How can I stop being a 25yo loser?

[Ed Nigma]

Hi,

I’m looking for some life advice. I want to change the path I’m currently traversing. I’ve been stuck for some years and I don’t know what to do. It seems like my life goes through the same cycles over and over and I don’t go anywhere.

That “cycle”, being me wanting to get high or drunk. Willingly staying inside my house for months/years at a time only going out for groceries. Being alone with my 5 cats and decaying away smoking weed every waking moment. I’ve been addicted to smoking weed and have done so almost nonstop with only a few failed abstinence breaks, my longest being 1 month.

Before that I used alcohol to pass the time. For years as well. And before that I was taking my grandmother’s pills to get high. This started around 18-19 for me, I was a very inhibited and depressed kid and drugs at the time made me feel confident.

Though now that I’m 25 it switched up on me and my abuse of marijuana(which Ive stopped for 2 days now) gave me stomach pains, insomnia, brain fog, paranoia, anxiety, and I became more and more withdrawn.

I can do all this without responsibility because my mother and sister and her husband became wealthy over the years and I live in a house I don’t have to pay for. I don’t pay for my groceries, or drug addictions. I often use my mother’s deep love for me for her money. Even though I feel a bit bad the addiction wins eventually.

At some point I feel that life is dull sober, and cave into smoking weed again. But, it’s harder for me to do that now as I deliberately decided not to renew my medical recommendation for marijuana so I couldn’t go to a dispensary if I changed my mind.

I’ve been putting off starting college for a few months now. I wanted to study something I liked like psychology, and also surround myself with pretty girls. Do you think that’s a good step in the right direction?

I have worked many different jobs in the past. From door to door salesman, warehouse clerk, delivery driver, cashier, tax accountant, boat mechanic, etc. I find it very difficult to hold down a job after I have “figured it out”. Because I have this desire to learn and get good at stuff and once it’s no longer stimulating I start to miss work or get fired. Or like my last job, I got into a fistfight because I felt that my coworker’s lack of communication skills would make me mess up.

I had a lot of pent up testosterone at that time because I was lifting weights and being in the sun every day. I should’ve handled things differently.

But, that reminds me that about the only good thing I have been doing with myself was exercising. I went from 160 pounds skinny and starving from the beginning of the year to now a muscular 190lb at 6’.

I have noticed that the gym and lifting has given me this constant dominant energy where I feel a sense of restlessness that makes me want to accomplish things. But ofc, weed has heavily dampened that energy before but I still felt it often.

I just want to feel good and accomplished about my life. I have felt the feeling before. When I had a gf that was in love with me and I loved her back. That one genuine connection I managed to form removed a lot of the antisocial anger and ego problems I had. But, it didn’t last forever and I reverted back and killed the relationship slowly.

I have learned a lot from my mistakes but I still make new ones. And I know it’s also a mistake to only derive my self esteem from one source, like a loving woman. Because that love can change and you will become affected by what she thinks of you.

I want to get a girlfriend and have her live with me. A girl who cooks for me, cleans, likes my cats, does the laundry, etc. I don’t have any plans to work at least for now. So she’d be the one mostly paying for stuff she needs or wants to do for us. I’ve had 2 gfs and they would give me money and gifts sometimes. I want a woman like that. No they weren’t rich they just liked surprising me with cool or sentimental things. And they were beautiful. Cus I have standards. But they were online. I never met or had sex with them. But they were really in love with me.

I’ve only had sex with two girls irl. One girl I was introduced to by my mother and her friend. They came to my house and when I meet her she had a shocked look on her face in an awed way. They left but I felt that she wanted me so I told my mom abt her and she got my number and she came over to my house that day.

But the truth is that I wasn’t comfortable. I pulled the trigger because of the opportunity but I couldn’t get fully hard and also I took pills to not be anxious and it just made my sexual skills really bad. She ended up riding me while I had a chub and still ended up cumming really fast. But, I also came lol. I didn’t tell her… So she lays down suggesting me to get on top of her and then she realized I came in her raw. Turns out she had a husband at the time, the situation killed the sexual mood but I am pretty unfazed so I calmed her down and told her to buy the plan b pill.

The other woman I had sex with multiple times was a previous coworker that liked me but I was too in love with my online gf to pay attention to her at the time.

Actually I just remembered that I had sex with her right after I broke up with my ex gf. I got invited to a coworker’s birthday party and since she was going to go I decided to go as well. Since she had changed work. We went to a club and I took her to a motel and fucked her. She was on her period and I told her I didnt care. I quite enjoyed the bloody penis.

I was dealing with a lot of emotional pain over my break up and I drowned myself in drugs and stayed away from everyone. But like a year after I decided to hit her up again and she came over my house multiple times and we’d have a lot of sex and talk.

One time she said, “I’m surprised someone as good sexually as you doesn’t eat pussy.” But I did have her suck my dick and swallow; something she said she’d never done before.

I ate her pussy once, I decided to try it one day and she tells me she’s on her period. I didn’t want to come off as a pussy so I ate that iron-tasting pussy anyhow though the taste left something to be desired…

Sorry for the tangents. It’s hard to pin down what I really want. I guess I just want to feel good about myself and my life.

I’ve been a loner most of my life, starting from an early age due to abuse, neglect, and getting bullied. It seems like the social aspect gives me more of a self-esteem boost than anything else. Since it is what I’ve most been missing in life.

What do you suggest I do?

 

[Gunwitch]

Once you're 26 you'll be a 26 year old loser, so there's that, Ok bad Dad joke.

Sorry for the tangents. It’s hard to pin down what I really want. I guess I just want to feel good about myself and my life.

Joke's aside, with this question you are gonna get food wizardy, exercise advice, medication recommendations, stop jacking off, only do it this way, read this book, read that, try this hobby or that hobby, get great at pickup, forget about pickup, surround yourself with friends you wanna be like, drop toxic friends etc etc etc.

You know all that shit, why you're on a tangent. Nothing to apologize for, the internet is the blind leading the blind. You've heard it all before, read it all before i'm sure.

It's all just your willpower to do what you know you should be doing, and want to be doing, and you know it all already.

Seeking answers can be it's own way of procrastination, a way to wrap your mind around your depression or anxiety.

About as innovative of advice as you are gonna get. Most are gonna tell you to do 30 minutes of cardio a day or go hang gliding or eat fresh caught oysters whatever.

You know you better than they do. Harness your own will as you let the weed wear off longer, my main advice.


Gun

 

[kinsej9010]

Hitting the gym everyday, is probably one of the best things to start with. After 1-2 months, you start to feel really good as you see progress.

 

[Gunwitch]

Hitting the gym everyday, is probably one of the best things to start with. After 1-2 months, you start to feel really good as you see progress.

So you went from a pattern like his to just working out and changed it? Again back to my first point. This man is being dulled by a pattern of obvious substance abuse his chemistry and neurology can't withstand.

He doesn't need self help advice or bro science. All that is a distraction. Said it himself in so many words. He must will himself to stop and/or go to rehab, then figure out his own path, goals and hobbies. This is very obvious. He doesn't need some sit ups or echinacea.


Gun

 

[kinsej9010]

So you went from a pattern like his to just working out and changed it? Again back to my first point. This man is being dulled by a pattern of obvious substance abuse his chemistry and neurology can't withstand.

He doesn't need self help advice or bro science. All that is a distraction. Said it himself in so many words. He must will himself to stop and/or go to rehab, then figure out his own path, goals and hobbies. This is very obvious. He doesn't need some sit ups or echinacea.


Gun

I have actually been in his situation and started to change my life.

I said getting back in the gym and seeing progress is a great START to changing self esteem and image.

I stand by what I said.

 

[Will_V]

Totally agree with the gym, or any exercise or creative manual labor, it's the fastest way to put body over mind which is what must be done when mind is out of control.

I don't have experience around recovering from recreational drugs but I have been close to people with severe depression and severe addiction to pharma drugs, which are at least as bad. In this state the mind cannot be trusted as a control mechanism, it is not your enemy but it is not going to help. You must engage your body in aggressive voluntary action with consistency, engaging the nervous system, hormones, muscles and all the things around the mind until it is no longer the absolute source of your external feedback. And from there establish a routine that trains your mind through your body that reality is not just what comes in but also what goes out.

This is my view and it is backed up by all my experiences.

 

[Viper]

Hi,

I’m looking for some life advice. I want to change the path I’m currently traversing. I’ve been stuck for some years and I don’t know what to do. It seems like my life goes through the same cycles over and over and I don’t go anywhere.

That “cycle”, being me wanting to get high or drunk. Willingly staying inside my house for months/years at a time only going out for groceries. Being alone with my 5 cats and decaying away smoking weed every waking moment. I’ve been addicted to smoking weed and have done so almost nonstop with only a few failed abstinence breaks, my longest being 1 month.

Before that I used alcohol to pass the time. For years as well. And before that I was taking my grandmother’s pills to get high. This started around 18-19 for me, I was a very inhibited and depressed kid and drugs at the time made me feel confident.

Though now that I’m 25 it switched up on me and my abuse of marijuana(which Ive stopped for 2 days now) gave me stomach pains, insomnia, brain fog, paranoia, anxiety, and I became more and more withdrawn.

I can do all this without responsibility because my mother and sister and her husband became wealthy over the years and I live in a house I don’t have to pay for. I don’t pay for my groceries, or drug addictions. I often use my mother’s deep love for me for her money. Even though I feel a bit bad the addiction wins eventually.

At some point I feel that life is dull sober, and cave into smoking weed again. But, it’s harder for me to do that now as I deliberately decided

What do you suggest I do?

Advice can only go as long as you want it to go bruh,I suggest you do you man,might be difficult but you gotta change your shit to how you want it to be(nobody can actually help you determine, what is it you want, you gotta find out for yourself and start looking for steps to get there)if you don't figure that shit out you will just be counting the numbers 26 year old loser,27,28,29,30 change the shit(don't feel like you can postpone it ,solve it now "if you don't fix a crack you will build a house)

 

[Spyce D]

Actually... I had been depressed for nearly past 7 years ( on and off ) cuz of my internet addiction ....( There was a cigarette addiction in between ) ....so even though i wasnt addicted to drugs ..

But binging internet for 10-12 hours for years isn't a good thing for mental health.
Overthinking, fatalism , abnormal anxiety , panic ....I dealt with these things a lot .

I am 24 rn .

I am way past those days.... Even though i still face some nihilistic thoughts...due to past lifestyle.... Things are getting better .

Went on 1st ever date from Daygame.. yesterday.

You know what you have to do ...whether it's exercise , diet , de addiction program , whatever it is .


And I do believe that exercising / martial arts can help you .... They helped me ..... .

And I am currently recovering from all the effects of my previous lifestyle.

All I can say is cuz I started doing things that I knew I had to do ....my life changed for better and it's only been 70 days only since I changed my lifestyle

 

[Ed Nigma]

Thanks guys for the advice. I guess me going all over the place with my original post made it seem like i’m physically stagnant but I am not.

I’ve been lifting for 6 months straight now and I’ve gained 30 pounds so far. I smoked weed during the whole time. I used weed to eat, I used it before the gym as well as I enjoyed the feeling of working out high.

My anxiousness around other people made me build my schedule around exercising every day at 3am. I’ve been doing that 6-7x week since March.

Bodybuilding became a passion. As I wish to turn my body into a work of art; like a sculptor. That has developed my self-esteem and confidence despite the drugs dampening me.

But exercise alone didn’t stave me off marijuana. because unlike other drugs, marijuana doesnt impede your muscular gains and gives a stronger mind-muscle connection in the gym. But I am done with this now.

As Splyce mentioned above, I am also addicted to the internet. That’s probably my biggest addiction by far.

 

[Ed Nigma]

Once you're 26 you'll be a 26 year old loser, so there's that, Ok bad Dad joke.



Joke's aside, with this question you are gonna get food wizardy, exercise advice, medication recommendations, stop jacking off, only do it this way, read this book, read that, try this hobby or that hobby, get great at pickup, forget about pickup, surround yourself with friends you wanna be like, drop toxic friends etc etc etc.

You know all that shit, why you're on a tangent. Nothing to apologize for, the internet is the blind leading the blind. You've heard it all before, read it all before i'm sure.

It's all just your willpower to do what you know you should be doing, and want to be doing, and you know it all already.

Seeking answers can be it's own way of procrastination, a way to wrap your mind around your depression or anxiety.

About as innovative of advice as you are gonna get. Most are gonna tell you to do 30 minutes of cardio a day or go hang gliding or eat fresh caught oysters whatever.

You know you better than they do. Harness your own will as you let the weed wear off longer, my main advice.


Gun

Thanks. This is the only advice that I really need. Because you are right. I know what I want and need to do, it is a matter of doing it.

Harnessing my willpower and breaking past my inertia.

Appreciate it.

 

[Spyce D]

Splyce mentioned above, I am also addicted to the internet. That’s probably my biggest addiction by far.

Brother ..it's possible that you are feeling like a loser cuz of it.

I felt it .

Internet addiction had fucked up my mind ... For real.

It can send you in a weird trance .

Well , I have gotten out of my 7 year long internet addiction .

Been like 70 days . Fucking life has changed.

 

[Will_V]

Thanks guys for the advice. I guess me going all over the place with my original post made it seem like i’m physically stagnant but I am not.

I’ve been lifting for 6 months straight now and I’ve gained 30 pounds so far. I smoked weed during the whole time. I used weed to eat, I used it before the gym as well as I enjoyed the feeling of working out high.

My anxiousness around other people made me build my schedule around exercising every day at 3am. I’ve been doing that 6-7x week since March.

Bodybuilding became a passion. As I wish to turn my body into a work of art; like a sculptor. That has developed my self-esteem and confidence despite the drugs dampening me.

But exercise alone didn’t stave me off marijuana. because unlike other drugs, marijuana doesnt impede your muscular gains and gives a stronger mind-muscle connection in the gym. But I am done with this now.

As Splyce mentioned above, I am also addicted to the internet. That’s probably my biggest addiction by far.

My bad, didn't realize you had already started to get out of the rut. That kind of difference in 6 months is an achievement.

Glad you found the advice you needed.

 

[Mr.SocialAcceptableHarem]

I like what @Gunwitch was saying about will, very much agree

I think the problem is your not in the right state of mind to be taking the initiative and choosing a path

If all variables were in place you probably would already know what to do and be on your way to accomplishing whatever that is

I’d say the best move is building a clear foundation on which you can rest a clear head and decide what to do with your life

The first step for that is dealing with the addiction

I’ve dealt with addiction before and I know it’s one of the hardest things to kick

Find ways to make it really hard for you to get weed. This is called stimulus control. Get all of your dealers numbers out of your phone. Maybe have someone hold your money for you so you can’t access it 24/7 and go smoke with it. But before all that you have to actually decide you are going to quit.

Because it’s purely mental, if you truly want to cut this out of your life your going to have to pay whatever price it takes to beat the addiction.

And most of the time that price is huge (depends how badly addicted you are)

I’m talking mental emotional physical price, you probably know from the withdrawals

The hardest part of beating an addiction is deciding to and then maintaining that conviction

It’s so easy to “decide” and then next week your back on it

I mean a with out a doubt decision, those decisions are hard to make.

The next step would be to find some way to spend your time outside of the gym where your interacting with people

ImThe isolation is probably fueling the weed addiction and vice versa, they feed off of each other

So if you can find some way to get connection, your mental health will get better and weed won’t be as tempting (it’ll make things easier but not a cure all)

This could be taking classes at a rec center, gym, or school

or I guess finding a new job, maybe not to fulfill you but just to be having more interactions and getting paid for it

It’s great that your still working out by the way, I’d imagine it’s helping a lot

But if you are:

1. working out consistently
2. Interacting with people and learning a skill consistently
3. Gotten through the worst of the withdrawals and cravings

You’ll probably start to have some ideas where you want to take things, what you want to get good at, what interests you etc.

Because with brain fog (which I’ve had) you can’t see clearly into what your future will be

and good luck to the sea captain who doesn’t know where the hell he’s going

PS motivation plays a big factor too in sticking with your progression. Goals create motivation. you don’t know where you want to go yet so “feeling good again” could just be a goal. Doesn’t matter what goal as long as there is a goal that is motivating you. But you can’t just teach some how to be motivated, that comes from feeling an incentive. Plan B has to feel like a better plan than the current one. That’s why a lot of the time someone only starts to change after they hit rock bottom. It becomes so clear to them that whatever they thought they were getting out of life, is clearly not working for them, and then incentive is created to form a new life. Once you believe the incentive is real (a lot of people are told there is an incentive to losing weight like looking better, but they don’t lose weight anyways because they don’t really believe in that incentive) you will naturally create motivation because future reward (plan b) seems better than current reward (current weed addiction lifestyle). You can simulate a rock bottom moment by taking stock of your life, listing all of the pros of living like this and then listing all the cons. Then you describe what your alternate life would be by listing those pros and cons. Then you compare the two lifestyles by looking at all of the pros and cons. The goal of this is to give you clarity, there’s a lot things we ignore in our life. by putting it all on paper the hope is that you’ll see the incentive very clearly to change.

I’ve actually done this strategy before and it worked for me

cheers,

Biggus

 

[HumanWhoLearns]

I think the most important thing for you is figuring out what you want out of life, what goals you want to work towards. Right now you're a little lost and you're coping with things that aren't helping you. The thing about change is that it requires a lot of effort and consistency, and if you try to change too much too quickly, you're not gonna stay with it. Choose 1 or 2 things to focus on right now and once those are down, you can move to next most important thing on your list. It sound s like you have an idea of what you want t o work on already.