FR Got my First Number Today!

[House]

Did 8 approaches today, the most I’ve done in a day. I’m not going to post about all of them, but I would love feedback on the ones I do.

Second Approach (University Campus)
Went with the indirect opener of asking for directions to the scenic fountain on campus. She was super receptive, helpful and gave me an IOI of asking me to continue the conversation after she showed me where the fountain was.

Ended up thanking her for the help, than saying that I would love to take her out for coffee sometime. I didn’t really transition from the regular conversation to asking her out, but she agreed! She gave me her number and then I went on my way. This was my first successful number close.

Third Approach (University Campus)

Went with the same indirect opener since it worked well the first time. It did not work again though haha. Started with asking for directions, than transitioned to I’m checking out the campus to study there, then conversation about what’s she’s studying and then I went for the close.


Her tone and face changed when I said I’d love to take her out for coffee. She said “yeah maybe” and then I asked for her number. I should have just aborted cause it was clear she wasn’t interested.

Again I didn’t really escalate, just went from normal conversation to asking her out. Did not work that time but I was still riding off the high of the second approach.

Sixth Approach (Mall)

This is the worst result I’ve ever had from an approach but I am glad it happened. Saw a cute woman working behind the cashier at a clothes store. Made eye contact, went up to her and said “I’m not really interested in what your selling here, but I just had to come up and tell her how pretty I thought you are” Immediate negative reaction, her face went from neutral to a frown.

I asked her what her name was and she whispered it. I said something along the lines of “I can tell by your reaction you’re kinda not feeling this”. Her face went to one of almost disgust and shook her head. I told her not to worry and to have a nice day.

Ouch, that one definitely stung.

Eighth Approach (Mall)

Last approach of the day and I was socially tired at this point. Did the same opener as the fourth approach. And she was much more receptive.

I really felt the nerves with this one though, cause I was talking extra fast and kind of rushed through my stack (cold read about what she likes to do for fun).

Said I’d love to take her out for coffee, she said she had a boyfriend and I said no problem, smiled and told her to have a nice day.

After all the approaches I today I learned:

• I sometimes talk fast, don’t annunciate as much as I like and jumble up my words.
  • At one point one of my approaches had to lean in because she couldn’t hear/understand what I was saying.
• I sometimes rush through my stack/conversations if I’m extra nervous
• If I go for the indirect opener, I need to learn how to escalate/show interest instead of just hitting them with the close

Thanks for reading, any help/advice is appreciated!

 

[Will_V]

Did 8 approaches today, the most I’ve done in a day. I’m not going to post about all of them, but I would love feedback on the ones I do.

Second Approach (University Campus)
Went with the indirect opener of asking for directions to the scenic fountain on campus. She was super receptive, helpful and gave me an IOI of asking me to continue the conversation after she showed me where the fountain was.

Ended up thanking her for the help, than saying that I would love to take her out for coffee sometime. I didn’t really transition from the regular conversation to asking her out, but she agreed! She gave me her number and then I went on my way. This was my first successful number close.

Well done on reading the signals and shooting your shot!

You don't have to do much setup for asking her out as long as you establish that you're interested in her as a woman. You can do this by:

- Nonverbal signals - eye contact, proximity, touch, etc
- Steering the conversation - emotional/evocative topics, subtle sexual innuendo

Once there's some rapport and an underlying frame of man/woman attraction - and from her IOIs it's clear she was feeling that - asking her out or getting her number is just a natural next step.

Not sure if you'd skipped the rapport here, which can make numbers a bit flaky, but the main thing is you're improving!

Third Approach (University Campus)

Went with the same indirect opener since it worked well the first time. It did not work again though haha. Started with asking for directions, than transitioned to I’m checking out the campus to study there, then conversation about what’s she’s studying and then I went for the close.

Her tone and face changed when I said I’d love to take her out for coffee. She said “yeah maybe” and then I asked for her number. I should have just aborted cause it was clear she wasn’t interested.

Again I didn’t really escalate, just went from normal conversation to asking her out. Did not work that time but I was still riding off the high of the second approach.

Sounds like she thought it was a purely social interaction and then you asked her out. That's why nonverbals are so important, you can quickly gauge if she's not interested if she's not responding to strong eye contact, touch, stuff like that.

Also remember to make the conversation about what kind of girl she is, not generic conversational stuff. That makes it clear that you have an intent to get to know her specifically, you're not just looking for a conversation buddy.

Sixth Approach (Mall)

This is the worst result I’ve ever had from an approach but I am glad it happened. Saw a cute woman working behind the cashier at a clothes store. Made eye contact, went up to her and said “I’m not really interested in what your selling here, but I just had to come up and tell her how pretty I thought you are” Immediate negative reaction, her face went from neutral to a frown.

I asked her what her name was and she whispered it. I said something along the lines of “I can tell by your reaction you’re kinda not feeling this”. Her face went to one of almost disgust and shook her head. I told her not to worry and to have a nice day.

Ouch, that one definitely stung.

It's very hard to approach hired guns, especially going super direct like that. First of all she's in the mode of looking at everyone as customers rather than people. She'll often go into 'automaton mode' on the job and it's hard to snap her out of that. She's going to be worried about doing something inappropriate at work. She's going to be wondering whether you're some dude who's going to hang around her store all day hoping to get another opportunity with her. Etc.

I'm not really in the habit of approaching hired guns myself, though I often flirt with them. You'd have to be a lot more indirect and subtle about it and not going in like she's the only product in the store you're interested in.

Eighth Approach (Mall)

Last approach of the day and I was socially tired at this point. Did the same opener as the fourth approach. And she was much more receptive.

I really felt the nerves with this one though, cause I was talking extra fast and kind of rushed through my stack (cold read about what she likes to do for fun).

Well done, making it about her, shows you have intent which is a form of early escalation.

Said I’d love to take her out for coffee, she said she had a boyfriend and I said no problem, smiled and told her to have a nice day.

Maybe she had one, maybe she didn't. Girls sometimes say that if you seem like a nice guy but she's not feeling it - sort of like she's trying to let you down gently. Maybe try stronger nonverbals and try to sexualize things subtly a bit more.

If you post more details about your conversations maybe we can add some pointers.

After all the approaches I today I learned:

• I sometimes talk fast, don’t annunciate as much as I like and jumble up my words.
  • At one point one of my approaches had to lean in because she couldn’t hear/understand what I was saying.
• I sometimes rush through my stack/conversations if I’m extra nervous
• If I go for the indirect opener, I need to learn how to escalate/show interest instead of just hitting them with the close

And well done on evaluating yourself. Seduction is one of those things that doesn't come with a lot of feedback in the moment, being able to look back, rerun the seduction in your mind, and spot issues is key.

Best of luck going forward!

 

[House]

Well done on reading the signals and shooting your shot!

You don't have to do much setup for asking her out as long as you establish that you're interested in her as a woman. You can do this by:

- Nonverbal signals - eye contact, proximity, touch, etc
- Steering the conversation - emotional/evocative topics, subtle sexual innuendo

Once there's some rapport and an underlying frame of man/woman attraction - and from her IOIs it's clear she was feeling that - asking her out or getting her number is just a natural next step.

Not sure if you'd skipped the rapport here, which can make numbers a bit flaky, but the main thing is you're improving!



Sounds like she thought it was a purely social interaction and then you asked her out. That's why nonverbals are so important, you can quickly gauge if she's not interested if she's not responding to strong eye contact, touch, stuff like that.

Also remember to make the conversation about what kind of girl she is, not generic conversational stuff. That makes it clear that you have an intent to get to know her specifically, you're not just looking for a conversation buddy.



It's very hard to approach hired guns, especially going super direct like that. First of all she's in the mode of looking at everyone as customers rather than people. She'll often go into 'automaton mode' on the job and it's hard to snap her out of that. She's going to be worried about doing something inappropriate at work. She's going to be wondering whether you're some dude who's going to hang around her store all day hoping to get another opportunity with her. Etc.

I'm not really in the habit of approaching hired guns myself, though I often flirt with them. You'd have to be a lot more indirect and subtle about it and not going in like she's the only product in the store you're interested in.



Well done, making it about her, shows you have intent which is a form of early escalation.



Maybe she had one, maybe she didn't. Girls sometimes say that if you seem like a nice guy but she's not feeling it - sort of like she's trying to let you down gently. Maybe try stronger nonverbals and try to sexualize things subtly a bit more.

If you post more details about your conversations maybe we can add some pointers.



And well done on evaluating yourself. Seduction is one of those things that doesn't come with a lot of feedback in the moment, being able to look back, rerun the seduction in your mind, and spot issues is key.

Best of luck going forward!

Thank you for the great feedback! I should preface my responses by saying that today I was focused more on getting past AA, and now that I’ve made some progress in that I want to hone in on my conversation.


For for the second approach, I do feel like I skipped getting the rapport, we just had a regular conversation about school, jobs etc. This is confirmed by the fact she hasn’t responded to my text, I still count it as a win though


For the third approach, yes that exactly the vibe I got once I went in for the coffee date close. Like she was surprised that the conversation turned from general talk to going on a date. Spot on.

I just read up about qualifying and setting a sexual frame so I’m going to keep that in mind next time.


Good point about the sixth approach, I usually go for hired guns if my AA is too bad or if I need to get things started. Today was my first day approaching without having to build up courage for 30+ minutes which I count as another win haha.

Should have been clearer with this one, I went with a direct approach like the sixth approach** not fourth. Typo. But even though she was receptive and conversational after I opened, she definitely lost attraction after I rushed through the conversation.

Here’s how my conversation went with her:

Me: Hey, I’m not really interested in what you are selling I just wanted to come in and tell you how pretty I though you are

Her: Oh thank you! (Polite smile)

Me: What’s your name? I’m House

Her: (Tells me her name and we shake hands)

Me: How long have you been working here? (I keep telling myself not to ask questions according to the LDM but I freeze up and just resort to it)

Her: 2 years

Me: Oh wow, that’s a long time. You strike me as a person who keeps up with trends, I am right in that?

Her: Yeah, I mean I do work at a trendy store so you can say I’m in the industry!

Me: (Kind of misunderstood, asked if she was in school for fashion or something, here is when I really mumbled and rush through my response)

Her: Oh no I just mean I work in a trendy store so I’m familiar with it

Me: Oh yeah ok makes sense. I gotta get going but I’d love to take you out for coffee sometime.

Her: Oh sorry I have a boyfriend.

Me: No worries, have a good rest of your day!

Thanks again man, I appreciate you taking the time to help me out!

 

[Will_V]

For for the second approach, I do feel like I skipped getting the rapport, we just had a regular conversation about school, jobs etc. This is confirmed by the fact she hasn’t responded to my text, I still count it as a win though

What was your icebreaker text?

Me: Hey, I’m not really interested in what you are selling I just wanted to come in and tell you how pretty I though you are

Her: Oh thank you! (Polite smile)

Me: What’s your name? I’m House

Her: (Tells me her name and we shake hands)

Me: How long have you been working here? (I keep telling myself not to ask questions according to the LDM but I freeze up and just resort to it)

Her: 2 years

Me: Oh wow, that’s a long time. You strike me as a person who keeps up with trends, I am right in that?

Her: Yeah, I mean I do work at a trendy store so you can say I’m in the industry!

Me: (Kind of misunderstood, asked if she was in school for fashion or something, here is when I really mumbled and rush through my response)

Her: Oh no I just mean I work in a trendy store so I’m familiar with it

Me: Oh yeah ok makes sense. I gotta get going but I’d love to take you out for coffee sometime.

Her: Oh sorry I have a boyfriend.

Me: No worries, have a good rest of your day!

Thanks again man, I appreciate you taking the time to help me out!

Yeah that's basically cutting off the conversation as soon as it gets awkward - remember that you always need to go for the number on a high point, when things are rolling, the vibe is good, she's fully engaged, and there's maybe a natural lull in the conversation - rather than doing it as a way to fill in a blank.

It's normal when you're starting off to get nervous and jump ahead when you don't know what to do. As long as you're not bailing from nerves (which you didn't do) you'll get used to being able to hold that kind of tension and move forward smoothly.

The way I like to do things is basically:

1. Start off with asking her about what she's up to or commenting on something about her
2. Transition to her interests - what she likes/doesn't like about her job, what she likes to do for fun - also sharing a bit about myself
3. Use the conversation about her interests to dive deeper into what sort of girl she is - maybe teasing her a bit, cold reading - also using stronger eye contact, maybe moving a little closer, touching her playfully
4. When there's some nice subtle sexual tension, I sort of look around and 'remember' I've got stuff to do, and I'll qualify her on something unique I like about her, seed the date, grab the number.

You can see there's a gradual escalation from friendly/generic to personal/sexual, and then when she's vibing well I sort of gently pull out and make her want more, while giving her a touch of validation.

 

[House]

What was your icebreaker text?



Yeah that's basically cutting off the conversation as soon as it gets awkward - remember that you always need to go for the number on a high point, when things are rolling, the vibe is good, she's fully engaged, and there's maybe a natural lull in the conversation - rather than doing it as a way to fill in a blank.

It's normal when you're starting off to get nervous and jump ahead when you don't know what to do. As long as you're not bailing from nerves (which you didn't do) you'll get used to being able to hold that kind of tension and move forward smoothly.

The way I like to do things is basically:

1. Start off with asking her about what she's up to or commenting on something about her
2. Transition to her interests - what she likes/doesn't like about her job, what she likes to do for fun - also sharing a bit about myself
3. Use the conversation about her interests to dive deeper into what sort of girl she is - maybe teasing her a bit, cold reading - also using stronger eye contact, maybe moving a little closer, touching her playfully
4. When there's some nice subtle sexual tension, I sort of look around and 'remember' I've got stuff to do, and I'll qualify her on something unique I like about her, seed the date, grab the number.

You can see there's a gradual escalation from friendly/generic to personal/sexual, and then when she's vibing well I sort of gently pull out and make her want more, while giving her a touch of validation.

My text was:

Hey! It’s House. Thanks again for the directions, was worth the trip

Fair fair, I definitely feel like that’s what I’m going to focus on next. I feel like if I just kind of paused, took a breath and then continued talking I could have been better about steering the conversation. Working on my overall nerves will help too, hoping that calmness just comes with getting a lot of approaches under your belt.

I like that setup, I see where the transition happens. Would you bail around step 3 if you’re not getting any IOIs?

Can you give an example for step one? I go to situational comments/stacks after I open, it’s hard to do it on the fly (at least for me haha)

Appreciate it!

 

[Will_V]

My text was:

Hey! It’s House. Thanks again for the directions, was worth the trip

It's generally good to use her name so she knows you're talking to her and it's not a generic text. People like to hear their own name.

The line about the directions is just not great. She knows you didn't go up to her for directions, so why are you referring to that again? It's also not very clear what you mean about it being 'worth the trip'.

Lastly it doesn't validate the real reason why you went up to her, which is to get to know her.

The ones I use most often (stole from one of Chase's articles) is:

"Hey <her name>! Wonderful to have met Will"
"Hey <her name>! Save my number Will"

Either she won't respond, or she'll respond in kind, like "Nice to meet you too Will!"

And importantly, if she doesn't respond to the icebreaker, you just proceed to start a text convo the next day or whatever - she might not have known she was supposed to respond to that one, she might've forgot, whatever. Girls, especially when nervous, often become very passive when they aren't sure what they are supposed to do or say.

Fair fair, I definitely feel like that’s what I’m going to focus on next. I feel like if I just kind of paused, took a breath and then continued talking I could have been better about steering the conversation. Working on my overall nerves will help too, hoping that calmness just comes with getting a lot of approaches under your belt.

It does, meditation helps for me too.

I like that setup, I see where the transition happens. Would you bail around step 3 if you’re not getting any IOIs?

I'd tease her anyway, touch her anyway, put a bit of pressure on, and push things a little until she's either submitting to it or pulling back. If she's pulling away, and I can't see a good reason for why, I generally send her on her way .. I'm just not attracted to super skittish girls.

Can you give an example for step one? I go to situational comments/stacks after I open, it’s hard to do it on the fly (at least for me haha)

Appreciate it!

Example

You: "Hey! I just had to say you have the most elegant walk haha"
Her: "Haha oh really? What does that mean?"
You "Like everyone's rushing around, but you've got this leisurely pace, and those boots add to the picture"
Her: "Haha thanks?"
You: "I'm <name>" hold out my hand "what's your name?"
Her: "Maria" shakes my hand, I hold it gently for a few seconds.
You: "So what are you up to Maria"
Her: "Well just on my way to <some venue>"
You: "Oh time to kick back after work .. long day?"
Her: "Yeah a bit, couldn't wait to be finished"
You: "So what do you do?"
Her: "I'm an accountant"
You: "Oh really? So you're good with numbers?" teasing smile.
Her: "I guess so!"
You: "I bet you're like a closet nerd, and you wear those boots as a decoy"
Her: "Haha something like that"
You: "Spotted!" smiling, strong eye contact.
Her: "haha .. what do you do?"
...

In other words:

1. Compliment
2. Introduction
3. Ask her what she's up to
4. Transition to what she does
5: Transition to what sort of girl she is

is generally how I start off.

 

[House]

It's generally good to use her name so she knows you're talking to her and it's not a generic text. People like to hear their own name.

The line about the directions is just not great. She knows you didn't go up to her for directions, so why are you referring to that again? It's also not very clear what you mean about it being 'worth the trip'.

Lastly it doesn't validate the real reason why you went up to her, which is to get to know her.

The ones I use most often (stole from one of Chase's articles) is:

"Hey <her name>! Wonderful to have met Will"
"Hey <her name>! Save my number Will"

Either she won't respond, or she'll respond in kind, like "Nice to meet you too Will!"

And importantly, if she doesn't respond to the icebreaker, you just proceed to start a text convo the next day or whatever - she might not have known she was supposed to respond to that one, she might've forgot, whatever. Girls, especially when nervous, often become very passive when they aren't sure what they are supposed to do or say.



It does, meditation helps for me too.



I'd tease her anyway, touch her anyway, put a bit of pressure on, and push things a little until she's either submitting to it or pulling back. If she's pulling away, and I can't see a good reason for why, I generally send her on her way .. I'm just not attracted to super skittish girls.



Example

You: "Hey! I just had to say you have the most elegant walk haha"
Her: "Haha oh really? What does that mean?"
You "Like everyone's rushing around, but you've got this leisurely pace, and those boots add to the picture"
Her: "Haha thanks?"
You: "I'm <name>" hold out my hand "what's your name?"
Her: "Maria" shakes my hand, I hold it gently for a few seconds.
You: "So what are you up to Maria"
Her: "Well just on my way to <some venue>"
You: "Oh time to kick back after work .. long day?"
Her: "Yeah a bit, couldn't wait to be finished"
You: "So what do you do?"
Her: "I'm an accountant"
You: "Oh really? So you're good with numbers?" teasing smile.
Her: "I guess so!"
You: "I bet you're like a closet nerd, and you wear those boots as a decoy"
Her: "Haha something like that"
You: "Spotted!" smiling, strong eye contact.
Her: "haha .. what do you do?"
...

In other words:

1. Compliment
2. Introduction
3. Ask her what she's up to
4. Transition to what she does
5: Transition to what sort of girl she is

is generally how I start off.

Ok I see what you’re saying, I’m going to keep that in mind for next time. My thought was to reference the original reason we met, but I see it’s past that point

How long would you wait to text after getting the number?

I’m gonna memorize some general comments like the one you mentioned. I’m thinking maybe like her overall vibe, sense of style etc.


Good stuff! Adding this to my notes for the next time I go gaming.

 

[FunGuy]

Excellent job bro! You did a lot of approaches so just make sure to keep at it and continue building momentum. Will_V gave excellent tips so I don't have much to add.

You have good observation skills and self-awareness. You were able to sense the tone change on the 3rd approach when you went for the number close. You are also very aware of what you did wrong like being nervous and talking too fast. Continue approaching and getting comfortable with it and slowly you will be able to speak with confidence even when you feel nervous.

Also I'm curious about how much time you spent talking to them in set. On average how long were your interactions. Is it like 2-3 minutes or is it over 15mins?

 

[House]

Excellent job bro! You did a lot of approaches so just make sure to keep at it and continue building momentum. Will_V gave excellent tips so I don't have much to add.

You have good observation skills and self-awareness. You were able to sense the tone change on the 3rd approach when you went for the number close. You are also very aware of what you did wrong like being nervous and talking too fast. Continue approaching and getting comfortable with it and slowly you will be able to speak with confidence even when you feel nervous.

Also I'm curious about how much time you spent talking to them in set. On average how long were your interactions. Is it like 2-3 minutes or is it over 15mins?

Thanks man! I really appreciate that, positive feedback is huge when doing nerve racking things like this.

Each approach is about 1-3 minutes long. The longest one was about 8 minutes, because we had a lot of similarities and the conversation flowed a bit. But the longer it goes on the more my anticipation/anxiety grows because I know any second I’m going to go for the close.