Date Plans How do you deal with girl who puts themselves on pedestal?

[vicknick]

Went out on a date with a quite pretty college girl. On the date, she was keeping an aloof mannerism, and threw out some subtle statements, which I think indicate she think she is the better one. Some of them are such as:

"A lot of guys are chasing me in college right now"
"Guys only know how to talk sexual to me, ugh"
"I don't go out and chase guys, guys chase me first"

Since I wouldn't want to be confrontational, I tried to deep dive with her to understand why she thought so, to which I responded:

"That's normal for college girls like you, how was your experience with them?"
"You must have felt disgusted by his behaviour. He should have understand more about you before talking sexual"
"Quite normal for girl. I think guys should make the first move"

But I can still felt she has that sense of entitlement of her being a very pretty girl. I am not sure if my action is correct, would like to hear more from you guys.

 

[KJ Francis]

Ok I may be way off here, but I went out with a Tinder match who was graduating/moving away and needed her pipes cleaned. She was for real more impressive and hot than not only my usual dating pool, but also the area.

I deep dive to build trust for the purpose of moving girls. I'm facing side effects with this and will probably make another thread, but part of it is moving too slow. Despite pulling her to her house in like an hour, a big 'get to know you and build a connection' session was not what inspired her to join tinder with a bathing suit photo.

Now you got a pretty, popular girl on a date? I assume your fundamentals are ok and she was attracted enough to at least invest some time going out with you.

One thing i often forget is girls can't read your mind or know you like them. If I spend all this time deep diving and don't qualify with the right balance or set a sexual frame, it's confusing.

It sounds like she is saying to make a move on her because she's not going to be the one to do it. If you're attractive and aloof, yeah maybe she is pulling herself up on a stool because she thinks you're up there!

The sex talk thing sounds like a shit test. She's testing your frame and trying to get you to be sexual. You agreed with her instead of reframing.

Don't take what girls say at face value. It's confusing, but there is a secret undercurrent language called subtext that I like to misinterpret as "fuck me" and communicate with as much as possible.

 

[KJ Francis]

And if she's complaining guys only talk sexual to her, it could mean she didn't like HOW guys went about it.

 

[topcat]

And if she's complaining guys only talk sexual to her, it could mean she didn't like HOW guys went about it.

Oh no it’s far more promising than that: she’s actually saying the men she is accustomed to (intimately) talk sexually to her. She either isn’t familiar with or doesn’t notice the men that don’t.. I’d lean on assuming the latter.

 

[Chase]

@vicknick,

Since I wouldn't want to be confrontational, I tried to deep dive with her to understand why she thought so, to which I responded:

"That's normal for college girls like you, how was your experience with them?"
"You must have felt disgusted by his behaviour. He should have understand more about you before talking sexual"
"Quite normal for girl. I think guys should make the first move"

But I can still felt she has that sense of entitlement of her being a very pretty girl. I am not sure if my action is correct, would like to hear more from you guys.

Her frame was "I am the prize."

Your frame was "How does it feel being the prize?"

That is a nice frame for a platonic friend to take with her. If the goal is seduction, however, you want to be doing the opposite.

Here is how I would respond to each of those:

HER: A lot of guys are chasing me in college right now.​

​

YOU: Ugh, I know. College guys are always after me too. They're SO lame.​

​

...​

​

HER: Guys only know how to talk sexual to me, ugh.​

​

YOU: Yeah, sex. Ew.​

​

...​

HER: I don't go out and chase guys, guys chase me first.​

​

YOU: So do they like come over to your apartment and chase you? Since you said you don't go out.​

Anyway, what she is really doing here is qualifying herself by throwing out all these statements about how she is just SO desirable.

This is a faux pas on her part. You really just need to bust on her a bit for it until she starts qualifying her statements more.

Usually with these kinds of responses I just misinterpret what she says in a humorous way so she has to explain herself further.

Her further explaining herself = compliance & qualification.

Then you've got to circle back around to showing that you, too, are a sexual guy, albeit more smooth than the dudes she is dealing with.

e.g.:

HER: Guys only know how to talk sexual to me, ugh.​

​

YOU: Yeah, sex. Ew.​

​

HER: [laughs] I mean, it's not like SEX is gross, but the WAY they are doing it is!​

​

YOU: Well like what do you mean? Give me an example.​

​

HER: They'll be like, "I'd love to see you on your back, baby!"​

​

YOU: That's so lame. You've got to wait until at LEAST the second date before you start telling girls that.​

​

HER: [laughs] Nooooo!​

Etc.

Chase

 

[vicknick]

Her frame was "I am the prize."

Your frame was "How does it feel being the prize?"

That is a nice frame for a platonic friend to take with her. If the goal is seduction, however, you want to be doing the opposite.

Here is how I would respond to each of those:

HER: A lot of guys are chasing me in college right now.​

​

YOU: Ugh, I know. College guys are always after me too. They're SO lame.​

​

...​

​

HER: Guys only know how to talk sexual to me, ugh.​

​

YOU: Yeah, sex. Ew.​

​

...​

​

HER: I don't go out and chase guys, guys chase me first.​

​

YOU: So do they like come over to your apartment and chase you? Since you said you don't go out.​

Anyway, what she is really doing here is qualifying herself by throwing out all these statements about how she is just SO desirable.

This is a faux pas on her part. You really just need to bust on her a bit for it until she starts qualifying her statements more.

Usually with these kinds of responses I just misinterpret what she says in a humorous way so she has to explain herself further.

Her further explaining herself = compliance & qualification.

Then you've got to circle back around to showing that you, too, are a sexual guy, albeit more smooth than the dudes she is dealing with.

e.g.:

HER: Guys only know how to talk sexual to me, ugh.​

​

YOU: Yeah, sex. Ew.​

​

HER: [laughs] I mean, it's not like SEX is gross, but the WAY they are doing it is!​

​

YOU: Well like what do you mean? Give me an example.​

​

HER: They'll be like, "I'd love to see you on your back, baby!"​

​

YOU: That's so lame. You've got to wait until at LEAST the second date before you start telling girls that.​

​

HER: [laughs] Nooooo!​

Etc.

Chase

Thanks for your reply Chase! Seems like I didn't tease her enough during the date. Sometimes I can't think of anything to tease her so instead I just ignore or let it slide, which would have meant I accepted her frame.

But I am wondering, if I can't deep dive her in this case, then when is the appropriate time to deep dive a girl?

 

[KJ Francis]

I think deep diving's good when she finds you too easy... So maybe good if you feel she views herself above you, actually. Like then you are pressing her on herself to screen and qualify. It's part of the prize frame he mentioned.

I tend to dive into it right away, which is maybe bad... No early banter. But usually combined with strong eye contact and proximity if possible, it'll build her comfort while also creating excitement from immediately having this date experience. I keep forgetting guys like to talk about themselves and girls notice the difference when the tables are turned!

 

[Skills]

Went out on a date with a quite pretty college girl. On the date, she was keeping an aloof mannerism, and threw out some subtle statements, which I think indicate she think she is the better one. Some of them are such as:

"A lot of guys are chasing me in college right now"
"Guys only know how to talk sexual to me, ugh"
"I don't go out and chase guys, guys chase me first"

Since I wouldn't want to be confrontational, I tried to deep dive with her to understand why she thought so, to which I responded:

"That's normal for college girls like you, how was your experience with them?"
"You must have felt disgusted by his behaviour. He should have understand more about you before talking sexual"
"Quite normal for girl. I think guys should make the first move"

But I can still felt she has that sense of entitlement of her being a very pretty girl. I am not sure if my action is correct, would like to hear more from you guys.

I don't see it like this, in my head when girls do things like this is they are trying to qualify themselves to me, she is trying to sell you she is all that, she is doing this cause she values you...

I personally do things like this:

"wowow look at you"

"i want to be like you one day"

"you are pimpin"

etc.... and then cont. normally with the seduction.... This are typically insecure type girls trying to impress...Aka it is a front... Think about a dude saying how big his dick is, or he has a rolex or he lives in a mansion.... is the same meta

 

[Chase]

@vicknick,

But I am wondering, if I can't deep dive her in this case, then when is the appropriate time to deep dive a girl?

You deep dive when you are leading the conversation, not when she is; also when she signals she wants to bond by giving you longer, more meaningful responses.

Appropriate time to transition to a deep dive:

YOU: How long have you been in town?​

​

HER: About two years. I love it here.​

​

YOU: Oh, no way. What do you love about it?​

​

HER: I just like blah blah blah [things she loves about the town].​

​

YOU: Is that what drew you here originally? For the [whatever she said]?​

​

HER: I actually came here because of [whatever reasons].​

​

YOU: Tell me about that. The reasons I ended up here are totally boring. Yours sound fascinating though. How'd that come about?​

​

HER: Well one day I was [talks about how it came about that she relocated to town].​

Then at some point you need to come back out of the deep dive, due some teasing/flirting, touch her, etc., just so you're ramping up the sexual tension and it's not just an interesting-yet-platonic interview.

But notice how you are driving this conversation the entire way. You lead, she follows with answers and explanations.

By contrast, this is an inappropriate time to deep dive:

YOU: How long have you been in town?​

​

HER: About two years. Do you always do your hair like that?​

​

YOU: I usually do, yeah! What about you, consistent hairdo or do you change it up?​

​

HER: Oh, I'm always changing my hair. Gotta stay trendy!​

​

YOU: So true. So how long have you been into following trends?​

It's inappropriate here because she's not in a position yet where she is submissively responding to whatever you say and waiting for you to lead the conversation. Instead she is still jumping around trying to talk about whatever she wants (i.e., the topic change from "length of time in town" to "how you usually do your hair" as soon as she answered you) and the short, quippy responses she is giving to you, rather than meaningful ones (i.e., her response to your hair question).

Girls who are ready for a deep dive will let you lead the conversation, and they will signal they want to bond by giving you more meaningful (rather than quippy/banter-y) responses when it's their time to talk.

Chase

 

[vicknick]

@Chase

Sorry for the late reply, was quite busy year-end. Thanks for your advice Chase! It is really helpful.

I am wondering, what if you tried to tease her, but she still doesn't qualify herself. For example:

HER: A lot of guys are chasing me in college right now.

YOU: Ugh, I know. College guys are always after me too. They're SO lame.

HER: Hmm... (roll eyes).

...

HER: Guys only know how to talk sexual to me, ugh.

YOU: Yeah, sex. Ew.

HER: Yeah, I don't like sex.

...

HER: I don't go out and chase guys, guys chase me first.

YOU: So do they like come over to your apartment and chase you? Since you said you don't go out.

HER: No... Why do you ask like that? You are so weird.


If she still doesn't enter your frame. Do you just ignore and change to different topics to reframe again later? Or will you continue tease her until she enters your frame. But I felt that if persist to long, it will become a frame battle which is not good for seduction?

 

[Tim Iron]

This is exactly what I would say because it is inline with my personality:

Her: A lot of guys are chasing me in college right now"
Me: Okay,... that's kind of normal in college... so did you say that xyz and blah blah

Her: Guys only know how to talk sexual to me, ugh
Me: Yeah, sometimes guys do that... so are you saying xyz [back to previous topic/thread that we were discussing]

Her: I don't go out and chase guys, guys chase me first
Me: Yeah, it the same for most women... so when did you say [back to previous topic that we were discussing]

Basically I am just implying that there is nothing new and exciting in what she is saying, I have heard it multiple times from different women.

 

[Bo Diddley]

This is exactly what I would say because it is inline with my personality:

Her: A lot of guys are chasing me in college right now"
Me: Okay,... that's kind of normal in college... so did you say that xyz and blah blah

Her: Guys only know how to talk sexual to me, ugh
Me: Yeah, sometimes guys do that... so are you saying xyz [back to previous topic/thread that we were discussing]

Her: I don't go out and chase guys, guys chase me first
Me: Yeah, it the same for most women... so when did you say [back to previous topic that we were discussing]

Basically I am just implying that there is nothing new and exciting in what she is saying, I have heard it multiple times from different women.

You're also implying she's a socially awkward weirdo and a try-hard and she's better off knocking it off