How to avoid being too warm before it's too late

[Brentwoodbam]

Hey guys, I've been talking to this chick for a bit now, things were going really good for a cpl weeks and we had gone out and had a great date once (no intimacy, but good connection) and she was really into it and me. Thereafter, we planned our second date for a thursday night and I receive a text from her on Tuesday saying "I can't wait for thursday, my day has been so shitty", so I feel like there is definitely a desire on her part.

Come thursday I text twice to confirm the meet, no response that day or any time for the next week. About 8 days later I get a text from her saying "You hate me and I'm sorry"(In reference to being ignored) and of course I let her know that I do not and that things happen and people need space. She then proceeds to tell me that her grandma whom she was really close to had passed away the same day that we were scheduled to meet and that she just ignored everyone.

Long story short, I feel like I've been a bit too comforting and "friendly" yet warm at the same time. Any tips for dealing with a girl going through a mourning process while not finding yourself in the friend zone? We are scheduled to meet up later today and I need to portray a vibe that I'm there with receptive ears but I'm also not there to be her best friend.

Cheers,
Brentwood

 

[Chase]

Hey Brentwood-

Sounds like she likes you a good deal. Just keep doing what you're doing, and let her talk about it and cry if she needs to. Keep this in mind for how to conduct yourself:

• Verbally sympathetic
• Tonally neutral

So you might say, "I'm so sorry; that's terrible," but rather than saying it in a tone of voice that says you're about to start crying too (like some overly smarmy guy would), say it in an almost-neutral tone of voice.

Figure out how to progress based on how she is. Some girls will want to lose themselves in sex to feel better; some would rather just be alone. You can invite her back to yours to watch a movie and offer to make her a drink or a hot chocolate or a coffee or tea or whatever you've got at your place. If she says she'd like that, then take things forward. If she says she needs to be alone, tell her you understand. You can talk to her a little later and plan your next date then.

Chase

 

[Brentwoodbam]

Thanks for the feedback Chase. A little bit of an update and a bit of a request for more feedback: She decided she just wasn't up for our little scheduled lunch meet (that had only been planned for under 24 hours, not much of a flake as neither of us went out of our way) and really wanted to be home. She is really taking the death of her grandmother harshly and I guess my "alright" response to her flake came off as a little bitter, as I guess it did looking back.

So after a few hours I get a text saying "Brentwood, I like you but right now I can't even think straight. I'm sorry if you feel like i'm ignoring you, I just can't do it right now. I'm sorry.", to which I reply with a warm response mentioning that there will be plenty of time for us and that everyone needs their own time and space and that I am here to talk.

Overall, she seems to be having a difficult time trying to cope with the tragedy and trying to avoid losing me. The first time I saw her for the first time afterwards in passing at school, she was very receptive and gripped me tight.

Tough situation indeed, Thanks guys
Brentwood

 

[Light]

Its fine. You need to give her time to reconciliate herself. Let her be the one to get back in contact with you whenever she is ready.

Don't text her or call her until she does. I would give it at least a month before sending a "how are you coping?" text.