How do you discuss something you don't like?

[Grand Pooba]

The specific question/situation I have is related to the bigger question: How do you have a discussion with the girlfriend about something she might love and I hate, or explain that a certain behavior she does, is something that bothers me?

My situation: my girlfriend bought crocs. She likes them a lot, and wears them around me knowing I don't like them. In our dating life we always mess around with each other in ways that bother the other person. For instance, we might have a very physical tickle fight. The problem here is that I actually hate them. Yes, it's a bit superficial and I do feel like an asshole, but those shoes really, really annoy me and I have no idea why. I guess I find them beyond unattractive.

How do you discuss something like this while preserving control, and without drama?

 

[Light]

Hi Ozz,

Before you try changing someone, maybe you should try changing yourself first. It is easy to accept things rather than go against it.
Let's face it, there will always be something that we all hate, no matter how petty it may be. Just learn to not make a big deal out of it.
Can you seriously say to yourself deep down that there isn't anything about you that she hates too? Would you change that for her?
If you would, then you can use that as a trade off for the things you want her to change.
If you won't, then you don't have the rights to ask her to change either.

It may also be the case where she doesn't even realise that you don't like certain things she does. In which case, just be up front and tell her straight.
Tell her what it is you don't like, with a serious but calm tone of voice.

If it is really that bad... (which I doubt it is), then it says it all. She's not the one for you and you should just move on.

Otherwise, just be a man, stop getting annoyed by petty things, and accept that everyone has their own unique taste in life. You will live a far much happier life. Remember, no one in this world is born to please you.

 

[Grand Pooba]

Light,

I think you're right, this situation is ultimately petty and I shouldn't make such a big fuss about it. I actually did have a conversation with her about it yesterday, and we both agreed it was ridiculous but also had a laugh over it. I definitely made a much bigger deal over it than it is.

It's easier to accept things than go against it.

 

[Pete Butter]

Better question...

How do you discuss your mate adjusting a serious "negative" behavior without coming off as insecure or nagging? Example: You'd like your girlfriend to do a better job of setting boundaries with the contact from her ex-boyfriends.

 

[Light]

[/b]

Better question...

How do you discuss your mate adjusting a serious "negative" behavior without coming off as insecure or nagging? Example: You'd like your girlfriend to do a better job of setting boundaries with the contact from her ex-boyfriends.

Simple my friend. Humans will only change once a new pleasure is introduced, or when a pain is realised.
In other words; You must Show this person the pros and cons.

In regards to your example above:
You remind her of the pain - Remind her why she broke up with her ex, and remind her of all the pain he caused her to split up with him to begin with.
Introduce the new pleasure - Remind her of why you two are together right now, remind her how good you are and how happy she is with you.

Then you give her a choice: NO DISCUSSION!
Just a choice. Tell her straight that you don't like her keeping in contact with her ex, and its either him or you. Thats it. She must make a decision.
Thats how she will take you seriously, but allowing her the freedom of choice, and reminding her the pros and cons that benefits the result you want.

P.S: You must be able to walk out of this relationship if she chooses to not cooperate with you, and move on. You must have a dominant abundance mindset.

 

[Chase]

Ozz-

It may also be the case where she doesn't even realise that you don't like certain things she does. In which case, just be up front and tell her straight.
Tell her what it is you don't like, with a serious but calm tone of voice.

Often, this is all it really takes.

Something like, "Babe, I hope you won't be offended, but those shoes are horrendously ugly." When she laughs and says, no, really? You can say, "Yeah. Like, seriously bad. Like, I heard that they made a law against wearing them unless you're a hunter-gatherer or your ancestors were part of Genghis Khan's horde."

Basically, make them sound like something that only really weird, non-fashionable people would wear, in a funny way. You'll change her views on them pretty quick.

Light's advice on changing yourself you'd do well to heed as well... if you find yourself being irritated by too many things, that can be a result of stress / depression / anxiety / any number of other negative influences. Once those are gone, the annoyance disappears, too.

Chase