How to be a badboy without hurting anyone?

[abond0082]

I want to be a bit of a bad boy with women that I like bt I am scared of being too creepy, getting in trouble or being too offessive.

I dont like hirting anyone but enough being a nice guy too

How is it done?

 

[Tony D]

This is a really good question without an easy answer. Some will say "Who cares?" Some will say "Man up!" Some will say that you are her education on the reality of dating.

My take is this. Dating is messy. Whenever possible try to be honest about your intentions. If a girl seems to needy or clingy, be clear that you're not looking for a girlfriend (even if you are) or that you really want to have more sexual experiences.

The more a girl likes, you the more she'll let you get away with. I've found many girls I only wanted to sleep with would say things like "You can sleep with other girls I don't mind!" Which seems cool, but then it means she's really hurt when I cut it off with her. I really hate doing that.

But...

I've been dumped, cheated on, neglected, and hurt by women too. And I look back on that not with disdain, or hatred. It's just something that happened. You learn and move on. Women aren't made of glass.

Learning how to pick up women can be messy. What can you do about that? It's up to you. It really is. If you're a notch hunter then it's inevitable you're going to be a bit of a player. That's life.

 

[Hue]

You don't become a real "bad boy" until you're doing things that society normally objects to. This doesn't have to be the archetypal character of a dude with jet black hair, black leather jacket, snorting cocaine off of an HB8's ass who he just fucked in the bathroom, then kicking the door open to his motorcycle and driving off in the night with a bottle of Jack Daniel's in his hand.

That guy is attractive as a lover for plenty of reasons. If you want in to the deeply hedonistic lifestyle that a lot of bad boys take part in, it's waiting for you. Not that I would know . You're allowed to do that as this is your life, but you don't need to embody that to be a "bad boy".


A "good boy" is far too polite and cautious to do those types of activities, to speak his mind, or to grab ass on the first date. He's not nearly bold enough to break the politically correct and proper social fabric of how society tells him to live. Frankly, he's a total pussy - and he might even agree! Unfortunately for that guy, women don't see him as lover material. A stable provider? Sure. But not the guy that fucks on the first date, or who they just met at the bar 30 minutes beforehand. A lot of good boys are white knights, simps, and scaredy cats.

Truth is, those good boys want to grab ass on the first date. Their dicks certainly do. And they are connected to their dicks, no? (Hopefully, anyway... ) But because of a moral belief that they've taken in, reinforced, and continually signal to themselves and those around them, they think they're above that. They're better than that. A "virtuous man" doesn't simply fuck a girl on the sink after taking her hand and guiding her discreetly away from the crowd. Because women are just sweet little angels right?

No. Women want that shit. Many have the same ideological structures that they believe in, which only holds them back from themselves. But deep down, a guy coming up to them, getting their panties soaked with slick fundamentals and verbal game, then leading them behind an alley for servings of intense orgasms is something they dream about happening. I would say "only dream" there, but, because of websites like Girlschase, they don't have to leave it to just their imaginations .


A bad boy is someone who does what he wants, maintains a devil may care attitude, and walks to his own beat. If others like to come with, that's great. But since the bad boy has worked on his outcome independence that's not really a concern of his. He looks past the societal norms and works around them how he sees fit. Some might call that dangerous. Others might call that "real". Whatever label people decide to put on him, he cares not, because he's his raw self and isn't interested in such limiting words or phrases.

Not caring what other people think, acting in a way that YOU think is alright despite other people telling you different, speaking your mind, having traits, looks, and behaviors that create an "edginess" about you (which can include clothing style), and generally not giving a fuck can all summate to being a bad boy in some sort of way. You throw in being successful with lots of women and boom: there's your bad boy player.


However, that guy doesn't have to be a heartless, love you tonight, fuck you tomorrow, law breaking asshole. What matters is that you do what you want to do, when you want to do it. Sometimes, life won't agree with what you want to do. But you're a bad boy, so who cares?

You can still be an actual lover to the women that you're dealing with. You can set proper frames to let her know ahead of time that you're into casual relationships, casual sex, that you don't see sex as this big deal with red tape all around it. You can let the girl know through your conversational topics and inherent suggestions how you see things, and she very well may adapt to that mold if she likes you and wants your cock.

You can still have a one night stand with a girl without breaking her heart, because you never committed to see her afterwards. After sex or after weeks/months of sex you can still tell a girl that no, you don't want to commit to her and you're not the one she wants, which long term will help her find what she does want (or what she thinks she wants). Be honest, don't be deceitful and make women think you'll be around when you damn well don't want to be. A guy can do all those things and still be bad the bone ;P.

The bad boy can still fall in love, treat women with deep respect, and show them the light into areas of their life so many other men fail at, despite the stereotypical idea that men like that are on the "dark side". The bad boy is only "bad" to those who reject his ideas and beliefs - other people may find those attitudes extremely valuable. By simultaneously being a lover and a rebel, a bad boy can allow a women to feel liberated in her sexual nature and unrestrained by the tight constricts that her friends, family, and environment put on her. And that's a beautiful thing.


Lastly, to your comment on pulling such type of things off correctly... when you're first starting out in seduction, you may very well do some things that can be considered creepy, considered offensive, and basically lack social calibration.

It's your job to recognize the larger process going on here: you are learning seduction and learning the ways of men who pull off these sorts of acts.

Ease into it. Don't do anything stupid. Take risks, but make them calculated risks and have your wits about you. Try to avoid too much alcohol or drugs in the process so they don't totally consume you, or allow the demons within you to run rampantly.

Allow some cautionary steps, just not so much that you hold yourself back from what you want, such as the women who never feel such liberations do.


Cheers,
Hue

 

[abond0082]

"
You can still be an actual lover to the women that you're dealing with. You can set proper frames to let her know ahead of time that you're into casual relationships, casual sex, that you don't see sex as this big deal with red tape all around it. You can let the girl know through your conversational topics and inherent suggestions how you see things, and she very well may adapt to that mold if she likes you and wants your cock."

Please elaborate more on how that can be done? I would appreciate that as I dont know how to communicate that sex is normal and there is nothing wrong with it


You are describing what a badboy is but I need examples, a nice guys doesnt have the world on his side

For instance I was in a dance party and there was a woman very disrespectful and I wanted to confront her, and put her in her place because rejection (I am cool with it) disrespect NO but lets face it in this world if I say something that insults her or hurts her ego, I would be kicked out, insulted by everybody especially that I am not that connected in the scene, I was very angry at my weak position, Of course she can get away being disrespectful.

That was a great post by the way

 

[abond0082]

THat is your quote "

 

[Hue]

Please elaborate more on how that can be done? I would appreciate that as I dont know how to communicate that sex is normal and there is nothing wrong with it

You are describing what a badboy is but I need examples, a nice guys doesnt have the world on his side

One very specific way is to talk about the madonna/whore complex and why it's fucked up. Another is to talk about slut shaming and why society shouldn't slut shame when they also sexualize everything, and when we're all inherently sexual creatures.

You can specifically talk about those things. Give them some thought and develop your own articulation of it.

After you've talked to her about those things (or, not. I've only just started incorporating that into my dates) you just need to be unapologetically sexual. If she likes you and you correctly exude sexuality she'll be drawn to it, and there's no specific topic or that will speak about your sexual nature and awareness of her sexual nature louder. When you're simply sexual, it implies this is how you see things, and she'll accept your frame.

There's plenty of ways to do this. Let's go with sexual humor, sexual framing, and story telling.

Sexual Humor
One way, and probably my most used is to casually drop a statement with sexual undertones or sexual humor.

You and your date are entering a bar and ask where the bathroom is. The bartender points to the corner and tells you to take a right then go around to the back. Before heading in you give your date an amused glance, lean in and say, "nothing wrong with going around back..." and then slowly walk away. Maybe turn around and give her a cheeky smile after a few seconds.

You've just said, "there's nothing wrong with anal" before even sitting down with her. But you didn't actually say that. It's just a fun joke, right? A good boy would be too afraid to make a joke like that. A bad boy doesn't take that type of shit seriously, it's a joke and he knows it's a joke.


The show, "Californication" has amazing examples of this. Even as he tries to just get a moment with this woman, take a look at Hank Moody using this effortlessly, when he talks about this woman's bush, carpet, and drapes.

I'm sure most of you have heard, "I think the carpet matches the drapes". It's not the statement, "I think your pubic hair matches your head hair. "

That'd be fuckin' weird. Don't be fuckin' weird.

Instead, try making a light hearted comment about how a hairy rug might be congruent with a luscious fabric that covers the windows to the house.

Even in his delivery in the beginning laughing as thought "that came out wrong", let's assume that was intentional, and he simply did it to sexualize the topic. It's still funny and it still makes it sexual. Now that he's in conversation, he just goes ahead and continues the sexuality, referencing the innuendo he previously made.


One mistake some guys make is they might have poor delivery or choose the wrong topics to be sexual about.

An example of poor delivery might be laughing before the sexual comment is made. If you giggle too much and can't contain yourself from a sex joke, you'll come off as childish, like laughing really hard at "that's what she said". You can still use phrases like that - they're funny. Just do it in a cocky and playful way. Throw in a smirk or a wink. Let her laugh, but since you're the one making the joke contain yourself.

The "wrong" topic for sexual humor might be something to do with genitals that's disgusting. Like STD's or a joke about feces. If say, you're on a date for St. Patrick's day where there is green beer, green eggs and ham, or a colored entree for the occasion, it'd be retarded to say something about how your food might taste and look good, but "have you ever seen a blue waffle?" (do not google search if you're unfamiliar, please lol).


Be sexual. Make it funny.

Sexual framing
Framing things sexually is one of the best ways to show that you're a man who likes sex, thinks about sex, and doesn't care what the world has to say about it.

There are about a million ways you can set sexual frames.

If you're just throwing them into a conversation, a good way is to accuse her of being sexual even if she wasn't. If you're out for drinks, accuse her of spiking your beverage. This is a good chase frame that adds humor because it's implies she has to drug you to get in bed with you lol.

Or you can trick her into saying things that use innuendo, then call her out for it. In the past I've teased a girl about being "soft", too weak to handle life itself (with a cheeky smile and a playful shove). She replied, "no! I'm hard as fuck!". I laughed and said, "already? it's been like 10 minutes and I've barely touched you!". She burst out laughing. Obviously she doesn't have a dick, she's not hard... maybe a little wet, but I turned a topic about her being weak/strong into her being horny for me.

If you want to bring a sexual element to conversation you can load these up with little transitions like "you know what's funny?" or "I thought about the silliest thing yesterday...", then going into some topic that merely mentions sex.

"I think it's great how quickly these instagram models can become famous / rich. they post up some mostly naked selfies that are basically porn - not that I mind - and a few years later a millionaire hops in there dm's.. 2020 is a great time to be a hot chick with all the technology ;P ".

Maybe you're talking about music and Beyonce comes up. Comment on her ass. It's fucking gorgeous, after all.

Sneak sex in the conversation. You're talking about technology (sometimes not that exciting of a topic, depending on what you do with it) not the sex, right? If you want to transition out of that into another conversational thread you always can, and at least you've planted one or two small seeds of sexuality.

Sexual frames on-the-fly are highly nuanced, but if I'm drawing it back to the concept here then I would mainly say it's about not giving a fuck that these are topics "people aren't supposed to talk about". Your a man, who likes to fuck, and to you that's normal. That is your normal. So talking about these sorts of ideas isn't so out-of-the-ordinary to you. To her, yes, it very well might be. She's yet to meet a man that's so unapologetic to bring up and discuss such topics.

Every man is sexual, just like every women is sexual (unless say, you have a hormonal deficiency or genetic irregularity at birth). It's your job to take that truth to ground zero and not repressing it like everyone else does. That's what makes you stand out. These topics have been regarded as "bad" by society (even though the media simultaneously sexualizes the fuck out of everything).

Here are several articles on sexual framing that you should read, they'll come in handy:

Frame Control Methods to Get Woman in Bed Fast
How to Use the Sexual Frame to Turn Women On
Sexual Framing: More on Using This to Get Girls
Secrets to Getting Girls: Chase Frames

Of course, you will want to balance out all this sexuality with showing you care and appreciate about women, and recognizes women are more than pieces of meat. But that's a different conversation.


Story Telling
Lastly, one of my personal favorites and what I find most effective on dates is to tell stories. I love telling adventures about my life that imply things about me and turn women on.


Here's one tried and trued method I will do, after I've already been making sexual jokes or light frames, perhaps 20-30 minutes into a date or so. I'll ask the girl if she's ever had any "baaad" stories from work. About something she did to make her boss hate her, or maybe a time she was having a little fun, got away with it, and HR probably wouldn't have approved.

You will get things across the board with this.

One girl told me she blew a dude in the cooler at a restaurant (a little more open, this one), one girl said she stole some food from the office pantry, some girls will say they're super good at work and never do any sort of thing against the rules... the list goes on.

Occasionally I'll hear about a legitimately terrible boss who was super domineering, but even in these cases you can reframe it as not seeing eye-to-eye with bosses, and rope back to your story.


Imagine me telling this story about a party I was at, recently after discovering GC, nonchalantly,

Once upon a time I had a work party during the holidays at one of my first jobs. There was an VERY open bar, a ton of people who showed up, and some +1's of girls who were friends with my coworkers. In a fun and debauchery-filled night, I sorta kinda fucked a girl in the boiler room. Thing is, I left my shirt down there because I was being a drunk idiot (back when I used to wear undershirts... great times). Weeks/months later, my boss found the shirt, wondering who's it was and how it had gotten there. I was ecstatic, as it was one of my favorite shirts I'd thought was gone forever! Claiming it as mine, I picked it up and ignored explanation. After my boss snooped around a bit, he found out what exactly had happened (I didn't know discretion well enough at the time... another reminder of how important discretion really is). He made my job a living hell immediately after that, and eventually I decided to leave somewhere else.

There's a several frames in this story. It says:
- I like to party
- Not an overwhelming amount of fucks to be given
- I'm adventurous (I have rapid, public sex)
- If something in my life isn't working for me, I leave

Stories like that bring up sexuality in a fun way, they usually disqualify me as a boyfriend candidate (if I'm also respecting other areas, like not being a provider), and they draw the girl into what other sorts of mischievous fun I like to have. One thing in this story that is risky is my lack of discretion. However, I can actually use this to my advantage, first painting it as, "keep this one between you and me, okay?", and then spring-boarding to "that's when I was younger and a little less sneaky about that sort of thing. It definitely taught me to be more discrete / keep it down low when I'm being bad ".

Ah, storytelling. Take what info you have, construct the narrative, and sell the fuck out of it.


Obviously, you don't want to just make shit up that never happened. People can usually tell if another person is fabricating information by a gut reaction. Maybe you don't have stories that can set a ton of quick frames in rapid succession. That's fine, because if you understand why the frames work, you can sell stories from your life to accomplish that.

Bring up something adventurous about throwing caution to the wind from your life, like sky-diving during traveling.

Talk about how you saw a music video for Cardi B and enjoyed how open and confident she was with being her full self, and it's cool she's inspiring other women to be comfortable with their sexuality.

Talk about how you love the witty and sexual humor in a netflix series you watch - those can still be stories if you sell your observations as experiences.


Conclusion
Wrapping this up, you most likely won't know EXACTLY how to properly calibrate it in your delivery or on-the-fly comments in the beginning. But, in a safe environment, like a bar or on a date (not at work or in the classroom), just go for it. That's how you learn. You'll get better by observing your successes and failures.

So when you're setting a sexual frame, making a sexual joke, or telling a story involving sex, if you do it in a playful and amused way you're setting a secondary frame of not giving a fuck.

Each and every example that I've provided, you must keep not giving a fuck in mind. If you give too many fucks, you either won't say it or you'll show that you're afraid of her response as your saying it. And bad boys aren't afraid of how a little girl or some triggered woman is going to react to them bringing up one of their favorite topics.

That help?


Hue

 

[Tony D]

I want to be a bit of a bad boy with women that I like bt I am scared of being too creepy, getting in trouble or being too offessive.

I dont like hirting anyone but enough being a nice guy too

How is it done?

When your expectations aren't met, then you'll be hurt. So it's your job to set expectations. If you just want to sleep with a girl, but don't want to sleep with her twice, you can tell her you want this to be casual. If she agrees... then you're good. There is a chance you'll lose your notch because she may have expectations of a longer, deeper relationship. So you'll lose your lays by not being honest, but you'll rack up that notch count.

There's no easy answer. You'll be her education.

 

[Skills]

I want to be a bit of a bad boy with women that I like bt I am scared of being too creepy, getting in trouble or being too offessive.

I dont like hirting anyone but enough being a nice guy too

How is it done?

Bad boy or not, one or the other will always get hurt either you get hurt or she will get hurt, unless is a very superficial fling like traveling etc... It comes with the territory...

 

[Glow]

From women: When his gentle side makes you weak and his dominant side makes you wet..

just to say that your mind around the bad boy and nice guys seems a bit too black and white. Understand what about the bad boy that works, that guys have several layers - apply these, and combine it with other parts, also those of the nicer side of us that are key. This means looking at bad boys and analysing them, spendign time with what you want and not be caught up in superficial internet understandings.

Im with @Skills on the territory point. Sure you can frame it but it just manages expectations and is not solving the pain of things for her. When the convo is needed or i proactively adress it Ive used to say to the women that this can go three ways:
- Not sure, still considering...
- Relationship
- Sexual relationship

If i know shes not relationship material but i wanna enjoy fucking and just a shorter thing w her then i honestly tell it. Most might get sad but they tend to pick the sex part. If shes fragile i might cut it more straight. If shes more cool ill play the not sure.