Guy has no fundamentals. Has gorgeous girlfriend. What's going on?

[Ryan]

I apologise if this sounds a bit like a rant. That's not my intention. But this is so crazy, and this has been bugging me for a long time, so I'm writing this with a bit of emotion attached nonetheless.

Though many people may say i'm seeing isolated cases of crazy women, this is far too common in my country to be just anomalous situations. This happens all the time in my city and my university. It just doesn't make sense.

In England, there are a lot of really ugly guys (especially in cities, where the diet and air isn't usually so good i suppose). Really skinny, face full of acne and dress like shit. Even in my university, there are a lot of gorgeous eastern-european and east-asian girls who regularly have sex in the toilets with the most ugly looking English men.

They always have the most gorgeous girlfriend (usually foreign) holding their hands or kissing them in public and my heart sinks.

As with most ugly people, it's not that they're genetically ugly or they're deformed, lost causes. The infuriating thing is that they just don't bother trying looking good but still find success somehow. If they ate well, worked out a bit, washed a bit more and wore good clothes, then they'll be average looking at least.

It's a real disappointment seeing this because all these beautiful girls seem to be handed to them on a silver platter without those guys even trying, and I have been working so hard everyday and i can't even get a number from an average girl! >_<

But now it's just part of city-life. And i'm curious about this phenomenon. What's going on? This is a genuine question and i even have photos on my facebook to prove it, but it would be very unreasonable to post those photos on the internet without their consent.

What on earth is going on behind the scenes? There must be something more important than fundamentals which women value in men.

 

[Marty]

I obviously haven't seen the specific cases you're referring to, but Franco has an excellent pyramid diagram that would imply that there are far fewer attractive men than attractive women. I've heard this point made very forcefully by women too. I'm speculating, but that might have something to do with it: not enough halfway decent men to go around.

 

[PinotNoir]

That's interesting and not something that I see often where I live in the southern USA.

Now, I have definitely seen ugly guys with hot women. In fact, I see it on facebook in my news feed with marriages. I'm always thinking, "Wow, she can do better." My assumption here is that these women have been pressured both directly and indirectly to get married; it's viewed as a failure in the southern society for women to not to get married. Therefore, I think they have settled quickly for whatever reason. I have seen more "ugly guys with hot girls" in my news feed, but I have also definitely seen "hot guys with ugly girls," and this is only in relation to marriages. As far as relationships, the ugly guys/girls seem to go by rather quickly in the "relationship status." This is just very limited statistics though in a very narrow area -- small, specific sample size.

Also, a point to make is that these women aren't exceptionally hot; they're just hotter than the guys in my opinion.

You said eastern European and eastern Asian. You may be seeing the effects of 4 things:

1) The novelty factor. These women are so turned on by any foreign guy that they don't really perceive them as ugly, as others in the area do.
2) The low self-esteem factor. Perhaps, they come from a background with low self-esteem and/or because of #1 are just happy that a foreign guy actually asked them on a date.
3) Indirect/direct social pressure. This is what I explained above. Because of the pressure to be with someone and because there may not be enough bold men asking them out, they accept this guy.
4) Not enough attractive men. As Marty said, this could definitely be a factor, and they're forced to be with an uglier guy out of need for romantic contact.

On the more optimistic side (towards the guys), the guys could be...

1) Very good at a certain sport or very intelligent/witty or have money.
2) Good "asshole" (as in Chase's recent article) or perceived as bad boys with a devil-may-care attitude (they don't care about dressing like everyone else, and they move fast with women).
3) Good conversationalists.

Lastly, there are different perceptions of what is "attractive" to different people.

Really, the best way to find out would be through asking them, but this may cause fights. If you're really curious, then try to friend the guy or both of them. And then when you're hanging out with them, maybe something will shine through about the guy... or maybe not.

Either way, it doesn't matter too much. If hot women are willing to date ugly guys where you live, then if you amp up yourself, you should have even better chances. Maybe I'll move there! Ask the single girls out already! If they're all taken, hit on the ugly guys' girlfriends haha.

 

[Franco]

Ryan,

Keep in mind that fundamentals isn't just about looks. It's the way you talk, the way you walk, the way you smile -- there's a lot more about a guy that you may not even know just by looking at him. Maybe he doesn't dress well, but if he walks and talks likes Daniel Craig, then girls will still be all over him!

Pinot brings up some other good points, including foreign novelty and lack of other options for the attractive women. But as Pinot also mentioned, you should embrace the lack of options and use it to your advantage! You can be one of the sexiest guys in England! =)

- Franco