I feel whats holding me back from wild success is that I am not sexual or aggressive enough. I can tell that females are attracted to me but yet it's still hard for me to assume attraction; moreover, I never want to feel like I'm overstepping my boundaries I don't want to feel like I'm forcing someone. I really want to get over this feeling because I know that I've developed it in spite of how my father was (he was physically abusive) and I feel like I've developed a negative relationship with my own masculinity because of him; masculine energy is active, penetrating, ect. However, I am very passive and find it hard to embody a positive form of these qualities. I guess you could say that I am some what "ashamed" of my sexuality in term of the fact that I find it hard to put on display, unless I'm 185% sure it's okay or that the attraction is reciprocated. This is something I've been struggling with for a while; I've had mid success with women but I feel if I can get over this both my relationship with women and my general quality of life would increase exponentially. Thanks you.
Read a book called "What Do Women Want?: Adventures in the Science of Female Desire" by Daniel Bergner. This book is based on scientific research exploring female desire, but it's simple to understand, and it will drastically change the way you see things. In one of the chapters, the book explores the idea that women are turned on by the idea of being desired. I'll let you discover the rest in the book XD
1) Do more physical activity. Lift, Run, High intensity workouts. Grab a quick shower and go approach women while you still feel that endorphin high.
2) Make a direct approach with a DGAF attitude...Be direct and honest. You might be surprised when a woman compliments your directness.
3) Eye contact and smile while thinking "I'm gonna fuck the shit out of you in about 15 minutes"
4) Meet older women. Seriously. Let them teach you how to be more masculine and aggressive.
5) Take a leadership role in something. Club, group, or work. Learn to delegate tasks to other people and revel when they report to you.
6)Quit complaining. Make statements to the affirmative when you speak. Proffer solutions not problems. Take action when you see the need.
7) Build something with your hands. Do physical labor on the weekend.
8) read The Art of Manliness blog if you need ideas.
2) Make a direct approach with a DGAF attitude...Be direct and honest. You might be surprised when a woman compliments your directness.
3) Eye contact and smile while thinking "I'm gonna fuck the shit out of you in about 15 minutes"
4) Meet older women. Seriously. Let them teach you how to be more masculine and aggressive.
5) Take a leadership role in something. Club, group, or work. Learn to delegate tasks to other people and revel when they report to you.
6)Quit complaining. Make statements to the affirmative when you speak. Proffer solutions not problems. Take action when you see the need.
7) Build something with your hands. Do physical labor on the weekend.
8) read The Art of Manliness blog if you need ideas.
Older women respect directness. They don't play games. They won't lead you down that path when you ask them a question like a young girl will say "I don't know...."
You aren't asking their advice so much as seeing their reaction to your actions. It will give you more confidence to be more direct. Because if you are not, they won't wait, they are gone.
They also are more likely to cut to the chase in a convo
You aren't asking their advice so much as seeing their reaction to your actions. It will give you more confidence to be more direct. Because if you are not, they won't wait, they are gone.
They also are more likely to cut to the chase in a convo
Gotcha…Im talking to an older woman right now. We see each other infrequently, but it s a relief to hit on her cuz she's not offended by it. I actually get nervous and my heart starts beating crazily, cuz it's odd for me to be sexual and flirt with women (I can't think of a subtle way to say I want to fuck you, especially if there is nothing special about her). Sometimes…I forget to flirt with her cuz Im a very analytical person and unsure of how to proceed in a conversation. With older women it's easier cuz you hit on them and they don't give you the cold shoulder and are more direct with their feedback.
Casanova.Jr said:
Word…been doin most of that stuff. You're supposed to get a hard on talking to girls. I was always afraid my girl would see my hard on. I felt like I would scare her off I was so filled with lust I couldn't think straight lol. Also how do I get more comfortable with being aggressive and being a dick. I don't wanna be cruel, but Im percived as too nice and a good boy and with that perception comes a lack of seriousness in the way people treat you. I hold back sometimes because I am afraid of losing control in a situation where I am angry and I do not know how to navigate many social situations. I just wanna cuss the person out, but I'm afraid of losing my job and getting arrested and just fearful that the confrontation will go sideways so I don't act. Should Ijust act on my aggressive impulses and accept the consequences for what happens?
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If you really think this is the root cause, then there are probably a lot of things going on here which we might not be able to answer in a forum post. I would seek additional help.
As for the rest of it...
1. Do you think its ok for OTHER men to be direct/"sexual" with women? If yes, why not you? If no, then guide yourself through the thought process. In other words, keep asking yourself "why do I think this?" Or "what's the rationale for this question and for every follow up answer you have. What's likely to happen is that you'll eventually realize how stupid your line of reasoning is (because it probably is) and you'll begin to understand that its ok to "be sexual"
2. Understand that in general, women like being hit on. They might fake disliking it, or feign disgust when a guy they're not interested in does it. But the truth is, if sexual, direct men weren't around to hit on women, they would soon become very frustrated.
Like with the first question, ask yourself why this is? Why is it that in some cases, its "okay" to be sexual and to hit on women, and in other cases, it's "not ok". Explore this and you'll likely find that you're answers don't make much sense.
To add to what Bboy100 said.
I've been dealing with some personal drama and heartbreak recently. This article helped me a lot. It might help you.
https://www.girlschase.com/content/genuine-man-part-7-introspective-man
I hope you achieve everything you want in life. You sound like you've had a rough time of things, but the only way out is through.
Byron
I've been dealing with some personal drama and heartbreak recently. This article helped me a lot. It might help you.
https://www.girlschase.com/content/genuine-man-part-7-introspective-man
I hope you achieve everything you want in life. You sound like you've had a rough time of things, but the only way out is through.
Byron
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- Feb 11, 2016
- Messages
- 137
This is one of your problems that you NEED to address in order to move forward. Take these examples:Vic. said:
- You sometimes think it's not really a good time to take her phone number, how do you find out? By asking for it and trying to get it.
- You sometimes aren''t sure if it's time to kiss a girl, so how should you find out? By leaning in and trying to kiss her.
So, same goes for the sexual thing: you're not sure if you're sexual enough? Be more sexual. Yes, you might "overstep your boundaries but keep in mind 2 things:
- It is better to err on the side of action over inaction (too sexual vs not sexual enough)
- Usually, if you feel it's time to take a number, or kiss a girl, you are more often than not right. Same here; if you feel they like you and want you to be sexual with them, you probably are right.
- Take this as a calibration process; I'm sure you've lost a girl because you showed too much interest, and another girl because you showed too LITTLE interest, and now you know how much interest you should show... Same here! Take it as a thing you need to try, to learn how it works. Sure, you might be overly sexual with a girl (btw, even if you "overstep your boundaries" in most cases the girl wont just slap you and walk away, and you'll have enough time to turn the situation around), but in due time youll learn to calibrate
And please, don't link this with your father. I know how it feels to have a valid excuse for acting the way you do (past bad experiences in your case) but if you keep on linking every bad thing in you to your dad you'll be less inclined to work on yourself and just blame circumstances.
hope this helps!