Girls Asks "How Are You" - How To Respond

[Troy]

Hello GC Members

Yesterday I was super distracted, lost a lot of focus on working on my mission. So I decided to text this girl I had previously took on a 1st date and I even kissed her on that date, but no sex when I tried to pull her home she denied.

From March to July I was texting and calling her every 2 -3 weeks. And I always kept the conversations short, flirty and nice. At the same time, I gave her that distance to not come on too strong.

When June rolled around, I decided to cut contact cold because she never texted/called me unless I did so first. Yesterday I decided to give it another shot. Right now people are walking around without masks and the Coronavirus curfew is at 11pm so things are slowly returning to normal. I had asked this girl out in June and she politely told me "right now I am depressed and not interested in talking to any of my friends, nothing personal love"

So yesterday the text conversation goes like this:

Troy: (12:12pm) I just saw something special that made me think of you. Hope you are doing well

Girl: (6:29pm) I'm good, hbu?

I have not responded to her as yet because I have had so many bad experiences with responding to messages where girls ask "how are you"

I tried to find an article on Girls Chase on how to respond to "How Are You". Is there an article Girls Chase writers/admin? Does anyone know how I can respond to this girl?

I was thinking to just respond by saying either:

"Hey I am doing great, are you going anywhere fun this summer? Feel free to invite me along"

Or

"Hey I am feeling awesome. Thinking we should get together sometime soon. Whats your schedule like?"

At the moment, while I do want to get her on a date, I also do not want to get too invested in her. Right now I am on a mission to create my lifestyle. I have found my purpose and my life mission is more important than any individual girl. So I am threading lightly on this one.

 

[Fluxcapacitor]

@Troy dude! I half understand this question, I've had girls in the past ask how I am, I answer and ask them and never hear from them again. It frustrated me, I was only answering what they asked, basic small talk, I didn't get it. That was the problem, I didn't get it. It would have looked like another boring conversation with another boring guy.

Girls trip you up themselves here and I they probably don't even realise it. Your options are on the right track but typically won't work they're not quite right.

Option 1 are you going anywhere fun? Feel free to invite me
Says you've got nothing to do and you're free to join her if she's doing the work. This isn't leading, puts pressure on her and she's gonna think who the fuck are you? Her buying temperature doesn't sound high enough here.

Option 2 I'm awesome, what's your schedule like?
So you haven't talked in ages, you've dived right in and told her her time is valuable to you and you want it. There's no calibration here, there's a way to do this and this isn't the way. Read the post on the forum about a check in text. That is the way to do this in this case.

Judging from her first objection about being depressed if she hasn't fixed this and us launch straight into asking her out ya walking into a rejection. Also typically if they object/reject unless you persist immediately if you come back and ask out immediately it looks like you have no options and your rushing into it. This rewards the objection, you should look at thinking has she earned this second chance with me. This prizes you.

The answer to this is saying you're good/ great/ awesome, possibly sharing something about yourself like I've been busy doing this or twist it in a value providing way sharing a story, I went to the beach and this happened. If you provide value here then ask her what she's been up to in creative language you'll progress the conversation. Ya also asking her to qualify herself and invest in you here which you reward by then asking her.

You don't have to launch straight into the ask, this can scare her off. But you still need to ask and fast, usually within 5 messages dude.

If you can't be bothered with the fluff talk to assess where she's at in her head from the depression you use sharing about yourself and/or showing value into tbe ask. You'd do this by mentioning you seen a cool place where you can grab drinks or get ice cream or a cool spot in the park that you should go to. You can leave this as a bait and see if she takes it or ask for her schedule here.

I'm awesome thanks, I've just been really busy with work lately but it's calming down. I've heard about this really cool place for drinks though./// -When are you free this week? We'll go and check it out!

I'm awesome thanks, been out to the park with some friends it was great catching up with the dudes. What trouble have you been causing?

Try whichever one fits you better dude!

 

[reeax]

@Troy When I get stupid or boring messages that lead nowhere, I ignore them completely (acting like she never asked that) and immediately move on to arranging a date (if you're not already dating) or eventually to more interesting things (if you're already dating).

Several girls told me that they went out with me because I was short and straightforward, and that they had ghosted a bunch of guys who were talking too much and trying to build rapport over text.

For example "Hey ;-) Let's grab a drink and catch up. Tuesday or Thursday evening?"
Sweet, short, to the point, and you don't respond to the "how are you" bullshit.

EDIT : I may be wrong, but from what I've read about your interactions with this girl and the replies you were considering, I get the feeling that you're too much in the "nice guy" vibe. Maybe another member can confirm it.

 

[Troy]

@Fluxcapacitor

Thanks for the detailed explation. I just sent her a text using the lines you gave me. So I wil await for her response, go from there and then post another update.

@reeax I agree her reply to me was completely boring and would lead me nowhere if I had answered her text incorrectly. I will aim to keep the text conversation short and share the upcoming text conversation. This girl usually takes long to reply to my texts between 3 hours to sometimes 4 days for response. So I will gauge how she responds to know where to take it.

 

[Fluxcapacitor]

@reeax dude! Totally agree with the nice guy vibe, the opening text from @Troy of seen something special gives it away it already validates her. Saying I seen something that reminded me of you is now chick bait, oh what was it?!? Then he could have bait and switched and teased her saying it was a crazy cat lady or something or something like I seen a little girl get a cookie and she was so excited. It's a better frame instantly. It's less kiss ass and more fun and exciting which is attractive.

Ignoring the bull shit is great, it fast forwards an interaction and gets you where ya wanna be. You're effectively leading the conversation and getting what you want it's also fun and not boring. You're certainly not predictable. However being as direct as your suggestion possibly doesn't work in this situation because of the "depression". Time this right and it works, time it wrong and it can explode.

The buying temperature in this example isn't high enough and either comfort (for depression) or excitement/arousal is needed to beat this objection. This isn't a rejection yet.

 

[Derek da man]

Hi all. Like most I've seen this type of text too where a girl says

"how are you"

in whatever words she uses. Similarly I've also had the "not going our I'm feeling depressed/low/whatever".

I used to respond in a positive upbeat way and try to move things along but usually this ends up with a slow down in responses or ultimately she flakes on you. More recently I've been treating both questions as a form of test in which she is asking if you will invest in her.

If she asks "How are you?" I respond "Yeah I'm good thanks, been a bit up and down with this lockdown thing but things are looking up". Nearly everyone has been feeling this way given recent events so it simply tells her you're human, have feelings and she can relate to you. In time you can change this to something more current.

If she says she's been feeling depressed ask her why, give an empathetic response like "I've been a bit up and down with this lockdown thing too" and get her to open up a little, then suggest meeting for a chat.

Girls need to feel a connection of value with you. If you just respond "I'm good" or ignore she's feeling low then you provide no benefit to her. Equally she needs to be able to provide you with something so she feels useful and get a connection.

These responses need to be carefully balanced so you don't end up in the friend zone or being seen as a "nice guy". You need to listen, ask deeper questions and give emotional based responses to show you connect. But DO NOT get drawn in beyond a few questions/responses. It mustn't affect your game beyond listening and being empathetic which is a difficult balance. Once you feel you've given her time to explore feelings and connect, say 5-10 minutes in a face to face conversation, then switch the conversation up into something fun and start a vibe before you run a normal game plan. The switch up can be a "lets not dwell on the negatives, lets be positive and look forward" which in effect is a way of cheering her up but more importantly brings it back to your game.

I'm fairly good at keeping an emotional detachment, I've not suffered in lockdown and I'm not looking for them as a shoulder to cry on, but my phrases above provides a means for them to feel a connection.

This has been working much better for me of late, so perhaps something others might like to try.

 

[Troy]

So once again this girl is taking more than 24 hours to respond to my text. It is now 6:43PM Wednesday. It may take her another 4 days just to respond to my SMS. I am seriously considering to delete her number and move on.

It's a good thing I am a busy guy and I am finding my life's purpose. Because if I had too much free time on my hands, I would become extremely anxious about her replying.

Sometimes I text her I get super annoyed with how long it takes her to reply. So following the advice as closely as possible, here is the text I sent her:

Girl: (Monday at 6:29pm) I'm good, hbu?

Troy: (Tuesday at 3:09pm) I'm awesome thanks. I've just been busy with work lately but its calming down. Life is great. I've been going to the beach a lot lately with my friends, and had some crazy fun stuff happen. I also went down to the Castle river and Gardens last weekend with someone, it was the most amazing picnic and river day I've had in a long time. What have you been up to?

P.s. I am not sure if saying "with someone" in that text could have put her in auto rejection. Previously I asked her out to go to the same location for a date and she turned me down saying "I am not in the mood to talk to anyone right now". Anyhow I thought that would make the story more interesting.

Truth is I actually did go to the Castle river and Gardens and I had fun.

It's honestly very annoying she takes so long to get back to me. Since May, most times I call her the phone goes to voicemail so since June I had decided to avoid calling her to prevent bad precedent setting in.

I will do my best to focus back on my work. I actually had a little bit of Oneitis feelings catch me today. Hence why I am thinking the best thing to do is just delete this girls number and move on.

I will think about it some more though and get back to my life mission and update you guys soon

 

[Skills]

When they ask me how are you?

I always say, not good, then, they ask why? Then I say cause I miss you, and then face so is a playful vibe, but you are a bit needy when you sit around thinking about a girl texting you, you need to talk to multiple women, women can feel neediness through text.

 

[Troy]

It's now Saturday morning 1:55am and I am taking a break from some other things I was doing. I had sent a Whatsapp broadcast message to a few of my friends to ask for some general advice regarding the coronavirus (I really needed help with) and I included this girl in the broadcast.

She read my message at 12:30pm on Friday and did not respond to that. This means she has most defintely seem my SMS message I sent her on Monday and she has chosen to read both my messages and not respond. (I did get a response from another friend regarding the coronavirus question I needed help with, but that is not related to this really so I leave it at that).

I just deleted her phone number. I was wondering though would you send her a text to "throw the ball in her court" in this situation? @Fluxcapacitor Or anyone else can chime in please

If you would send her a "throw the ball in her court text, what would you send specifically?

 

[Eternity]

Fine. Let's meet up @ xxx @ xxx. Dress to kill.

B.S or no answer delete her and move on. No high value man has time for flakes.

 

[Fuck This]

"There has been a lot going on...more than I can text. Good things on the horizon. Text me when you are available and I can tell you more then."

Then make a list for your self of everything you are grateful for and what you have to look forward to in the future. For a mental script more than anything. If she doesn't respond, then write her off.