Girls keep messing with me! I'm confused!

[ron]

Hi, guys, I have perhaps somewhat of a strange situation. From what I've experienced when I've been out, is that I'm more attractive than I think. And I get a lot of flirts from really fine girls, but when they flirt with me it seems to me that they're not being serious. And this makes me feel really confused. Like, if they were serious about wanting to be with me, why don't they be serious when they ask me out? Why can't they just directly state what they want from me? For example recently a girl turned to me and jokingly called me a whole bunch of names, and laughed at me along with her female friend who was with her, and I was just dumbstruck. My friend, who watched all this, turned to me and was like "Dude, why don't you fuck her?" But I was just too shocked to know what to do next. It seems like every summer this happens to me. What do I need to do stop being so startled by this? I just can't fucking believe that these hotties are interested in ME. I certainly don't look at myself as a hot guy at all. Like no fucking way! Maybe that's my problem?...maybe I'm too hard on myself? Maybe I'm too serious of a person? I don't know, what do you guys think? Man, these hotties make me really confused.

 

[Tony D]

Not enough information. When you're out, what does this mean? At a party? A mall? A club? Dive bar? WIth friends? Solo? Cold approaching or just standing around?

Women won't directly state what they want from you, because they aren't men. Women will usually rely more on indirect, sub communication. They'll use their body language, and generally they have piss poor game. And besides, women don't know what they want. They are fickle and indecisive. So you need to decide for them.

As for the "how could these hot girls like me" yeah that's what I went through as well. You have to think like this. Have you ever liked a girl that one of your friends didn't? Maybe she didn't have any breasts at all, or she was overweight, or didn't have the perfect face... but you just wanted to get with her. You don't even know why. You just found her cute, sexy. It's the same for women, but on a different level. Looks aren't all that matters for women. They are driven attraction wise, by so many different aspects... your personality, your social status, your GAME. And even women will like a guy who is awkward, just to be like "See I date the awkward nerdy guys", often because they're sick of being used and dumped by 'hot' guys.

 

[Fuck This]

Sounds like my teen years. I was intimidated by the attractive girls and went totally passive. As soon as I felt like "I don't give a damn", and made a move on one on the dance floor, I was surprised when she returned the affection. I also went for less attractive girls since they were a little more hungry and less apt to brush off the attention.

THe hot girls being Giggly is THEIR insecurity not yours. It's their defense mechanism against you rejecting them...Try being more of a leader in the interaction and portray the role of the more senior person , reassuring the new person....Picture yourself , calming her, telling her "It's gonna be all right . I got this"

 

[ron]

Sounds like my teen years. I was intimidated by the attractive girls and went totally passive. As soon as I felt like "I don't give a damn", and made a move on one on the dance floor, I was surprised when she returned the affection. I also went for less attractive girls since they were a little more hungry and less apt to brush off the attention.

THe hot girls being Giggly is THEIR insecurity not yours. It's their defense mechanism against you rejecting them...Try being more of a leader in the interaction and portray the role of the more senior person , reassuring the new person....Picture yourself , calming her, telling her "It's gonna be all right . I got this"

Yeah I guess you're right. When I take a real look at myself, I'm a lot like the blonde guy from the movie 16 candles. I try to be hot, even though I'm a nerd inside, and it actually works! So when I witness it actually working, I start panicking because I can't believe that it actually works. Even better, I'd say I'm like his character in the movie wierd science. I got what I dreamed of, but now that I did, I don't know what to do with it. I'm just so boyish that I'm in shock about the whole thing.

 

[Fuck This]

Ron, When I went to my 20th HS reunion, Most everyone had gone and done their own thing and didn't feel so "Needy for acceptance". It was there that I ran into a number of girls I went to high school with who confessed "OMG I had such a crush on you in school" i seriously thought these girls were out of my league and didn't see the signs.

So assume Women like you and are nervous that they will be rejected by you and then set them at ease in the manner I mentioned above.

 

[ron]

Ron, When I went to my 20th HS reunion, Most everyone had gone and done their own thing and didn't feel so "Needy for acceptance". It was there that I ran into a number of girls I went to high school with who confessed "OMG I had such a crush on you in school" i seriously thought these girls were out of my league and didn't see the signs.

So assume Women like you and are nervous that they will be rejected by you and then set them at ease in the manner I mentioned above.

Thank you so much man. For the advice, and Tony D you too. You’re right. I’m not the kind of guy who’s afraid to start talking to a chick but it’s that I always spiral out of control after I do, like mid-conversation. So when I'm having an initial conversation with a chick, I start getting really excited from the positive responses she's showing me, ESPECIALLY if she is in any way reminiscent of the girls from high school. The problem is I never got what I wanted in school. Never had sex, never went to a party, etc. so when I DO FINALLY START receiving these things, or just these positive responses from people who find me really cool, I start going nuts. I get really excited and my mind starts racing - I don't know what to say or do next because my mind is overloaded with excitement and racing thoughts.

Now that I'm taking a look at myself, I'd say I'm too excited about the prospect of becoming popular - becoming that which I had always strived for - or I should say, felt needy for. Well, after reflecting on all this stuff, I think I really need to find a way to balance my mind. Calm it down by any means necessary. And I got to realize that the goal of adult life is not to make up for what you missed in high school. You don't need to make up for not having done enough drugs, not having been to enough parties, not having done enough dumb shit, not having beaten up enough bullies, etc. You don't have to right all the wrongs or try to make everything perfect...you'll go crazy that way and end up only wasting a lot of precious time.

 

[Fuck This]

http://psychology.iresearchnet.com/...al psychological,a number of positive factors.

Psychology > Sports Psychology > Sports Emotions > Sports Psychology Flow

Sports Psychology Flow​

Flow is a special psychological state of total absorption in a task. When in flow, athletes are fully focused on what they are doing, and this heightened attention is associated with a number of positive factors. Accompanying a focused mindset are factors such as knowing exactly what one is going to do and how one is doing, having a sense of oneness with the task being performed, and feeling in control of one’s performance. A number of factors have to be in place for flow to occur, and it’s not an easy state for most to attain. However, once experienced, individuals are motivated to re-experience flow, because of how intrinsically rewarding an experience it is. Understanding the flow experience is important because it provides a gateway to optimal subjective experience.

Theoretical Background​

Mihaly Csikszentmihalyi developed the flow concept in the 1970s, after investigating the experiences of individuals when everything came together during times of involvement with a chosen activity. The types of activities initially investigated by Csikszentmihalyi were diverse, ranging from surgery to dancing to chess and rock climbing. Despite such diversity in setting, there was considerable consistency of responses regarding what was felt during moments that stood out as being special in some way for the individual.
Since his initial investigations where the term flow was chosen to denote these special absorbing experiences, Csikszentmihalyi has continued a research program examining this experience. Flow has been examined across diverse settings, from daily living to a state of mind associated with scientific discoveries. There has been remarkable consistency in how flow has been described by individuals across diverse settings. In addition to the enjoyment that flow brings an individual, the experience of flow is associated with many positive psychological characteristics, and is an optimal performance state. Flow has been identified as a key psychological construct in positive psychology, a growing field of interest in psychology, particularly with regard to positive subjective experience.

The Experience of Flow​

When in flow, one feels strong and positive, not worried about self or failure. Flow can be defined as an experience that stands out as being better than average in some way, where the individual is totally absorbed in what is being done, and where the experience is very rewarding in and of itself. This definition covers several characteristics of flow, and Csikszentmihalyi has detailed the experience of flow into nine dimensions.
The first and perhaps most critical dimension of flow is the concept of challenge–skill balance. Flow is predicted to occur when the individual moves beyond average experience of challenge and skill. The moving beyond average signifies an investment of mental energy into a task. When the perceived challenges are matched by a belief in having the skills to meet the challenge, the stage is set for flow to occur. The perception of challenge, and of skill, is more important than any objective level of challenges or skills in flow state. That is, prediction of the experience of flow is more accurately based on what individuals perceive the levels of challenge and skills are in situations than by reference to the levels of challenges and skills that may actually exist in those situations.