Girls won't become FWBs because of bedroom disappointments?

[Gsi2810]

Over the past couple of years as I have gotten into the game and improved my skills (I personally love the art of seduction). I feel like my bedroom skills haven't kept up.
Guys I'd rather be honest and risk some self embarrassment. I'm 32 not really a spring chicken and I do have difficulty in staying hard all the time. I enjoy my foreplay and felatio activities but it's a farcry from the multi orgasm I had teased over my dates. It feels like I was all talk and no walk when it really counted. Also none of the girls repeat me after we bang. I'm always cool and non needy so I don't chase but in the back of my head I'm always thinking is this because I flopped in the bedroom? By the way no incident occurs in the bedroom which would lead to such a conclusion they are all happy and cheerful and there's cuddling. They or I stay the night depending upon the place.

Couple of weeks back I reached out to one of flings and did exactly what the game forbids us to do (be needy) but I did that almost as an experiment to see why the girls smash but never see me again after that. I mean why can't I secure a FWB situation, the girl said she was looking for a serious relationship and not a casual fling so we had a one time hook up. Maybe that's why these girls don't get back in touch they are all into serious relationships but are still attracted enough to hook up just once at least I would like to believe that. Still would like some pointers to be better once the game is over and she is in the bed ready for me.

 

[killerman]

Do you watch porn and masturbate?

 

[Chase]

@Gsi2810,

I see a few items in this post:

• Trouble staying hard because at 32 you are "not really a spring chicken"
• Promising multiple orgasms but not delivering / all talk, no walk
• Girls don't want to repeat because they're "looking for a serious relationship"

On erectile dysfunction...

@killerman asks the killer question re: erectile dysfunction:

Do you watch porn and masturbate?

At 40, I'm less of a spring chicken than you are, and my erections are rock-solid and I can go multiple hour+ long rounds per day.

We have a thread on erectile dysfunction contributed by @Mike Silvertree, one of our moderators, who was 79 at the time he wrote it and also doing fine with his erections:

Erectile Dysfunction - Fixing "Too Soft Erections": Full Set of PROVEN Tips

Nitric Oxide & Erections One of the essentials to having a solid erection is Nitric Oxide (NO). NO is used by many processes in your body, and making enough is essential to health. The primary source of NO is the lining of your blood vessels. The total surface area of this part of your body...

www.skilledseducer.com

I contributed to that thread with my tips as well.

If you're under 80 (and you're not even halfway there at 32), age alone is not really the reason. There are plenty of mental and physical possible reasons though... see that link for tips.


On over-promising and under-delivering...

This may be the reason why girls aren't coming back for seconds.

The first night does not need to be amazing. You can get girls to come back again even if the first night is a bit of a flop sometimes, if the rest of the courtship was good and she likes you.

However, if you built up expectations that things were going to go a certain way in the bedroom, then they don't, she is going to feel cheated, and that is going to seriously impact her desire to see you again.

If I was you, I would cut down on the bedroom braggadocio until I had the bedroom on-lock again, and focus on using my other selling points to seduce with.


On girls claiming they all want LTRs...

This is one of those typical dismissals you will hear from girls if they don't want to tell you the real reason they don't want to see you again.

Your hunch seems to be you're disappointing them with the over-promise/under-deliver routine. I suspect you're probably right.

I wouldn't pay too much attention to what girls are saying about "Oh I really just wanted an LTR but you're too much of a playboy."

That said, you might also try setting FWB expectations post-lay... might help you have a bit more luck with this:

Relationship Expectations: Kill Some Impulsiveness and Set Some of These Instead

There's something in a normal relationship called the "honeymoon period." The honeymoon period is the period in the relationship where both parties are blissful and neither one feels the other can do any wrong and everything about one another seems special and amazing and great. Your girl thinks...

www.girlschase.com

Cheers,
Chase

 

[killerman]

@Gsi2810,

I see a few items in this post:

• Trouble staying hard because at 32 you are "not really a spring chicken"
• Promising multiple orgasms but not delivering / all talk, no walk
• Girls don't want to repeat because they're "looking for a serious relationship"

On erectile dysfunction...

@killerman asks the killer question re: erectile dysfunction:



At 40, I'm less of a spring chicken than you are, and my erections are rock-solid and I can go multiple hour+ long rounds per day.

We have a thread on erectile dysfunction contributed by @Mike Silvertree, one of our moderators, who was 79 at the time he wrote it and also doing fine with his erections:

Erectile Dysfunction - Fixing "Too Soft Erections": Full Set of PROVEN Tips

Nitric Oxide & Erections One of the essentials to having a solid erection is Nitric Oxide (NO). NO is used by many processes in your body, and making enough is essential to health. The primary source of NO is the lining of your blood vessels. The total surface area of this part of your body...

www.skilledseducer.com

I contributed to that thread with my tips as well.

If you're under 80 (and you're not even halfway there at 32), age alone is not really the reason. There are plenty of mental and physical possible reasons though... see that link for tips.


On over-promising and under-delivering...

This may be the reason why girls aren't coming back for seconds.

The first night does not need to be amazing. You can get girls to come back again even if the first night is a bit of a flop sometimes, if the rest of the courtship was good and she likes you.

However, if you built up expectations that things were going to go a certain way in the bedroom, then they don't, she is going to feel cheated, and that is going to seriously impact her desire to see you again.

If I was you, I would cut down on the bedroom braggadocio until I had the bedroom on-lock again, and focus on using my other selling points to seduce with.


On girls claiming they all want LTRs...

This is one of those typical dismissals you will hear from girls if they don't want to tell you the real reason they don't want to see you again.

Your hunch seems to be you're disappointing them with the over-promise/under-deliver routine. I suspect you're probably right.

I wouldn't pay too much attention to what girls are saying about "Oh I really just wanted an LTR but you're too much of a playboy."

That said, you might also try setting FWB expectations post-lay... might help you have a bit more luck with this:

Relationship Expectations: Kill Some Impulsiveness and Set Some of These Instead

There's something in a normal relationship called the "honeymoon period." The honeymoon period is the period in the relationship where both parties are blissful and neither one feels the other can do any wrong and everything about one another seems special and amazing and great. Your girl thinks...

www.girlschase.com

Cheers,
Chase

With me it's more of a reverse problem, but it still sucks: It's that I can't cum. Whenever I don't go long enough without masturbating, whenever I'm having sex with a girl and I masturbated to porn less than 2-3 weeks before, I just can't ejaculate. However whenever I go at least 3 weeks without masturbating I can usually cum. I don't know whether it's psychological or whether it's because I beat it down too much and it hasn't had enough time to heal/recover/get sensitive again but the sex just goes on and on without end and in the end the girl is just begging me to ejaculate because i'm just not climaxing. It is annoying but that's what happens when I wack off too much. Oh and i just dont get those powerful waves of pleasure. I just stay rock hard and wont cum. Annoying and frustrating.

 

[Chase]

With me it's more of a reverse problem, but it still sucks: It's that I can't cum. Whenever I don't go long enough without masturbating, whenever I'm having sex with a girl and I masturbated to porn less than 2-3 weeks before, I just can't ejaculate. However whenever I go at least 3 weeks without masturbating I can usually cum. I don't know whether it's psychological or whether it's because I beat it down too much and it hasn't had enough time to heal/recover/get sensitive again but the sex just goes on and on without end and in the end the girl is just begging me to ejaculate because i'm just not climaxing. It is annoying but that's what happens when I wack off too much. Oh and i just dont get those powerful waves of pleasure. I just stay rock hard and wont cum. Annoying and frustrating.

Interesting. I’d guess psychological, yeah.

A few weeks ago I woke up horny and rubbed one out. 10 minutes later my chick waltzed into the bedroom naked and horny and I was like, “Oh… didn’t realize you were still here.” I was like all right, let me go take a shower real quick… 20-minute shower… then was ready to go again. Was a bit of work to cut my refractory period down a bit but a few mind tricks and I was good to go. Came like a champ at the end of it.

I’ll have trouble cumming occasionally… usually only when a.) I’ve had too much sex lately plus b.) my head is really busy with other stuff at the moment (business, etc.). IME it is still doable so long as you are not so annoyed at the girl for some reason as to not be able to get into her enough, provided you have good thought control.

I don’t know if it’s true for absolutely every guy — I realize there are cases where guys have blood flow problems or arterial congestion or whatnot — but I tend to assume 99% of erection/ejaculation is psychological (barring those actual health issues).

A few points to reinforce this:

• Dominant male mice used to getting laid a lot continue to get hard and have sex with females even after castration, albeit at 50% the rate they maintained prior to castration (low-ranking male mice completely lose their sex drives altogether post-castration)
  
  
• The male refractory period is provably lower when switching between females (i.e., ejaculate into Female #1, and you have an average male refractory period of 30 minutes… but if Female #2 is trotted in butt-naked and ready to go, that refractory period goes down to 5 minutes before the male is ready to mount the new female and copulate again

The castrated dominant male mice can still get hard because they have a learned behavior of erections and mounting female mice in their territory (associated mentally with pleasure / other good feelings). Males with a reduced refractory period for novel females are also experiencing a purely mental effect — you can try it yourself by shagging one girl, then shutting your eyes and imagining she’s some totally different, new girl… watch how much faster you’re ready to go again.

It’s very possible to psyche yourself out with some of this stuff. If you have it in your mind that, “Oh no, I masturbated 2.5 weeks ago, I won’t be able to cum,” you are not going to cum. Worth examining your thoughts during sex, I’d say — are you thinking about, “I won’t be able to cum, it’s been too soon since I last jerked off”? I bet you are. I doubt you’re totally engrossed in the moment, focused on the woman, the feel of her pussy, or fantasizing about how good it’d feel to bust in her.

Any time I’ve experienced any sort of wonky erection thing (and every guy experiences wonkiness from time to time), it’s typically always been fast to solve, because the first thing I say to myself is, “All right, what is going through my head when I experience this? Ah, I see. All right, now where do I need to PUT my head?”

Of course, then you get to the ability to direct your thoughts… meditation is the best trainer for that:

How to Do a 10-Minute Meditation that Eliminates Bad Emotions

I've been meditating since I was 18 years old. That's half a lifetime ago for me now. I didn't get into meditation as part of any kind of spiritual belief system. I prayed as a child when I was a Christian. But by the time I started meditating, I was an atheist. I'm more spiritual again now...

www.girlschase.com

Also the process I recommend for beating depression — can be used to overcome any kind of obsessive thought-cycle (of which depression is one):

How to Overcome Depression

Was discussing this on a forum with a guy; I used to talk about it a fair amount, some time back, but it's sort of faded from my life in significance. It just isn't on my mind much these days anymore, but I do remember how big a deal it was for me once, and hopefully my story and process can...

www.girlschase.com

So long as you can put a finger on what is happening in your head, then direct your thoughts where they NEED to go, you will be able to solve these issues.

If your mind is too busy running wild though, these issues can run slipshod over you.

Perhaps that is why there are these schools of tantra that teach enlightenment through sex. The better you master the mind, the more completely you master erections/ejaculation.

Chase

 

[Gsi2810]

@killerman - I do cave in once a week or so when I have sort of struck out with my girls and sex got taken off the table (extremely frustrating)

@Chase - Brilliant and educational as usual. I'm intermediate at best but I do follow a lot of advice from your articles because I think 90% of the game boils down to be non needy and have an abundance mindset (easier said than done though lol). It slipped my mind the first time I posted this but I dunno why but all the girls I hook up with expressly tell me that they are looking for LTR only and no hookups (but they still hookup) so maybe they were attracted enough to hook up but after the event reverted to their usual mindset? I actually have been reading up on bedroom skills articles on the website.

On a sidenote I love this site and forum, you guys are the reason I get any sex at all lol. Cheers everyone.