Hi GC! A question about compliance, and persistence

[turquoise_prophet]

Hi all! First post here

A brief intro:

I'm 18 (turn 19 in a few days), I'm based in canada, just a student at uni.

February version of me was terrible, terrible with women and my love life was totally non-existent. I actually found this site itself a year and a half ago but the amount of cognitive dissonance I experienced back then made not want to believe the stuff taught on here (or better yet go and test if for myself). I would get fixated on this one girl, then get rejected, get depressed about it. And then the cycle would repeat --> that was high school for me. I basically didn't give a fuck about girls (!?) the first semester of uni, thinking it would just happen, waiting for "the right one", basically not being proactive as a man should be.

Things changed in second semester (this March) when this beautiful Russian girl showed interest in me! But I didn't know what to do and all that ended up happening was nothing....besides her flirting with me ocassionally, and then getting quite aloof and cold. Something in me snapped. Deep down, I knew I could be more. I had to improve with women, or I would be doomed to an average life with average results and I'd rather die than ever end up in that position again. So I decided that I would methodically try things with women, approach getting girls as a skill and gather as many experiences that allow me to piece it all together.

Fast forward to now, I've gotten much better with girls. I'm still a virgin (working on it), but I've approached about 10 women (not a big number at all I know, it's a combination of lots of work and also just plain old excuses) on the street, and maybe another 15-20 girls i know from school (I live in a dorm). Made out with 3. I can get numbers, have improved my fundamentals - I have a deeper voice on average, much better fashion and haircut/facial hair although that is a work in progress), a good walk and great posture.

I'd say right now my main difficulties are in moving faster (it's something I keep in mind and I don't really drag on interactions for weeks, I try to escalate/ask the girl home by the 2nd/3rd interaction but imo I could always move faster) and basically just getting more field experience/reference points. Women usually flake (cold approach), and when they do come home with me usually resist escalation and leave

Question about Compliance & Persistence:

I met this girl in my residence caf a week ago - said hi and immediately moved her and got her to sit with me. I think I managed a good mix of playfulness and mystery (I didn't say too much about myself, tried to evade the usual questions about what I study and where I'm from etc - it piqued her interest), and my fundamentals were relatively; but then she left as she was in a hurry (she was late for her class; a missed opportunity, next time I should tell her to stay).

Anyways, life happened and I didn't really see her again until today evening, same place. She's sitting with her friends, anyways when I'm in a queue for food and she walks past me, I say hi and we just chit-chat a bit. I then ask her to join me, but she says she's sitting with her friends. I'm nonchalant, but I persist - not in a hard push "upping the stakes a lot" way, but in a relaxed manner. However, I try a couple of times but she's just like "sorry, I'm with my friends" and a bit hesitant and then walks away.

Anyways, I was just reflecting over this interaction, and I also read this article: https://www.girlschase.com/content/what-if-she-says-no and I have some questions

1) What do u guys think I could have done different/better? Any ways to slow the interaction down and be more dominant/persuasive? What I should I keep in mind in future situations like this with girls I want to move the interaction forward with?

2) I moved her successfully the first time (when she was not with her friends) but then get a no know? Do these positive and negative compliances "cancel" each other out (haha, idk a better way to phrase the question)

3) Do u think I should have gone for a hard push method instead? It was a busy caf and I didn't want to up the ante too much...

Boy that was a long post, but I was just so excited! And to Chase, thanks a lot for this site, you rock! See u in the winners' circle soon

 

[PrettyDecent]

turqouise_prophet,

Welcome to the forums!

I'll ask you a question first: why was it so important to have her sit with you?

I'll let you answer that question, and I'll answer your other questions below.

1) What do u guys think I could have done different/better? Any ways to slow the interaction down and be more dominant/persuasive? What I should I keep in mind in future situations like this with girls I want to move the interaction forward with?

OK. So you've sat and chatted to her once. If you asked her for coffee and her number in the second interaction, then you would have moved the interaction forward. But if you've already done a part of the interaction, then doing it again just makes it look like you're going to be walking in circles all day long. It's better for her to just hang out with her friends if that's going to be the case.

Best to propose a date and grab the number during your first conversation, but you could've also done it while chit-chatting to her the second time. Then just say that you'll see her later and text her after.

2) I moved her successfully the first time (when she was not with her friends) but then get a no know? Do these positive and negative compliances "cancel" each other out (haha, idk a better way to phrase the question)

The most recent compliance matters the most. So if there was lots of negative compliance, but now she's giving positive compliance, she's likely to continue positive compliance. But if you start off great and then it goes salty, it'll most likely continue to go salty.

3) Do u think I should have gone for a hard push method instead? It was a busy caf and I didn't want to up the ante too much...

For the reasons stated above, it wouldn't have been a good idea.

Good luck on your journey! Keep us updated. And keep approaching.

Nick

 

[turquoise_prophet]

turqouise_prophet,

Welcome to the forums!

I'll ask you a question first: why was it so important to have her sit with you?

Hmm I never really thought about it that way. Honestly it was just an in-the-moment thing, i just point to where my stuff is and am like "i'm sitting over there, join me" and then when she says she can't cos she is sitting with her friends, I just felt like trying out and getting more compliance/commanding women (something I think i should do more, cos i'm pretty inexperienced) so I just persist a bit. Honestly I didn't make too big a deal of it, just shrugged nonchalantly and pretty soon someone else joined me.

OK. So you've sat and chatted to her once. If you asked her for coffee and her number in the second interaction, then you would have moved the interaction forward. But if you've already done a part of the interaction, then doing it again just makes it look like you're going to be walking in circles all day long. It's better for her to just hang out with her friends if that's going to be the case.

Best to propose a date and grab the number during your first conversation, but you could've also done it while chit-chatting to her the second time. Then just say that you'll see her later and text her after.

That makes a lot of sense! And yeah usually the girls I've approached this semester I've followed the pattern u mentioned, to just approach, deep dive a bit (my attempts @ deep dive are pretty poverty atm but I try), then propose a date and take her number and message her later. But honestly with this girl I really didn't expect and I was thinking about this hard-ass assignment (school's been a bitch lately) so taking her number etc slipped my mind (jeez...)

The last thing I want to do is chase after her and waste time and stress so I'm just gonna let this girl slide and move on to new prospects. I saw her today and she greeted me and I didn't notice her first bc I was so pumped after a workout haha, just said hi and continued doing my thing. Basically I'm playing also a bit hard to get, which isn't too difficult since I'm busy as hell (electrical engineering, I do a sport, and also a bunch of clubs) and I feel like the failed interaction the other day already gave her a "he's chasing me" signal (and truth be told, as much as I don't wanna admit it, I was) so it's better to just move on I feel.

Thanks a lot for the feedback! I guess you live and learn, I think a key weakness that this incident exposed is that I always have a tendency to chase girls I approach or if they give me attention, well it's something I need to work on and as I approach more girls I'll hopefully shed this mentality.

And yeah for sure I'll keep approaching, maybe not at the frequency I hoped for cos 2nd year is intense, but I'll definitely make in the time for a couple of approaches per week. I'll be turning legal in a few days so I might hit the bar scene soon too, looking forward to that. I'll also do the newbie assignment in the weeks to come.