- Joined
- Oct 9, 2012
- Messages
- 6,172
Quick note for beginners (and maybe a refresher for intermediate/advanced guys, too).
If you want to win at something, the question, "How can I?" is your very good, very vital friend.
If you want to fail and be stagnant at something, instead say, "Here's why I can't."
The reason the first is for winners and the second is for losers and stagnaters is because the first inspires action, creativity, and problem solving, while the second immediately and unequivocally shuts all of these down.
These days, I've learned to avoid like the plague anyone who regularly indulges in "Here's why I can't." These people are akin to the complainers I mention when I talk about fixers vs. complainers - they don't want to improve, they just want to vent about their failure and inability to get the things they want and want others to either save them or stroke their egos and say, "There, there... it's the big, cruel world that's to blame, not you, darling."
Any time you catch yourself listing out one or more reasons for why you can't do something, immediately knock it off and replace it with "How can I?"
Because I'll tell you:
It is the language of failure and ineptitude.
On the other hand,
When I hear a student ask "How can I?" I want to move mountains to help him. When I have a hire say or ask "How can I?" I'm certain I've just found an all star. When I'm around a woman who asks "How can I?" I want to promote her to girlfriend immediately. Everyone else I see who's any degree of successful in their lives reacts the same way, because this is the language of successful people, and like attracts like.
If you want lots of failure, frustration, broken dreams and unfulfilled promises, just bombard everyone around you with "Here's why I can't." You will drive off the successful people and attract like-minded individuals who will sit around and mope and complain with you in disappointment and inaction, while the shame successful people as having been "born that way" and "just lucky".
Alternately, if you want lots of winning, excitement, realized dreams and satisfied promises, just break out "How can I?" every chance you get. You will drive off the failures, whose egos can't stand the dissonance of having to be around someone who consistently wins, and attract like-minded individuals who will sit around and brainstorm and plan and encourage you into achievement and action, while they totally ignore unsuccessful, fatalistic people as those who simply don't "get it" and aren't relevant to spend time on or be around.
Chase
If you want to win at something, the question, "How can I?" is your very good, very vital friend.
If you want to fail and be stagnant at something, instead say, "Here's why I can't."
The reason the first is for winners and the second is for losers and stagnaters is because the first inspires action, creativity, and problem solving, while the second immediately and unequivocally shuts all of these down.
These days, I've learned to avoid like the plague anyone who regularly indulges in "Here's why I can't." These people are akin to the complainers I mention when I talk about fixers vs. complainers - they don't want to improve, they just want to vent about their failure and inability to get the things they want and want others to either save them or stroke their egos and say, "There, there... it's the big, cruel world that's to blame, not you, darling."
Any time you catch yourself listing out one or more reasons for why you can't do something, immediately knock it off and replace it with "How can I?"
Because I'll tell you:
- Bosses HATE hearing "Here's why I can't"
- Customers HATE hearing "Here's why I can't"
- Teachers HATE hearing "Here's why I can't"
- Parents HATE hearing "Here's why I can't"
- Girls HATE hearing "Here's why I can't"
It is the language of failure and ineptitude.
On the other hand,
- Bosses LOVE hearing "How can I?"
- Customers LOVE hearing "How can I?"
- Teachers LOVE hearing "How can I?"
- Parents LOVE hearing "How can I?"
- Girls LOVE hearing "How can I?"
When I hear a student ask "How can I?" I want to move mountains to help him. When I have a hire say or ask "How can I?" I'm certain I've just found an all star. When I'm around a woman who asks "How can I?" I want to promote her to girlfriend immediately. Everyone else I see who's any degree of successful in their lives reacts the same way, because this is the language of successful people, and like attracts like.
If you want lots of failure, frustration, broken dreams and unfulfilled promises, just bombard everyone around you with "Here's why I can't." You will drive off the successful people and attract like-minded individuals who will sit around and mope and complain with you in disappointment and inaction, while the shame successful people as having been "born that way" and "just lucky".
Alternately, if you want lots of winning, excitement, realized dreams and satisfied promises, just break out "How can I?" every chance you get. You will drive off the failures, whose egos can't stand the dissonance of having to be around someone who consistently wins, and attract like-minded individuals who will sit around and brainstorm and plan and encourage you into achievement and action, while they totally ignore unsuccessful, fatalistic people as those who simply don't "get it" and aren't relevant to spend time on or be around.
Chase
