Girls saying; Maybe next time or Maybe another day...

[D_Smooth1900]

Good Morning Everyone,

Smooth here, I've been having girls say this to me in the past couple months. These girls include ones that I have bedded and ones I have not. I don't know whether to take it as a flake or something else. Simply put I'll propose a date to them and I'll either get one of two responses. Here are the two scenarios

ME:Hey (girlls name)
HER: hey (my name)
ME: you wanna hang out this Friday?
HER: I work this Friday
ME: ok, we can hang out when you get off
HER: I just got off work, I'm busy right now, I'll tell you when We can meet

I didn't reply since it was late at night. A little background information, I have already bedded this girl and we have passed the three month threshold with a FWB relationship. Do I re-engage or do I actually wait for her to set up a meet?

The second scenario, so I took this girl out on a date, but I wasn't able to close or bring her out on a second one. I missed her escalation window because I was busy partying with my boys. She randomly hit me up saying if I had any drinks, i ignored it because it wasn't going anywhere, since I was already turning up at the clubs.

I've recently seen her the other day and She opened me up, so I figured I'll text her later that evening. Here's how the conversation went

ME: what's up
HER: just coming back from shopping what about you!
ME: just watching some shows, what did you get?
HER: food! lol
ME: that's cool, feel like getting some ice cream?
HER: maybe another time, I'm moving stuff and going to the gym in like an hour
ME: that's cool, we should catch up over some drinks
HER: yea for sure

I know it's hard to tell whether she is intrested just by the texts and the background info, which is why I'm calling on the gurus to form there opinions on both scenarios.

So my questions is, am I to re-engage both of these woman or should I wait for them to open me up?

-Smooth

 

[Howell]

Good Morning Everyone,

Smooth here, I've been having girls say this to me in the past couple months. These girls include ones that I have bedded and ones I have not. I don't know whether to take it as a flake or something else. Simply put I'll propose a date to them and I'll either get one of two responses. Here are the two scenarios

ME:Hey (girlls name)
HER: hey (my name)
ME: you wanna hang out this Friday?
HER: I work this Friday
ME: ok, we can hang out when you get off
HER: I just got off work, I'm busy right now, I'll tell you when We can meet

I didn't reply since it was late at night. A little background information, I have already bedded this girl and we have passed the three month threshold with a FWB relationship. Do I re-engage or do I actually wait for her to set up a meet?

The second scenario, so I took this girl out on a date, but I wasn't able to close or bring her out on a second one. I missed her escalation window because I was busy partying with my boys. She randomly hit me up saying if I had any drinks, i ignored it because it wasn't going anywhere, since I was already turning up at the clubs.

I've recently seen her the other day and She opened me up, so I figured I'll text her later that evening. Here's how the conversation went

ME: what's up
HER: just coming back from shopping what about you!
ME: just watching some shows, what did you get?
HER: food! lol
ME: that's cool, feel like getting some ice cream?
HER: maybe another time, I'm moving stuff and going to the gym in like an hour
ME: that's cool, we should catch up over some drinks
HER: yea for sure

I know it's hard to tell whether she is intrested just by the texts and the background info, which is why I'm calling on the gurus to form there opinions on both scenarios.

So my questions is, am I to re-engage both of these woman or should I wait for them to open me up?

-Smooth

Hello Smooth,

Hard to say anything conclusively here, but there's a few possibilities that are most likely. First girl sounds pretty used to having you around and might not respect you as much as would be beneficial for the continuation of the relationship. I wouldn't re-engage her at least for a week or two, though I don't know your history so you know better than me. Maybe it's time to wrap things up and you can perhaps pick it up again if you two bump into each other sometime in the future.

Or not -- new things are better anyway if you're just going to keep things casual. 3 months is a good run for a FWB, so it might just be that time -- where you either invest more or move on (remember, the ideal relationship of super casual for guys is not equally fulfilling for girls).

The more girls you have in your life, the quicker you're going to move on the moment you feel a relationship is stagnating. So whatever you decide to do, stay sharp with your convictions.

Another thing I notice is your texting game could be more to the point. Maybe it's just your style, but for me, I pretty much always show my intent when texting in the first or maybe the second text I send. Call me impatient and overly-judgmental, but whenever someone sends me a "Hey what's up" text, I respect them less, as to me it comes off needy and unfocused. Even my guy friends. Usually I don't even respond. Maybe these girls might feel the same way to some degree.

So my questions is, am I to re-engage both of these woman or should I wait for them to open me up?

-Smooth

Are you worried that if you didn't re-engage them they would never contact you again? If so, it may be time to move on anyway, take the lessons you've learned from them, and get girl acting more than just lukewarm around you, but hot and consistently chasing for more of you throughout the entire relationship. Everyone will be happier that way.

Howell

 

[D_Smooth1900]

Hey Howell

Thanks for the reply, what I'm getting from what your saying is basically, if a girl flakes on me with a maybe later or another time, I should drop her and move on to the next?

Another thing I notice is your texting game could be more to the point. Maybe it's just your style, but for me, I pretty much always show my intent when texting in the first or maybe the second text I send. Call me impatient and overly-judgmental, but whenever someone sends me a "Hey what's up" text, I respect them less, as to me it comes off needy and unfocused. Even my guy friends. Usually I don't even respond. Maybe these girls might feel the same way to some degree.

I used the "what's up" to show little intrest, regardless if they answered or not. I agree with you its a little dull but I'm writing these girls off as lost causes so there's no need for me to invest much. The fact that they replied with messages longer than mines is what daunts me. This is what lead me to believe that they are still instrested.

Here's another scenario, I had a lengthy conversation over text with this one, I've bedded her before but things got to emotional so we took a break. I texted her how she was and built some rapport from there but here's the end of the convo

ME:Yea you missed a lot since you were in the Philippines
HER: yes I did!
ME: have you heard of the new mall?
Her: yes I have haven't gone yet going on Friday
Me: that's cool, hey if your not doing anything else this week, let's catch up
HER: lunch one day maybe this week if possible
HER: and dinner one night
HER:Cofee date?
Me: (thinking what the fuck?) sure we can do all three,
just let me know what days are best for you

She didn't reply and I let it settle for a couple of days I know she's busy on Friday so I was trying to nail her on Saturday, but I feel as if I re engage her I'll come off as week.

My problem is I'm not sure when re-engaging a target is good. I understand when a girl flakes but when you through the ball in her court, how long untill you are allowed to re-engage?

 

[Drck]

Hi D,

-------
ME:Yea you missed a lot since you were in the Philippines
HER: yes I did!
ME: have you heard of the new mall?
Her: yes I have haven't gone yet going on Friday
Me: that's cool, hey if your not doing anything else this week, let's catch up
HER: lunch one day maybe this week if possible
HER: and dinner one night
HER:Cofee date?
Me: (thinking what the fuck?) sure we can do all three,
just let me know what days are best for you
--------


There are two simple ways to read this text.

* Guy A says to himself: I am not sure about myself, I doubt myself, I don't know what SHE WANTS. Maybe she likes me, maybe not. How can I find out? WTF am I suppose to do? I can't decide, girls are just so complicated. I just don't know what I want, let's see if she knows what SHE WANTS, so he sends her a text: "Just let me know what days are best for you"...

* Guy B says to himself: I am a great guy and I WANT her. She likes me, she likes me a lot (Assume Attraction). She wants to go out with me: She offered (1) Lunch, (2) dinner and (3) coffee date. All in one week. This girls is so easy, all I have to do is show up. Damn, this girl is all over me, I just have to decide which day I WANT to see her.

So you send a text, something like: "Ok, sounds great. What's better for you: Thursday or Friday?" or another variation: "Sorry, I don't date hot girls, no coffee for me. But can do the other: What's better for you, late lunch on Thursday or early dinner on Friday?"

This way you'll give her two choices to pick from, either Th or Fr. There is no "some day" because "some day" could be tomorrow, next week, next month, or never. Give her specific day, because YOU know what you want. You want her...


Don't doubt yourself, trust yourself. It is not what she wants, it is what you want...

 

[D_Smooth1900]

Hey Drck

Don't doubt yourself, trust yourself. It is not what she wants, it is what you want...

Thanks for the reply, I'll go with assuming attraction and go for the kill. This girl has a tendency of not know ima what she wants. I'll just go with your comment and make it what I want, and if she doesn't like it, she can get next

-Smooth

 

[Franco]

D_smooth,

ME:Hey (girlls name)
HER: hey (my name)
ME: you wanna hang out this Friday?
HER: I work this Friday
ME: ok, we can hang out when you get off
HER: I just got off work, I'm busy right now, I'll tell you when We can meet

Regardless of whether or not you've slept with a girl, you want to remain tactful in the way you ask to see her. If she feels like you're treating her like a booty call, she's going to get upset and respond in a way that lets you know she is NOT your booty call, which is what happened here:

HER: I just got off work, I'm busy right now, I'll tell you when We can meet

When you think about seeing a girl that you've already slept with, you want to approach it from this mindset: "I know you love having sex with me, and I like having sex with you too. If it's possible, I would like to see you again this week. If you can't, I understand, and we can try again another time."

So a better conversation with this girl would have looked like this:

ME: Hey Kate, how's your week going?
HER: Hi D_smooth! It's been busy! How about yours?
ME: Same! My boss is driving me crazy, haha. We should hang out this week and blow off some steam! You have any free nights?
HER: I'm actually really busy this week, unfortunately
ME: It's no worries, I understand. We'll try again another time
HER: Ok, that sounds good

There's warmth but no pushiness or neediness on your end. Your texts in your original conversation seem lazy as if you had just sent the same text to seven other girls; remember, even though a girl is attracted to a man with options, she doesn't want to feel like that man doesn't value her as a unique person. Always show warmth in your texts, even if it's with a girl you don't have strong feelings for. Also, don't follow up with demands over text when a girl says she's unavailable/busy -- be cool about it and let her know that you're okay with it and willing to see her again another time.

- Franco

 

[D_Smooth1900]

When you think about seeing a girl that you've already slept with, you want to approach it from this mindset: "I know you love having sex with me, and I like having sex with you too. If it's possible, I would like to see you again this week. If you can't, I understand, and we can try again another time."

So a better conversation with this girl would have looked like this:

ME: Hey Kate, how's your week going?
HER: Hi D_smooth! It's been busy! How about yours?
ME: Same! My boss is driving me crazy, haha. We should hang out this week and blow off some steam! You have any free nights?
HER: I'm actually really busy this week, unfortunately
ME: It's no worries, I understand. We'll try again another time
HER: Ok, that sounds good

Hey Franco,

Thanks for the reply, i was under the impression that girls in a FWB relationship were similar to a bootey call relationship. I understand where I was wrong. But after doing it over and over you it's easy to lose your edge or enthusiasm over text and it becomes a more like straight to the point message. I'll take note of what you said and I'll work on being warm through text.

-Smooth