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How many approaches until I know what the hell im doing?

Mr.SocialAcceptableHarem

Tool-Bearing Hominid
Tool-Bearing Hominid
Joined
Aug 15, 2022
Messages
313
This question came to me after fishing around the journals boards and seeing all this hard work these guys have been putting in (congrats to all of you). I’m about ten approaches in and each time I go out the approach anxiety is excruciating. I’m down to approach around 20 girls a week, so I just want to know at that rate, because I will achieve that rate, I know what it takes to get good at something I know how grueling it can be, I’m prepared for all that. At that rate, when will I have more manageable approach anxiety, when will I get my first date, my first lay, maybe even my first girlfriend (I’ve had sex before but I mean first from cold approach). I know that no one can give exact answers and that a lot of factors influence this, but I would like an approximation from someone who has seen a lot of guys progress or someone who can speak on there personal progression. Having some approximation would give me something to cling on to, a light at the end of the tunnel, for when it gets hard.

I’m gonna go out today and approach; dreading the fuck out of it, but I gotta do what I gotta do. Wish me luck!
 

DoWhatWorks

Tribal Elder
Tribal Elder
Joined
Nov 7, 2019
Messages
611
@kidkupidxoxo approaching is a skill. From what I've seen and experienced 1st hand from learning this & other skills:

> 1 year to not suck
> 2 years to get "good" but can be 1 - 1.5 years if you've got natural talent and/or put in abnormal amounts of effort
> 3 - 5 years to become "pro"
> 7-10 years to become a "master"

Keep going and you'll eventually reach your aim... Whatever that is for you.
 

Starboy

Tool-Bearing Hominid
Tool-Bearing Hominid
Joined
Apr 2, 2018
Messages
490
You're still in the desensitization phase of game as Austen Summers describes it here
So that's why the AA feels excruciatingly hard. I would estimate based on my experience that in the 30 to 50 approach range is when you'll have an easier time making approaches. This is assuming your momentum is high and you've had positive reference experiences to keep you motivated and excited. You're on the younger end I assume so a lot of women might disqualify you based on your age be aware of that. Especially if you go for girls beyond 25. Guys will lie about their age to get around this so if you don't look too young you can claim you're an older age, but you'd have to keep the ruse up. If you're going for college aged girls around your age it won't matter as much.

This is a whole debate of contention the approach to lay ratio thing( which I always thought was retarded) because if you're brand new to game you need to do whatever it takes to achieve the outcome and get the necessary reference experiences. If your standards aren't stubbornly highly have basic social skills and you follow some basic guidelines to help make things easier https://www.girlschase.com/article/chases-14-basic-approaching-rules-pickup-newbies
you should stumble into at the bare minimum a date or a lay within 100 approaches to a few hundred. If you have decent fundamentals you'll eventually just meet a girl who likes you and you won't have to run much game just move things forward and don't make too many mistakes.

One last principle that I would suggest that's helped me at times which I also heard from Austen is "expect nothing, but accept everything". When you don't have too many expectations is how you avoid going thru the motions and being too negative and pessimistic when things don't go your way. It's always better to have a positive bias, but that can be hard to maintain when you're grinding and having lows which will happen a lot you just have to accept that and know that eventually luck will shift to your side.
 
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Searcher

Space Monkey
space monkey
Joined
Dec 24, 2021
Messages
224
This question came to me after fishing around the journals boards and seeing all this hard work these guys have been putting in (congrats to all of you). I’m about ten approaches in and each time I go out the approach anxiety is excruciating. I’m down to approach around 20 girls a week, so I just want to know at that rate, because I will achieve that rate, I know what it takes to get good at something I know how grueling it can be, I’m prepared for all that. At that rate, when will I have more manageable approach anxiety, when will I get my first date, my first lay, maybe even my first girlfriend (I’ve had sex before but I mean first from cold approach). I know that no one can give exact answers and that a lot of factors influence this, but I would like an approximation from someone who has seen a lot of guys progress or someone who can speak on there personal progression. Having some approximation would give me something to cling on to, a light at the end of the tunnel, for when it gets hard.

I’m gonna go out today and approach; dreading the fuck out of it, but I gotta do what I gotta do. Wish me luck!
Probably by 10k hours of talking to women and analyzing and learning from each interaction you will be on the level where you will get whatever woman you want.

I think Chase started as socially clueless and a loner and then went on to start girls-chase in 4 years I think. (So you will still have enough time to enjoy your efforts)
 

Skills

Tribal Elder
Tribal Elder
Joined
Nov 11, 2019
Messages
5,075
This question came to me after fishing around the journals boards and seeing all this hard work these guys have been putting in (congrats to all of you). I’m about ten approaches in and each time I go out the approach anxiety is excruciating. I’m down to approach around 20 girls a week, so I just want to know at that rate, because I will achieve that rate, I know what it takes to get good at something I know how grueling it can be, I’m prepared for all that. At that rate, when will I have more manageable approach anxiety, when will I get my first date, my first lay, maybe even my first girlfriend (I’ve had sex before but I mean first from cold approach). I know that no one can give exact answers and that a lot of factors influence this, but I would like an approximation from someone who has seen a lot of guys progress or someone who can speak on there personal progression. Having some approximation would give me something to cling on to, a light at the end of the tunnel, for when it gets hard.

I’m gonna go out today and approach; dreading the fuck out of it, but I gotta do what I gotta do. Wish me luck!
I would focus on conquering that aa, you still have no conquer aa, it should take you 1 month max 3 month to conquer aa, with the aa drills, if it comes back start from 0 with the aa drills....dont worry about other dudes worry about you competing with yourself...
 

Zoro

Cro-Magnon Man
Cro-Magnon Man
Joined
Dec 25, 2012
Messages
1,124
Sometimes you hear about guys who do 1000s of approaches who don't get any results.

I think this is because they were probably pretty inexperienced to begin with... And since they are only doing cold approaches, they don't really get any more experience socializing (besides the very unorthodox type of socializing that is cold approach).

If you aren't too experienced talking with girls or are socially inexperienced in general, I recommend you balance out your socialization practice with situations where you can connect more deeply with people.

Meet people at events, classes, parties, and spend time with your social circle. Don't JUST talk to random girls on the street.

You can get experience developing deeper connections with approaching, but that is if you are actually going on instant dates or dating the girls you meet.

So I'm more talking about the guys who just can't get past the beginning stages of an approach.
 
a good date brings a smile to your lips... and hers

ulrich

Modern Human
Modern Human
Joined
Oct 21, 2019
Messages
1,760
It’s hard to predict how many approaches will be needed to reach any specific milestone because “approach” is not something very specific and many of the hard cases that come complaining here are inflating their numbers.

“I did a million approaches and it didn’t work”… then you ask and “approach” was asking a woman for the time and then ejecting.

Phone numbers would be something more representative of a result… and even then.

I think seduction is much better understood as a collection of skills that you keep on growing.
So better think of it as how confident you are in every skill.

However, in order to give you something more numeric to work with… I guess you can demolish AA in 100-200 approaches.
Once you’re confident to approach any girl, quality takes over quantity.
 

HoofHearted

Tool-Bearing Hominid
Tool-Bearing Hominid
Joined
Sep 10, 2022
Messages
461
For me-- You know, it never really goes away. It just gets quieter and manageable. You learn strategies about dealing with it.

It sounds like you're starting with virtually no experience. That's okay. Be gentle with yourself.

The other side of this growth process may be different than you imagine. It's still an ocean, but you get better at swimming. You feel better about it.
 

Rakehell

Cro-Magnon Man
Cro-Magnon Man
Joined
Mar 28, 2021
Messages
769
Feel like you knew at some level this was impossible to answer….lol
Everybody has different goals and points of reference, so it results in different learning curves. Seduction alot of times pulls knowledge from different fields.

Unless you have somebody coaching you, you probably wont stab at it like any other person. I’d set personal goals and focus on those as a way of tracking progress.

When you have goals laid out, you can research what applies to your goal, and it’ll shorten your learning curve for that goal because more often than not someones already been down that road for you. You just have to cross it.

Approach anxiety, getting a number from someone during the day, these are things that are written about and have been done already.

How fast you conquer goals entirely depends on you honestly. You have the map you just have to walk the path. How hard or easy or long or short is subjective to you.

Best🤙
 

Will_V

Chieftan
Staff member
tribal-elder
Joined
Jan 24, 2021
Messages
2,040
This question came to me after fishing around the journals boards and seeing all this hard work these guys have been putting in (congrats to all of you). I’m about ten approaches in and each time I go out the approach anxiety is excruciating. I’m down to approach around 20 girls a week, so I just want to know at that rate, because I will achieve that rate, I know what it takes to get good at something I know how grueling it can be, I’m prepared for all that. At that rate, when will I have more manageable approach anxiety, when will I get my first date, my first lay, maybe even my first girlfriend (I’ve had sex before but I mean first from cold approach). I know that no one can give exact answers and that a lot of factors influence this, but I would like an approximation from someone who has seen a lot of guys progress or someone who can speak on there personal progression. Having some approximation would give me something to cling on to, a light at the end of the tunnel, for when it gets hard.

I’m gonna go out today and approach; dreading the fuck out of it, but I gotta do what I gotta do. Wish me luck!

Ten approaches is nothing. That's like saying you want to learn how to fight and you've practiced 10 punches.

At this stage, you only have to focus on relative improvement. Focus on one thing at a time, let's say opening and hooking a girl. Practice that over and over again. While you do this, OK pay attention to anything that produced a good reaction or a bad one. Observe her and yourself. Gather information and exercise intuition. But your only metric of success is taking that one thing and making it improve consistently.

Let's say you were climbing a huge cliff, and you were scared of heights. The moment you think about how high the cliff is, or all the possibilities of what might happen, how long it will take, etc, then your mind gets bogged down. But if you just go one hand and foothold at a time, it's easy. Don't look up, don't look down, just focus on improving the way your body is positioned right now, and where you will grab next.

Also, I strongly recommend (if you're doing daygame) to go out at night too. You can spam approach in a club after a drink or two and tear through 20 approaches with no problem, everyone's doing it, it's expected, it's normal, you can get desensitized and used to walking up to girls dressed to the nines, it's all just haze and chaos anyway.

Also, get used to talking with people in general. Make a point to comment on something to everyone (such as checkout girls) you meet, get used to being present and paying attention and getting the social wheels moving.

Seduction is just the icing on the cake of social skills. If you are overwhelmed with anxiety about approaching, you're probably not managing the scope of your focus. For example, if I said to you 'say hello to 10 people and I'll give you 100 dollars' you wouldn't have the least problem doing it, probably no anxiety whatsoever. Say hello? Easy. Bam bam bam, ten times, done.

But the problem is that you are going in expecting this and that, thinking of what you're going to do to her in bed and then thinking actually it'll probably never happen, may never happen, wonder if she knows it's never going to happen etc etc, and then the whole thing turns into an excruciating grind. It's like getting married and divorced ten times a day.

Instead, just wake up, think about how much you like girls, go and find some, say some stuff, enjoy the experience, and improve something small one thing at a time. It's a continuous journey, not a sprint.
 
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