Girl switches up over text

[Kaida]

I went on a date with this girl back when I was in miami. The date went really well, couldnt pull her since I was sharing a room with my Mom.

Fortunately, she goes to my college so once this winter break ends I plan to see her.

Goal: Keep her warm until we’re both back in school

https://www.flickr.com/gp/198344361@N02/u17z0hB8jM

https://www.flickr.com/gp/198344361@N02/2g729Ua9G1

https://www.flickr.com/gp/198344361@N02/9731Lp5dTo

Texted her with a morning ping on Saturday. Successfully continued with flirty banter.

We facetimed at the end of that conversation but she was with a lot of friends and she was distracted.

So I ended the call with saying we can call when she’s less busy.

https://www.flickr.com/gp/198344361@N02/94wa42UaK4

https://www.flickr.com/gp/198344361@N02/xb7A00V52f

https://www.flickr.com/gp/198344361@N02/rp4VW5FHUK

Now I morning pinged her this morning (a little over 3 days later). And tried to continue the flirtation but she’s suddenly acting non compliant.

“The world gone keep spinning” already was making me think, but I wanted to make sure so I continued with another flirt.

“Never worried” confirmed to me that something is off.

Should I even reply to this?

I’m just trying to keep her warm until I’m back in bama, cant see her in person. My tools are a bit limited

 

[ChrisVirtue]

"it's unfortunate we couldn't kiss on new years"

what was your goal with saying this ? she prob kissed and/or fucked someone else


it's also sounding kinda low status/chasing

 

[Kaida]

"it's unfortunate we couldn't kiss on new years"

what was your goal with saying this ? she prob kissed and/or fucked someone else


it's also sounding kinda low status/chasing

Flirting. Trying to do some banter. I feel like a compliant girl would at least say “awww yeah” or something.

I kinda see what you’re saying though… would’ve landed way better in person tbh

 

[ChrisVirtue]

Flirting. Trying to do some banter. I feel like a compliant girl would at least say “awww yeah” or something.

I kinda see what you’re saying though… would’ve landed way better in person tbh

Yeah I think that text f'd up the rapport a bit.


She may also be thinking that you kissed another girl etc.

And as you mentioned she responded non-compliant but then you rewarded her with "we'll run it back dw"


So you rewarded her non-compliance. This is what I see wrong with your text game.


I woulda just kept it light/playful and more qualification loops.


But when she said "the world gon keep spinning" you prob shoulda just continued with the "push" rather than reward.

Say something like "except if we kissed, the world might've stopped spinning "


then u could have disqualify'd after as well...

"too bad I only kissed my mom. I'm a virgin but maybe in 2025 I'll change that"


and this might assuage her thinking u kissed another girl a bit

 

[ChrisVirtue]

a good next text might be to lead it into a desired frame:

"worrying is for people who overthink. glad you're not one of those"


could follow it with what I said earlier:


"too bad my mom was my new years kiss. I'm a virgin but maybe in 2025 I'll change that"

 

[Kaida]

Yeah I think that text f'd up the rapport a bit.


She may also be thinking that you kissed another girl etc.

And as you mentioned she responded non-compliant but then you rewarded her with "we'll run it back dw"


So you rewarded her non-compliance. This is what I see wrong with your text game.


I woulda just kept it light/playful and more qualification loops.


But when she said "the world gon keep spinning" you prob shoulda just continued with the "push" rather than reward.

Say something like "except if we kissed, the world might've stopped spinning "


then u could have disqualify'd after as well...

"too bad I only kissed my mom. I'm a virgin but maybe in 2025 I'll change that"


and this might assuage her thinking u kissed another girl a bit

I’m not sure about her thinking i kissed another girl… I’m wary about mind-reading with minimal information like this.

And yeah, as for the rewarding her non compliance I literally thought of that, but I didnt want to assume she meant anything negative and punish her.

So I threw in the “we’ll run it back” to test her response again and the “never worried” just confirmed she wasn’t compliant

 

[ChrisVirtue]

I’m not sure about her thinking i kissed another girl… I’m wary about mind-reading with minimal information like this.

if she doesn't think you kissed a girl on NEW YEARS EVE then that means she would think you're extremely low status/low value

It's not mind reading. NEW YEARS KISS is a normal thing and pretty much any person of any social status is going to kiss SOMEONE.

And yeah, as for the rewarding her non compliance I literally thought of that, but I didnt want to assume she meant anything negative and punish her.

So I threw in the “we’ll run it back” to test her response again and the “never worried” just confirmed she wasn’t compliant

yeah you need to learn to trust your gut a bit more. the key question to ask is "do I want more of this behavior VS do I want less of this behavior".

she sounds a little jealous/sassy

random q = is she black ?

 

[Kaida]

if she doesn't think you kissed a girl on NEW YEARS EVE then that means she would think you're extremely low status/low value

It's not mind reading. NEW YEARS KISS is a normal thing and pretty much any person of any social status is going to kiss SOMEONE.

Still looks like an attempt to mind read to me man. Sure, theres always a chance that that’s what she’s thinking but it just looks like a stretch to me.

And even if she’s thinking that, I doubt thats the exact reason for her behaving like that

I dont even hear about new years kiss very often where I’m from.

Thats just me though. I may be completely wrong, and I love hearing differing perspectives. So what you’re saying may ends up making sense soon enough.


I would be interested to hear @Skills thoughts.



Overall, I do think you may be right that it’s an attainability problem. But I rewarded the negative compliance unintentionally.

I still havent texted her back. May just leave it

she sounds a little jealous/sassy

random q = is she black ?

Yup, black girl

yeah you need to learn to trust your gut a bit more. the key question to ask is "do I want more of this behavior VS do I want less of this behavior".

Yeah, definitely true.

Even if I’m not sure if she was “trying” to be contrarian, the fact of the matter is I shouldn’t be rewarding things that done move the seduction forward.

 

[ChrisVirtue]

I dont even hear about new years kiss very often where I’m from.

it tends to be a bigger thing for girls than guys... just like valentine's day etc

girls put a lot of pressure on these social rituals

 

[Will_V]

I went on a date with this girl back when I was in miami. The date went really well, couldnt pull her since I was sharing a room with my Mom.

Fortunately, she goes to my college so once this winter break ends I plan to see her.

Goal: Keep her warm until we’re both back in school

https://www.flickr.com/gp/198344361@N02/u17z0hB8jM

https://www.flickr.com/gp/198344361@N02/2g729Ua9G1

https://www.flickr.com/gp/198344361@N02/9731Lp5dTo

Texted her with a morning ping on Saturday. Successfully continued with flirty banter.

We facetimed at the end of that conversation but she was with a lot of friends and she was distracted.

So I ended the call with saying we can call when she’s less busy.

https://www.flickr.com/gp/198344361@N02/94wa42UaK4

https://www.flickr.com/gp/198344361@N02/xb7A00V52f

https://www.flickr.com/gp/198344361@N02/rp4VW5FHUK

Now I morning pinged her this morning (a little over 3 days later). And tried to continue the flirtation but she’s suddenly acting non compliant.

“The world gone keep spinning” already was making me think, but I wanted to make sure so I continued with another flirt.

“Never worried” confirmed to me that something is off.

Should I even reply to this?

I’m just trying to keep her warm until I’m back in bama, cant see her in person. My tools are a bit limited

First thing that jumps out at me from your texts is that you're investing waaay more than she is -

1. You're triple texting and sending voice messages while she's giving one or two word responses
2. Your tone comes across like you're trying to generate excitement
3. You're very much in the chase frame, showing desire and emotion for her without getting much back

You're also stacking up 'failures' in her mind, in the sense that a) you didn't pull her on the date, and she probably knew you wanted to and b) you didn't kiss her on new years (sounds like that's a thing in some places? I dunno .. but you brought it up).

That sort of stuff can quickly make a girl get cold feet and start disinvesting. Like 'well he had his chance and couldn't make it happen, must be the universe doesn't want us together'.

Finally you're sitting there texting a girl who's single on new years, trying to maintain some sort of flirtatious investment .. not only are phones bad for flirting but I mean, she's probably got her head spinning from parties and social occasions and boatloads of whatsapp conversations and who knows what else, even if she'd be down in person she's probably not got time and energy to sit there and play around on the phone with you.

One solution I like for these situations where you can't be with her and you want to maintain investment is to keep things short but potent, with a bit of pressure in the mix, e.g.

"Hope you've been a good girl this year or santas not gonna fill your stocking'
"Better not be undoing all your good gym work with xmas pudding"
etc

Talk to her in a sort of semi-possessive but unbothered way, with some flirting, and she gets the message - you want her but on your terms. And nobody else in the hailstorm of boring whatsapp conversations is going to be talking to her like that.

Edit just realized I confused new years and xmas lol. But you get the idea.

 

[Kaida]

You're triple texting and sending voice messages while she's giving one or two word responses

Gotchu.
I’ve gotten away with it with girls that are boring over text but lively in person.

I’d also like to add that I’m taking like 30 minutes - 2 hours to reply meanwhile she’s replying in 1-15 minutes every time

Your tone comes across like you're trying to generate excitement

Yeah I see what you mean

One solution I like for these situations where you can't be with her and you want to maintain investment is to keep things short but potent, with a bit of pressure in the mix, e.g.

"Hope you've been a good girl this year or santas not gonna fill your stocking'
"Better not be undoing all your good gym work with xmas pudding"
etc

Talk to her in a sort of semi-possessive but unbothered way, with some flirting, and she gets the message - you want her but on your terms. And nobody else in the hailstorm of boring whatsapp conversations is going to be talking to her like that.

I get what you mean by failures. The New years one definitely makes sense. I’m probably doing way too much to try and maintain investment.



From what you described it looks like the frame may be cooked already. I havent replied to her saying “What am I worrying for” and dont really plan to.

What do you think I should do with this one moving forward?

 

[ChrisVirtue]

I’d also like to add that I’m taking like 30 minutes - 2 hours to reply meanwhile she’s replying in 1-15 minutes every time

@Skills says it's better game to respond fast and I agree

frame may be cooked

"frame" is never cooked... you can always reframe !




Influence is a fluid dynamic... if you believe you lost the frame then you did. But the best at sales/game always reframe to empowering frame

 

[Kaida]

"frame" is never cooked... you can always reframe !




Influence is a fluid dynamic... if you believe you lost the frame then you did. But the best at sales/game always reframe to empowering frame

I completely agree

Its just that I have limited tools over text. If this was in person the frame would be far from cooked since theres so many things I can do to fix

 

[Skills]

Flirting. Trying to do some banter. I feel like a compliant girl would at least say “awww yeah” or something.

I kinda see what you’re saying though… would’ve landed way better in person tbh

Kaida your texting and flirting getting better, ping her every couple of days or if she is withdrawing too much, and you sense it, wait till bama and ping and when she replies bring up that the 2 of you losing momentum and is bugging you cause you thought she was someone worth getting to know, of course say it a bit in the bubonic style... Again you gotten better and i actually love the kissing new years line...i will steal it...

 

[Skills]

Kaida forgot to tell you, you can not force or try hard keeping a girl warm... Ping goal again is to get a response ad gauge investment, if she is not giving you much you don't keep investing, i explained that in the ping post...

 

[JasonH]

Kaida forgot to tell you, you can not force or try hard keeping a girl warm... Ping goal again is to get a response ad gauge investment, if she is not giving you much you don't keep investing, i explained that in the ping post...

Is someone able to link me the ping post? Cheers!

 

[Kaida]

wait till bama and ping and when she replies bring up that the 2 of you losing momentum and is bugging you cause you thought she was someone worth getting to know, of course say it a bit in the bubonic style...

Bet! I’ll let you know how it goes

Should I just start it with another morning ping or what?

Again you gotten better and i actually love the kissing new years line...i will steal it...

Haha thanks man! 🤝🏾

 

[Skills]

Is someone able to link me the ping post? Cheers!

Clarification on how i discover the text morning and the why it works as a ping

Ok guys so sometimes i see post on good interactions follow by no responses, or good interactions by an statement that causes radio silence from the women, or lose of momentum in a texting convo, or good interactions but for logistics not contact for days or weeks till meet.... So when i...

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