How could I have passed this shit-test?

[Calibration]

I cold-approached a girl with a direct opener while she was out during lunch break. Didn't have much time to build rapport or find out about her. I texted her later and she agreed for the date. But she had added a caveat to that saying:

Her: "I'm ok to meet Tuesday. I just want to let you know that I actually have a boyfriend but we're in an open relationship. He's cool with me seeing other guys",
Me: "thanks for being authentic and letting me know. I'm very open-minded too, I understand."
Her : "oh that's great you're open-minded and I like open-minded guys but sorry I forgot I can't do on Tuesday. I have a tennis class. Let's meet the week after".

I deduce that was a shit-test for her to see if I'm just a fuck-boy. How could I have handled this?

 

[Gaturro]

I don’t think it was a shit-test. In that situation, I would’ve taken what she said at face value, just like you did.. She probably changed plans because girls can be flaky. Especially if she has a boyfriend and is seeing other dudes…

However, about your question. Why do you ask? If it was a shit-test, then you dodged a bullet. What kind of girl will wanna see if you’re a player or not by saying they are in a relationship? Let’s assume you said “oh no sorry we can’t go out if you’re dating”. And then what? It doesn’t make sense.

I believe that’s just normal girl behavior, saying one thing and immediately saying another. I would ask her something like “what time do you finish your tennis class? I can on Tuesday but I’ll be busy next week”

Actually, I just noticed you said Tuesday. Did you mean Tuesday next week? It’s not convenient to schedule dates so much in advance. Much better to text her and meet on the same day, or next day max if you see she’s interested. Otherwise she has a lot of time to change her mind…

 

[DoWhatWorks]

I deduce that was a shit-test for her

Agree with Gaturro that this wasn’t a shit test but I would approach it differently

“what time do you finish your tennis class? I can on Tuesday but I’ll be busy next week

Respectfully, don’t do this. You’ll come across like you’re “forcing the meet” and then you block yourself from following up next week as it will be obvious that you were pretending to be busy.

Lose lose.

Her : "oh that's great you're open-minded and I like open-minded guys but sorry I forgot I can't do on Tuesday. I have a tennis class. Let's meet the week after".

When this happens it’s either:

1) She’s not that into it and is saying no politely

2) She genuinely busy and forgot

What you do next depends on your style.

Personally I would:

1/2 Reply short & sweet - “All good, we’ll connect later in the week to sort it, enjoy tennis“

2/2 Ping her on Sunday then follow Skills text guide with: Ping > Soft Close > Hard close

E.g. “Hi you as good as serena Williams yet? ” > blah blah blah chit chat > What’s your schedule like? > propose time/date she’s free

If she’s not responsive, I’d delete no./ move on.

Will let other guys chime in with more persistent methods lol I’m a very low patience texter.

 

[Gaturro]

Respectfully, don’t do this. You’ll come across like you’re “forcing the meet” and then you block yourself from following up next week as it will be obvious that you were pretending to be busy.

Lose lose.

Yeah you’re right, I didn’t notice he said Tuesday… forcing the meet has worked for me to meet on the same day (I don’t like the word “force” though), but with so much time in advance it’s not good…

Anyway that doesn’t block yourself, next week you can always say you have some free time, or you’ll be near her, or something else. I mean, she said yes to tuesday and then said no, she won’t care if you said you’d be busy and then you make some free time hahaha

 

[POB]

Personally I would:

1/2 Reply short & sweet - “All good, we’ll connect later in the week to sort it, enjoy tennis“

2/2 Ping her on Sunday then follow Skills text guide with: Ping > Soft Close > Hard close

E.g. “Hi you as good as serena Williams yet? ” > blah blah blah chit chat > What’s your schedule like? > propose time/date she’s free

If she’s not responsive, I’d delete no./ move on.

Will let other guys chime in with more persistent methods lol I’m a very low patience texter.

I would follow this route too.
Girls with BFs can be extreme time wasters if you let them.

 

[DoWhatWorks]

forcing the meet has worked for me to meet on the same day (I don’t like the word “force” though)

It’s worked for me too but I knew she was free so I framed it as fun & “spontaneous”

This girl has cancelled & said “next week” so persisting comes across uncalibrated. If he’s in a good text rhythm maybe he could double check when she finishes tennis before soft closing with “I don’t mind later” but if the girl is green she would hint or propose a later time herself.

Her buying temperature is low so his investment level should also be low.

If she’s genuine you seem too keen/uncalibrated & if she’s not you’ve killed the little attraction left

but with so much time in advance it’s not good…

Agreed. My route is the least bad option. Better to be a cool chill guy she “might” see in 7 days then another keen orbiter in her phone.

Leads like OP’s tend to go nowhere but stranger things have happened so good luck to him

 

[Calibration]

I would ask her something like “what time do you finish your tennis class? I can on Tuesday but I’ll be busy next week”

BTW, she had mentioned to me that she's going on a business trip on Wednesday for the rest of the week. So, I couldn't have asked if I can meet her after tennis class.

When this happens it’s either:

1) She’s not that into it and is saying no politely

2) She genuinely busy and forgot

What you do next depends on your style.

Personally I would:

1/2 Reply short & sweet - “All good, we’ll connect later in the week to sort it, enjoy tennis“

2/2 Ping her on Sunday then follow Skills text guide with: Ping > Soft Close > Hard close

I would follow this route too.
Girls with BFs can be extreme time wasters if you let them.

Before I read any of your answers, I thought she's just shit-testing or wasting time and so told her that we can meet on Tuesday afternoon briefly for a quick coffee during lunch break to see if we connect (to not come across as someone who fucks anything) and we can plan an elaborate date when she returns and she agreed. Now I think I shouldn't have done that since there is no chance of escalating and pulling her home

Should I just cancel it and meet her when she's back?

 

[DoWhatWorks]

BTW, she had mentioned to me that she's going on a business trip on Wednesday for the rest of the week. So, I couldn't have asked if I can meet her after tennis class.



Before I read any of your answers, I thought she's just shit-testing or wasting time and so told her that we can meet on Tuesday afternoon briefly for a quick coffee during lunch break to see if we connect (to not come across as someone who fucks anything) and we can plan an elaborate date when she returns and she agreed. Now I think I shouldn't have done that since there is no chance of escalating and pulling her home

Should I just cancel it and meet her when she's back?

Nicely done man! Not something I would do but props to you for pulling it off.

I would treat it with the 2 date model.

Date 1: deep dive, spike her emotions, sexual prizing and build tension with light touching

Date 2: Drinks/movie/dinner/whatever plausible deniability to go straight to your place

Now obviously if you see her on date 1 & she’s got good logistics you can go for same day pull

P.S to stop it fizzling out next week, I often plan the 2nd date, while on the 1st & say let’s “pencil it in” then confirm closer to the time. Makes it more real while still being chill to not be too keen

 

[Calibration]

P.S to stop it fizzling out next week, I often plan the 2nd date, while on the 1st & say let’s “pencil it in” then confirm closer to the time. Makes it more real while still being chill to not be too keen

Good idea. I often fail here

Date 1: deep dive, spike her emotions, sexual prizing and build tension with light touching

Do you mind pointing me to specific articles? I see a lot of articles relating to these topics. Thx

 

[TomInHo]

I deduce that was a shit-test for her to see if I'm just a fuck-boy. How could I have handled this?

I don't think that was a shit test at all. She was being genuine

I have experience with girls that have boyfriend... both open and closed

And usually you will need to be very understanding of her schedule, because you are not her main guy or priority

This is actually great because you don't need a lot of emotional investment to keep things moving forward

Her: "I'm ok to meet Tuesday. I just want to let you know that I actually have a boyfriend but we're in an open relationship. He's cool with me seeing other guys",
Me: "thanks for being authentic and letting me know. I'm very open-minded too, I understand."
Her : "oh that's great you're open-minded and I like open-minded guys but sorry I forgot I can't do on Tuesday. I have a tennis class. Let's meet the week after".

For the texting I would tell her "My schedule next week is still uncertain, But I'll hit you later and we can figure out a time that works for both of us".

Put a price on your time but still be cooperative and show interest

Before I read any of your answers, I thought she's just shit-testing or wasting time and so told her that we can meet on Tuesday afternoon briefly for a quick coffee during lunch break to see if we connect (to not come across as someone who fucks anything) and we can plan an elaborate date when she returns and she agreed. Now I think I shouldn't have done that since there is no chance of escalating and pulling her home

Should I just cancel it and meet her when she's back?

IMO.. You don't need an elaborate date. In fact I will skip the date entirely

She has a boyfriend already and you've already met in person, so she might be very down to just come straight to your place to uhm... chit chat

Plus, if she declines that offer you can always pivot to meeting somewhere close to your place.

 

[Calibration]

IMO.. You don't need an elaborate date. In fact I will skip the date entirely

She has a boyfriend already and you've already met in person, so she might be very down to just come straight to your place to uhm... chit chat

I've done this a couple of times in the past when I had true abundance pre-covid days.. ah well

Tbh.. I'm very tempted to do this. After I meet her on Tuesday, next time I'd like to invite directly home but a bit hesitant to take risk