How do I progress with this girl, should I even try anymore?

[hafe334]

I’m a teen guy, been talking to this girl that came on holiday with me with a few other friends for the past week or so. I’ve been asking her to go out alone on walks at night, and she always says yes. The other night, I found a way to hold her hand, by pretending I was giving her something then holding on to her hand. She wasn’t uncomfortable or anything but she did mention during it that she doesn’t usually touch people. The vibe was still there after that, we still were talking and laughing etc. We only held hands and walked for maybe like 10 seconds.

Then last night while we were walking together alone, I decided to ask to hold her hand. She kinda smiled and said she’d think about it, then said no. I asked a few more times in a playful way, then decided to leave it alone. She said it wasn’t because of me, but that she was afraid that she’d make it all awkward and mess it up (which she thinks she did last time). She often talks about how she has issues interacting with people, and I’m aware of how averse to touch she is and that she’s very insecure about her social skills.

She still talks and comes over since then, so I’m genuinely not certain what position I’m in? Do I have a conversation to find out how she feels about me? Do I try progress in another way? Do I try something else that’s less “intimate”? Do I just forget about her and move on?

I wish I could find a way to gauge how she feels about me without asking directly, because I feel asking directly would kill anything we might have.

 

[gameboy]

Don't give up, but also don't ask for permission. Just find little ways to touch her without making a bit deal of it. You can inspect something she's wearing for example, or sit close to her and have your legs touch from time to time...

If she draws back, you draw back too and stay chill. Do something else for a while and then later, if it feels right, you can give it another try.

Of course if she complains or says she's not comfortable, you gotta respect that. But as long as she enjoys being with you, you're good.

 

[orkie123]

Based on the fact that you said you are a teen, and that she blamed herself for "ruining" the moment, I imagine you are both inexperienced.

This means she probably has no idea how to handle things herself and may be overthinking things. For example, she likes you, you hold her hand and suddently she's feeling a lot of strong emotions and gets overwhelmed.

Given that she still wants to meet up, you should focus on building comfort and trust by:

1) Showing you understand her. For example, you could have responded when she blamed herself for ruining the moment with "I think I understand why you feel this way. Sometimes even holding hands can feel extremely intimate. For me, it's a nice way to connect with someone. It doesn't mean there are any expectations and both people should feel comfortable".
Then after a few minutes, grab her hand gently, tell her she has soft hands, lead her for a few seconds to a spot, and let go.

2) Lead her and do social touches. Build trust by showing her reference points of sticking to your word. Im talking even really tiny things. Ask her what her fav ice cream flavour is, make an obviously exagerated joke read of what that flavour tells about her and then say "Hey I wanna take you to the best spot for ice cream". On the way there, guide her with soft but firm touches on her back when crossing the road, keep her to the safe side of the pavement etc.

3) Do a soft version of Teevster's comfort gambit. There was a recent LR I read that gave an example of it. I would soften it by calling it intimacy rather than sex if you do think she is also very inexperienced.

4) lead her back to your place with a plausible deniability but make it clear that "no funny business will happen". You can escalate when back at yours, but be very mindful of her reactions. If she feels uncomfortable, take a step back and talk about something non serious to take off the pressure.


Final tip - assume that if she wants to meet up with you, it's on. If she raises any concerns, listen to them but unless she clearly friend zones you, assume she likes you.

If you like her, then just keep pushing the interaction forward when she is receptive. It may take a while though if she is really inexperienced.