- Joined
- Aug 19, 2023
- Messages
- 34
Hi,
I’m looking for some life advice. I want to change the path I’m currently traversing. I’ve been stuck for some years and I don’t know what to do. It seems like my life goes through the same cycles over and over and I don’t go anywhere.
That “cycle”, being me wanting to get high or drunk. Willingly staying inside my house for months/years at a time only going out for groceries. Being alone with my 5 cats and decaying away smoking weed every waking moment. I’ve been addicted to smoking weed and have done so almost nonstop with only a few failed abstinence breaks, my longest being 1 month.
Before that I used alcohol to pass the time. For years as well. And before that I was taking my grandmother’s pills to get high. This started around 18-19 for me, I was a very inhibited and depressed kid and drugs at the time made me feel confident.
Though now that I’m 25 it switched up on me and my abuse of marijuana(which Ive stopped for 2 days now) gave me stomach pains, insomnia, brain fog, paranoia, anxiety, and I became more and more withdrawn.
I can do all this without responsibility because my mother and sister and her husband became wealthy over the years and I live in a house I don’t have to pay for. I don’t pay for my groceries, or drug addictions. I often use my mother’s deep love for me for her money. Even though I feel a bit bad the addiction wins eventually.
At some point I feel that life is dull sober, and cave into smoking weed again. But, it’s harder for me to do that now as I deliberately decided not to renew my medical recommendation for marijuana so I couldn’t go to a dispensary if I changed my mind.
I’ve been putting off starting college for a few months now. I wanted to study something I liked like psychology, and also surround myself with pretty girls. Do you think that’s a good step in the right direction?
I have worked many different jobs in the past. From door to door salesman, warehouse clerk, delivery driver, cashier, tax accountant, boat mechanic, etc. I find it very difficult to hold down a job after I have “figured it out”. Because I have this desire to learn and get good at stuff and once it’s no longer stimulating I start to miss work or get fired. Or like my last job, I got into a fistfight because I felt that my coworker’s lack of communication skills would make me mess up.
I had a lot of pent up testosterone at that time because I was lifting weights and being in the sun every day. I should’ve handled things differently.
But, that reminds me that about the only good thing I have been doing with myself was exercising. I went from 160 pounds skinny and starving from the beginning of the year to now a muscular 190lb at 6’.
I have noticed that the gym and lifting has given me this constant dominant energy where I feel a sense of restlessness that makes me want to accomplish things. But ofc, weed has heavily dampened that energy before but I still felt it often.
I just want to feel good and accomplished about my life. I have felt the feeling before. When I had a gf that was in love with me and I loved her back. That one genuine connection I managed to form removed a lot of the antisocial anger and ego problems I had. But, it didn’t last forever and I reverted back and killed the relationship slowly.
I have learned a lot from my mistakes but I still make new ones. And I know it’s also a mistake to only derive my self esteem from one source, like a loving woman. Because that love can change and you will become affected by what she thinks of you.
I want to get a girlfriend and have her live with me. A girl who cooks for me, cleans, likes my cats, does the laundry, etc. I don’t have any plans to work at least for now. So she’d be the one mostly paying for stuff she needs or wants to do for us. I’ve had 2 gfs and they would give me money and gifts sometimes. I want a woman like that. No they weren’t rich they just liked surprising me with cool or sentimental things. And they were beautiful. Cus I have standards. But they were online. I never met or had sex with them. But they were really in love with me.
I’ve only had sex with two girls irl. One girl I was introduced to by my mother and her friend. They came to my house and when I meet her she had a shocked look on her face in an awed way. They left but I felt that she wanted me so I told my mom abt her and she got my number and she came over to my house that day.
But the truth is that I wasn’t comfortable. I pulled the trigger because of the opportunity but I couldn’t get fully hard and also I took pills to not be anxious and it just made my sexual skills really bad. She ended up riding me while I had a chub and still ended up cumming really fast. But, I also came lol. I didn’t tell her… So she lays down suggesting me to get on top of her and then she realized I came in her raw. Turns out she had a husband at the time, the situation killed the sexual mood but I am pretty unfazed so I calmed her down and told her to buy the plan b pill.
The other woman I had sex with multiple times was a previous coworker that liked me but I was too in love with my online gf to pay attention to her at the time.
Actually I just remembered that I had sex with her right after I broke up with my ex gf. I got invited to a coworker’s birthday party and since she was going to go I decided to go as well. Since she had changed work. We went to a club and I took her to a motel and fucked her. She was on her period and I told her I didnt care. I quite enjoyed the bloody penis.
I was dealing with a lot of emotional pain over my break up and I drowned myself in drugs and stayed away from everyone. But like a year after I decided to hit her up again and she came over my house multiple times and we’d have a lot of sex and talk.
One time she said, “I’m surprised someone as good sexually as you doesn’t eat pussy.” But I did have her suck my dick and swallow; something she said she’d never done before.
I ate her pussy once, I decided to try it one day and she tells me she’s on her period. I didn’t want to come off as a pussy so I ate that iron-tasting pussy anyhow though the taste left something to be desired…
Sorry for the tangents. It’s hard to pin down what I really want. I guess I just want to feel good about myself and my life.
I’ve been a loner most of my life, starting from an early age due to abuse, neglect, and getting bullied. It seems like the social aspect gives me more of a self-esteem boost than anything else. Since it is what I’ve most been missing in life.
What do you suggest I do?
I’m looking for some life advice. I want to change the path I’m currently traversing. I’ve been stuck for some years and I don’t know what to do. It seems like my life goes through the same cycles over and over and I don’t go anywhere.
That “cycle”, being me wanting to get high or drunk. Willingly staying inside my house for months/years at a time only going out for groceries. Being alone with my 5 cats and decaying away smoking weed every waking moment. I’ve been addicted to smoking weed and have done so almost nonstop with only a few failed abstinence breaks, my longest being 1 month.
Before that I used alcohol to pass the time. For years as well. And before that I was taking my grandmother’s pills to get high. This started around 18-19 for me, I was a very inhibited and depressed kid and drugs at the time made me feel confident.
Though now that I’m 25 it switched up on me and my abuse of marijuana(which Ive stopped for 2 days now) gave me stomach pains, insomnia, brain fog, paranoia, anxiety, and I became more and more withdrawn.
I can do all this without responsibility because my mother and sister and her husband became wealthy over the years and I live in a house I don’t have to pay for. I don’t pay for my groceries, or drug addictions. I often use my mother’s deep love for me for her money. Even though I feel a bit bad the addiction wins eventually.
At some point I feel that life is dull sober, and cave into smoking weed again. But, it’s harder for me to do that now as I deliberately decided not to renew my medical recommendation for marijuana so I couldn’t go to a dispensary if I changed my mind.
I’ve been putting off starting college for a few months now. I wanted to study something I liked like psychology, and also surround myself with pretty girls. Do you think that’s a good step in the right direction?
I have worked many different jobs in the past. From door to door salesman, warehouse clerk, delivery driver, cashier, tax accountant, boat mechanic, etc. I find it very difficult to hold down a job after I have “figured it out”. Because I have this desire to learn and get good at stuff and once it’s no longer stimulating I start to miss work or get fired. Or like my last job, I got into a fistfight because I felt that my coworker’s lack of communication skills would make me mess up.
I had a lot of pent up testosterone at that time because I was lifting weights and being in the sun every day. I should’ve handled things differently.
But, that reminds me that about the only good thing I have been doing with myself was exercising. I went from 160 pounds skinny and starving from the beginning of the year to now a muscular 190lb at 6’.
I have noticed that the gym and lifting has given me this constant dominant energy where I feel a sense of restlessness that makes me want to accomplish things. But ofc, weed has heavily dampened that energy before but I still felt it often.
I just want to feel good and accomplished about my life. I have felt the feeling before. When I had a gf that was in love with me and I loved her back. That one genuine connection I managed to form removed a lot of the antisocial anger and ego problems I had. But, it didn’t last forever and I reverted back and killed the relationship slowly.
I have learned a lot from my mistakes but I still make new ones. And I know it’s also a mistake to only derive my self esteem from one source, like a loving woman. Because that love can change and you will become affected by what she thinks of you.
I want to get a girlfriend and have her live with me. A girl who cooks for me, cleans, likes my cats, does the laundry, etc. I don’t have any plans to work at least for now. So she’d be the one mostly paying for stuff she needs or wants to do for us. I’ve had 2 gfs and they would give me money and gifts sometimes. I want a woman like that. No they weren’t rich they just liked surprising me with cool or sentimental things. And they were beautiful. Cus I have standards. But they were online. I never met or had sex with them. But they were really in love with me.
I’ve only had sex with two girls irl. One girl I was introduced to by my mother and her friend. They came to my house and when I meet her she had a shocked look on her face in an awed way. They left but I felt that she wanted me so I told my mom abt her and she got my number and she came over to my house that day.
But the truth is that I wasn’t comfortable. I pulled the trigger because of the opportunity but I couldn’t get fully hard and also I took pills to not be anxious and it just made my sexual skills really bad. She ended up riding me while I had a chub and still ended up cumming really fast. But, I also came lol. I didn’t tell her… So she lays down suggesting me to get on top of her and then she realized I came in her raw. Turns out she had a husband at the time, the situation killed the sexual mood but I am pretty unfazed so I calmed her down and told her to buy the plan b pill.
The other woman I had sex with multiple times was a previous coworker that liked me but I was too in love with my online gf to pay attention to her at the time.
Actually I just remembered that I had sex with her right after I broke up with my ex gf. I got invited to a coworker’s birthday party and since she was going to go I decided to go as well. Since she had changed work. We went to a club and I took her to a motel and fucked her. She was on her period and I told her I didnt care. I quite enjoyed the bloody penis.
I was dealing with a lot of emotional pain over my break up and I drowned myself in drugs and stayed away from everyone. But like a year after I decided to hit her up again and she came over my house multiple times and we’d have a lot of sex and talk.
One time she said, “I’m surprised someone as good sexually as you doesn’t eat pussy.” But I did have her suck my dick and swallow; something she said she’d never done before.
I ate her pussy once, I decided to try it one day and she tells me she’s on her period. I didn’t want to come off as a pussy so I ate that iron-tasting pussy anyhow though the taste left something to be desired…
Sorry for the tangents. It’s hard to pin down what I really want. I guess I just want to feel good about myself and my life.
I’ve been a loner most of my life, starting from an early age due to abuse, neglect, and getting bullied. It seems like the social aspect gives me more of a self-esteem boost than anything else. Since it is what I’ve most been missing in life.
What do you suggest I do?