Girls on their phone all the time during a date

[Smith]

Hey gents,

Went on an instadate today with a girl I THOUGHT was quite attracted to me. She offered to give me her number, but I insisted we go grab coffee now. However, the moment we sat down with our coffee, she started using her phone - texting, checking fb and whatnot. At first, I thought maybe she needed to just text a friend quickly about something, but then she wasn't investing in our conversation and kept using it non-stop. It started to annoy me a little, so I teased her. "So hey! Is it life and death?" and gestured to her phone. "hahaha nooo, I'm just texting my friend"
Is she that socially retarded she didn't get my hint? or she's not interested? I was very confused. She's 18 by the way.
She also wasn't maintaining eye contact with me during our conversation.
After about 15 minutes of trying to engage her and trying to find a topic she's interested, I gave up...She's not giving me anything to work with. I think she's a vase.
So I just sat back and tried to finish my coffee as quickly as possible, then after about 10 minutes she said "maybe I should go home"
I nodded and thought maybe you should.
So we both got up and left the cafe without exchanging phone numbers.
This reminded me of another date I had a few months ago with another girl (who also look like her by the way, but I'm sure it couldn't be the same girl haha). She was also doing the same thing. It was the most terrible date experience - waste of my time really.

I have dealt with girls on their phone during a date by just pausing and looking away, and usually they're aware they're being rude so they apologize and put their phone away, but it didn't seem to work with this girl. I wanted to just grab her home and put it away...How would you guys deal with this behaviour?

 

[ray_zorse]

NEXT.

Guess you could say something like "I'm gonna go... I'm not feeling the lurve..." and I suppose she might correct her behaviour, but probably not.

 

[Mr.Rob]

I dated a younger girl (around same age) for a bit that did that shit all the time. She really really liked me, but she'd always get on her phone in the middle of deep conversation.

I don't think she did it out of haste but out of habit (younger dumb ADHD girl) and no one ever correcting her.

I'd just stop talking mid sentence and put a bored look on my face and get her to reengage me.

If it was really bad I'd call her out on it. "Pathetic you can't even stay off your phone for 10 minutes. Look at you addicted to bullshit that's slowly rotting your brain out." I said this jokingly/not at the same time but she never got offended by it and would usually apologize and talk before forgetting and pulling it back out 10 minutes later... literally addicted. haha

Good luck

-Rob

 

[luego]

Yes, it can be an addiction. And it can take an actual mental effort/conscious choice to disconnect from that to focus on the person you're with. I can't even imagine what it's like for the young kids, who've grown up with it fully involved in their lives. But I don't date that young, anyways .

But even in their 20's/30's, it's a thing. One suggestion I have is to take *your* phone, and have her see you put it out on the table, face down (have your ringer off if you are bombarded by emails/texts/etc). It shows investment in the interaction, provides her with a social cue as to what's appropriate, and brings her mind to the topic, all without being too over the top. Otherwise, I just raise an eyebrow, with a "really??" type look.

 

[Franco]

Smith,

I haven't experienced this too much, but it did happen to me with one girl (although I met her online, so I can understand if there wasn't enough initial attraction from a cold approach to have her highly invested in me). Other than that, I don't have a ton of experience with it.

That being said, some girls (and I imagine younger ones) might just be really nervous too, so they feel like if they're texting on their phone they won't look so nervous just sitting in front of you. If you can sense that it's nerves, then you can even make a bold move like just straight up reaching and grabbing for her phone like you're ready to take it away from her. She might ask what you're doing, but if you just smile and say something witty (i.e. "as much as I love my phone as well, I'd like to have a solid conversation with you instead!"), then maybe she'll laugh and or become slightly embarrassed and agree to put her phone away.

I haven't really experimented with this really, but it's something I thought about if it ever happened to me again. I would love to hear the results of someone trying this!

NOTE: Of course, keep in mind that if she's just not interested (i.e. her body language is negative and her face is expressionless most of the time), then she might just not be feeling you. This is more likely to happen with an online date if the girl wasn't very excited about the date to begin with.

- Franco

 

[Tim Iron]

I have been in that situation once and this is my opinion:

1.) If she talking to you and telling you things about her life while she is fiddling with her phone then you can ignore since you are getting results... (this happened with my cousin's female friend, she was laughing and boring me with her life details why she was occasionally fiddling with her phone.)
2.) But if you are just talking while she is just fiddling most of the time on her phone and not really paying attention and not talking to you, then stop talking and act bored and wait for her to start talking. If she does the whole fiddling with her phone three times - end the date politely!.

EDIT: Going by what Rdawg just posted below, If she fiddles too much with her phone instead of ending the date, I would just invite her home and see if it would happen instead of ending the date politely.

 

[RDawg]

Smith

A similar situation happened to me about 2 weeks ago with a girl. I met with a girl off tinder for a drinks at a local bar and after about 30 minutes of conversation, she started playing on her phone and texting. I thought it was kind of odd and I wasn't sure what she was doing. I never acknowledged it or said anything. I just kept on with the conversation and deep-diving, while she was texting or whatever she was doing. Honestly, she wasn't giving me much, I was carrying like 90% of the conversation and it was hard to keep up with. Eventually, after she played on her phone for about 15 minutes, I was getting a little annoyed and things seemed to start getting awkward. I then just decided to invite her home for a movie at that point. She agreed quickly and we went back to my house to watch a movie but this only lead to her playing on her phone EVEN more (which was more annoying). However, after I kissed her passionately, she put her phone away the rest of the night and then I didn't have an issue with the phone anymore.

In my opinion, I think if the girl is playing on her phone a lot during a "date", it may be a potential sign that she has an "awkward" personality and/or is nervous around you (because she likes you). I think the key thing to do is to keep moving things forward quickly, while making her more and more comfortable every step. However, their is always the case where the girl may not be that interested and I feel like you can find that out by trying to push things as far as you can with them.

Rdawg

 

[Smith]

Thanks guys,

The whole thing was just really strange the moment we sat down and she started using her phone immediately. Even the vibe was good while we ordered our coffee. Then she carried on using her phone 90% of the time. It put me off. I was thinking "wait, you seemed pretty cool just a couple of minutes ago and you wanted to get coffee with me, but now you would rather be on your phone....ummm". I tried the bored look and pretty much everything except moving forward like RDawg suggested.

One suggestion I have is to take *your* phone, and have her see you put it out on the table, face down (have your ringer off if you are bombarded by emails/texts/etc). It shows investment in the interaction, provides her with a social cue as to what's appropriate, and brings her mind to the topic, all without being too over the top.

I actually took out my phone at one point and texted my friend, then put it away, but nope...it didn't do shit lol

A similar situation happened to me about 2 weeks ago with a girl. I met with a girl off tinder for a drinks at a local bar and after about 30 minutes of conversation, she started playing on her phone and texting. I thought it was kind of odd and I wasn't sure what she was doing. I never acknowledged it or said anything. I just kept on with the conversation and deep-diving, while she was texting or whatever she was doing. Honestly, she wasn't giving me much, I was carrying like 90% of the conversation and it was hard to keep up with. Eventually, after she played on her phone for about 15 minutes, I was getting a little annoyed and things seemed to start getting awkward. I then just decided to invite her home for a movie at that point. She agreed quickly and we went back to my house to watch a movie but this only lead to her playing on her phone EVEN more (which was more annoying). However, after I kissed her passionately, she put her phone away the rest of the night and then I didn't have an issue with the phone anymore.

Looking back, maybe moving forward is a good way to screen her out because maybe she's actually nervous, since how often does this happen to an 18 y/o She was still smiling at me when she answered my questions, but still not giving me much (reaction vs result) and nothing I did could get her to invest in the conversation without making the whole thing "an interview". When we part ways, I was a little disappointed but glad that I actually found this out earlier, otherwise I would have wasted more time on her had we arranged another time for a date.

She also reminded me of my little sister (17 y/o) haha. She's on her phone all the time while talking to my parents and me as well, and over time I just got use to it. It is kinda sad that they would rather be on their phone than appreciating the present moment.

 

[Man-O]

I've experienced it with a girl I hooked up within 30 mins after approach (n-game) and then walked towards her place, which was very close.
Maybe the biggest mistake when I analyse it was not to tell her to put the phone away as it definetly enhanced her lmr due to her typing with her girl friend who was annoyed that she left alrdy at 2 am with me (we did say goodbye to her and her girl friend had a bf even). In the end she was half naked in the bed tabbing on her phone while I was about to massage her with the oil in the hand and removing her bra when she said "nahh, I don't think we should do this". Ended up being the most awkward situation I've had with game with my 10 months of experience, (she was even very fit) but that's a longer story.

Short story. Get that phone away from them and maybe as some others say escalate faster because that phone will decrease your connection by a lot.

 

[sneaky_charm]

Well, I haven't personally tested it, but I saw James Marshall saying in one of his videos that he met a girl who didn't engage properly. He made a genuinely serious face, looked directly at her, and said firmly but gently - "If you are going to talk to me, look me in the eyes please." I think that is a very big command, and something that can backfire. But again, if it backfires, then the girl was not interested to begin with.

 

[Rasui]

https://www.girlschase.com/content/phone-calls-dates