How do great men wind down from work?

[Zoro]

How do high value men, wind down from work?

Or said another way, what does one do, when they are feeling burnt out and yet feeling restless? I meditate and this helps.

I'm asking this, because I am breaking a technology habit. I do not want to spend my free time looking at screens beyond what's necessary for work and the occasionally enjoyment of a movie or youtube videos. I want to go from an hour or two a day, to an hour or two a week (maybe even less).

I feel ridiculous asking this, but screens can be a blackhole with a subtle pull that doesn't let up. It's so easy to feel tired after work, plop on the bed and pull out the phone. I need some obvious alternatives to get me jump started.

Just to be clear, I already do active things in life: hobbies, go out with friends, game, slap some booty, work out, go on trips, spend time in nature, learn new things, work on goals, build skills, etc...

I'm talking about AFTER I've done these things for the day, I do not want to plop on the bed and pull out the phone.

 

[TheEcho]

Find a convenient lounge/coffee lounge to plop down in? Can add in reading books somewhere in there. I don't see the elimination of screens as necessary as long as it's not hindering other things, but I grew up playing WAY too much on computers, so biased toward having screens.

 

[Gaturro]

Just to be clear, I already do active things in life: hobbies, go out with friends, game, slap some booty, work out, go on trips, spend time in nature, learn new things, work on goals, build skills, etc...

I was gonna say you should do this stuff, but you already do it… how do you make the time?

Just go for the classic: read a book. Lots of them.

When I met my girlfriend’s family I saw both her mom and dad would go out and sunbathe while reading one book each. They didn’t talk, they were there just reading their respective books and breathing the same air. Not really my thing, but it seemed kinda cool.

If you need the comfort of technology but don’t want screens, you can always buy a Kindle.

You can go to the theater or to stand-up comedy shows which are great for coming up with quick responses. But you can also watch these on TV. To be honest I think screens aren’t necessarily bad.

You can drive and “meditate”. I love listening to loud music while driving fast. It helps me unwind and, sometimes, when I’m not sure about something in my life, the adrenaline lets me think with clarity. Just drive safely.

About me, I love playing sports. You can book a tennis court, a football pitch, and call some friends. Or join a sports club and play with them.

Or, you know, call one of your girls and start gossiping. Who knows, they love it, maybe you’ll love it too

 

[Lantern]

1. Read books, like a physical book, preferably classics of fiction that stood the test of time. Or even poetry.
2. I often unwind by playing guitar all to myself. This isn't me practicing, just kind of riffing and having fun
3. Call your mom.
4. Take a long walk. No headphones.
5. Take a nap
6. Cook a somewhat elaborate meal. Share it with someone.
7. Get a dog

 

[HoofHearted]

This is an interesting, and maybe even, good question.

How do high value men, wind down from work?

This is the only part on I'm stuck on. What is a 'high value' man? Value strikes me as a relative concept, so I guess more context is needed.

I do not know if I would meet your criteria, but I'll take a run at the question anyway.

You are very, very wise about technology. Anything involving screens is suspect. I have come to regard screens like credit card debt. Consider movies, TV shows and videogames-- you may partake, but time passes, and there is almost always a plummet in affect at the end. In other words, they feel good and enjoyable upfront, but you 'pay' on the background. And mindlessly browsing on a phone is an extreme version of this imo, you might not even enjoy it, it's just comforting, but why do we feel like shit after? Paying for the hit, junkie.

Now, for the actual question. Assuming you're fundamentally handled, the answer is almost always exercise. Not gym (usually). Exercise. Take a walk. Play a sport. The goal is physical movement for the benefit of short-term effect. Really the simplest answer is just take about a 1-2mile walk. Music is fine, but better if no music, or only music sometimes.

So are you exercising? That's the question. It's a big misconception that exercise or physical exertion of this manner (NOT training) requires energy... rather the opposite, it's what *gives* you energy.

So that's the usual suspect. Kinda lower on the pyramid are other considerations, which I just assumed you had dealt with, but if you haven't--

1. Diet-- Are you eating like shit? Dietary advice is a giant mess. I only have 3 things to say here from experience, and they're super generic but super impactful. Two of the easiest ones are a) don't overeat and b) don't eat processed shit so much. The third one is probably going to get ignored for being so stupid and simple, but there is a direct correlation to wellbeing: drink water. To the exclusion of other things. I am a large man, and I drink 128oz per day. One of the women I'm seeing is a smaller sized former professional athlete, and she drinks about 60oz a day I noticed (she's 5'6" and muscular).

2. Sleep-- Critically important. Will change your entire personality/perception of the world/experience of life. Won't dive into this topic unless the discussion leans this way, though. Are you sleeping?


Those are my spiels on this matter. If you have those dialed in good enough (they're a spectrum, it seems)... and you're sinking your time in at work and still coming home dog-ruined (been there), usually exercise is the answer. Call it a mind-body feedback loop, but as you very well know your physiological state will affect your mental one, and something as simple as a 1mile walk could be game changing.

There is a last subject to touch on, and the least practical so it can be ignored if you'd like as its not super tangible and not easily fixable.

If you are working a job that you are not inwardly assimilated with, i.e. you feel you having a calling, or that what you're doing is decidedly NOT a calling or meant for you, then that could affect you as such. This could more be a cause of a situation rather than relief like 'unwinding.' Ignore this at your own peril, but I want to say that there are precedents for this idea in mankind throughout recorded history, from Buddhism ("right occupation") to American transcendentalism (1800s) and beyond. So I think it's real. And I also think it's a spectrum, and that even moving a little closer to the target could help.

 

[Zoro]

After some reflection, I think my situation is less "I don't know what to do with my free time" and more of "I'm getting burned out resulting in me spending time on low-effort low-value activities".

Find a convenient lounge/coffee lounge to plop down in?

Yeah, part of the issue right now, is I am not in my ideal living situation/location. That will change soon, I will be able to walk around the city and spend time in places where I'm likely to meet cool people.

I was gonna say you should do this stuff, but you already do it… how do you make the time?

I don't do it all at once

Just go for the classic: read a book. Lots of them.

When I met my girlfriend’s family I saw both her mom and dad would go out and sunbathe while reading one book each. They didn’t talk, they were there just reading their respective books and breathing the same air. Not really my thing, but it seemed kinda cool.

If you need the comfort of technology but don’t want screens, you can always buy a Kindle.

Yeah I read a lot. And I have a kindle.

Now that I know I'm dealing with burn out instead of not knowing "what to do" I understand why reading wasn't a good option. Too much effort when I'm over tired.

4. Take a long walk. No headphones.

This is one of my favorite past-times.

This is the only part on I'm stuck on. What is a 'high value' man? Value strikes me as a relative concept, so I guess more context is needed.

I had a hard time coming up with the right word. By high value man, I meant someone who is fulfilled and successful, ambitious and spiritual grounded, connected to life. In other words, he lives aligned with his values. Spending a lot of time with screens goes against my values of adventure, learning and growing, and being a benevolent spirit.

You are very, very wise about technology. Anything involving screens is suspect. I have come to regard screens like credit card debt. Consider movies, TV shows and videogames-- you may partake, but time passes, and there is almost always a plummet in affect at the end. In other words, they feel good and enjoyable upfront, but you 'pay' on the background. And mindlessly browsing on a phone is an extreme version of this imo, you might not even enjoy it, it's just comforting, but why do we feel like shit after? Paying for the hit, junkie.

Agreed.

Now, for the actual question. Assuming you're fundamentally handled, the answer is almost always exercise. Not gym (usually). Exercise. Take a walk. Play a sport. The goal is physical movement for the benefit of short-term effect. Really the simplest answer is just take about a 1-2mile walk. Music is fine, but better if no music, or only music sometimes.

So are you exercising? That's the question. It's a big misconception that exercise or physical exertion of this manner (NOT training) requires energy... rather the opposite, it's what *gives* you energy.

Yes, I am active. Like I mentioned earlier, I'm realizing I'm dealing with burn out instead of lack of direction.

That being said, you bring up a good point, even if I'm feeling burnt out a nice walk does wonders, and enjoyable physical activity is something I already do, but know that I could use more of...

Diet-- Are you eating like shit?

I treat my body like a temple. Another reason I want to cut down on screens: Not good for the brain and I care about my brain.

2. Sleep-- Critically important. Will change your entire personality/perception of the world/experience of life. Won't dive into this topic unless the discussion leans this way, though. Are you sleeping?

I sleep good.

you're sinking your time in at work and still coming home dog-ruined (been there), usually exercise is the answer. Call it a mind-body feedback loop, but as you very well know your physiological state will affect your mental one, and something as simple as a 1mile walk could be game changing.

There is a last subject to touch on, and the least practical so it can be ignored if you'd like as its not super tangible and not easily fixable.

If you are working a job that you are not inwardly assimilated with, i.e. you feel you having a calling, or that what you're doing is decidedly NOT a calling or meant for you, then that could affect you as such. This could more be a cause of a situation rather than relief like 'unwinding.' Ignore this at your own peril, but I want to say that there are precedents for this idea in mankind throughout recorded history, from Buddhism ("right occupation") to American transcendentalism (1800s) and beyond. So I think it's real. And I also think it's a spectrum, and that even moving a little closer to the target could help.

Yeah I think this is what is going on.

I just got a new job and it's opening doors to my dream life. Before this however, I was sinking in a pool of "lack of direction" and so was very vunerable to screen use.

Now that I have this new gig, I am just going through the process of learning how to be more engaged with life. I went from living in a city full of opportunities to a small town, and now that I will be stepping back into my element, with this job as a potent catalyst for serious opportunity, I expect to deal with relearning how to be more active.

That being said I've got the burn out thing under control too. I already knew I was getting burned out and so got some supplements and meditating more. That is helping a ton. Just need some time to get used to the job and less screen time to rewire my brain, and I'm good to go.

Thanks everyone for your responses, I am confident I got this handled.

 

[HoofHearted]

Got it.

The last thing I'd say is, I think (at least partially) that your 'high value man' doesn't wholly exist.

There is no man who doesn't experience boredom, sadness, lack of direction, lack of drive, ennui or pain.

Because in life there is no escaping these things. Accepting that they will always be present is the first step toward working with them.

Good luck.

 

[Zoro]

There is no man who doesn't experience boredom, sadness, lack of direction, lack of drive, ennui or pain.

Right, in fact I think those are valuable parts of life.

 

[Conquistador]

If it's just mental burnout, go for a drive or a long walk.
If you're too tired physically, read a book or just stretch out on the couch and think about things.

That last idea is really underrated. Great men are almost always highly introspective.

One shouldn't have to full-on meditate to feel at peace alone with one's thoughts.