Giving up

[barneystin]

I think I’m giving up this whole seduction thing pretty soon. For some reason, it just seems like girls don’t care enough to want to be around me. I think I have pretty decent social skills and a couple of notches under my belt (~8-10) at 21 but it seems like I’m always forcing things. I went out with my friends the other day and at the end of the night, my friend and I ended up in a 2-set. Things were going pretty good - my girl and I were making good conversation about life, the past, there was some touching involved so it definitely wasn’t platonic. My friend was also doing his thing with his girl but at the end of the day, only his girl left with him (without much convincing) while I tried to convince my girl to come with me and she ultimately said no (which was pretty embarrassing)

It just feels like I have this seduction thing harder than most other people. My friend is about as good looking as I am so it’s not a question of fundamentals. I’m black going to a big school in the south so maybe it’s a race thing. I really don’t know. I see regular guys who I’m sure don’t study seduction material as much do pretty well whereas it’s always a uphill battle for me

Any tips?

 

[James D]

Is your username based on the legen-wait for it-dary Barney Stinson?

If so, how dare you give up?

Sometimes, one bad night out is enough to wreck things up.

It's Halloween today, which reminds me of Halloween of 2022.

I went to the clubs with my best buddy, looking to pick up chicks.

I was already pretty decent back then.

We met up with a couple of his friends, which included this very sexy french girl.

I figured, I speak french, she was flirty, so I was set.

While walking to the club, I was getting some touch in while making some convo. At some point, french chick suddenly started ignoring me.

As we were waiting in line, my buddy pulled me aside: "Hey bro, uhm, french chick is really not digging your vibe."

Me "Uh?? Why??"

Him "Dunno, something about you trying to touch her. I think just hit on other chicks in the club"

Me "Ok yeah"

My night was wrecked. Momentum gone. I realized I may have touched her too much but still didn't expect it to backfire.

I made a couple approaches, nothing worked.

I sat by myself in the club and watched guys dancing with girls, making out with them and some of them walking out hand in hand, apparently headed to fuck.

My buddy sent me a text that he was headed to this Korean chick's hotel.

I left the club, defeated.

Took a couple days to let it settle, then went out again.

This time, I paid attention to calibrating my touch.

I followed my process to a t, isolated my girl, used sex talk (for which I had gotten coaching) and went for the kill.

She came back home, sucked me off, but wouldn't let me fuck her. After some uncalibrated persistence (read: needy behaviour), she left.

But I was happy.

At least I had pulled back home a chick as hot, or even hotter, than that french chick.

Now I needed to work on overcoming LMR, which is part of the process.

You tried to get her to come home, she didn't.

Means there wasn't enough compliance.

If your similarity was in check (seems so), arousal was lacking.

You have to stimulate her to a point where she's clearly horny and desperately wants it.

Work on that.

And keep that in mind: nights like that are normal.

Take a break and go at it again, and aim to tackle the missing piece in your game.

 

[Jan]

My friend was also doing his thing with his girl but at the end of the day, only his girl left with him (without much convincing) while I tried to convince my girl to come with me and she ultimately said no (which was pretty embarrassing)

You are doing a big disservice to yourself, comparing yourself to your friend and other people like that.

It could very much be that the other chick left with your friend because she was ovulating/horny that night while your chick wasn't. They could have been simply looking for different things that night.

The main point I'm making is that not everything depends on you, none of us have control over every and each aspect of seduction, and it seems to me like you are interpreting things like if anything goes wrong it's always your fault, like you are not good enough in this or that aspect.

If you have around 10 lays it means that you are in a beginner stage. Beginner stage means that there will be MORE failures than successes. This is or has been a case for ALL of us. And this applies not only to learning seduction but to any human endevour.

If you want to have more successes, you just need to continue going out, continue learning, and slowly over time, more and more things will click.

If you just give up and delude yourself that returning to 'a normal dude' mode, will fix things for you, and all of a sudden you will start getting chicks like some of your friends occasionally do, you are mistaken.

 

[barneystin]

Is your username based on the legen-wait for it-dary Barney Stinson?

If so, how dare you give up?

Haha, thanks for the response, man!

If your similarity was in check (seems so), arousal was lacking.

You have to stimulate her to a point where she's clearly horny and desperately wants it.

Work on that.

Any tips for how to up the arousal? Usually, I go from touching upper back to waist and then to thigh (if we're sitting) but we were standing by the bar so I didn't know what to do. I was thinking of switching to sex talk but she left to talk to her friend before I could and things just went downhill from there.

And keep that in mind: nights like that are normal.

Yeah, I'm beginning to see that. Now I'm not sure if night game is worth it considering most nights don't go anywhere and i don't intrinsically enjoy going out. What do you think?

 

[barneystin]

You are doing a big disservice to yourself, comparing yourself to your friend and other people like that.

Thanks for the response! Yeah, I'm trying not to. It's just that comparing myself to other people is how I motivate myself to get better.

They could have been simply looking for different things that night

I might be wrong but I feel like a better seducer would have been successful if put in my exact same situation. She didn't seem entirely closed off so it definitely felt like I had a chance and I blew it up, somehow. Here's the full field report

If you have around 10 lays it means that you are in a beginner stage. Beginner stage means that there will be MORE failures than successes. This is or has been a case for ALL of us. And this applies not only to learning seduction but to any human endevour.

I guess this is something I need to keep in mind more. I only started doing seduction 5-6 months and I've gotten about 4-5 lays since then (I didn't figure out LMR early on so I missed a bunch of lays) so I tag myself as an early-mid intermediate.

If you just give up and delude yourself that returning to 'a normal dude' mode, will fix things for you, and all of a sudden you will start getting chicks like some of your friends occasionally do, you are mistaken

I wasn't thinking things would get better. I just thought I'd get disappointed a lot less since I wouldn't be trying as hard. But after coming to my senses, I don't think I'm ready to give up just yet.