Hard auto rejection how do I recover without appearing weak?

[typesbruh]

Me and this coworker of mine have a long history of clashing with each other she got aggressive when I was teasing her I thought she fucking hated me and ignored her. She started this thing where she would just stand near me and look at me without saying a word. I was angry because I didn't understand back then that I was the one who hurt her first by not being serious enough. So I expected her to talk to me but so did she. She became more and more aggressive and I felt a little bit defenseless because we work together and I didn't want to risk losing my job. So I gave in way more than I should have I felt. At one point she said something so unacceptable to me that I felt like I should have shouted at her but I gave in again. At that point I was fed up with that. I promised myself that I wouldn't give in to her attempts to dominate me again. So I started to see every conversation we had as a challenge. Every time she tried to aggressively convince me that I should agree with her I didn't. Even if I deep down thought that it was a good idea. I disagreed on everything with her on purpose and even started getting angry in return when she got angry at me. I thought fuck that bitch trying to treat me like a doormat. It ended with her crying saying she felt very uncomfortable with me that we never agree on things and as long it isn't about work I should never talk to her again. After that I came to the realisation that she was doing all those things not to hurt me but because she felt hurt first and she was just "begging me" to show that I respect her and care about her. Holy fuck I never screwed up so hard with a girl in my whole life.

How can I even recover from this? Is it okay to tell her the truth? That I thought that she was treating me like a doormat and I was fed up with that? Would I appear super weak and not knowing what I was doing? Should I tell her that I now understand she was doing those things because she wanted me to care? She has a history of denying stuff she obviously did and said.

 

[PalmaSailor]

Me and this coworker of mine have a long history of clashing with each other she got aggressive when I was teasing her I thought she fucking hated me and ignored her. She started this thing where she would just stand near me and look at me without saying a word. I was angry because I didn't understand back then that I was the one who hurt her first by not being serious enough. So I expected her to talk to me but so did she. She became more and more aggressive and I felt a little bit defenseless because we work together and I didn't want to risk losing my job. So I gave in way more than I should have I felt. At one point she said something so unacceptable to me that I felt like I should have shouted at her but I gave in again. At that point I was fed up with that. I promised myself that I wouldn't give in to her attempts to dominate me again. So I started to see every conversation we had as a challenge. Every time she tried to aggressively convince me that I should agree with her I didn't. Even if I deep down thought that it was a good idea. I disagreed on everything with her on purpose and even started getting angry in return when she got angry at me. I thought fuck that bitch trying to treat me like a doormat. It ended with her crying saying she felt very uncomfortable with me that we never agree on things and as long it isn't about work I should never talk to her again. After that I came to the realisation that she was doing all those things not to hurt me but because she felt hurt first and she was just "begging me" to show that I respect her and care about her. Holy fuck I never screwed up so hard with a girl in my whole life.

How can I even recover from this? Is it okay to tell her the truth? That I thought that she was treating me like a doormat and I was fed up with that? Would I appear super weak and not knowing what I was doing? Should I tell her that I now understand she was doing those things because she wanted me to care? She has a history of denying stuff she obviously did and said.

Calm down for a minute. Who is this woman? Is she your superior?
Are your work roles related?
Do you have an immediate boss / hr dept?

 

[typesbruh]

No she's not my superior lol I ofc would not have been reacting this way. Our work roles are related somewhat yes. But we don't have a strictly work related relationship lol. We flirted before and I even asked her out she was down at first but got massively jealous at her friend and said some mean stuff because I and her friend had flirted before and were even out for drinks. I didn't react well to that because she was mean to her friend. I was so dumb to confront her about that and so we never went on a date. Yes she can get me fired if you meant that. But I'm out of the dangerzone for now. It's just that I'm feeling massive guilt because I thought she was the asshole when it was me from the start.

 

[PalmaSailor]

No she's not my superior lol I ofc would not have been reacting this way. Our work roles are related somewhat yes. But we don't have a strictly work related relationship lol. We flirted before and I even asked her out she was down at first but got massively jealous at her friend and said some mean stuff because I and her friend had flirted before and were even out for drinks. I didn't react well to that because she was mean to her friend. I was so dumb to confront her about that and so we never went on a date. Yes she can get me fired if you meant that. But I'm out of the dangerzone for now. It's just that I'm feeling massive guilt because I thought she was the asshole when it was me from the start.

How can she get you fired?

 

[typesbruh]

She's a woman. Sexual harrassment charges. Ie she rejected me but I don't give up. And that used to be the problem she rejected me I ignore her or start to flirt with other chicks. She becomes jelly but she doesn't chase me. She just "gets in my way physically" and gives me huge iois. I thought no way you treat me like dirt and you don't even respect me so much as to say sorry? And don't talk to her. I get my hopes up and start talking to her now she's pissed. Typical auto rejection. She even denied ever doing that the stand and stare and she even denied that I ever ignored her or that she ever was interested in me. Mind you that doesnt happen every day. There were times were we both were pretty intimate with each other. But I missed escalation windows there or fucked it up by saying something wrong or nothing at all.

 

[typesbruh]

I was trying to walk away from her so many times and I thought after I made her cry it's finally over, but now that I realised that I was the one who played with her feelings I want to fix this. Even after I hurt her she sometimes shows me in some way that she still cares about me. So I just want to get her out of auto rejection. And "restart" so to speak. So will that work just telling her the truth?

 

[PalmaSailor]

I was trying to walk away from her so many times and I thought after I made her cry it's finally over, but now that I realised that I was the one who played with her feelings I want to fix this. Even after I hurt her she sometimes shows me in some way that she still cares about me. So I just want to get her out of auto rejection. And "restart" so to speak. So will that work just telling her the truth?

Man - just cut it out at work.
getting her straight has got a good chance of ducking up your work.
Keep it separate.

 

[Starboy]

I just want to say that to get fired from sexual harassment charges without actually sexually harassing her legitly is rare. I work in a heavy feministic retail work environment and i've seen and heard of guys who were "sexually harassing" girls not get clipped until it was excessive and egregious and you flirted with her a while ago and haven't since. As long as you don't do anything to make things worse you won't get fired.

Yes you made a mistake reacting so strongly to her for how she spoke to her friend because it's not your place to speak out against it. Females have competition amongst each other for men that they like the same way us men compete for women. If she was jealous of the attention her friend got from you let it go.

I've heard of a lot of drama in my workplace too so this isn't too far from what i've seen. If you wanted this girl it's probably not going to happen now because of everything that happened between the two of you. To get a woman out of auto rejection is incredibly difficult and i've tried to do so with a girl I worked with in the past who I missed escalation windows with because I was too scared to make a move on her and lean in to kiss her. She withdrew attention towards me and basically we didn't acknowledge each other much. I kept asking her out and it just ended up in her flaking on every date and I realized I was just chasing her and it would never lead anywhere.

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This is why trying to game girls in your social circle and who you work with will be a struggle if you're still inexperienced because you will make mistakes and fuck up like I have and believe me I know how much it sucks to believe that you met a girl that you think is good for you and something could happen between the two of you,but then you fuck it up.

Just let this girl go. I would say try to clear things up with her if she is willing to listen,explain that there was miscommunication between the two of you and be sincere. If she thinks you're weak for doing so then fuck it. It's not a competition between the two of you what's the point? Do it for the sake of easing tension in the work environment. Don't do it cuz you think she will forgive you and you two can go back into flirting again and maybe hook up.

 

[typesbruh]

Okay update. I told her. She almost started crying again. I asked her why she was uncomfortable with me and she said because I basically said "you like me if you want it or not" like she didn't have power in that. I felt forced to explain everything from the beginning, how I'm actually not the type to fall for a girl so fast and hard because I'm pretty picky and when I thought she didn't like me I was just trying to move on. I told her that I basically put her on a pedestal from the start and I knew that it wouldn't end well because that takes the fun and mystery out of it and shows her that I cannot get girls (well she knows I can though hehe) but the problem is that she actually is as amazing as I made her out to be. She shone up like a light after that comment. After that she gives me HUUUGE iois she stared at me so hard I almost got a heart attack. Like "hey you idiot did you really believe that bullshit about me not liking you? Come over and make me want to rip your clothes off". I actually joked about that stare she got pissed and denied it but I saved myself by talking to her right after that and giving her some genuine compliments. When we had the talk before she actually said something about not wanting to give me more chances "to become her friend" still denying ever liking me. And I obviously had to lie that I understood. Guess who she's giving another chance as "friends". She still gets pissed though if I don't talk to her directly after I got an ioi but at another time so I have to react very fast now. I'm going to focus on rapport building and actually I think I'm going to ask her out again if everything goes well by the end of the week.

 

[PalmaSailor]

I’ll read this in full later - but the first thing - crying - it’s emotional blackmail.

Ignore it. They pull it and it’s a manipulation.

 

[typesbruh]

I’ll read this in full later - but the first thing - crying - it’s emotional blackmail.

Ignore it. They pull it and it’s a manipulation.

Well I don't see how she would want to manipulate me here. She was really hurt and felt extremely disrespected and unloved by me. I basically let it seem like I was just toying with her feelings. There were things I haven't mentioned that I did so you didn't get the whole picture. The only two things I can imagine she would get out of this are actually that A I start sucking up to her and let her treat me like a doormat and give her tons of validation or B that I actually start showing that I like her for real through my actions.

Edit: Besides our talk wasn't even an argument. So there was no point in trying to win. I guess her emotions just came up again

 

[Yaxir]

i have never cold approached a girl and i am yet to get desire sex from a woman , so im not that experienced in seduction yet

BUT

i have solid advice for you

DONT shit where you eat, leave her .. there are so .. SO MANY pretty and fuckable girls out there !

in the grand scheme of things, she doesn't even matter

if i had this perspective in school, i would have killed it with all the bitches i had to deal with when i was a school kid

i never would have been single because girls would have been intrigued by a guy with massive abundance mentality

go and try to cultivate some abundance mentality

office relationships are risky , you don't want to get burned even a little

good luck !!

 

[Beck Bass]

She shone up like a light after that comment. After that she gives me HUUUGE iois she stared at me so hard I almost got a heart attack.

Being blunt/real with a girl can be extremely powerful and necessary at times.
In seduction/mating, many times people start off teasing and joking, because they are trying to feel each other, where the other person is at. Girls particularly don't want to seem overeager as it's expected that the man is the one leading and going for the girl, while she has more of a receptive/voting role, so they won't just come and say they like you.
This is all well and good if both of you know you like each other and are enjoying flirtation, hence way many times you don't need to get all serious and stuff like that, but when things get confusing, like in this case, where people start misinterpreting each other and getting hurt, "dropping the pretense" and saying how you feel about the girl and what are your intentions is the right move, most of the time, because even if it doesn't quite work out, at least you can move on, instead of being stuck in this weird place with her, wondering what could have happened and where it could be going (generally not somewhere good).
I'm glad it you cleared things up

I actually joked about that stare she got pissed and denied it but I saved myself by talking to her right after that and giving her some genuine compliments.

I think like you're calling her out too much on her moves.
You shouldn't be trying to get her to "confess" she likes you before you even get anything with her. With some girls this is fine, but specially with a girl that was in autorejection with you, or close to it, you just gotta pickup on her hints/windows/IOIs/whatever you wanna call it and move forward (specially on the work environment where she may not want the boss seeing you're going to bang her or something).

Be S T E A L T H Y man lol

Wait to call her out on how much she likes you when she's naked in your arms, close to orgasming or after it.
Then, you can be as much of an asshole as you want, and she will enjoy it
But for now, quit that, and instead just hit those windows and escalate asap

I know getting a girl to confess she wants your D can be a great form of compliance, but the thing with compliance is you gotta escalate, the girl needs to be ready to give it to you. She needs to have given you something a somewhat similar in value before you can get her to give you the juicier stuff. And getting a girl you're not even going out with to say how much she likes you is unproductive, in my view. If you know she wants it, just give it to her.
Other than that, just try speed things up a bit, be a deadly ninja working in the shadows with this girl, and soon you should be together.

Best of luck to you man!

 

[typesbruh]

I think like you're calling her out too much on her moves.
You shouldn't be trying to get her to "confess" she likes you before you even get anything with her. With some girls this is fine, but specially with a girl that was in autorejection with you, or close to it, you just gotta pickup on her hints/windows/IOIs/whatever you wanna call it and move forward (specially on the work environment where she may not want the boss seeing you're going to bang her or something).

Yeah I know I got that now that was so fucking dumb of me. I won't do it again. It just kinda felt good. Like "haha you're not fooling me" but I will let go of my pride. That screwed the most with her. Wasn't able to ask her out unfortunately this week. She started playing hard to get and I actually had too much work to do and when I wanted to have a longer convo with her I got cockblocked by either a ringing workphone or another coworker. And I obviously can't just ask her out out of the blue because she doesn't trust me yet.

 

[typesbruh]

i have never cold approached a girl and i am yet to get desire sex from a woman , so im not that experienced in seduction yet

BUT

i have solid advice for you

DONT shit where you eat, leave her .. there are so .. SO MANY pretty and fuckable girls out there !

in the grand scheme of things, she doesn't even matter

if i had this perspective in school, i would have killed it with all the bitches i had to deal with when i was a school kid

i never would have been single because girls would have been intrigued by a guy with massive abundance mentality

go and try to cultivate some abundance mentality

office relationships are risky , you don't want to get burned even a little

good luck !!

Well I wouldn't say that I have a scarcity mindset problem. Not anymore atleast. I have proven myself a lot of times I can get other chicks. I could've easily gotten with her friend or a girl that was hella into me at a party. I even fucked a girl one week after this girl "rejected me" it wasn't even a rejection then but I was too dumb to get that. Even one of my best friends now ex told me she had a crush on me (fuck her wtf) There are even tons of girls at work lusting after me. Not even kidding I say hello and they're batting their eyes like crazy. I just have a very very bad oneitis that won't go away as long as I work at the same place as her because fuck this woman knows how to push my buttons. She's like an ex gf where you know you should not get together with her again but you somehow always end up in bed with her again.

 

[Yaxir]

There are even tons of girls at work lusting after me. Not even kidding I say hello and they're batting their eyes like crazy.

lol my turn to ask for advice

HOW do you have girls lusting after you

just tell me that

what is it that works for you or at least that you believe has worked for you

 

[typesbruh]

Well believe it or not but I'm actually good with girls, as long as I don't fall for them too fast. I actually had the reputation of being very "flirty". When I started working at my job I was the most social guy you could find and was friends with all the good looking ladies. There were even rumours going around that I was dating the best looking girl at work (I never saw her in that way though). Girls want what other girls want. Also I'm a very hard worker so I got status. Well I don't talk very often to the girls that have an obvious crush on me so I guess the mystery aspect plays in aswell. So all in all my percieved value is pretty high. A while back there was even a new girl approaching me and was instantly attracted to me to the point where she even followed me outside at lunch break (I smoke she doesn't). But my oneitis reacted pretty strongly to seeing me talking to a new girl already (she loled) probably because she thought I really don't care about her. And you know I didn't take things further with her because of that. My oneitis is so fucking strong girls get served to me at a silver tablet but all I care about is this one girl this is so fucked up would I have found a way to think more with my dick than with my brain I wouldn't have this problem anymore.

 

[Yaxir]

Girls want what other girls want

Preselection

Well I don't talk very often to the girls that have an obvious crush on me so I guess the mystery aspect plays in aswell

This is believe is an underrated luxury for any man who's interested in having sex with women

i bet it feels great !

Also I'm a very hard worker so I got status

i have a conflicting opinion about this, but i hope you can help me sort it out

i'm also a hard worker, but i have seen people try to use me and take advantage of me ( this was back in my undergrad )

and i didn't see any status given to me then .. so why was it different for me ?

i mean, going by your statement, every hard worker should have status right ? so why is this different for you and different for others ?

I would just like to know how you carry yourself with being a hardworker AND not allow yourself to be used by all those pretty ladies looking for a favor, while STILL being friends with them

When I started working at my job I was the most social guy you could find and was friends with all the good looking ladies.

I am interested in asking .. how, exactly did you kick this off ? how did this started

surely you weren't this popular on the very first day of work, right ?

do you have some particular social skills that aid you in become so friendly and sociable with women ?

i reckon a man who's able to befriend women AND make them feel comfortable in his presence is going to have tons of value !

oh and good luck with whoever you choose to pursue / be with !

 

[typesbruh]

Believe it or not I was popular from the get go. But that was due to my ADHD. I was always laughing and cracking jokes so I seemed very approachable. I have no filter so I said everything that was on my mind. I guess people confused that with confidence. The first day at work the girls actually started talking to me. How I know those ladies don't use me for favors? I set boundaries early and well I always speak my mind when I don't like something so people at work know not to fuck with me. Also even if these girls would use me for favors I wouldn't actually care so much as long as I'm not into them I don't do nice things so people like me I do nice things because I genuinely like people and want to help them. I actually am less nice to my oneitis than I would be if she didn't know I like her well because I don't want to simp.

 

[Yaxir]

nicely put

and makes good sense about this part in general

I don't do nice things so people like me I do nice things because I genuinely like people and want to help them