Having issues. Articles for taking on perfectionism and fear?

[Animatronic_Squirrel]

Are there any blog articles related to working past perfectionism and the fear of failure?

Oftentimes, I'm finding mind trying to give up before I've even started because other people are so much naturally better than me, faster learners than me, more charismatic and able be noticed than me, etc. My brain just regurgitates this enormous mass of reasons why I'm going to fail/should fail.

More often than not, if I realize what's going on, I can work past it - recently, it's been with swing dance, where I just focused on the process made out in How to Master Anything, and despite all the envy, anxiety, embarrassment and constant self-abuse, managed to pretty much get to where I'd wanted to.

But it's a big if. When I don't realize the mindset is taking over and implement a deliberate process immediately, I screw myself over. More importantly, I havn't worked out how successfully to apply this to long-term projects with less of an immediate emotional pay-off (like studying at university - I'm taking time off to get my act together before I try again).

Also, I've noticed a pattern of just dabbling, and not trying to achieve high levels in any particular skills. I suspect this is because I'm allowing the same mindset to high-jack that decision process - combined with a lack of ambition, it's getting to a point where I'm getting a lot older and a LOT less skilled in pick-up (and just in general) than men (and women for that matter) who are considerably younger than myself. Which is something I'd like to change.

Are there some articles (or, hell, personal suggestions) for either working past this or banishing negative mindsets like perfectionism, fear of failure or negatively comparing oneself to others?

 

[Sophisticated Gent]

Animatronic Squirrel

Start at the below link. It sounds like you need a process that will build your confidence in your abilities. This lays out a system.

viewtopic.php?f=13&t=34

BDSC

 

[Drck]

Not sure if I entirely understand your question or how much do you really want to change, but here is my view:

Personally I wouldn't try to work past perfectionism, I would try to use it in my benefit instead. Based on what I read, you most likely have anxiety issues, and perfectionism is simply a mechanism that allows you to deal with it, control it... Many if not most people who achieved great things (doctors, lawyers,...) have underlying anxiety or OCD.

The way to look at it is that a person with anxiety has lots of energy - if the energy is purposefully directed and used you can become quite successful, say academically in college and/or in your career. For example, people with OCD can study subject over and over, which allows them to excel in it, master every detail, become experts in that field... Similarly they can perform work that way, they simply work out every possible detail at work and that is how they get ahead of coworkers...

So I wouldn't necessary want to fight against anxiety, I would try to use it in my benefit - direct it into some field, work on discipline, develop habit of e.g. studying/working hard and so on, and results will show up after months or years. They have to, there is no other way. Use your anxiety to fight laziness...

Next, change your mindset. Currently you believe that anxiety (perfectionism) is something bad, thus your mind fights against it, and the more it fights the more it is anxious because it cannot beat itself...

So your current belief is: "I screw myself over and over"
>>>> New belief: "I used to screw myself over and over but now I understand that I can use anxiety and perfectionism in my benefit - all I have to do is to redirect this energy into something that will eventually benefits me, such as studying hard"

This way you don't fight against anxiety, you simply use it in your benefit - and this attitude will also calms you down naturally. You can also add meditation and relaxation to it, which will calm you down further ....

Another one: "I fear failure"
>>>> Change it to: "There is no such thing as failure, I am simply working, improving myself, (studying) and moving forward every single day"
Think about it, if you start first day of university, do you feel that you failed the university because you didn't get the diploma yet? That is a nonsense, error thinking. You simply have to keep going next 4 years, day after day, taking tests after tests before you get the final diploma. You can fail couple tests, true, but you only fail if you don't study enough. You don't study only if you are lazy. So focus on studying, do some extra reading, and you will be fine.

Next thing, stop comparing yourself to others. That is a Beta trait, betas are always comparing themselves to others, measuring who is better or worse, ... That is another idiocy. All of us are unique. If a guy who doesn't exercise at all and he compares himself to a guy who exercises regularly for 5 years and dead-lifts 400 pounds, and he feels like a failure because he lifts only 150 pounds - is he really a failure? He is not a failure, he is an idiot, because nobody just can't lift 400 pounds out of "nothing", just because he wants to. You have to work hard for it, most likely couple years. You simply have to dead lift heavier and heavier weights for the next 5 years, and then you will do 500 pounds with no problem... Exactly the same in another areas, all you need to is simply put work in it. SO WHAT FAILURE ARE YOU TALKING ABOUT? There is only one failure, and that is called laziness...


Don't worry about failures, focus on success. Many people want success but they don't want to do anything for it. Don't be one of those people, refuse to be Beta...

 

[Skid]

What Drck said looks good. Your first job is too viciously patrol your mind for negative thoughts and replace them with something more helpful. Really everything comes down to habits , your mind can't tell the different between a good and bad habit it just does them. These positive mindsets will help you achieve your goal.

I don't think you can work past perfectionism you're always going to want something you don't have : whether that be the hot girl you saw the guy you saw benching 3x your body weight. That's in our nature. And lets be real it's not possible to get it all , you just have to decide what you value most and get whatever you want out of that that area of life. If you don't find yourself working towards a goal you value then you clearly don't want it badly enough. If you've decided you want it really badly then create a habit of doing something towards that goal even if its fucking tiny. And then make a conscious effort to expand on that habit.