How do you deal with the long-term emotional toll of seduction?

[metalbird]

While I'm sure there are some guys who just don't deal with this, even some of my best seductionist friends admit that after enough years of playing the field, the memories start to take their toll. Even Chase said in one of his articles that the first time he broke up with a girl he was in love with was an awful emotional experience. From my experience, heavy blows to our psyche like that never fully heal. A guy I know who's in his thirties and slept with many women still gets oneitis about one of his earlier serious LTRs from time to time. I'm only 25, been with 13 women, and had 3 LTRs, but I'm starting to feel the emotional fatigue.

I know having an abundance mentality helps, but for me at least, it only helps so much. Once you form specific bonds and memories with someone, those become unique. And just because there are thousands of women out there doesn't mean it's easy to find good ones, once your standards get high enough.

I'm worried that if I continue down this path, I'll become so calloused that I can't form genuine emotional bonds with women any more. Hopefully someone with more experience can advise me.

 

[Drck]

Use your own brain... maybe you don't have to sleep with 300 women to become good, imo that is a nonsense. Maybe you want to focuse more on developing quality relationship instead. With one girl...

 

[Richard]

A big mistake people make is in thinking that X causes Y - that because of a break-up you're doomed to negative emotions and repercussions until you become calloused. That's a pretty simple way of looking at anything; the nature of a break-up is designed to make you a better person and to re-define what you're looking for; within this past week I broke up with my girlfriend who I fell pretty hard for and for upwards of 6-7 months I hung on to something that was terrible for me simply because of my emotions and after finally making the decision to break up with her I went through my emotions. I cried, I wanted to kick holes in walls and I let myself feel everything deeply.

The problem is that most people do not take the time to experience their emotions; there is so much stigma about men crying that they won't do it even in the comfort of their own homes and certainly not in front of close friends and what ends up happening is you harbor those emotions and hold onto them. If you never allow yourself to feel old emotions until you come to grips with them then you're effectively blocking yourself off from experiencing emotions again.

As for never feeling emotions, again, I got past that within the last year. My first girlfriend who I fell incredibly hard for, lost my virginity to, the whole nine... ended up texting me that she wanted a fuckbuddy while still loving me and that destroyed me. Within 3-4 weeks of breaking up I took that anger and turmoil and used it to learn to pick-up women (when I joined GC) but I didn't realize that for over 2 years I had developed trust issues because of her and it wasn't until I started falling for my most recent ex that I overcame that barrier and after I did I felt stronger emotion than ever before. You don't become calloused unless you let yourself become calloused.

Here's a fantastic example; typically, when somebody faces a life threatening event and almost dies, they come out of it much wiser and with a new found appreciation for life; they experience it more fully and are more aware of the little things. The same happens when a relationship dies if you want it to; you come out of it a much wiser and stronger person and with a newfound appreciation for future relationships.

-Richard

 

[metalbird]

Thanks Richard. That's really helpful.

You don't become calloused unless you let yourself become calloused.

I'm glad to hear that. Gives me hope.

 

[ViPizzle]

I know having an abundance mentality helps, but for me at least, it only helps so much. Once you form specific bonds and memories with someone, those become unique. And just because there are thousands of women out there doesn't mean it's easy to find good ones, once your standards get high enough.

This one part of your post stands out to me - maybe something to be mindful of. I at one point when I was younger felt this way and had similar thoughts on the matter as you do. With time and experience, I came to understand that anytime I felt those warm/nostalgic/oneitis emotions creep in, whether it be when a certain song came on the radio or on a lonely night when it would have felt good to cuddle up with someone, or while doing an activity and thinking how much cooler it would be to do it with that one girl that's not around, the reason those thoughts crept in was due to a deep down internal lack of absolute abundance mentality. Although I could go around and say I had abundance in my mind, perhaps on some deeper level I fooled myself into thinking I did. I'd have it around the majority of women, but there was always "that one" that would make me weak and break that mental freedom. It could be an ex-gf, or a girl I went on a few dates with or dated a few months, or whatever the situation may have been, my honest abundance mentality wasn't truly real.

Once I overcame that mental roadblock and began to see things for how they truly are in life and with women, that true mentality settled in and no longer would I sit and reminisce about good times spent with women in the past and feel like I won't find better or any thoughts down that path because I truly believed that I can experience those "unique" same bonds & memories like you say with many women. And that's not to discredit any moments shared with past girls. It's just once you are honest with yourself and truly develop that abundance mentality, you won't fear not being able to connect with future prospects. In fact, you'll be set free from your own beliefs that limit you and will experience amazing times with whomever you choose to spend your time with. Believe in yourself and your value and that you will connect with countless girls in the future until YOU decide to continue that bond with one girl should you choose to. And when you do, you won't be making that choice out of fear of not finding future connections and you won't compare them to past ones. You'll be making it out of excitement for continuing the one you do have

Hope this shines light on a different perspective brotha!