So, my girlfriend and I are in a long-distance relationship, coming up to be 1 year now. She's 32 and I'm 26. I receive investment consistently (e.g. phone calls, tag me in funny stuff on Facebook, blows me kisses over the phone, calls me “Bri Bri” the nickname she gave me, tells me she loves me, receives my flirting well, etc.). She somewhat frequently tells me she wants to marry me and is quite affectionate. When I ask for compliance, she complies more times than others. Have we had sex? No. We both agreed to wait until marriage (Christian). However, I am very flirty and sensual with her during our phone calls, over text, and video chats.
Now, these are notes I have taken into consideration. The first note is the wearing of a wig she ordered online. She ordered a wig and when it came she didn't like the color added to it and tried to give it to her sister but her sister didn't like it either. I had the impression that she wasn't going to wear it, but she ended up wearing it to work and just recently died that color she didn't like. She also tells me how she wish she could go get her eyebrows done. She told me before that guys only approach her when she is prettied up and that the only guys that try to hit on her when she's natural or white guys and yeah typical guys at the gas station.
One Friday ago , I hurt her feelings by laughing at her due to the angle she had her phone showing her. She is naturally beautiful , but the angle in which I was viewing her through her phone was funny. She took that tell heart that I was laughing at how she looked. The next day, I owned up to making her feel bad, apologized, and told her it wouldn't happen again. She told me, moving forward, that she didn't want me to compliment her or tell her that she's beautiful because as she still dealing with the hurt she would receive my compliments as ingenuine. Couple this with what she told me about guys only approaching her when she is made up and she may be trying to attract attention and emotional validation wherever she go, especially at work.
The second note is her bringing up a male coworker in her attempt of a joke. In an earlier conversation, she randomly brought up the coworker who approached her and inquired about her having an accent.
She said he told her that by listening to her voice he can tell she has some thug in her (She always jokes with me about having a little thug in her).
She ends that bit with “That's what I'm trying to tell, Bri Bri!” she says to me.
The significant thing about this is that when we would watch episodes of “The Office” I’d pick up that she may be excited about the affair between that one guy and the girl who had a fiancé.
She told me she will not cheat on me, and that she's faithful. But we know women, right?
Although she doesn't mention this coworker of hers often, or other guys for that matter, I suspect she may possibly either have a back-up guy lined up or might find this guy attractive. Or perhaps my insecurity is getting the best of my thinking. I don’t know.
I have been initiating discussions about her moving to my hometown which is 4 hours in distance, by the way. At first, she said she was open to the idea. A while ago, she told me she wants to come here after I asked her if she wanted to come here. But she said it would be no time soon due to the current pandemic and the uncertainty of what the upcoming months will be like, which is understandable. She also brought up work, because she is currently working to eliminate her student loan and credit card debt with her current job. Again, I find those understandable.
She now said she would be more prone to moving to my hometown if I were to propose to her, so she feels this is more solid. I shared that with my pops and he told me her reason to move closer to me should be to get to know me better in person, and that I shouldn't have to propose to her for her to move to my hometown. I agree. But I already made the mistake of telling her I was going to buy a ring and propose to her once she came here on a visit. Big mistake!
Moving along, I plan to be unreactive if she brings up the male coworker again. I also plan to simply trust her since what she does in her hometown I have no control over. I know if I show any sign of weakness, insecurity, or concern, it will only lead to her “hooking up” with this male coworker. Women flirt and banter with other people they find attractive. But if I make her feel trapped - telling her what she can't do especially with another guy - she will want to do it all the more. I choose to let her be free, of course, if she does the wrong thing I will end the relationship, and I told her that part. She has had an older guy she dated for 10 or more years cheat on her and have another family she didn't find out about until after they had broken up. He also physically abused her. She tells me if I find another girl or decide I don't want to be with her, just let her know. Surface level, it seems like she's not the type of girl to fall into infidelity but she is a woman (no disrespect towards women whatsoever). After all, I have explained to her that I expect loyalty and respect from her in our relationship - one of the rules I established. She tells me she is honest and has been very honest with me about everything since the beginning of our relationship, but if you are honest you shouldn't have to tell someone that, right? Perhaps at the moment she could feel my insecurity seeping through my concern. Or maybe she is honest. I'm still learning about women. Going forward, I will just observe her.
Her and a possible male coworker is my only concern at this point. Does anyone see any flags I may be missing? How should I go about her moving to my hometown during such a time?
Now, these are notes I have taken into consideration. The first note is the wearing of a wig she ordered online. She ordered a wig and when it came she didn't like the color added to it and tried to give it to her sister but her sister didn't like it either. I had the impression that she wasn't going to wear it, but she ended up wearing it to work and just recently died that color she didn't like. She also tells me how she wish she could go get her eyebrows done. She told me before that guys only approach her when she is prettied up and that the only guys that try to hit on her when she's natural or white guys and yeah typical guys at the gas station.
One Friday ago , I hurt her feelings by laughing at her due to the angle she had her phone showing her. She is naturally beautiful , but the angle in which I was viewing her through her phone was funny. She took that tell heart that I was laughing at how she looked. The next day, I owned up to making her feel bad, apologized, and told her it wouldn't happen again. She told me, moving forward, that she didn't want me to compliment her or tell her that she's beautiful because as she still dealing with the hurt she would receive my compliments as ingenuine. Couple this with what she told me about guys only approaching her when she is made up and she may be trying to attract attention and emotional validation wherever she go, especially at work.
The second note is her bringing up a male coworker in her attempt of a joke. In an earlier conversation, she randomly brought up the coworker who approached her and inquired about her having an accent.
She said he told her that by listening to her voice he can tell she has some thug in her (She always jokes with me about having a little thug in her).
She ends that bit with “That's what I'm trying to tell, Bri Bri!” she says to me.
The significant thing about this is that when we would watch episodes of “The Office” I’d pick up that she may be excited about the affair between that one guy and the girl who had a fiancé.
She told me she will not cheat on me, and that she's faithful. But we know women, right?
Although she doesn't mention this coworker of hers often, or other guys for that matter, I suspect she may possibly either have a back-up guy lined up or might find this guy attractive. Or perhaps my insecurity is getting the best of my thinking. I don’t know.
I have been initiating discussions about her moving to my hometown which is 4 hours in distance, by the way. At first, she said she was open to the idea. A while ago, she told me she wants to come here after I asked her if she wanted to come here. But she said it would be no time soon due to the current pandemic and the uncertainty of what the upcoming months will be like, which is understandable. She also brought up work, because she is currently working to eliminate her student loan and credit card debt with her current job. Again, I find those understandable.
She now said she would be more prone to moving to my hometown if I were to propose to her, so she feels this is more solid. I shared that with my pops and he told me her reason to move closer to me should be to get to know me better in person, and that I shouldn't have to propose to her for her to move to my hometown. I agree. But I already made the mistake of telling her I was going to buy a ring and propose to her once she came here on a visit. Big mistake!
Moving along, I plan to be unreactive if she brings up the male coworker again. I also plan to simply trust her since what she does in her hometown I have no control over. I know if I show any sign of weakness, insecurity, or concern, it will only lead to her “hooking up” with this male coworker. Women flirt and banter with other people they find attractive. But if I make her feel trapped - telling her what she can't do especially with another guy - she will want to do it all the more. I choose to let her be free, of course, if she does the wrong thing I will end the relationship, and I told her that part. She has had an older guy she dated for 10 or more years cheat on her and have another family she didn't find out about until after they had broken up. He also physically abused her. She tells me if I find another girl or decide I don't want to be with her, just let her know. Surface level, it seems like she's not the type of girl to fall into infidelity but she is a woman (no disrespect towards women whatsoever). After all, I have explained to her that I expect loyalty and respect from her in our relationship - one of the rules I established. She tells me she is honest and has been very honest with me about everything since the beginning of our relationship, but if you are honest you shouldn't have to tell someone that, right? Perhaps at the moment she could feel my insecurity seeping through my concern. Or maybe she is honest. I'm still learning about women. Going forward, I will just observe her.
Her and a possible male coworker is my only concern at this point. Does anyone see any flags I may be missing? How should I go about her moving to my hometown during such a time?
