How open about myself/my past to be when I first approach or on the first date?

[razir110]

Hi guys and gals!

This is a tricky question and I bet most of us have issues with this topic...

How open about our past\personality should we be when we first talk to women? It can be the first approach, but perhaps it would be better applicable to the first date. I changed a lot as a person during my 20's. I use to be a social reject and I had lots of trouble making friends and meeting girls. But I learned a lot from all of this and those are interesting life-learning stories that I could tell the girl, about how I evolved, what I learned about people and how some of that stuff still hunts me today.. BUT!......

Aren't we supposed to be all tough and alpha and indestructible when we talk to women? I am being a bit sarcastic here, but really, wouldn't it seem to her that I am sort of admitting to have had some issues (but hell who doesn't have them??) and it kinda throws me into the poor-little-thing category?

Are we supposed to show our weaknesses? Of course mixed with all the flirt and the arrogant-asshole character. But what about throwing a bit of your REAL self in the mix? Would it be negative? Or could it show that Yes, I am confident, a gent, I know stuff about life and I don't have any problem to admit my past and any issues that I might still have, so I become less alpha-male and more human.

I am sure that any girl would say "of course share it with her BE YOURSELF" But being yourself is the fastest path to get into friend territory!!!

So what do you think guys? Just play the cool, perfect dude or be a bit more human? I am just afraid that if I do open up, the conversation will go down the pity-of-me way and my "dominance" or whatever its called will disappear.

Thanks for your opinions!

 

[PrettyDecent]

Re: How open about myself/my past to be when I first approach or on the first da

Hey ivk,

If you're relating it to her - yes. If you're doing it to encourage her - also yes. And if you're baiting her further into your past by intriguing her - for sure yes.

But if you're just doing it because it's an enjoyable topic for you, then it only serves you and she'll lose interest.

Try this exercise out - what is the real reason why you want to talk about your past on the date? I can't answer that question for you. But for myself, I usually want to talk about my past on the date because I find it very interesting. And I want to make sure that yours truly is satisfied with his time on the date. But...what does she get out of it? Nothing - unless she feels like it relates to her, makes her feel better about herself, or there's serious entertainment value for her. So I've limited it to pretty much those times.

You won't get as strong of a connection for her than if you spill your heart out...but it's worth the electric sexual tension. And you can talk about yourself after you get laid anyway.

Nick