How do you Deal with Passive Aggressive Behavior?

[metomeya]

Hey guys,

I was wondering how you all deal with passive aggressive behavior from people.

I used to ignore it thinking it was the Alpha thing to do (i.e. my life is too good to bother with this loser). Now I'm feeling like it is actually a Beta reaction. Honestly, when it is in a customer service situation and I ignore it, it will bother me for the rest of the day. Versus if I complain to the manager, it doesn't bother me at all (but I do feel like a boy scout when I complain).

The problem is other situations where there isn't an authority to complain to (is complaining a Beta behavior anyway?). How do you handle it? What I've seen from other people is to passive aggressive back to the person. But isn't this lowering yourself to his level?

What is a better strategy? Calling them out? Problem is people who are passive aggressive try to make it so subtle that you would feel silly calling them out on it, or have other people look at you like you are crazy.

Thoughts?

 

[Thedoctor]

metomeya,

With people you're only going to interact with for very short periods of time, I'd recommend just ignoring it like you said. The whole point of acting passive-aggressive is to get a reaction out of you. A reaction that seems unwarranted to an outside observer. And really, reacting to something that trivial is much like getting road rage from someone cutting you off in traffic. It happens. It happens to everyone all the time. If every single time it happens you freak out, then you'll be a very unhappy, bitter individual thinking that everyone is out to get him.

If people that are close to you in your life are exhibiting that sort of behaviour, I don't usually put up with it very long. Try to find the root cause of why they are behaving that way. If you feel their concern is legitimate, I suggest confronting them with the problem, not the passive aggressive actions. If the problem is not legitimate and you feel they are acting childish, then call them out on it. If it persists, time to find someone that does not behave that way. Sounds harsh, but there is no use keeping someone in your life that makes you unhappy.

Just my thoughts,
-Doc

 

[Franco]

meto,

One of our Tribal Elder members, NarrowJ, has a stickied post on this topic on the "Tactics & Techniques" board. I suggest you check out it out here:

STICKIED: Dealing with Passive Aggressive & Difficult Women

- Franco

 

[metomeya]

metomeya,

With people you're only going to interact with for very short periods of time, I'd recommend just ignoring it like you said. The whole point of acting passive-aggressive is to get a reaction out of you. A reaction that seems unwarranted to an outside observer. And really, reacting to something that trivial is much like getting road rage from someone cutting you off in traffic. It happens. It happens to everyone all the time. If every single time it happens you freak out, then you'll be a very unhappy, bitter individual thinking that everyone is out to get him.

If people that are close to you in your life are exhibiting that sort of behaviour, I don't usually put up with it very long. Try to find the root cause of why they are behaving that way. If you feel their concern is legitimate, I suggest confronting them with the problem, not the passive aggressive actions. If the problem is not legitimate and you feel they are acting childish, then call them out on it. If it persists, time to find someone that does not behave that way. Sounds harsh, but there is no use keeping someone in your life that makes you unhappy.

Just my thoughts,
-Doc

Thanks Doc!

I think this is the intelligent answer I was looking for.

I would like to say for people I would never see again, I still like to complain to management. I feel better afterwards. For people I'll never see again, but aren't with customer service (like a girl I'm hitting on), it doesn't really bother me.

Your answer to people who you have a relationship with is spot on. I called out a friend on his passive aggressive behavior...only for him to come back with it 10 fold. I should have called out the under lining problem (he was very frustrated that he couldn't get a girlfriend and didn't like my success) or just drop him as a friend. In the end, I choose the latter.

 

[metomeya]

I know I said I was taking a break from the forum (disconnected the internet from my house and got rid of my laptop), but while browsing on a friend's computer I came across this article.

If you read my other posts about what other sites I like, you know Krauser PUA isn't my most favorite PUA, but this article is really good. I dealt with gammas a lot (and their passive aggressive nerd rage) at my old profession.

http://krauserpua.com/2013/11/22/bear-baiting/

If you guys are only familiar with Alphas and Betas, here is a description of other categories guys fall into:

http://alphagameplan.blogspot.com/2011/03/socio-sexual-hierarchy.html

Edit: Just realized Krauser expands on the definition above in one of his articles:
http://krauserpua.com/2012/12/08/thy-name-is-gamma/