How long do you keep a conversation going and how?

[Searcher]

I am definitely not the talkative type of guy. I read on girls chase that being the strong, silent type can be a boost to attraction.

However with me trying to remain mysterious combined with me being an introvert. I find it hard to have a conversation going on continuously for more than an hour. Soon everything that I can ask dries up and I am left in the dark.

This results in talking about and commenting about the surroundings and topics like movie plots which I feel becomes boring.

For example when it comes to hobbies it's the same set of questions.
1) What is your hobby?
2) What interested you to start?
3) How far have you come?
4) What are your future goals in this hobby?
5) How are you planning to improve yourself in this field?

How do you guys keep a conversation going?

How to converse everytime you meet someone who you are seeing? (It seems to become surface level after a couple of meets, as in there isn't much to deep dive now)

What kind of questions do you ask? If you mention any examples it will be more valuable.

 

[West_Indian_Archie]

I read on girls chase that being the strong, silent type can be a boost to attraction.

LOL. Love to see that article. In terms of pick up, nothing could be further form the truth, in my experience.

To answer your question, you keep the interaction going (talking, not talking, nonverbally, moving her round, with touch, with looks, etc) as long as it takes to get the girl on your program. She has to like being around you, want to hear more from you, want to keep talking and interacting with you. That's when things can happen.

But the real issue here is that your basic social skills need help. Before you specialize in talking to girls, you need to be comfortable in talking to random strangers. In practical terms that means starting conversations with absolute strangers about nothing at all. Asking questions, telling jokes, giving stories, reacting, over reacting, reacting in correctly, using eye contact, using pauses, making assumptions, etc....

By working on the basic skills, and enjoying those interactions - the types of conversations and duration with girls becomes much easier. You basically have to learn to ride the bike, before you can do 360 tail whips.

WIA

 

[mist]

Wassup bro! Good on you to acknowledge a hole in your basic socialization.

I have articles on articles and tips, but first I'd like to know

1. How often are you interacting with other people?
2. How often are you stretching your comfort zone in conversation?
3. What are your conversations like currently?

 

[Searcher]

Wassup bro! Good on you to acknowledge a hole in your basic socialization.

I have articles on articles and tips, but first I'd like to know

1. How often are you interacting with other people?
2. How often are you stretching your comfort zone in conversation?
3. What are your conversations like currently?

1) How often am I interacting with other people?
A) I mostly interact with colleagues regarding work and occasionally with my friend group (it isn't large). This I will need to spend more time upon.

2) How often are you stretching your comfort zone in conversation?
A) I feel like asking deep questions may come across as uncomfortable to the other person if I don't share much about myself. (Like I am trying to take something from them)

3) What are your conversations like currently?
A) Pretty Basic, Small talk, boring talk. Occasional teases and jokes.
I can make witty remarks if challenged most of the time but continuing the flow if difficult.
(I also have to practice eye contact a lot, I tend to look away(look to the side) most of time in a conversation and only give a couple of seconds of eye contact).

 

[mist]

My ask is don't be afraid to fall on your face socially. You're building a basic. A foundation as WIA said.

I mostly interact with colleagues regarding work and occasionally with my friend group (it isn't large). This I will need to spend more time upon.

Yes definitely you need to talk to more people and often. However you go about it this must be done.

I feel like asking deep questions may come across as uncomfortable to the other person if I don't share much about myself. (Like I am trying to take something from them)

Get uncomfortable. I can tell you I have experience getting TONS of info from people about themselves without saying much about me. Talking about yourself and your world can be intoxicating. Good on you to care about calibration and how they feel, but if you want to level up start getting uncomfortable and throwing shit at the wall.

Pretty Basic, Small talk, boring talk. Occasional teases and jokes.
I can make witty remarks if challenged most of the time but continuing the flow if difficult.

It's ok to run out of things to say or not be smooth. It'll take you time to realize that, but honestly just telling people your shy or you ran out of things to say can be charming and lighten up your load quite a bit.

After many conversations I can tell you the flow wasn't always there and sometimes that is a great thing (sexual tension, emotional high point) we're weird and you don't have to be perfect.

Here's one article on conversation

The Conversationalist

Conversation and the conversationalist: probably one of the most under-discussed topics in the social arts. What a pity. Conversation is part of the backbone upon which everything related to socializing is built upon, but in the 21st century that’s almost forgotten. You might go so far as to say...

www.girlschase.com

Your main concern right now is talking to way more people, getting comfortable with what you have, and not ejecting from conversations that aren't flowing even state you're shy or ran out of anything to say if need be.

Embrace the suck.

Oh and do everything WIA said as well.

 

[Searcher]

My ask is don't be afraid to fall on your face socially. You're building a basic. A foundation as WIA said.

Yes definitely you need to talk to more people and often. However you go about it this must be done.

Get uncomfortable. I can tell you I have experience getting TONS of info from people about themselves without saying much about me. Talking about yourself and your world can be intoxicating. Good on you to care about calibration and how they feel, but if you want to level up start getting uncomfortable and throwing shit at the wall.

It's ok to run out of things to say or not be smooth. It'll take you time to realize that, but honestly just telling people your shy or you ran out of things to say can be charming and lighten up your load quite a bit.

After many conversations I can tell you the flow wasn't always there and sometimes that is a great thing (sexual tension, emotional high point) we're weird and you don't have to be perfect.

Here's one article on conversation

The Conversationalist

Conversation and the conversationalist: probably one of the most under-discussed topics in the social arts. What a pity. Conversation is part of the backbone upon which everything related to socializing is built upon, but in the 21st century that’s almost forgotten. You might go so far as to say...

www.girlschase.com

Your main concern right now is talking to way more people, getting comfortable with what you have, and not ejecting from conversations that aren't flowing even state you're shy or ran out of anything to say if need be.

Embrace the suck.

Oh and do everything WIA said as well.

There is definitely the shame factor I have to deal with. I am out of college in my early 20's and when I see people hooking up and having loads of friends it has a crushing impact on me. (sometimes I go back into a shell when I see that and start being hard on myself, it feels like I will never be able to enjoy those things and by the time I am good everyone would have moved on and I will be the adult playing with kids).

I also feel intimidated that it will take many years to reach the level to be just above average socially and to have true abundance of women who knows a decade? 15 years?
This is a hard obstacle for me and feels like weight has been tied to my ankles and I am sinking.

Anyways I had to get this off my chest. I will have to grind ridiculously hard in socialisation I believe.

 

[mist]

There is definitely the shame factor I have to deal with. I am out of college in my early 20's and when I see people hooking up and having loads of friends it has a crushing impact on me. (sometimes I go back into a shell when I see that and start being hard on myself, it feels like I will never be able to enjoy those things and by the time I am good everyone would have moved on and I will be the adult playing with kids).

I also feel intimidated that it will take many years to reach the level to be just above average socially and to have true abundance of women who knows a decade? 15 years?
This is a hard obstacle for me and feels like weight has been tied to my ankles and I am sinking.

Anyways I had to get this off my chest. I will have to grind ridiculously hard in socialisation I believe.

I feel you man.

I'm borderline obsessive right now. So I cannot give you any advice on balance and or making your journey smoothly ( I could, but I'd be a hypocrite haha). I can address your shame, worry about the grind, and the mourning of the past.

There is definitely the shame factor I have to deal with. I am out of college in my early 20's and when I see people hooking up and having loads of friends it has a crushing impact on me. (sometimes I go back into a shell when I see that and start being hard on myself, it feels like I will never be able to enjoy those things and by the time I am good everyone would have moved on and I will be the adult playing with kids).

How to Stop Feeling Guilty For Prioritizing Your Sex Life (When You Think You Should Be Doing Other Things)

How to forgive yourself and stop feeling guilty about your lifestyle

www.goodlookingloser.com

I'm 19 and just starting college and I even still feel this as a man concerned about his overall self development and this is the best article and video on that shame.

Furthermore realize that your life is yours. You cannot have anyone else's life. Build the life you enjoy one brick at at time. Anyone who can fault you for chasing your happiness can and will fuck off.

I also feel intimidated that it will take many years to reach the level to be just above average socially and to have true abundance of women who knows a decade? 15 years?
This is a hard obstacle for me and feels like weight has been tied to my ankles and I am sinking.

Worry about the first 100 hours first

The 100 Hour Rule

It occurs to me that there is a certain percentage of the readership here that has been reading Girls Chase for a fairly long time but not taking much or any action. Some guys work on their fundamentals enough to get more attraction, but have difficulty ever talking to new women. Some guys view...

www.girlschase.com

It will not take you long to become average. Most men aren't even that anyway.

you-arent-that-ugly
https://www.skilledseducer.com/threads/chill-out…-you-don’t-need-to-be-perfect.25186/#post-138440

Also realize you're not reinventing the wheel. Many men have and will do this at many different ages and life circumstances. The path is in front of you.

Create a journal learning about basic socialization and consider the newbie assignment. Focus on 100 hours. 1 hour a day can get you there in roughly 3 months. Consistency is important.

What's hard today can become easier tomorrow Sully.

"Your work works on you more than you work on it" - ?

I got that somewhere haha

Peace and be real with what you're after and who/what you're going to look for to teach you (I'll try not to be a hypocrite).

Now go outside, call some people up, get talking so you can move onto the next thing