- Joined
- Oct 14, 2021
- Messages
- 15
How does one deal with these type of thoughts "I really wish could be with girl who looks like X or Y. How could I be good enough for a girl for a girl who looks like X or Y"?
Ex: Where X is some combination of physical features, height, prettiness, race, age, etc
I'm under the impression that this thought is not good mentally. Because if I fail to be with a girl with X or Y then it will mentally feel like a failure. But the opposite thought strategy of telling myslef "well I don't need X or Y, that is shallow" also feels a bit off because then it feels like then I am giving up on going after an experience I really want.
So I'm caught in this thought loop
"Man I wish I could be with a girl who looked like X or Y and I wish was good enough for them. I feel bad about not being good enough."
"But maybe X/Y would not make me happy and I should not think about this"
"But X and Y do look good and I need to make at least some attempt at this"
"But its not good to think of this, just gotta work on myself overall, swipe a certain way on the dating apps, and hope for the best"
"I feel bad for not being good enough for X and Y. I wish I could experience it and then even if it does not make me happy then at least it would put my mind to rest"
"well shit time to jerk off imagining X and Y, there is a good realistic chance I won't experience it anyway"
I'd really like to be free of feeling bad because of this and also be free of the time spent on this thought but I notice these thoughts enter my mind maybe a few times a week at random times. It is sort of one things to know that these thoughts are not good but it is sort of another thing of what counter thoughts to use when those thoughts come up. And I do pretty much believe that the last thought in quotes is most likely factually correct, but not 100% guaranteed
What are the most useful counter thoughts to think of when these thoughts come up? So far I have tried "I don't need X and Y" and "X and Y probably won't make me happy anyway" and "there is a good chance I'll never experience X and Y anyway so gotta take it out of my mind" but this does not seem to have helped
Ex: Where X is some combination of physical features, height, prettiness, race, age, etc
I'm under the impression that this thought is not good mentally. Because if I fail to be with a girl with X or Y then it will mentally feel like a failure. But the opposite thought strategy of telling myslef "well I don't need X or Y, that is shallow" also feels a bit off because then it feels like then I am giving up on going after an experience I really want.
So I'm caught in this thought loop
"Man I wish I could be with a girl who looked like X or Y and I wish was good enough for them. I feel bad about not being good enough."
"But maybe X/Y would not make me happy and I should not think about this"
"But X and Y do look good and I need to make at least some attempt at this"
"But its not good to think of this, just gotta work on myself overall, swipe a certain way on the dating apps, and hope for the best"
"I feel bad for not being good enough for X and Y. I wish I could experience it and then even if it does not make me happy then at least it would put my mind to rest"
"well shit time to jerk off imagining X and Y, there is a good realistic chance I won't experience it anyway"
I'd really like to be free of feeling bad because of this and also be free of the time spent on this thought but I notice these thoughts enter my mind maybe a few times a week at random times. It is sort of one things to know that these thoughts are not good but it is sort of another thing of what counter thoughts to use when those thoughts come up. And I do pretty much believe that the last thought in quotes is most likely factually correct, but not 100% guaranteed
What are the most useful counter thoughts to think of when these thoughts come up? So far I have tried "I don't need X and Y" and "X and Y probably won't make me happy anyway" and "there is a good chance I'll never experience X and Y anyway so gotta take it out of my mind" but this does not seem to have helped
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