Re: Girls constantly telling me they can't figure me out...good thing or bad thi
killerman said:
One of the things I get a LOT from girls is that they're trying to figure me out but can't. One girl even told me I'm a very complicated individual. So what does it mean when they say they can't figure me out? Does it mean they think I'm this mysterious guy? Or is there some kind of incongruence going on? Or does it mean something else?
Going from Mr. Obvious to Mr. Inscrutable is a normal step in the process of mastery in seduction.
When a girl says this, it first of all is usually her being quite direct: it's her saying that she has a hard time predicting your behavior. It's quite ambiguous though; I see it as a tension that emerges along the journey. Perhaps we can start by thinking of it as her asking for you to reinforce a clearer frame; maybe she isn't quite sure whether to see you as mysterious or as unreliable yet, for example.
When girls are saying this you often are somewhere on the low end of attainability (i.e., you seem potentially too cool for her, or a wild card with unclear social value, and thus a potential risk to be with), which could lead to autorejection, but if you hook her and follow through with an enjoyable, bonding experience, you can still cast yourself as a clear lover, and often this lens is necessary to do so. When this is happening regularly, it means that you are doing a good job of not just reacting to your environment and holding to your own frame. But if it's all a negation -- "I'm not this, I'm not that" -- others don't get a clear idea of how you expect them to behave around you. So at this point, a more outward focused, new layer of positive framing can come in handy.
For example, you supersede most if not all intellectualizing and set a purely fun, playful frame, and use a lot more touching, etc.
A metaphor for this could be that this level of ambiguity and natural inscrutability is necessary for you to paint a clearer picture, to have a cleaner starting canvas -- it's like a way of making your value, attainability, and compliance levels more flexible from situation to situation.
Sometimes, of course, it could just be them saying that they'd like to get to know you more, and want you to help make that happen. As I said, it's ambiguous and depends on context, tone, etc.
Howell
