I told her I understand that, and I am in similar place, firstly because I am not even sure I will stay around for long depending on the job and also because I believe you can’t really force these things, you can be open and if you meet someone that you both feel like you want to be together it’s fine, but generally you should be enjoying life and having a good time with the people you are meeting.
At that point I had already started wondering where to take the whole thing for few reasons. Firstly, I knew she had to leave in some minutes to go to school, so I didn’t have much opportunity to go for a close. Secondly, I am not really used to girls just saying they are doing casual stuff, I feel I am so ready to frame casual sex with open possibilities being ok, that when the girl is already fine with it it confuses me when it comes to the next steps. Thirdly, I was totally limp by that point and wasn’t feeling much sexual tension in the air, when we started talking about sex logically it felt that a lot of the mystery and excitement was lost somehow for me, and all I could think was: “Ah, alright, so I just invite you home some other time or what now?”
Wtf am I talking about?
At that point she caught me dozing off, and she noticed that. Totally accidentally I was looking at a baby stroller, and told her how it looks so full, and I’m totally not ready for this. Don’t ask me why I said that, it was just the first thought in my mind.
She said that yeah she also thought at some point about making kids and then she always put it in the future and then realised that she is just not interested at this point, and doesn’t make sense to think about when she will be.
I told her that that’s how I feel as well, you live and enjoy your life, and maybe at some point you feel like it, but not for me not now, they are nice when friends have them, but they can keep them themselves.
Then I had a realisation and told her how interesting it is that sex biologically works in order to make kids, then she tried to cut me and talk about the pleasure aspect, and I told her to wait that I am getting exactly there.
I continued and said that pleasure was probably developed to help with creation of kids for biological reasons for humanity, but in the end you realise that you can have sex only for the pleasure and that this is amazing.
And that I feel that it is a very unique way to connect, that you are at the most intimate and you really get to know each other deeply in that way.
She told me that there is this urge and drive that you feel to be with someone, and I said that yes it is exactly that, that you feel something you cannot explain and of course you have to feel safe as well in order to do it, but when you just feel it with someone you trust, there is no reason to hold back and it’s better to just experience it.
The problem with all this is that I was totally not feeling this between us at that point. Maybe in the beginning of the date when I was hard and excited yes, but by that moment it was feeling we were just talking about it, but not feeling it ourselves.
Leaving the place and end of date
Anyway, the time was passing, she had told me she wanted to go to school, so I asked her what time it is and that we should probably be going as I have to go for some grocery shopping, and she also said yeah she should probably be on time for once.
We stood up and started walking. She didn’t feel very different from the beginning body language wise, I tried to give her one two touches while talking but she wasn’t particularly responsive, I also tried to have some sexual thoughts about her to transfer the energy but it wasn’t working well.
We walked together for a bit, because we realised our places were in the same direction and she wanted to go take her school things, while I wanted to grab a bag for the groceries.
While walking we talked for random things, she said she was having some python exams, I asked if she is a good student, she said she is good at remembering things but not mathematical thinking, I told her she has to make me proud, she said her exam is on Monday and it’s the second time she takes it, I told her that well we are not all for everything.
Anyway we arrived outside my place and I wasn’t really planning to call her up anyway as she was busy, but I wasn’t feeling it from her side either. I told her it was my place, she noticed the cake place next to mine and commented on it. I also noticed they had a huge cake with a castle and joked that maybe you get that when you become a king.
I hugged her, wasn’t particularly warm, but not that different from the one in the beginning, and then we parted ways, she thanked me for the coffee and wished me good grocery shopping, and I told her all the best with her stuff. I wanted to say studies or school in fact, but stuff was the first word that came in my mind.
Conclusion
All in all, this one is frustratingly funny, because going at it I was basically hoping that it is not a girl wishing for a relationship because I don’t want that, and I also don’t want to be giving them false hopes. Then here comes a girl that is literally telling me she is doing friends with benefits and I realise I have no idea what to do after that.
I mean I feel I am so prepared for a girl to have the mindset of wanting something more serious, and that sex is not just fun and casual, that when I meet a girl that has this fun and casual vibe about sex I am taken off guard and I am not sure how to proceed.
I guess I don’t have to do any more reframes as we both agree where things are so do I just invite her home? I have the feeling that there should be at least some sexual tension and a vibe first, which is the reason I didn’t even think of inviting her today, I was just not feeling this sexual energy by the end of the date.
And this is bothering me because I was feeling it in the beginning, and gradually throughout the date, things cooled off. And it’s not the first time it happens.
Maybe it’s because by sitting down we cannot be that close, I cannot just snuggle with her right away, I have to keep the sexual tension up differently, and it is difficult when I don’t feel it in my body during our interaction.
So to close this I would like to ask two main things apart from general comments. The first one is how to make moves on a girl that is up for casual sex. Maybe that should be obvious but I feel I have fumbled girls like that, because I am not sure how to move after I logically know that she is a girl up for casual stuff. I suspect it has to do with building this sexual tension that makes her feel wanting to do the casual stuff with you, and then just capitalising on it.
Which brings me to the second question, which is how to keep your excitement levels/horniness/desire up during the sit down at two different chairs part of the interaction. I’ve tried focusing on her and what I enjoy about her, but then you have to also talk and you are not extremely close at that moment, so it takes me out of the intimate seductive mood, and I am sure the girls feel it.
And as a final comment I wasn’t even expecting anything out of this one, just went to get back some momentum, so it’s funny how opportunities appear when you least expect it. I will send her a message tomorrow and see where things could go, but the ending left me with the impression that there is not much interest for more.
PS During the whole date I was wearing a fake wedding ring. It's part of the theatre role I'm playing and have decided to keep it on 24/7 these two weeks. Was a bit curious whether it would affect anything, can't say for sure but she didn't mention it.
Last edited:
