How to balance being 'inclusive' or making others feel welcome with being 'exclusive'?

[slickskin09]

Inclusiveness vs. Exclusiveness

To succeed socially, you must make people feel included. But there's a catch: people most want to be included by those they see as EXCLUSIVE. One of the best feelings in the world is to feel like you are included in an exclusive group. Humans by nature want to join groups. More specifically...

www.girlschase.com

"Exclusiveness. You must make people feel included for them to open up to you, trust you, and allow themselves to get sucked into your world. However, people only want to join the worlds of others who are exclusive -- who don't just admit any old person into their groups."

"To succeed socially, you must make people feel included. But there's a catch: people most want to be included by those they see as EXCLUSIVE."


Hi guys, this is a general question about social circles, schools, or any other places with hierarchy. In a stereotypical high school scenario, there's the atheletes or cheer leaders who are 'top of the hierarchy' so if they were to be 'inclusive' towards anyone in their school, they would welcome that.

Similar to college if a guy is part of a top fraternity or involved in football/basketball, other people would appreciate the inclusiveness and being welcomed.

Vice versa, if you are part of the chess club for example, would they want you to be 'inclusive' by you?

That's the general framework I want to understand.

Girlschase advocates bringing the energy, bringing value, deep diving people, wanting to get them to feel understood etc. However, in a college setting, if you are brand new and not part of any 'exlusive club' how can you become exclusive?

 

[Zoro]

You can be civil and warm with anyone. But people have to earn their way into your inner circle.

 

[ulrich]

Be social and polite with everyone, bring a great attitude with you.
Those who show value to you or impress you, you can reward with even more interest and praise.

In other words, be warm on a base level with anyone (inclusive) and even warmer for those who deserve it (exclusive).

 

[HoofHearted]

Be social and polite with everyone, bring a great attitude with you.
Those who show value to you or impress you, you can reward with even more interest and praise.

In other words, be warm on a base level with anyone (inclusive) and even warmer for those who deserve it (exclusive).

I like this.

I don't like the concept of 'exclusion,' that can be some hurtful shit

I do like the idea of levels to it, our internal worlds are not public parks for people to stroll through and leave trash in.

But we are social animals. It is a need nearly as deep as drinking water or eating food. I resent this fact but makes it no less true.

Knowing that fact might lead to a moral bent, but im not here to proselytize. Live as you will. But lets recognize the weight of it when we make decisions, i suggest. And that when other people get hurt, they can be good at hiding it.

Good responses