Good responses to use if she says she's "taking a break from men for a while"

[Beam]

Hi fellas. I street stopped an alternative looking cutie yesterday, opened direct (after passing her and then looping back). I won't detail the entire interaction but we got into a long conversation (around 5-10 minutes) where I teased her about her multiple earrings and tattoos, got logistics, did quick deep dives/made her qualify and so on). She seemed more involved as the conversation went on and showed more intimate compliance (such as turning and showing me her earrings when I asked her to and explaining all about them after I probed, letting me get closer to see them etc). She didn't however show overt signs of interest. Her logistics were free so I should have pushed for the instant date (as I did with a girl last week, will detail in my journal at some point), but I set a false time constraint and said I had to get going. Before I left I confidently said I'd love to find out more about her and that we should grab a coffee at some point soon.

At this point she apologized and said "I'm sorry, I'm actually taking a break from men for a while". When I probed deeper she told me she had just gotten out of a relationship which she had been in for 4-5 years, and that with COVID she was really enjoying the time finding herself. I tried using some bait by saying "it's a shame you had an experience that made you feel that way but it's awesome that you're using it to now find yourself. But if you chance upon the right man sometimes it can change your life in a lot of unexpected and amazing ways". Probably me qualifying myself too much. She kept apologizing.

I know if my fundamentals were better I wouldn't have gotten this objection, but I'm curious to know if you guys have any responses to this that would have made her reconsider? I've gotten this a few times after dates as well, obviously as result of not handling the date as well as I could have and maybe coming across as too boyfriendy. In the meantime while I continue working on fundamentals, a fun response to this would be appreciated! I've been trying to think of something funny and flirty but have come up short..

 

[Toby2030]

This is how I would do it.

Me: I see. As you stand here, and think back on your past experiences you might feel locked down. At first when you get out of a relationship you might feel heartbroken and confused but once you get out, you start feeling free and you feel ready to meet new people and do whatever you want. The times where I learn the most about myself is when I meet new people and get feedback from them. Can you relate?
Her: Yes, bla. bla.

Me: A lot of men try to get girls in a relationship just when you meet them. But I'm a little different..
Her: Why?*
Me: I like to take things as they come to me. Maybe I figure out you are a serial killer and I have to run away from you, or maybe we start to get to know and enjoy each other's company, and that's it. Does that make sense?
Her: Yes

Me: Cool, let me get your number then, I know this xxx.

 

[West_Indian_Archie]

In this particular situation, it doesn't sound like you've created enough interactional value for her to buy in. The instadate might have truly broken the ice, but here it seems like she's having a level 1/10 conversation, polite maybe a bit funny, but she's not dying to talk to you. You're still in the phase of value creation (A1 for the MM nerds), even if you're getting soft indicators of her liking it (Female to Male interest).

To flip a phrase, as a rookie, you gotta make the hoe say YES. Vets can often see "hell yes" in body language, nonverbal communication, subcommunication - but all that stuff is so esoteric it's hard to explain in writing.

So hitting her with shit test responses when she hasn't totally bought in will probably make the situation worse. But I say, sometimes you need to blow things up!

I'm curious to know if you guys have any responses to this that would have made her reconsider?

In my opinion, because the girl is giving you "reasons", the girl is actually looking for "assurances" about the guy's intentions.

To that end, I tell her with a straight face that I'm going say "I totally love you, I always have, from the first second I saw you, want babies with you, and grow old together like those couples in the post cards...*pause*. *add emphasis* Right Now. But I figure after the first few bangs, we'll get tired of each other and only stay in a relationship for convenience" *smirk*

Take that narrative in her head, of what guys normally say, amplify it, and then blow it up.

The goal being to not change her mind, but to change her mood.

WIA

 

[BigPapa]

In this particular situation, it doesn't sound like you've created enough interactional value for her to buy in. The instadate might have truly broken the ice, but here it seems like she's having a level 1/10 conversation, polite maybe a bit funny, but she's not dying to talk to you. You're still in the phase of value creation (A1 for the MM nerds), even if you're getting soft indicators of her liking it (Female to Male interest).

To flip a phrase, as a rookie, you gotta make the hoe say YES. Vets can often see "hell yes" in body language, nonverbal communication, subcommunication - but all that stuff is so esoteric it's hard to explain in writing.

So hitting her with shit test responses when she hasn't totally bought in will probably make the situation worse. But I say, sometimes you need to blow things up!



In my opinion, because the girl is giving you "reasons", the girl is actually looking for "assurances" about the guy's intentions.

To that end, I tell her with a straight face that I'm going say "I totally love you, I always have, from the first second I saw you, want babies with you, and grow old together like those couples in the post cards...*pause*. *add emphasis* Right Now. But I figure after the first few bangs, we'll get tired of each other and only stay in a relationship for convenience" *smirk*

Take that narrative in her head, of what guys normally say, amplify it, and then blow it up.

The goal being to not change her mind, but to change her mood.

WIA

Good one .

it is funny how guys in general see seduction only as a “what to say if she says this” dynamic , when in reality this is not as important as it originally is being seen .

women in general have a really bad verbal game , so if you are too witty for her she will back off as she does not want to look stupid

 

[Velasco]

Lol I see DML sipping that NLP kool-aid.

But ya, sexual nonverbals (look at her like you trying fuck) +taking what she gives you to set sexual frames is what's missing here

See too much if this deep diving/beating around the bush on here (<3 Chase).

Leads to interactions like this one (delayed rejections) (<3 Skippy)

Girl 1: hbsilver. Asian girl with a fat ass. I complimented her on her coordinated accessories, which were all silver. I ran the framework pretty well with her.

Me: Hey excuse me, I was just walking by from over there and I just thought you had very good accessorizing in your outfit. Yea it's really good like you've got the silver rings and pendant
Her: Oh haha I think it's very simple hahaha
Me: But...it works you've also got the silver bracelet
Her: Oh thank you hahaha. Honestly I just threw anything on for work
Me: Oh what do you do for work?
Her: I'm a receptionist at a law firm
Me: So I can imagine you sitting at the front desk with your accessories and your bling
Her: hahahahaha
Me: So what are you up to? today.
Her: Oh I'm just meeting a friend to catch up
Me: Oh it's funny you mentioned that because—
Me: —Oh my name is Skippy btw
Her: hbsilver
Me:—so yesterday I got a phone call from my old college roommate. I haven't talked to him for years. You know how it's like when you meet with an old friend
Her: yea
Me: And you know how there's that mystery
Her: yea! I think it depends whether it'll be awkward, then comfortable or comfortable all the way
Me: Yea! that's exactly how I was feeling and when we were talking, in a second it was back to everything being the same as usual
Me: Nothing had changed..you know we were just gossiping like school girls
Her: haha
Me:...and it just makes you remember that having a really good connection is something that's just underrated.
Me: ...in life. you just forget that
Her: yea! I could agree with that
Me: Yea and you come out of that interaction feeling buzzed...and just really positive vibes
Her: yea
Me: so yea now I'm just taking a walk
Her: Yea I was going to take a lyft but the wait was not worth it


we talk about transport for a bit

Me: So do you like what you do or is it so so?
Her: Um it's better than my previous job which was customer service so it's more calm. Not many people come by
Me: But you seem like a people person and you have background in customer service so you have to be really patient
Her: yea haha
Me: I like that actually. Because I teach, right. I'm in grad school so I also have to TA classes and you have to learn to be really patient with students as they're trying to understand stuff
Her: yea
Me: So...yea
Her: I think I'm very impatient with students(she said it with a little bit more humor though)
Me: okay so suppose I were to ask you this: So aside from work and hanging out with friends what is something you really enjoy doing?
Her: I just stay at home on my day off. Honestly there's not much for me to do
Me: So then how do you prevent yourself from getting bored?
Her: I just watch tv or talk to my sister.

The topic of school comes up and she's taking a break from school due to the whole covid situation and online classes are hard for her manage. She used to be interested in nursing but didn't like anatomy and so now she's interested in child development.

Me: So you're probably a very nurturing as a person then
Her: idk about that
Me: or are you like the pimp-hand disciplinarian (gestures)
Her: no actually think I'm very childish myself
Me: oh okay see I'm the older child so I'm used to my little sister always bothering me so if you and I were to hangout it would never work out. I'd be like "no stop doing this"
Her: hahaha I'm the older child too but idk I'm just...my personality that's all.
Me: You're just young at heart then
Me: That's cool, maybe when you're 80 you'll still be living it up
She reaches her friend's house:
Me: Okay before you head up, you seem interesting. We should hangout sometime
Her: hmm oh just letting you know I have a boyfriend though
Her: ..nnot in like, I didn't mean to put it out like BOLD as in that way but yea
Me: no worries
Her: just letting you know (nervous laughter)
Me; yea you seem interesting though, how about we exchange numbers then...I'm not looking for a girlfriend
Her: yea...I didn't want to jump to conclusions and seem like that type of thing...but yea!
Me: [puts down her details]
Her: [double checks the number] and when you text me, just say who this is so that I can put it down.
Her: okay nice meeting you haha

 

[Tony D]

You're a stranger. If you can't get in by being direct, take the back door.

All that matters is you get out with her, so she can see the "real' you.

In these situations I just make friends with them. "Sure, I don't need to be your lover. I'm just trying to make more friends. You seem cool we should hang out sometime anyway, as friends. We seem to have xyz in common. I don't really want to date right now either. I just can't help myself when I see a pretty girl. I really shouldn't. So what do you say?"

Once I get them to be like... oh, he's cool to just be friends. He does seem nice... then a few hangouts and we're banging. If I need to, I meet her for a group meetup, like a pub night, and make sure she see's me hitting on other women, and doing great at it. She gets jealous, social proof, etc... now she wants me.

 

[Tony D]

Hi fellas. I street stopped an alternative looking cutie yesterday, opened direct (after passing her and then looping back). I won't detail the entire interaction but we got into a long conversation (around 5-10 minutes) where I teased her about her multiple earrings and tattoos, got logistics, did quick deep dives/made her qualify and so on). She seemed more involved as the conversation went on and showed more intimate compliance (such as turning and showing me her earrings when I asked her to and explaining all about them after I probed, letting me get closer to see them etc). She didn't however show overt signs of interest. Her logistics were free so I should have pushed for the instant date (as I did with a girl last week, will detail in my journal at some point), but I set a false time constraint and said I had to get going. Before I left I confidently said I'd love to find out more about her and that we should grab a coffee at some point soon.

At this point she apologized and said "I'm sorry, I'm actually taking a break from men for a while". When I probed deeper she told me she had just gotten out of a relationship which she had been in for 4-5 years, and that with COVID she was really enjoying the time finding herself. I tried using some bait by saying "it's a shame you had an experience that made you feel that way but it's awesome that you're using it to now find yourself. But if you chance upon the right man sometimes it can change your life in a lot of unexpected and amazing ways". Probably me qualifying myself too much. She kept apologizing.

I know if my fundamentals were better I wouldn't have gotten this objection, but I'm curious to know if you guys have any responses to this that would have made her reconsider? I've gotten this a few times after dates as well, obviously as result of not handling the date as well as I could have and maybe coming across as too boyfriendy. In the meantime while I continue working on fundamentals, a fun response to this would be appreciated! I've been trying to think of something funny and flirty but have come up short..

Mind if I write an article based on this?

 

[Tony D]

Also. I don't think it's possible to deep dive quickly. This is more something you'd do on a date, or if you have a lot of time. Though I'm not always sure what guys here consider deep diving to be. Chase's work is often misinterpreted.

 

[BigPapa]

Also. I don't think it's possible to deep dive quickly. This is more something you'd do on a date, or if you have a lot of time. Though I'm not always sure what guys here consider deep diving to be. Chase's work is often misinterpreted.

good insight .

you can not deep dive without her being attracted to you , otherwise is very likely that you will be friendzoned .

i think that the easiest framework out there is :
Make her laugh + being sexual + creating rapport ( after you see that she is warm towards you ) + being a challenge . This is one of the most intoxicating mixes out there .

despite what a lot of people are saying , if you make her laugh while also being sexual , you are almost there

 

[Beam]

Interesting responses. I'm definitely not creating enough value to get her curious to know more. Right now I'm running the same general principle I run on girls I'm already on dates with, but on a much shorter timeframe (5-10 minutes). WIA that's bold - and looks like what I need - getting her out of the polite state and actually forming the thought of us together in her head.

See too much if this deep diving/beating around the bush on here (<3 Chase).

Leads to interactions like this one (delayed rejections) (<3 Skippy)

Wow, reading that interaction from Skippy, it's like I'm reading a transcript of my own conversations with these women. The common factor - I'm getting these responses only from women around the 21-22 age range (I'm 28). What I'm currently doing has worked on older women (31-33).

In these situations I just make friends with them. "Sure, I don't need to be your lover. I'm just trying to make more friends. You seem cool we should hang out sometime anyway, as friends. We seem to have xyz in common. I don't really want to date right now either. I just can't help myself when I see a pretty girl. I really shouldn't. So what do you say?"

Wouldn't she see right through this though? So many guys pretending to be "friends" just so they can get into her pants it's probably cliche to her. Feels weird for me to do this despite it working for you... I will try it though...

Also. I don't think it's possible to deep dive quickly. This is more something you'd do on a date, or if you have a lot of time. Though I'm not always sure what guys here consider deep diving to be. Chase's work is often misinterpreted.

I'm getting it from GrandPooba, though his fundamentals are probably better than mine which is why it probably works more for him: https://www.skilledseducer.com/threads/quick-process-for-day-game-approaches.21887/

I guess it's not the same level of deep diving as in a date, more asking a few follow up questions in response to what she tells me about herself (hobbies etc)

Mind if I write an article based on this?

Nope, go ahead! I'd love to read it.

 

[Velasco]

I'm getting it from GrandPooba, though his fundamentals are probably better than mine which is why it probably works more for him: https://www.skilledseducer.com/threads/quick-process-for-day-game-approaches.21887/

4. Find out at least three things about her. This is a quick deep dive - it could be where she's from, where she works, or something she enjoys doing. The point of doing this is to build a connection quickly

J Wick wrote a post a couple months ago about developing your conversational vibe. In it I quoted this part from game solved, talking about "generic filtering"

I use one other concept which I just call generic 'filtering'. That means rather than trying to think “What should I say?” just pay attention to what they're saying or doing or what's happening in the environment, and try to filter it SOMEHOW (more open ended) into something emotional. Usually funny. Like a guy on TV just said “I'm going to help you out with the surgery” talking about a surgery for a cat. But you could go “How do I filter that to something funny?” – in this case you could go “Wow! Brian HAS been hoping to finally get his sex change” and point to your friend. That's actually pretty damn funny, and a pretty good way to turn a cat surgery into something way more emotional.

So this is a concept I use very often. I see what someone say (in this case "writes" cause we on a forum), and then my brain matches a word from their sentence, to find for me, something hilarous that is relevant.

On the forum chat last night, @Train said:

I'll elicit a positive state by mentioning Biden and have her associate that with me . jk jk

Me seeing the word "jk" ("just kidding" for non-americans) my brain reminds me of the "what if we haha jk...unless?" meme:

So I responded:

Unless

Theres also some knowledge in my head that @Train is American and v accumulated in the meme culture, so I know its very likely gonna make him laugh as much as it makes me laugh.

Now the reason why I mention this is because u can also do the same thing with sexual. Just call it "sexual filtering". pay attention to what they're saying or doing or what's happening in the environment, and try to filter it to something sexual (for framing purposes).

Examples:
@S!mba

A little while ago, @Lofty approached this chick wearing a Houston Astros shirt. So how I suggested he could've approached her is:

I don't know how well you follow baseball, but there was a big cheating scandal with the Astros last year.

So I can see there was an opportunity to use cheating in baseball topic to segueway into talking about cheating in relationships. Then your views on relationships to set good frames

On the forum chat, Darkknight asked about how you"d transition from guessing a correct assumption about her (think it was, where she was from). So I suggested he disqualify her with a, "I fucking knew it. you're face looks just like my crazy ex haha" so that shed inquire about why she was crazy (aka bait) (in terms of the attraction sequence it was A1 (cold read) A2 (her being fascinated by the cold read) Disqualify (the line about the crazy ex) back to A1 (sex prizing) to get more A2 (Female to Male Interest). which is the genersl strategy I talked about here.

@S!mba asked me what'd I say, so might go, " dont get me wrong she was hot and the sex was amazing, but she was so fucking needy as fuck. Constantly calling me every hour to check on me. What I was doing. And I really liked this girl. But like wtf? You know what I'm saying?" (Sex prizing: I'm not needy, i dont like needy girls (standards) good at sex, capable of getting girls as hot as her, asking for investment back, vibe on the fact that I "get it")....

This deep diving puts u in the boyfriend frame ASAP:

Then after her stories, she wanted me to talk about myself and how I got to NYC. So I shared my story and ups and downs as well, which generally found super boring because it was so different from her – it became pretty apparent that we’re from two totally different backgrounds – her from the military and no college, and me from high education and owning my own business.

This gets u out of it:

To counter this, I immediately started to switch to discussing topics like BDSM and sex. From there on out, we spent the time talking about BDSM, festivals, sex and dynamics between men and women. I could see that she was getting really turned on, and we were in total alignment with what we were saying. Not only does she love BDSM, but as I was talking about festivals I’ve been to, I revealed I’ve been to many play parties in NYC as well as down the East Coast. Turns out that she hasn’t been to one, and I really piqued her curiosity about these.

 

[West_Indian_Archie]

Interesting responses. I'm definitely not creating enough value to get her curious to know more. Right now I'm running the same general principle I run on girls I'm already on dates with, but on a much shorter timeframe (5-10 minutes). WIA that's bold - and looks like what I need - getting her out of the polite state and actually forming the thought of us together in her head.

We all have different takes on pick up. My style is about getting the chick really emotionally engaged, like a drug. There are other ways to get there, but for the most part - I want to stir up strong emotions in the girl. And emotions RANGE. Happy, sad, mad, thoughtful...

Once guys build the physical/visual fundamentals (normal BMI, good haircut, clothes that fit, smell good) and understand the timeline (stranger, person that's not a stranger, lover) how you pull the girl is about personal preference.

Definitely try it out, but "This is NOT THE WAY" (c) Mandalorian, it's "A Way"

WIA

 

[HumanWhoLearns]

The last 2 approaches I did at the gym went the same way you described. I think its just a standard girl blow-off. They're always up to meeting an attractive guy, they only say that to guys they find unattractive.

I agree with trying to make the conversation emotional someway. Deep diving just doesn't seem to build attraction.