How many compliments is too much? And should I pay any?

[razir110]

Hi everyone!

When I'm talking to women I pay quite a lot of compliments. Like when I see them for ex. I'd say that I like her ear rings or something like that.
The question is, should I compliment women often? Like say every time a i see them? Or should I keep it very restricted, like make a compliment and then stop?

Something else I do often is to say stuff like "I cut my finger yesterday, started to think about you and it happened, you make men suffer so much, X!" I'd say this in a playful mode of course, so a little compliment there too, but wrapped into a flirty package

How do you guys go around this?

There is so much opinion online that you shouldn't pay compliments about appearance and should stick to compliments on personality, achievements etc. I totally agree with the achievements part, but what's so wrong with appearance complements? "I love your hair, it's so silky" or "you are a very elegant lady" I mean how is that a turn off? Sure that the cheezy "you are gorgeous" etc stuff is too bland. I think this is a good way to make the girl feel good and enjoy your company, not to mention I am being honest about her.

But I also wouldn't like to fall into mr nice guy category.

Does too mach complimenting make you too attainable? Or it rather makes you more charming and attractive?

Cheeres!

 

[foggy]

There's nothing wrong with complimenting women if you do it strategically.

Do it to reward her for passing a compliance test or giving you investment...that way they are earning it. Nice guys give out compliments for no reason which degrades the impact of the compliment.

I don't like appearance compliments personally because.....LET'S BE HONEST...a girl has heard about her hair/body a million times before from other guys. It's nothing new to her, it means nothing to her!

 

[Sandman]

Something else I do often is to say stuff like "I cut my finger yesterday, started to think about you and it happened, you make men suffer so much, X!" I'd say this in a playful mode of course, so a little compliment there too, but wrapped into a flirty package

This kind of compliment does not make her feel appreciated. This just puts you on the "interested" category. Kinda like chase frames Chase recommends, but opposite, so instead of joking as if she is chasing you, you joke as if you are chasing her which is not good. So I'd be careful with this one.

It's very good to give compliments in general. Unless your value is really low which may make it seem like you are trying too hard but in general yeah! go for it!

as songbird fog suggests it is better to compliment her as she gives you more signs of interest but be careful because it should be natural not a pro quid pro.

It is better to compliment her on something specific, something you genuinely like about her. For example it is better to say I love your style, that touch of red in your scarf really compliments your eyes" than "you are beautiful". I don't mind giving a compliment on her appearance I just don't do it online where she literally hears the same thing a 100 times a day.

Compliment away my friend

 

[lostnumber]

Something else I do often is to say stuff like "I cut my finger yesterday, started to think about you and it happened, you make men suffer so much, X!" I'd say this in a playful mode of course, so a little compliment there too, but wrapped into a flirty package

This kind of compliment does not make her feel appreciated. This just puts you on the "interested" category. Kinda like chase frames Chase recommends, but opposite, so instead of joking as if she is chasing you, you joke as if you are chasing her which is not good. So I'd be careful with this one.

It's very good to give compliments in general. Unless your value is really low which may make it seem like you are trying too hard but in general yeah! go for it!

as songbird fog suggests it is better to compliment her as she gives you more signs of interest but be careful because it should be natural not a pro quid pro.

It is better to compliment her on something specific, something you genuinely like about her. For example it is better to say I love your style, that touch of red in your scarf really compliments your eyes" than "you are beautiful". I don't mind giving a compliment on her appearance I just don't do it online where she literally hears the same thing a 100 times a day.

Compliment away my friend

Pretty much this. I also fall into the "compliments are great" camp. The higher value that you are the more compliments you can give away and the more they will mean. Think of the coolest kid in school saying something nice to you vs the mouthbreather you wish would go away

I find there are two key ingredients to complimenting people:

1) Genuine
2) Specific

You need to mean what you say, and say something beyond the generic things most people say when trying to compliment. Complimenting on personality traits, articles of clothing, specific body parts, can all be good. The more complex your compliment the better. "Your eyes are pretty" really isn't much better then "you're beautiful." But if you say "wow, your eyes look absolutely amazing with that dress, they really compliment each other" you are getting specific enough to be meaningful. Note that I'll say things like "you're beautiful" to a girl, but only after I'm already sleeping with her. At that point it's sort of like a term of endearment.

Also, I definitely would avoid frames like the example you use above. Much better to use that the other way around and imply that SHE was thinking about YOU. Implying you cut your finger because you were thinking about her is super chasey. You can use more chasey frames with girls you don't want to sleep with if you are trying to be generally charming and are very well calibrated. For example think of a roguishly charming man flirting with a middle-aged woman. His goal is to try and boost this woman up and make her feel better, not actually sleep with her. So in this case implying that he would be interested in chasing her is flattering. But you need to have this kind of personality, have great fundamentals, and be very well calibrated to pull this off. Think Antonio banderas in mask of Zorro type of vibe.

Finally, one thing I've found to be surprisingly effective is to compliment other guys, as long as you follow the rules above. The reality is, hot girls get inundated with compliments all the time, especially relates to their appearance. But guys rarely compliment each other, especially in interesting and memorable ways. When was the last time a guy complimented you on your outfit, or sense of humour, or whatever? You have to be calibrated about it of course, you don't want to come off like you are hitting on another guy. But this can be a good way to make friends as long as it's used judiciously and honestly

 

[razir110]

Thank you for your replies!

I have one more question. What do you mean by "higher value" than her? Could you explain this better?

Thank you!

 

[readjusting]

I have one more question. What do you mean by "higher value" than her? Could you explain this better?

Most girls care about status, so higher value = higher status.
Obviously there are other kind of value as well.

 

[Michal]

Thank you for your replies!

I have one more question. What do you mean by "higher value" than her? Could you explain this better?

Thank you!

Higher value means you bring more to the table than her. So for example in a group of friends, an outing or a party would be duller without you than without her. Or you are funnier than her, you can build people up better than her, you exude better vibe than her, you have more knowledge than her. However, what is valued about a man and a woman differs so her being pretty will most likely not be outweight simply by you knowing everything about anything because you are out to have fun. If you were in class discussing some project, it would. Her looks dont matter, problem solving skills, analytical skills do. So the social situation at hand is a certain filter to what is valueable. Compare that to when you cold approach her on the street. She has only some aspects to gauge your value like your confidence which she might gauge based on how nevous you are, your body language, tonality of your voice, eye contact. Or how you lead the conversation. This works in social circle events too, but she does not 2 or 3 other guys right there to compare you to. Or If you are in a race or situation that requires physical strength, you sould be more valueable than her simply because you are a man. Think about those challenges i The Survivor TV show where they had to climb somewhere or whatever. Or a social value like you are more demand than her (meaning people want to spend more time with you than her). And then of course sexual value but I would say an average guy is in a disadvantage compared to a cute girl. Maybe when you are like 8/10 this shifts because there are more 8/10 girls than 8/10 guys - (te number is just an example, I dont mean to dogmatically announce whee the threshold is)

 

[Fuck This]

I find there are two key ingredients to complimenting people:

1) Genuine
2) Specific

You need to mean what you say, and say something beyond the generic things most people say when trying to compliment. Complimenting on personality traits, articles of clothing, specific body parts, can all be good. The more complex your compliment the better. "Your eyes are pretty" really isn't much better then "you're beautiful." But if you say "wow, your eyes look absolutely amazing with that dress, they really compliment each other" you are getting specific enough to be meaningful.

Nailed it. I can tell when someone is blowing smoke up my ass. Usually it is a salesman trying to sell me something...

 

[razir110]

Thanks a lot for your advice guys, I really noticed that my complements were perhaps a bit ahead of time, so dating-stage complements rather than flirting-stage ones.

This value-thing though.. Good input there @Michal . I just think that every guy must have some sort of "superior" I-am-in-control attitude when approaching women.. So this should give you a high value right?

 

[Michal]

Thanks a lot for your advice guys, I really noticed that my complements were perhaps a bit ahead of time, so dating-stage complements rather than flirting-stage ones.

This value-thing though.. Good input there @Michal . I just think that every guy must have some sort of "superior" I-am-in-control attitude when approaching women.. So this should give you a high value right?

Yea, the attitude thing, I would say you described it well. Women will never tell you this because they do not register this but they want a guy who is in control. It shows power. Or at least implies it. And that is what they want, a powerful guy. Just like law of least effort. But I noticed some guys misunderstand it. The goal is not to seem effortless, but to have certain kind of power and as a result of having this power, you will come across as more effortless. This power can be something as simple as being attractive. Or having sexy eye contact. She will be wet just being in your presence and then you just have to isolate her and have sex. Another power could be having connections. If you know the important people and you can just call them and get something, that is a certain power. Being rich means you have a certain power too. I think it was in Scarface movie - First, you get money, the you get power, then you get women. I met couple of mafiosos (well only 2) but they told me, in their world, money is everything, it is the most important thing.
So yea, when you approach a girl, try to come across as in control. Not controlling... that is something else.