How to avoid being labeled as sweetheart, good soul, nice,…

[Whiteheart]

I don’t buy gifts to women. In interaction I use strong eye contact, active body language and smile from time to time. My close friends say that I have strong personality based on way I speak. Also use standard techniques like teasing, flirting, deep diving or sex talk depending on circumstances. One thing I must admit is that I often express warm personality and kindness during conversation. Not because I am nervous around women but simply that are my personality traits.

Long story short, often girls tell me that: I am ”good soul”, ”sweetheart”, ”kitty”, ”nice”, etc. when I or my friends ask them about their opinion about me. This comes especially from the girls that aren’t fascinated by me much but who I game anyway in order to maybe excite them. Although, once something similar (that I am ”kitty”) said girl after she slept with me and was satisfied with sex.

How good or bad is to be labeled as this? And what in my behaviour and her mentality causes that I am labeled like this? If it is bad how to fix that?

 

[jackal2020]

Have you read Chase's article on being a genuine man?

There is nothing wrong with being thought as a 'good soul' or a 'sweetheart' or 'nice'. However, there is a problem when that is ALL you are.

Two observations:

• The title of your post, 'how to avoid being labeled as a sweetheart', suggests that you don't like this label. The label itself isn't a problem, but it might be indicative that you aren't presenting other value sufficiently (i.e. ambition/drive, adventure, or sexual intrigue).
• Furthermore, you lead off with 'I don't buy gifts for women.' I wouldn't rule that out altogether -- buying a $5 to $10 trinket or some flowers for a girl once in a while is a lovely and romantic thing to do since it shows consideration and romance -- the problem comes when you are trying to buy affection with fancy gifts or dinners.

These two observations make me think that you are extremely close to putting all the pieces together, but aren't quite there yet.

Instead, you seem to be focusing on tips on "how not to be a nice guy", instead of understanding why being a nice guy is problematic. It isn't problematic to be nice -- the problem is to be only nice. If you are powerful, strong, sexy, and kind on top of all that, then you will ooze charisma and be fundamentally attractive. Charisma = warmth + power.

My advice to you: read up on why being a nice guy is problematic, starting with the article linked above. Understand the cause, not the symptoms. Then, if you feel like being nice is hurting you in practice, try to be more direct and genuine in your responses. You might pass through a 'jerk phase', but keep your eyes on the prize of being 'a genuine man'.

One more tip -- think of another guy who you personally know and respect. Ideally kind, but also direct. Emulate him. It's easier to have a role model.

 

[Fuck This]

+ 10000 on just being Genuine. Be warm with everyone you meet and it will be reciprocated. Then when you are out in the community with women she will see how other people treat you with warmth and respect and it will certainly make an impression on her. But just because you are warm DOESN'T mean you have to take crap from anyone either. You can still be Assertive in a warm fashion.

If I do something nice for some one its because I WANT to. I'm not waiting for her call, but I'm guiding the interaction by calling her, simply because I'm a busy guy and I have a brief moment to talk to her to set up our date. I keep it short and to the point say what needs said, and don't dawdle on the phone.