PEOPLE
Me: 30s asian guy
Her: early 20s Filipino girl
BACKGROUND
I've been focusing on attainability recently. I suspect several girls recently went cold on me in various stages due to me bulldozing them with subtle value, and making my attainability too low.
THE MEET
I was doing groceries nearby my apartment, when I saw a cute Asian girl in a tight white dress in the produce section. I sidled up next to her, and opened indirectly "which color peppers are the best tasting?". She responded with her opinion, and we chit chatted very briefly about what dishes we were making. In the middle, I interjected with *pause* *check her out* "your outfit is quite stylish". She said "you too". We chit chatted some more about jobs, where we live, etc. I ended with "would you like to exchange numbers, perhaps grab a coffee sometime?" She said sure. This was just a really textbook indirect opener -> compliment -> number close.
FOLLOWUP
We texted a bit, she asked me what I was going to do with the peppers, and I texted her a photo of a fancy dinner party I was hosting that evening. After sending this, I thought this might have been a mistake. She was already pretty intrigued by me, my vibe, my job, my outfit, and my boldness to hit on her at a grocery store, so she didn't really need any more value, and I thought the photo of the fancy dinner party was too much. But she texted me later that she was wowed by it, so I guess I slid by on the attainability front. We arranged to meet for lunch the following weekend.
FIRST DATE
We met at a wine bar halfway between our places. She's a lot younger than me, and it was during this date that the fact started coming out. This is probably the first time I've had to handle such a situation before. I've dated an early 20s girl before, but the previous one was fairly mature and used to dating much older men, so it didn't really count. This girl was definitely in the headspace of an early 20s girl, and I could tell she was trying to tease out how old I was during the conversation. I didn't quite avoid the topic, but I was stayed vague/mysterious about it in a calibrated way. Later on she outright asked me "how old are you?", which I told her, and then smoothly transitioned over to a different topic.
She wasn't an amazing conversationalist, and I had to lead/prod the conversation along throughout most of it. This was also sort of novel to me. For pretty much all my life, I thought of myself as a weak conversationalist, and when going on dates with girls my age, I would typically feel somewhat uncomfortable keeping the thing going. But in this date, it was really clear I was the more fluid conversationalist.
BOUNCE/PULL
At the end, I paid (feels weird to not pay when there's a large age gap), and I suggested a walk. We walked in the direction of my place, and when we were nearby, I asked her what she's up to tonight. She said "I'm working from home tomorrow, so I can stay up late tonight", which I took as a huge green light. A little while later, I asked her if she'd like to come up to my place for some wine (I had previously seeded the idea that I have a fancy wine collection). She paused for about half a second, then said "sure". At some point along here, I made a joke asking her how she determined I wasn't a serial killer and decided to meet for dinner. This joke seemed appropriate to defuse tension, because it made us both laugh, and it put upon her the implicit frame that she was comfortable around me and that she wasn't afraid of coming back to my place.
ESCALATION
Back at my place, I let her use the restroom, we sat down, I poured her some fancy wine, man-splained it to her (I find much younger girls actually like being man-splained to, as long as it's clear you're actually an expert on the topic), then I kissed her which she received hungrily, then we moved to the couch and got on top of each other. As I started escalating on her, she said "we can't do this tonight... I'm on my period." I looked at her seriously, and paused for a few moments, then responded "but that just makes it more fun,... doesn't it?" and then I broke into a hilarious facial expression, which made her smile widely and laugh. We continued kissing, and I followed up with "doesn't being on your period make you more horny?", to which she responded "... yes...".
SEX
As we went to the bedroom, she stopped me a second time with "I've... never done this before". I just gave her a really empathetic smile, and said "don't worry, just relax". I asked her about her previous boyfriend that she mentioned in passing, and she said they tried it once or twice but she stopped him when it started hurting, and they were long distance anyway, so it was kind of easy to never have sex. I put on a condom, and barely got it in her before she asked to stop. Later I turned her over, gave her a back massage to relax her, and then entered her again, this time deeper and with more rhythm, before she asked if we could stop again. At this point it was sort of over, she went to the bathroom, dressed up, and quickly left.
KEYS TO THE LAY
- handling the age difference - I think I handled it well, basically keeping a mindset of "I'm a lot older than you, but that confers a lot of benefits such as experience, and I'm absolutely not self-conscious about it. I regularly date much younger women.".
- handling her period - if you'll remember, I had a previous LR- where a girl only gave me a blowjob when she was on her period. I think I fixed this issue since that flop, basically turning the serious and embarrassing topic of her period into a bit of a nothing-joke, and turning her on because I was completely unfazed by it.
- handling her virginity - Why would a virgin early 20s girl decide to lose her virginity to an older guy on the first date? Honestly she was really annoyed that sex was painful to her, and she couldn't enjoy a sex life in a big city like all her female friends. An older guy she doesn't care about, who she knows is very experienced and will turn her on and not be awkward at all is probably her best bet to having a good first sexual experience, so I was perfect for the job, and I didn't disappoint.
REFLECTION
I usually feel some sense of intimidation when on a date. It's like we're social adversaries trying to get our own agendas, and I'm trying my best to use my social skills to progress through the interaction. This one was different, I felt completely 100% at-ease. It was a combination of her being much younger and less socially calibrated than me, but also me just feeling pretty abundant recently. If we did have sex, fine, if we didn't also fine, I'd have sex with some other girl this weekend for sure. I honestly just felt like I was giving her a fun experience and teaching her various things (about social life in this city, about wine, job advice, sex advice, etc.). When you're unconditionally giving value, and not at all attached to receiving something in return, then you become 100% at ease, which makes you sorta irresistible.
Me: 30s asian guy
Her: early 20s Filipino girl
BACKGROUND
I've been focusing on attainability recently. I suspect several girls recently went cold on me in various stages due to me bulldozing them with subtle value, and making my attainability too low.
THE MEET
I was doing groceries nearby my apartment, when I saw a cute Asian girl in a tight white dress in the produce section. I sidled up next to her, and opened indirectly "which color peppers are the best tasting?". She responded with her opinion, and we chit chatted very briefly about what dishes we were making. In the middle, I interjected with *pause* *check her out* "your outfit is quite stylish". She said "you too". We chit chatted some more about jobs, where we live, etc. I ended with "would you like to exchange numbers, perhaps grab a coffee sometime?" She said sure. This was just a really textbook indirect opener -> compliment -> number close.
FOLLOWUP
We texted a bit, she asked me what I was going to do with the peppers, and I texted her a photo of a fancy dinner party I was hosting that evening. After sending this, I thought this might have been a mistake. She was already pretty intrigued by me, my vibe, my job, my outfit, and my boldness to hit on her at a grocery store, so she didn't really need any more value, and I thought the photo of the fancy dinner party was too much. But she texted me later that she was wowed by it, so I guess I slid by on the attainability front. We arranged to meet for lunch the following weekend.
FIRST DATE
We met at a wine bar halfway between our places. She's a lot younger than me, and it was during this date that the fact started coming out. This is probably the first time I've had to handle such a situation before. I've dated an early 20s girl before, but the previous one was fairly mature and used to dating much older men, so it didn't really count. This girl was definitely in the headspace of an early 20s girl, and I could tell she was trying to tease out how old I was during the conversation. I didn't quite avoid the topic, but I was stayed vague/mysterious about it in a calibrated way. Later on she outright asked me "how old are you?", which I told her, and then smoothly transitioned over to a different topic.
She wasn't an amazing conversationalist, and I had to lead/prod the conversation along throughout most of it. This was also sort of novel to me. For pretty much all my life, I thought of myself as a weak conversationalist, and when going on dates with girls my age, I would typically feel somewhat uncomfortable keeping the thing going. But in this date, it was really clear I was the more fluid conversationalist.
BOUNCE/PULL
At the end, I paid (feels weird to not pay when there's a large age gap), and I suggested a walk. We walked in the direction of my place, and when we were nearby, I asked her what she's up to tonight. She said "I'm working from home tomorrow, so I can stay up late tonight", which I took as a huge green light. A little while later, I asked her if she'd like to come up to my place for some wine (I had previously seeded the idea that I have a fancy wine collection). She paused for about half a second, then said "sure". At some point along here, I made a joke asking her how she determined I wasn't a serial killer and decided to meet for dinner. This joke seemed appropriate to defuse tension, because it made us both laugh, and it put upon her the implicit frame that she was comfortable around me and that she wasn't afraid of coming back to my place.
ESCALATION
Back at my place, I let her use the restroom, we sat down, I poured her some fancy wine, man-splained it to her (I find much younger girls actually like being man-splained to, as long as it's clear you're actually an expert on the topic), then I kissed her which she received hungrily, then we moved to the couch and got on top of each other. As I started escalating on her, she said "we can't do this tonight... I'm on my period." I looked at her seriously, and paused for a few moments, then responded "but that just makes it more fun,... doesn't it?" and then I broke into a hilarious facial expression, which made her smile widely and laugh. We continued kissing, and I followed up with "doesn't being on your period make you more horny?", to which she responded "... yes...".
SEX
As we went to the bedroom, she stopped me a second time with "I've... never done this before". I just gave her a really empathetic smile, and said "don't worry, just relax". I asked her about her previous boyfriend that she mentioned in passing, and she said they tried it once or twice but she stopped him when it started hurting, and they were long distance anyway, so it was kind of easy to never have sex. I put on a condom, and barely got it in her before she asked to stop. Later I turned her over, gave her a back massage to relax her, and then entered her again, this time deeper and with more rhythm, before she asked if we could stop again. At this point it was sort of over, she went to the bathroom, dressed up, and quickly left.
KEYS TO THE LAY
- handling the age difference - I think I handled it well, basically keeping a mindset of "I'm a lot older than you, but that confers a lot of benefits such as experience, and I'm absolutely not self-conscious about it. I regularly date much younger women.".
- handling her period - if you'll remember, I had a previous LR- where a girl only gave me a blowjob when she was on her period. I think I fixed this issue since that flop, basically turning the serious and embarrassing topic of her period into a bit of a nothing-joke, and turning her on because I was completely unfazed by it.
- handling her virginity - Why would a virgin early 20s girl decide to lose her virginity to an older guy on the first date? Honestly she was really annoyed that sex was painful to her, and she couldn't enjoy a sex life in a big city like all her female friends. An older guy she doesn't care about, who she knows is very experienced and will turn her on and not be awkward at all is probably her best bet to having a good first sexual experience, so I was perfect for the job, and I didn't disappoint.
REFLECTION
I usually feel some sense of intimidation when on a date. It's like we're social adversaries trying to get our own agendas, and I'm trying my best to use my social skills to progress through the interaction. This one was different, I felt completely 100% at-ease. It was a combination of her being much younger and less socially calibrated than me, but also me just feeling pretty abundant recently. If we did have sex, fine, if we didn't also fine, I'd have sex with some other girl this weekend for sure. I honestly just felt like I was giving her a fun experience and teaching her various things (about social life in this city, about wine, job advice, sex advice, etc.). When you're unconditionally giving value, and not at all attached to receiving something in return, then you become 100% at ease, which makes you sorta irresistible.
