This question came to me after fishing around the journals boards and seeing all this hard work these guys have been putting in (congrats to all of you). I’m about ten approaches in and each time I go out the approach anxiety is excruciating. I’m down to approach around 20 girls a week, so I just want to know at that rate, because I will achieve that rate, I know what it takes to get good at something I know how grueling it can be, I’m prepared for all that. At that rate, when will I have more manageable approach anxiety, when will I get my first date, my first lay, maybe even my first girlfriend (I’ve had sex before but I mean first from cold approach). I know that no one can give exact answers and that a lot of factors influence this, but I would like an approximation from someone who has seen a lot of guys progress or someone who can speak on there personal progression. Having some approximation would give me something to cling on to, a light at the end of the tunnel, for when it gets hard.
I’m gonna go out today and approach; dreading the fuck out of it, but I gotta do what I gotta do. Wish me luck!
Ten approaches is nothing. That's like saying you want to learn how to fight and you've practiced 10 punches.
At this stage, you only have to focus on relative improvement. Focus on one thing at a time, let's say opening and hooking a girl. Practice that over and over again. While you do this, OK pay attention to anything that produced a good reaction or a bad one. Observe her and yourself. Gather information and exercise intuition. But your only metric of success is taking that one thing and making it improve consistently.
Let's say you were climbing a huge cliff, and you were scared of heights. The moment you think about how high the cliff is, or all the possibilities of what might happen, how long it will take, etc, then your mind gets bogged down. But if you just go one hand and foothold at a time, it's easy. Don't look up, don't look down, just focus on improving the way your body is positioned right now, and where you will grab next.
Also, I strongly recommend (if you're doing daygame) to go out at night too. You can spam approach in a club after a drink or two and tear through 20 approaches with no problem, everyone's doing it, it's expected, it's normal, you can get desensitized and used to walking up to girls dressed to the nines, it's all just haze and chaos anyway.
Also, get used to talking with people in general. Make a point to comment on something to everyone (such as checkout girls) you meet, get used to being present and paying attention and getting the social wheels moving.
Seduction is just the icing on the cake of social skills. If you are overwhelmed with anxiety about approaching, you're probably not managing the scope of your focus. For example, if I said to you 'say hello to 10 people and I'll give you 100 dollars' you wouldn't have the least problem doing it, probably no anxiety whatsoever. Say hello? Easy. Bam bam bam, ten times, done.
But the problem is that you are going in expecting this and that, thinking of what you're going to do to her in bed and then thinking actually it'll probably never happen, may never happen, wonder if she knows it's never going to happen etc etc, and then the whole thing turns into an excruciating grind. It's like getting married and divorced ten times a day.
Instead, just wake up, think about how much you like girls, go and find some, say some stuff, enjoy the experience, and improve something small one thing at a time. It's a continuous journey, not a sprint.
