Long-Term Handling Freeze-Outs

[Anonymous]

Hey guys,
Yesterday I was planning on taking my girlfriend to meet my family at a get together. But, she was being kind of bratty to me, so I decided not to take her. Afterwords she sent me a text saying she was sorry for being bratty. I said that it had bothered me and that's why I didn't take her, but that it was okay we just needed more space. She took this "more space" thing very bad, asked if I don't like her, said that we shouldn't need space, etc. We got into a short argument over text and eventually she ended by saying "ok I'll get some space, goodnight". Now she is not responding to my text.

How do you generally handle and angry girlfriend who will not communicate?

Thanks a lot

 

[ProblemSolving]

Hey Dave!

You were practically begging for a freeze-out with the "need more space" line. Try to avoid saying things like this unless you really do want to see less of her. Also, when a girl apologizes to you, tell them that you appreciate them for having the character to admit wrong doing. It will make it easier for them to apologize in the future.

As it is now, you've tried to get a hold of her and she's not responding. Don't start blowing up her phone and apologizing. Now is the time to sit and wait it out. She cares about you, she'll contact you again when she's ready. When she does reach out to you, set up a meet quickly. When you see her, I'd admit that the "need more space" line was a poor choice of words and then show her that you care.

 

[Franco]

Hey JDave,

Going to have to mostly agree with what ProblemSolving pointed out here. Your girl apologized for her bratty behavior, which is all you really needed out of the situation. You want to reward that good behavior. Instead, she apologized, and then you threw out the "need more space" line, and that is going to make her believe that there are deeper problems between you two than she had initially imagined -- I don't know your situation, and maybe you feel that is actually the case, but it doesn't sound like it. She's going to feel like maybe you don't appreciate her or that she is losing you.

It's best not to make these types of mistakes in the first place, but you might want to give her some cool off time, and see if she contacts you within the next few days or so. If she does not, one recommendation would be to just send her a text inviting her out to dinner with you so that she knows you want to see her -- don't bring up the situation as part of the invitation. Then at some point over dinner, I would apologize for what you said, and maybe mention that you were in a bad mood that day and didn't really mean it. Let her know that you were upset with her behavior, but you appreciate her apology, and you were feeling stressed out from other things.

This would be my advice.

- Franco

 

[Anonymous]

Thanks for the advice guys!

Yes it was a stupid thing to say haha. But, I took her out yesterday and explained what I meant by "space" and we got everything cleared up.

However, I noticed that when I apologized for saying that she suddenly was trying to get me to apologize for other things, including being annoyed at her behavior. I guess I failed to mention that I appreciated her apology.

 

[ProblemSolving]

Thanks for the advice guys!

Yes it was a stupid thing to say haha. But, I took her out yesterday and explained what I meant by "space" and we got everything cleared up.

However, I noticed that when I apologized for saying that she suddenly was trying to get me to apologize for other things, including being annoyed at her behavior. I guess I failed to mention that I appreciated her apology.

That's one of the dangers of apologizing - you demonstrate weakness to your girl and she starts to smell the blood in the water. It's important to maintain strong body language and a neutral tone of voice when apologizing. Think of a powerful business man fessing up to a momentary lapse in judgment. State your apology and move on.

If you come across a weak when you deliver your apology, like you're seeking her approval, she could begin probing for more weakness like asking for another apology.

 

[daviddreamer]

Its alright original poster I made almost this same mistake recently. Won't be doing that again. Just remember, well in my opinion at least, that relationships work on a point-scale....one or two screwups every now and then are not gonna change things unless it was super bad. Maybe you fell a point or two but nothing devastating you'll be okay.